Chapter Text
Calla had always been alone, despite the countless people near her, even when she was a child left in the slums as her mother was executed, killed, tortured even (she didn’t know, she couldn’t know.) she was not alone, surrounded by others with a sigil on their neck, but from them she was separated quite quickly.
When you grow up as a slave, others think of you as scum, and that’s when you learn sinners were never saved. Not like her, but… was she even saved? In her mind, that part of her life couldn’t be counted as ‘saving’ but when compared to the life she could’ve lived if she hadn’t been ‘bought’ then, what was that day to her?
It was light, it was the ability to feel the grass underneath her feet, to smell something as lovely as flowers, to have skin not tainted by dirt. It was the ability to not be stared at by others when she herself could not see them but only sense the energy flowing off of them in waves that disgusted her the way she disgusted others.
Perhaps it was to have a shared conversation, to be able to eat a meal, was that saving?
Was it for the better Averna bought her? So that now, even if she now lives in a shallow puddle of fear because of her, at least, if only or a moment she was able to find Deitasterra, and meet Lapis.
Ah, right.
Lapis.
The lady who could be the cure and cause of all of her lonely problems. (PSSSTT!!! I wrote ts in class so its ASS!!! I was pretending to do work cry)
Truthfully, whenever she sees lapis, she wishes for just a moment more in that dark space, to reflect and reflect on her past present and future, so she could understand what emotion rises from her gut to her throat when she sees her, is it love? But it’s far different from what she felt towards Deitasterra, envy? Please, the only time she’s every outwardly or even so felt envy is towards Lapis’ friends and even though that was merely her not thinking—for some reason, she seems to do that a lot around Lapis, terribly so.
Where Calla stands, and not metaphorically, is the second floor balcony, classes are in session and she’s found herself time to complete the pile of paperwork administration thinks she has—and she would’ve if she hadn’t completed everything the moment it was handed to her, a good habit really, one that’s turned into something not so good. The view from up here is calming, and she can feel the glances thrown her way when a student steps out of class for whatever reason or if she absentmindedly moves out of the blind spot she memorized for this exact occasion, that too, was a habit.
She sways a bit, allowing her feet to move with rougher winds, but its summer and the trees sway as lightly as she breathes. Its only for a moment before she catches herself doing something so childish and refocuses on the building, she was looking at only to drift back into her past.
Yet another set of eyes burns into her, specifically her hair, she would’ve ignored it like usual if it didn’t last abnormally long, just as she snaps out of her thoughts (which she was still in whilst thinking all of this) who ever it was darts away, even so she turns, staring at nothing but the sweep of hair following the corner of the hall.
(holy shit German is beating me up I wrote “nicht so gut” except that’s not even how you write it)
She sighs out, lightly tapping the handrail pondering her next move. It would be some time before the third star fell unlike the gap between the first and second star, the only major event other than midterms and whatever bright idea Astrad had, was the spring and winter battle—which had completed weeks ago, and to her dismay was a factor in the incident at the fountain.
(A/N, after this point, the canon becomes muddled because I KNOW that Calla hadn’t spoken about that to Lapis and ignored it even at the third star, and I KNOW the first star and second star had a larger gap than the third, but we’re going to pretend that the third star had a 4 month gap and not a 3 week one, OK!?)
A profanity slips from her mouth as she remembers the incident, she doesn’t bother correcting herself, instead musing about how she should apologize.