Work Text:
Fluffy snowflakes, icy blue skies, warm hot chocolate, and plenty of decadent dinners with friends; that is what December was supposed to be.
Todd Anderson hated December.
November was still full of a certain joy. He pursued his education, buried himself in his books and followed his friends to the local bars with a tepid smile. When December came knocking and threatened to fill the department stores with Christmas music and the streets with couples going about their holiday shopping, Todd locked his doors and begged for it to go away. He closed his windows to keep out the fresh winter air, drew his dorm room blinds to shutter out the cool glow of snow, and laid on his bed wrapped in blankets for hours at a time.
Yes, Todd Anderson hated December.
The tears on Todd’s face were cold when the phone rang. He got up and stumbled over to it, not bothering to drop his blanket to the floor. He picked it up and sniffled trying to hide the state he was in.
“Todd Anderson speaking,” He paused to cough, “what can I do for you?” There was a sniffle from the other side of the line, then the speaker cleared their throat.
“It’s just me Todd. I called to see how you were holding up.” Charlie said, his voice cracking with an unusual worry. Todd bit his lip.
“Schools been good, I’m not going home for Christmas this year -” He didn’t mention it was because he hadn’t been invited. “So I’m really just trying to keep busy.” He heard another sniffle from Charlie. “How about you?”
“Yeah, I’ve been good. The military has kept me busy - sometimes I wish I was studying to be a banker.” Another sniffle, this one from Todd.
“Don’t say that. You didn’t want to be a banker any more than you want to attend the academy now.”
“I didn’t know that!” Charlie snapped, leaving both of them in silence. Todd, still holding the phone to his ear, sank to the floor, his back leaning against the wall. The quiet grew longer and Todd found himself crying again. Charlie was right. He had had no clue getting expelled would mean he would get sent off to a military school that he hated. Todd was about to apologize when Charlie spoke first. He was quiet.
“You know that's not what I meant by holding up.” Todd stayed unspeaking, surveying his small cluttered dorm room. Each table scattered with papers, textbooks, and pencils. In the last week his dorm had become messy; the feeling of such unorganized madness was only making him more reluctant to wake up every morning. He looked down at the floor in front of him keeping his eyes away from the shoebox under his bed.
“Me too.” Charlie choked out, finding the meaning in Todd’s soundless response. “If mom would let me, I'd invite you to Christmas.” He paused letting out a tired sigh. “But if I’m not lying she’d freak out if she knew I still had your phone number.” He let out a small wheeze that passed as a laugh, before he began to weep again. Todd finally spoke.
“He’d be so angry with me Charlie.”
“No.” Charlie murmured.
“He’d take one step into this godforsaken dorm and see me sitting on the floor wrapped in an old blanket and he’d be so upset with me.”
“You’re wrong.” Charlie sputtered.
“No Charlie, I’m not. He’d ask me what I’ve read recently and I’d say I can’t read anymore. It would break his heart. Charlie if you could see me now - he’d hate me - really he would. He wouldn’t want anything to do with who I become on December first.” The silence returned and Todd had to rest the phone on the floor. His hands had started shaking too hard for him to hold it. The sobs went on for some time, and Charlie said nothing. A cold December draft slithered along the creaky wooden floor and settled around Todd. He began to struggle for breath.
“He could never hate you Todd. You know that.” Todd listened to the wind outside and took a deep breath. “He loved you Todd.”
“He loved you too Charlie.”
“Yeah - But I didn’t deserve it.” Charlie chuckled, a familiar lightness returning to his voice. Todd started to laugh as well, wiping the tears from his eyes and gazing up at the window across from him. A small beam of light snuck out from under the blinds.
“I think I’ll open the blinds today.” Todd declared.
“I think he’d like that,” Charlie responded.
“Thank you for calling”
“Honestly, I just needed to talk to you.” He paused, “And Todd?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t the boys go for beers on Fridays?"
“Yeah. Steven’s lecture ends in 20 minutes, they go after that.”
“I guess you’d better get ready, Todd.”
“Alright Charlie, nice to hear your voice.”
“Likewise Walt Whitman."
Todd stood up and put the phone back on the hook. He stretched on the tips of his toes, opened the blinds and walked over to his bed. The shoebox looked less daunting in the evening winter light. Todd flipped open the lid to take in the collection of trinkets inside. Crumpled pieces of paper, dull pencils, clippings from textbooks, annotated Shakespeare scripts, small rocks and dried flowers. Even the box smelled like him. Todd felt the ghost of a warm hug surround him. Maybe. Possibly. December didn’t have to be all that cold.