Chapter Text
Years ago when Max was only 6...
Max's POV
They're fighting again, I hate it. I've gotten used to it, I've grown up to the noise but it always seems to make me feel sick every time it happens. Especially when mommy screams in pain or cries when dad hits her. I don't understand why he does it, he always does it when he drinks his "special drink" otherwise he's just sleeping on the couch. I may be only 6 but I'm not dumb, I know I should say something to anyone but mom always says to keep it a secret. I sit on my bed, the one and only toy in my hands. It was a small teddy bear my mom gave me on my 4th birthday, back before his alcohol problem, when everything was okay. Dad destroyed every toy I owned one night except for the teddy bear that I hid under my bed and yelled at me when I started to cry, saying "Boys don't cry", I was only 5.
Mom and Dad are normally too busy at work or arguing that sometimes they even forget I exist... Actually they do it a lot. That means I have to feed myself, go to school by myself and I even taught myself how to walk. They were so busy all the time so I was alone for most of my life. My teacher taught me how to speak but I still struggle a bit, same with writing... When I was 6, the other kids at my school found out about my bear and said that teddy bears are for babies, that I was a sissy, other homophobic and girly slurs were used at me. The screaming had stopped when someone slammed the front door with such a strong force that I could feel vibrations through the floor. There was deadly silence throughout the house, but then there was the sound of footsteps, they were getting closer and closer to my room.
Dad appears in my room. He's holding a bottle of something and is struggling to stand. He was drunk. I knew this because I heard mom talking about it and also I don't think I have ever seen him act any different from this. He sits on my bed with me and I just could smell the beer in him, it was foul and I scrunched up my face in disgust. He starts a chug of the green bottle until there only a quarter left of it. I put my toy on the floor and eye him suspiciously. He must of wanted something from me because normally he ignores me. Then I feel pressure on my chest and I've been pushed to the floor. I let out a yelp and tears catch the corners of my eyes. I look up to see my dad, he looks pissed...
"YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!" he yells at me, I was used to his yelling but it was now aimed at me, fearing was filling me instantly, "If your mother isn't here, I might as well beat something else..."
He grabs my teddy bear and rips it in half before throwing it to the ground with the stuffing all over the floor. Then proceeding to kick my sides, making me cry and yelp in pain but he doesn't stop. He kicks me until I go numb and I stop screaming because I knew it wouldn't help. He stops kicking me but then sees my tears and I hear him drinking. I just lay on the floor, crying from intense pain but then it gets worse. I hear a smash and I scream from the blinding pain. He had smashed his empty bottle on me and I could feel shards in me.
"If you tell anyone about this, You're dead!" He scowls and leaves the room with a slam of my door that shook the room.
I wanted to look at the state my body is in. I was probably bruised,bleeding and scarred. My tears blinded me though and the pain made me scrunch up my face. I feel hot liquid on me, it was blood. After awhile I sit up and start to take the shards out of me. I found a med-kit and patched myself up as best as I could. I never liked Daddy... I want Mommy back! Please... please... I crawl up in a ball and cry and cry. I probably cried for hours... Every breath is a war and I don't think I'm winning anymore. I don't understand what is going on anymore... Please get me out of here... Mom...
(Now to when Max is 10 and is in Camp!)
I woke up sweating and panting. I had the dream of the first time he beaten me. It is still a horror for me. He continued to beat me for years and still does but now, I'm in Camp Campbell... I look around my tent to see that Neil and Nikki were already gone. I sigh a sigh of relief, they can't ask any questions now. Nobody knew about my abuse... They also don't know about my cutting. Yes I was cutting my wrists but It's because I deserve it. My dad doesn't beat me for no reason. Right...? Also there was how he couldn't hurt me here so I needed some pain to equal it. I... I don't want to talk about it anymore... I get changed and look at my alarm clock. Shit! It was 10:12! My alarm didn't go off! I quickly run out of my tent and see them doing an activity. This means that they already had breakfast, so I have missed that. It was fine though as I never eat anything so then maybe I can starve to death... They were around the lake and they were all wearing swimming costumes... Oh no... I can't swim and if somehow David forced me to go then I would have to put on a swimming costume then they could see my cuts, bruises and ribs! I've got to get out of here before they see me! I try to walk away but then...
"Hey Max!" It was David, I gulp, "Come on now, anyone is going swimming in the lake!"
"I can see that...."I frown and look towards them, I see Neil and Nikki there but they haven't spotted me yet.
"Let's go!" David says with his familiar grin and start to push me towards the lake.
"NononononoNONONONONONONNONONO!" I scream and try to push myself back, "There is no fucking way I'm going in there!"
"What's the matter Maxy?" David says and stops pushing me, I had already gained some people's attention...
"Okay one, Don't call me t-" I began but then Neil and Nikki came into the conversation. "Sup Max!" Nikki says, giving a small wave, "Why are you yelling at David again?" "Well I think Max is afraid of water," David says and my eyes widen. "WHAT! I am not!" I yell angrily. "Then why won't you go swimming with the other campers...?"David asks.
"Because um... I don't have a swimming costume." I wasn't lying, my dad never bought me anything...
"That's fine! Just take off your shoes and shirt and you're ready to go!" David says, cheerfully.
"NO." I denied. "Why not? I would do it!" Nikki says. "B-Because... um I... um..." I couldn't think of anything, that's when my stomach rumbled, begging to be fed, Fuck! Not now! "You hungry Max?" David asks, "Now that I think about it, I didn't see you at breakfast this morning..." "It was because he slept in, he was having the craziest dream, so I turned off his alarm and let him sleep," Nikki says cheerfully, "He kept on shuffling in his sleep and mumbling stuff like "Mommy" and "Help"It was pretty embarrassing," "S-Shut up!" At this point my face was bright red but there was fear in my eyes, also a few tears that were starting to fall, "It was just some stupid fucking dream! I am not going to let you Idiots Bully Me!" "Whoa chill out, I've never seen you like this..." David says, concern actually in his eyes. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"There was rage in my eyes, the tears were over-flowing and my voice was cracking but I didn't care, everything was just a blur.
I ran over to him to hit him but then I missed my punch and I go straight into the lake. I felt the water around me and my clothes start to float around and I heard the splash turn quieter. I felt my throat burn up like crazy and all the air leave my lungs. My eyes were stinging but I looked around saw blue around but my vision was getting darker... I tried to get to surface but I couldn't swim. I've never been in water before but I knew you could die. That's when it hit me. I could finally die and nobody could blame themselves for what I've wanted along... I close my eyes and let myself float to the bottom of the lake, accepting and begging for death with open arms...
I suddenly feel a great rush of air fill my lungs and I start to cough all the water out. The sun's light was blinding but I got used to it and I looked around. David was there, panting and wet. He had saved me. Everyone else was surrounding me, looking worried but I didn't give a damn. Anger started to fill me and I started to cry. My clothes were damp and were sticking to me, my hair was also damp and kept on getting in my face. My body was sour and my throat hurt like hell but I could still croak out.
"G-Goddammit D-David..." I weakly say, glaring him with tearful eyes,"Why couldn't you just let me d-die...?" "I could never let you die Max!" David declares, confused at what I meant, "Why would you say such a thing...?" "You wouldn't understand... You're too h-happy to get it..." I say sadly and try to stand up but ended up falling back down on my knees. "Max! Are you alright?!" I hear Nikki scream as she pushed through the crowd and knelt near me. "Yeah... I just need to rest..." I say weakly and lay on the grass, my eyes were getting heavier and heavier.
I couldn't sleep though. From the uncomfortable feeling of my clothes sticking to me or from the pain in my whole body, I just couldn't sleep. They were going to ask questions and I know that I don't want to answer them... I'm pretty sure that just faking a smile is way easy than explaining why I am sad. Sometimes you got to just pretend everything is okay... Even if it's not...
"Max...? Did you try to kill yourself...?" David says, finally getting it, I see Nikki's eyes widen. "Max? Is this true?" Nikki asks. "What's going on...?" Neil says,who had finally fought through the crowd around me, making me even more nervous. "I think Max tried to kill himself..." Somebody says but I didn't look, I sigh and fake the biggest smile I could muster...
"Guys,trust me, I just can't swim...I'm Fine." I lied.
-Time skip-
It has been days since the disaster and they still believe me. It was breakfast and I'm staring at my plate of food while the other two talk about whatever. David just wouldn't leave me alone for days, he still has his doubts... Speaking of David, Where is he? I look around the room to see him taking a phone call, he kind of looks confused.But then he starts to walk over to me. I wonder what he wants but then when he gets close enough to me, he says this:
"It's for you, I think it's your parents!" He says cheerfully and passes me the phone, all the color from my face disappears. "W-Was it a m-male or a women's voice...?" I say, hoping for my mom's voice, not his... "It was a male, why?" He says confused and I panic but I tried not to show it.
OH NO OH NO OH GOD! I panic and thousands of thoughts go through my head but on the outside I look sort of calm. I was still tremble but I try to hide it and I bring the phone to my ear. What did he want...? I stand up from the table and walk a bit away, turning my back to them,hoping that maybe they can't hear his shouts...
"H-Hello...?"I weakly say. "YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT! YOU ARE COMING HOME RIGHT NOW AND YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE YOUR SELF USEFUL AROUND HERE!" he shouts and I quickly have to take the phone away from my ear to stop myself begin deaf, the voice was killing me, when I thought it was safe I spoke. "S-Sorry d-dad... I'll come home as soon as I can..." I say, sadly, I didn't want to leave, even when I escaped I didn't want to go. "Thank goodness! And you know about that stupid slut you call a mother?" He shouts and angry boils up inside of me but I knew well enough to not lash out to him. "Y-Yeah?" I say a bit irritated but tried to hide it with my fear. Nobody ever talks about my mother like that. "She's in hospital, It turns out she has this stupid illness called "Cancer" Or something else stupid, Not like I give a damn about that bitch!" he says and I can't take the anger in me and I snap. "DON'T YOU DARE TALK SHIT ABOUT MY MOTHER! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU! MY MOTHER CAN DIE BUT TOO FUCKING SELFISH TO EVEN CARE! I HATE YOU AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY GOD LET'S YOU LIVE!" I shout and end the call,then I feel tears on my cheeks, I turn around to see anyone looking at me.
"Max...? What was that all about...?" David says but I don't say anything, I just shove the phone in his hands and run.
I don't know where was I going but I knew I couldn't go back. They had heard every word of that call and they were going to ask questions and I don't want them to know that I'm weak. I can't go home or he will kill me for snapping at me. But my mother... I can't believe it. I haven't seen my mother in years but I wished that one day she would just come home one day and save me... But now she can't because she has cancer. She is going to die now and I can barely remember her face! I run into the forest and cry... I was so weak for crying but I couldn't help it. When I got deep enough in the forest so nobody could hear me, I hide behind a tree and crawled into a ball. I sobbed until my eyes sting, I need to... I took out my pocket knife and rolled up my sleeves. Cuts. There was so many old cuts there and I hated myself because of it. It helped somehow though... I dragged the sharp part of the knife across my wrist making it bleed but I didn't care. It made me feel better. I went to cut my other wrist but I got it stuck and I started to bleed heavily. Crap! I started to panic. I tried to take the knife out of my skin but when I did it only made it worse. My vision was starting darker and darker... I'm so sorry... I fall the ground and drop the bloody knife. I was going to die here... I was never going to see my friends ever again...Please... Mom help... Darkness was all I saw. I was dead, wasn't I...? This was my end... I was going to die in the middle of nowhere...
"Max! Come on stay with me buddy!"