Work Text:
Being a doctor means you don't have a lot of spare time. But one of the perks of dating your boss is your days off "just happen" to fall on the same days.
Today is one of those days.
Robby has gone out to run errands so Dennis is left in his home alone for a while. He loves Robby's house. It's cozy and warm and well-loved. Lived in. It's the kind of home he always wanted as a kid. Being welcome here still feels a little surreal to him. He still feels like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like one day Robby is going to wake up and realize Dennis doesn't belong here.
Not because Robby does or says anything that makes him feel that way. Far from it.
Robby is probably the best thing that ever happened to him. (Besides becoming a doctor and meeting Trinity). He's helped him become so much more confident at work. Helped him feel comfortable in his home, in his life. Shown him that he is allowed to be loud, and take up space, and accept affection.
Dennis has never been this happy. Never knew he could be. It baffles him sometimes, how he's able to feel at least a little happy every single day. And he feels happy without having to work for it. He's never been able to have that before.
Having nothing else to do while Robby is out, he decides to clean up a bit. Cleaning helps him clear his mind. Growing up on a farm meant he had a lot of daily chores so he had to learn how to enjoy them. Getting lost in his own head became second nature to him. Now that he isn't on a farm anymore, and he can choose when and how he does things, he finds cleaning relaxing. Gives him something to do with his hands. Let's him feel useful and productive.
He starts a load of laundry, puts the dishes away, and vacuums the whole place.
Robby's house has carpeted floors. Which doesn't sound like much, but as a child he always wanted carpeted floors. Thought it was the height of luxury. His childhood home didn't have carpet. Just cold, hard, wooden floors that made footsteps far too loud. Their family had too many kids, it was too likely that carpet would get ruined. And none of the shelters he hopped between, (before Trinity took him in), had carpets. It made everything feel sterile and impersonal.
To Dennis the difference is huge. Survival versus comfort. His past versus his present.
Robby gets home right as Dennis is finishing up making them lunch. He greets Dennis with a bright smile and a quick kiss on the cheek. "What's all this for?"
"Just wanted to." Dennis shrugs, finishing dishing up their food. "And y'know, it's our anniversary." He knows Robby didn't forget but he teases him anyways.
"Oh, is it? Completely slipped my mind." Robby teases back. He came back from his "errands" with a very obvious black bag that Dennis is trying very hard to ignore. He thinks it could be from his favorite bakery. He's always had a bit of a sweet tooth.
Robby sets the bag in the fridge before joining Dennis at the table.
They quietly enjoy their meal together. Talking about previous patients and cases even though this is their day off. They can't help themselves they both love their jobs too much.
After they are done, Robby washes the dishes without a word of complaint. Another small thing Dennis didn't experience until he met him.
It's so nice. Everything with Robby is so easy. It's the first time Dennis truly understood that loving someone doesn't feel like work. It comes to them both naturally, like they have known each other for years and years.
Dennis comes up behind Robby, hugs him around the waist and stands on his toes so he can kiss along the side of his neck just the way he likes it. Robby fumbles with the plate in his hands nearly dropping it. He dries it off quickly and sets it down. Giving Dennis his full attention.
"You are a menace."
Dennis smirks against his skin. "You like it."
"I love it." Robby corrects.
Robby turns around and lifts Dennis up by the waist, setting him down on the counter. Dennis immediately hooks his ankles together behind Robby's back, pulling him in. He kisses him like they have all the time in the world. Because today they do.
Dennis eventually has to pull back to breath, resting his forehead against Robby's.
"You gonna tell me what you were doing earlier?"
Robby huffs lightly, amused. "It's a surprise."
"Does the surprise have anything to do with the bag you were carrying when you got home?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." He teases, a grin lazily spreading across his face.
"Mhm right." Dennis matches Robby's grin with his own. It's unfair how infectious his happiness is.
Dennis reconnects their lips, kissing the smile off of Robby's face. Robby runs his fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck with one hand and grips at his bicep with the other. Dennis had had a lot of fun after Robby told him how much he loved his muscles. He started purposely working his arms more just to give him more to gawk at.
Dennis nips at his lower lip and runs his tongue along the seam of his mouth. Robby happily opens up for him. Dennis is the one who tangles their tongues together. Trying to get himself as deep inside him as possible. Robby lets out a quiet groan and pulls back to speak.
"Bedroom?"
"Bedroom."
Dennis slips off the counter and follows Robby's lead. Robby pulls him in as soon as they step into the room. Kissing him with a bruising intensity that drives Dennis crazy. And his hands are everywhere. He can never keep his damn hands off of him even for a second. Not that Dennis is complaining.
And then Robby's hands move down to undo his belt. There's a harsh clink of metal against metal as he unlocks the clasp. And a soft slide of leather against denim as it passes through his belt loops.
It's a small thing. Two soft, barely there, noises. Nothing has happened. Dennis is fine. He should be fine. It should be nothing. But fuck, it really isn't.
Dennis hears the clink and suddenly he's six years old again and it's the first time his father struck him. He had spoken out of turn, apparently said something his father took offense to though he doesn't remember what it was. His father made a point of taking his belt off slowly. Dennis had kept his eyes closed the whole time out of humiliation and fear. But closing his eyes just made the sounds louder. Made the anticipation feel even more suffocating. He doesn't remember what happened after the first hit connected with his body. He knows it hurt like hell and felt like it took forever for his father to stop. The pain lingered for days. He couldn't sit down properly for a whole day. Couldn't sit without wincing for a few more.
And then, he's ten and stepping in between one of his brothers and his father's belt, trying to protect his older brother from his unjust punishment. It works in the only way that it would, it distracts their father. Shifts his focus to Dennis instead. After he was finished, Dennis couldn't leave the house for a week because he had left marks on his face. Marks he couldn't smoothly explain away this time.
He's fourteen and it's the first and only time he hits his father back. He didn't have to be taught why he should never do that again. He had hit his father's arm away from him. Not even hard, it probably barely registered to him. But Dennis paid for it. That was one of the few times he got beat so badly he bled. Cleaning his own wounds was the first time he realized he'd make a good doctor. That was the one good thing his dad did for him.
He's twenty-one and just got thrown out of his home. Narrowly blocking a slap to the face on his way out. The entire conversation had led to a screaming match between everyone. His brothers and mom sometimes jumping in to vaguely defend him. His father found his medical textbooks and it had enraged him. It drove him crazy that Dennis was throwing away the life he built for him to pursue something he perceived as ungodly. Because Dennis wanted to save people in a real way, honoring God more than his father ever will.
That was the last time he saw or heard from his family. No one reached out to him after he left. But he didn't reach out either. His brothers are difficult to read. Agreeing with his father on some things and silently disagreeing on others but allowing him to continue to spew his garbage. His mother is a kind woman, who turned a blind eye one too many times, who has been manipulated by his father for so long she can't help but forgive him.
"Love the sinner not the sin." But that only ever applied to him, didn't it? They could never believe the same thing for Dennis. They could forgive years of abuse but not his own happiness.
It all comes rushing back to him so quickly, so violently, he can't breathe. Nothing happened but it feels like it has and he can't fucking breathe. Can't think. He feels sick to his stomach. It's been years. So many years and he is still acting like a child over this.
Maybe it would've been easier if his father had just beat him again. Then he could at least explain his extreme reaction and have a physical wound to mend. There's nothing he can do to fix a flashback. He's a doctor, he knows how to fix things with his hands. Needs to be able to touch. To stitch broken seams. To rule out the obvious possibilities. And he can't do that for himself anymore.
"Denny?" A kind but worried voice breaks him out of his spiraling. Making him suddenly very aware of where he is and who he is with.
Robby at some point during his breakdown, had sat down next to him on the mattress. Not touching but hovering as closely as he can. And he is looking at Dennis with so much concern in his eyes he could puke.
"Hey, sweetheart, what happened?" Robby's voice is soothing, gentle. But he's talking to him like he's a spooked, wild animal, and he doesn't know what to do with it. If he was in any other state of mind he would probably be a little offended but right now he can't argue. Doesn't have the energy to. His brain is still so damn loud and he can practically smell his father's stench clinging to himself. Feel all the old bruises bubbling up under the surface of his skin.
"Nothing…I just- your," Dennis takes a deep breath, trying to steady his trembling voice. "Your…belt. My- my father…used to…uhm." He gestures vaguely towards Robby's belt on the nightstand. He can't make himself say the words out loud. My father used to beat the shit out of me and that's why I'm having a panic attack instead of having sex with you. He can't do it.
He's never said it out loud before. Never told everyone. His family knew it happened. They were as scared of him as he was. They couldn't risk doing anything about it so they just never talked about it. Let it become their normal because they couldn't fight it. And Dennis knew he had to keep it a secret so he did. Guess he hid it too well.
Robby, sweet, patient, understanding, Robby, doesn't ask anymore questions. Dennis can't meet his eyes, not wanting to see the inevitable pity on his face. Robby gently tugs Dennis into his arms and holds him like it'll put him back together.
Dennis can't hold himself back anymore. The flood gates have opened and he can't do anything to stop it. He hasn't sobbed this hard in a long time. And he has never cried like this in front of somebody. It's deeply humiliating. He feels like he's flayed himself open, split down the middle, and he's trusting Robby to keep the flies out of his open carcass.
Eventually his tears slow. He has completely soaked through the fabric of Robby's shirt. The only physical evidence of his pain.
He feels exhausted. He lets his head stay limply pressed against Robby's shoulder. Lets Robby continue to hold him up. He doesn't seem to mind. He just keeps rubbing soothing circles into Dennis' back.
Dennis softly whispers out. "I'm sorry."
Robby lets out a deep, shaky, exhale. "Dennis." He gently cradles Dennis' face forcing him to look him in the face. "You don't have to apologize to me. You didn't do anything wrong."
"But I-"
Robby shakes his head. He wipes the tears from Dennis' face as he's talking. "There's nothing to apologize for."
Dennis wants to squirm under this attention. It is so direct. It makes him feel claustrophobic. He doesn't know what to do when Robby gets all serious like this. Like he really needs Dennis to understand. "I just…feel bad. You shouldn't have to deal with this."
"Baby, I'm not "dealing" with anything. Let me help, please?"
Dennis scans his face to see if he's being honest. He accepts that he is, even though something deep inside him doesn't want to believe it. He nods slightly. "…Alright."
Robby gives him a small encouraging smile. "Alright. What do you need?"
"Just hold me?"
Robby presses a soft, chaste, kiss to his lips. "I can do that."
Robby pulls Dennis fully into his lap, wrapping his arms and a blanket around him. He runs his fingers through his messy curls, pushing them out of his eyes.
They sit like that for a minute, Robby watching as Dennis' breathing evens out. Dennis eventually allows himself to relax into it and closes his eyes. Robby continues rubbing up and down his back. If Dennis didn't still feel so disgusting he could have fallen asleep like this.
"I think I'm gonna shower." He needs to wash the memories off of himself again.
"Do you want me to join you?" It's a genuine offer, asking if Dennis wants support, if he doesn't want to be alone.
Dennis shakes his head. "No, I'll be okay. I just need a minute." He quickly wipes his face, just in case Robby missed any stray tears. And moves to get up.
Robby lightly grabs his wrist before he can get far. "Hey."
Dennis lets a small, tired, smile melt onto his lips. "Yes?"
"I love you, and I'm really proud of you." Robby's thumb is rubbing circles into his wrist. He's always touching him even when he doesn't realize it. It helps calm them both. "And I want you to know that I will always keep you safe. You never have to worry about him again."
If Dennis hadn't just cried himself dry he would've started crying again now. Instead his bottom lip just wobbles a little and his eyes burn as they try to produce more tears. "I love you too."
Dennis grabs one of Robby's hoodies and some sweatpants and heads to the bathroom. He turns the shower on, twisting the knob to the hottest setting it has. He refuses to look in the mirror as he waits for the water to heat up. He doesn't want to see how pathetic he looks right now.
Once the water is hot and the mirror is thoroughly steamed over, Dennis gets undressed. Leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor that he'll take care of later.
He is itching to wash his skin. It feels like the flashbacks are clinging to him, oozing into his pores and sticking on to his sweat. He needs to wash them off before they soak in.
It is an instant relief when he steps under the stream of water. The soft patter of droplets hitting acrylic momentarily shuts his brain off. Allowing him to calm down and relax.
He ends up sitting down and spacing out for a while. Processing. Grounding himself.
He has to force himself to stand up, remembering why he's in here in the first place. Grabbing Robby's soap and lathering every inch of his flesh in it. He almost mourns the suds as they go down the drain but they take his disgust with them. Letting him feel clean again. Pure again.
He shuts the water off and towels himself dry. Changing into Robby's clothes so now the only thing he can feel and smell is him. No sign of his father anymore.
When Dennis comes out of the bathroom he sees that Robby lit a few candles around their room. His favorite wine is on the bedside table next to two glasses. And the black bag is sitting empty beside the bed. It's contents turn out to be several flavors of macarons. Dennis had mentioned months ago that he's never tried them and somehow it seems like Robby remembered.
Robby changed his clothes, no longer wearing the jeans from earlier. And his belt was nowhere to be seen.
"Hi, sweetheart. Feel better?"
Dennis answers quickly wanted to get it out of the way. "Yeah, I'm alright now." Robby pours them both a drink and hands Dennis his glass.
"Happy anniversary. I'm sorry that I-"
"Shh. Happy anniversary, baby." Robby presses a kiss to Dennis' forehead. "What do you say to eating in bed and sleeping in as much as we want tomorrow?"
Dennis smiles up at him. "Sounds perfect."