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Colette sighed, resting her chin in her palm as she gazed across the office at Noa's desk. It was almost Valentine’s Day, and although Noa wasn’t her boyfriend — and was very much dating someone else — Colette couldn’t help wanting to do something for him.
That wasn’t creepy, right?
“Earth to Colette,” Vic’s sing-song voice interrupts her train of thought.
She spins around in her chair to face her deskmate. “What?” she grunts.
Vic flashes a sly smile and slowly lifts his latest arts-and-crafts project to share. It’s a heart he cut out of construction paper. For anyone else, it would be juvenile, but it’s Vic, so it’s par for the course. “Made a heart,” he says, with a facetious smile. “Maybe you can give it to your not-boyfriend.”
Colette picks up a handful of paperclips and chucks them in Vic's direction. “This isn’t second grade, I can’t just give Noa a Valentine.”
Vic doesn't flinch as the paperclips bounce off of him, not caring enough to pick up the remnants. “Who says?” he asks, raising his eyebrows as he looks over to Gregg. “We’ve been looking for an excuse to make Barb throw a party. Why don’t we do something for V-Day?”
Gregg, for his part, had been mindlessly flipping through the pages of a magazine most of the day, blissfully ignoring everyone else around him. But the idea of a party seems to intrigue him as he slowly raises his head to look at Colette. “Valentine’s Day is a relatively low-stakes holiday that brings out the loneliness in people. That’s enough of a motivation to convince Barb to spend a half day of work on it, I’m in.”
Colette is still not convinced as she notices a smile exchange between Vic and Gregg. “What would we even do for a Valentine’s party?”
Vic spins around in his chair. “Does it matter?” he asks, then stops suddenly and looks at Colette. “But maybe if you play your cards right, you could lose your Noa V-card on V-day,” he winks.
Colette rolls her eyes and slumps her head down onto her desk, but when she dares to glance back up, Gregg and Vic are already gone.
___________
“We're going to make valentines for all the customers!” Barb excitedly announces the next day at their morning meeting.
Everyone groans except Noa, who actually seems intrigued by the idea. “Well, that’s a nice gesture,” he says, with a sparkling smile. “That could really cheer some people up.”
Colette looks over to the gorgeous idiot next to her and agrees. “You’re so right, Noa,” she smiles, flipping her hair back, but accidentally hitting Ceci in the process. “That’s why I originally came up with the idea.”
Noa looks her way, flashing his dazzling white teeth, thankfully ignoring the snicker Vic makes directly behind him. “Right on,” he says, offering her a fist bump, which she graciously accepts.
“See!?” Barb exclaims, swinging her arms in Noa and Colette’s direction. “This is initiative, people! And to think Gregg and Vic thought a lame party would be better.” She scoffs.
Ceci stands up to Barb. “A lame party would be better. I don’t want to make cards for the ungratefuls.”
Vic raises his hand to speak. “What if we didn’t just make cards for the ungratefuls, what if we exchanged Valentine’s like the second grade?”
Colette turns her head back to glare at Vic, who gives her an exaggerated wink back.
Barb is overly enthusiastic about everyone’s verbal contributions. “That is fantastic,” she exclaims, waving her hands around in excitement. “Most of us have lovers, but think of all the singles we have.” She winces sympathetically over to Colette, sparking everyone else to frown her way, too.
“Hearing you say the word lover grosses me out too much to be offended by that,” Colette mutters to herself, but Ceci elbows her, signalling that people can hear her.
Noa clears his throat. “I think exchanging Valentine’s would be a sweet idea,” he smiles up at Barb. “My mum used to make this amazing chocolate that I would put in all my Valentine’s for school, I think I’ll add that to my Valentine’s cards.”
Colette looks over at Noa. “You’re just so talented,” she smiles, pushing him on the arm lightly. She then realizes just how awkward that is and withdraws her hand.
“Well, it’s settled,” Barb announces. “We're going to make Valentine’s for the customers and do a small exchange for those who want to participate.” With that, she pounds down her gavel into the table and dismisses everyone.
___________
The entire office spends the next few days making valentines out of construction paper and using label makers to write out “Happy Valentine’s Day - From the East Hollywood DMV Branch.” They look super lame and impersonal, but Colette really couldn’t care less.
“What do you think Noa is going to do for Surfer Mary for Valentine’s?” Colette asks mindlessly, as she sits with Vic and Gregg, applying the label messages to the hearts.
“Probably something sweet and personal,” Gregg answers, also mindlessly. “You should have really tried harder with that one, Colette. He’s probably going to get her flowers and everything.”
Colette scrunches her face. “I never really fancied flowers,” she adds, getting one of the labels stuck to her fingers.
Vic snickers. “You mean to tell me that if Noa showed up here with a HUGE bouquet of flowers, you’d turn him away?”
“No,” Colette sighs. “I would accept them, it’s just not something I would want.”
“Yeah,” Vic nods, his eyes bugging out as he continues cutting heart shapes. “You probably want his real present: a night in Pound Town.”
Colette knows the joke was at her expense, but she can’t seem to disagree with Vic, because, well, it wasn’t not true. Instead, she wistfully sighs, catching sight of Vic, who looks slightly concerned.
Gregg clears his throat, and Vic looks over to him first, then Colette. “Well then, what does Colette the Pet want for an ideal Valentine’s present? If flowers aren’t your fancy?”
Colette smiles, looking up toward something in the ceiling that’s not there. “My love language is words of affirmation, and I think I would most like a personal card.”
Vic and Gregg both shake their heads in disbelief. “That’s it?” they both say in unison.
“Not a book of coupons for sexual favors?” Vic asks.
“Or an overpriced box of chocolates?” Gregg shakes his head.
“What about a HUGE stuffed animal?” Vic suggests.
“Or, a fancy dinner where you can eat crab legs?” Gregg points out.
Colette smirks at the two of them. “Some of those things would be nice,” she considers, bouncing her head back and forth. “I guess as far as traditional gifts go, I think I’d like a spa day at the Fancy Foot.”
Gregg places his arm on the desk, leaning toward Colette in confusion. “The Fancy Foot? What kind of spa is that?”
“It’s a foot spa, where people like me, who wear prescription shoes can be pampered.” Colette shrugs. “It’s my favorite weekend getaway.”
Vic’s mouth dropped open when Colette first mentioned ‘The Fancy Foot’, but he seemed to collect his thoughts. “You know you’re attractive, you can ask for real gifts, right?”
Blushing slightly from the unexpected compliment, Colette looks away. “I want what I want, I guess,” she shrugs. “Now, let’s get back to these Valentine’s for our not Valentine's party.”
___________
On Valentine’s Day, Barb is beaming as she hands out cards to every customer who walks in. She wears matching black leggings, a t-shirt decorated with red hearts, and a hairband with heart-shaped antennas poking out the top.
And everyone else seems to be in high spirits as everyone collects their Valentine’s cards:
Ceci used stock cards and glued fake jewels on her valentine’s, representing a spell to wish for easier workdays.
Gregg cracked himself up with Garfield-themed Valentine’s that he found at Ralphs.
Vic used his cut-out hearts, decorated them with protein powder and glitter, and wrote “Stay righteous, Dude” on them, with a sticker of a thumbs-up emoji.
Barb fashioned blank DMV business cards, writing a small personal message to each person, which melted Colette’s heart.
Colette was extra proud of her contribution: she bought pink stock paper, decorated it with a line of lace, and pressed a pink bow in the middle. She always liked working her creative muscles and thought these would be a nice touch.
But Noa hadn’t handed his out yet; he was stuck in the breakroom, working tirelessly to finish wrapping the chocolates. Colette offered to help him several times, to which he responded that he didn’t want ruin any surprises. He was truly just the most thoughtful person in the world.
As the day dragged on, Colette couldn’t help but rehearse her reaction to receiving Noa’s Valentine. She stood in front of the mirror in the women’s bathroom, touching up her makeup and flipping her hair, trying to look as cute as possible.
“Oh, Noa, your chocolate is so delicious,” she tries to say in a sultry tone into the mirror, sticking a finger in her mouth.
Looking at herself like this, she shakes her head and stops. She stares at her reflection, hoping to be inspired.
The bathroom door creaks open, and Ceci walks in, flashing a judgmental stare in Colette’s direction. “Girl, what are you doing?” she asks, arching her back and raising her hand as she does. Ceci was the air of coolness; it wasn’t fair.
Colette whimpers and turns back to the mirror. “I just want to look hot when Noa gives me his Valentine,” she sighs. “I know he has someone, but I can at least have this, can’t I?”
Ceci huffs and rolls her eyes. “Girl, you can have your pick of a lot of single guys out there, but if you want to keep pining over Noa, then just give him something to remember.”
Colette looks to the side, confused. “I already gave him a Valentine,” she shrugs.
“No,” Ceci corrects, walking toward Colette and facing her back in front of the mirror. “Here,” she says, as she unbuttons the first two buttons on Colette’s blouse and then uses her hands to push up Colette’s breasts.
Colette backs away. “Hey,” she protests, the touching was a little too far, but Ceci grabs her cheeks and pinches them tightly. “Ow!”
“There,” Ceci shrugs, pushing Colette back in front of the mirror. “You look hot now.”
Looking back in the mirror, Colette smirks. She supposes Ceci has a point. Sighing to thank her, Colette turns, but Ceci has already disappeared.
Darting out of the bathroom, Colette hurries over to her desk, knowing that Noa has to hand out his Valentine’s soon. But when she arrives at the cubicle, there’s already a red envelope and a gold box waiting for her.
“No,” she pouts to herself, slumping in her chair. “I was supposed to look hot,” she cries softly. She shakes her head, out of her funk. If nothing else, she can still track Noa down and look hot to thank him, right? Right.
Colette opens the red unsealed envelope. It wasn’t a full-sized card, but a small one with an adorable photo of a litter of puppies (he remembered she fostered puppies!) and a note inside: “Colette - I think the world of you, and you deserve it all. But I can’t give it to you, so please accept this instead. Signed, Your Secret Admirer.”
Her heart races a thousand beats a minute. How cute was Noa? Signing as a secret admirer and saying he thinks the world of her. She could melt. Colette opens the box of chocolates, and much to her surprise, above the film at the top of the box, there’s a gift card to the Fancy Foot.
“He is so perfect,” Colette sighs as she feels like she can melt from her chair.
“Who’s so perfect?” Gregg’s voice interrupts from across the cubicle. He won’t look up at her, still wrapped up in a magazine, but that’s ok.
Colette smiles brightly. “Noa,” she could almost sing from joy. “He told me he thinks the world of me AND gifted me a card to the Foot Spa.”
Gregg looks up from his magazine, eyeing Colette suspiciously. “That was sure nice of him, considering he likely didn’t know you went to the Foot Spa.”
Colette furrows her brow, thinking back. Noa knew a little about her foot prescription; she held back a lot of it for obvious reasons, but she knew she had mentioned a spa she had gone to before to him, but maybe not exactly for what. “I think I mentioned it to him, or something like it to him,” she shrugs.
“Mhmm,” Gregg hums, looking back down at the magazine. “Whatever floats your boat.” There’s a pause, and then he looks back up. “By the way, Vic had to leave early. He left your water bottle on his desk. You know the one he borrowed a month ago and never returned?”
Rolling her eyes, Colette swivels in her chair. “He has millions of water bottles. He just needs to keep one here so he doesn’t steal mine,” she grouses.
Colette rises from her chair to retrieve the water bottle, but Noa approaches, causing her to stop in her tracks. She quickly flips her hair and stands straighter for him. “Hey, Noa,” she says in that sultry voice from the bathroom earlier. “Thanks for the Valentine.”
Noa stops, looking confused. “No,” he tilts his head, looking cuter than ever. “I haven’t gifted anybody a Valentine yet.” He smiles, “But I wanted you to be the first recipient.”
Colette pauses, accepting the box from Noa’s hands. She looks at it, black with a red bow, and then remembers her card was signed 'secret admirer'. So, of course, he wasn’t going to just admit to his first Valentine. “Right,” Colette winks. “You haven’t given me any other Valentine’s.”
The sound of Gregg putting his magazine down echoes behind her. “For Christ's sake,” Gregg sighs, pushing his forehead into his hand. Colette ignores him.
“Right,” Noa answers, nodding. “Please don’t judge the chocolates too much. I burnt them, but I was able to salvage a good bit of it.”
“I’m sure it’s amazing,” Colette smiles, holding the box tightly in her palms. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Noa.”
“Happy Valentine’s to you, too.” Noa smiles. They both glance at each other for a brief moment before Noa turns and leaves a box on Vic’s desk and hands a box to Gregg before carrying on.
“What a guy,” Colette sighs.
She turns and places the black box next to her red envelope and other chocolate box, before walking around to Vic's desk to retrieve her water bottle.
Reaching over to grab it, she notices Vic’s half-filled trash can. It has a crumpled up Garfield and discarded fake jewels, Barb's handwriting ripped in two. She rolls her eyes. How could he be so callous and throw away everyone’s Valentines?
She continues reaching for the bottle, glancing up, and catches sight of her Valentine pinned to his cubicle wall—pink and lace and bows.
She can’t help but stare at it, glancing down at the other trashed cards and then back up to hers. It probably doesn’t mean anything, definitely doesn’t mean anything.
For a moment, she catches Gregg glancing over at her, and she makes eye contact. He raises his eyebrows, knowingly. Her stomach flips.
Picking up her water bottle, Colette looks back at her card pressed against the cubicle. Figures Vic couldn’t manage to throw it away properly. She smooths out her skirt and rebuttons her cardigan.
Having an unknown secret admirer could be nice in lieu of a proper Valentine.