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For the first time in his sad, little life, Rick was in love. He knew it by the way his throat would go dry whenever you walked past him, how his voice would tremble when talking with you, how his cheeks turned a beautiful cherry red at the slightest hint of your touch. His feelings for you were intense, but, it could never work out.
No, as to Rick you were an angel amongst ordinary men. Your looks were incomparable to his and you had a decent social life. Well, you had more proper friends than he did. He was just a greasy bollock who had about as much as a social presence as a lentil. Plus, to love you would mean that Rick would be gay. He couldn't afford such a revelation, especially not in this society. His friends would probably just pick on him more than they already did and call him a homo alongside a girl. It wasn't something he was able to bear. He didn't want to be ostracised more than he already was.
Seeing no other way around it, Rick decide to brush his feelings under the carpet and start anew. Perhaps he just needed the right girl to come along and swoop him off his feet. Surely that was it, right? Definitely not that he was gay and would be for the rest of his potentially pathetic life. No, that couldn't be it! Starting from Monday, Rick was going to forget about you and move on with his life. Easy stuff.
The following week panned out to be grim. You looked forward to spending time with Rick on Monday as you both had 2 hours free together. He would often read you his poems as you were his main source of feedback or just chat shit. The greatest part was how one of you would look lovingly into your eyes as the other was talking. It made your stomach run rampant with butterflies to see Rick's peaceful state and a genuine smile across his face as he listened to you. However, you had no such joy today. You watched on as Rick swiftly walked past your usual table, paying no mind to you. Upon shouting his name, he covered his ears. It felt ignorant, but he also seemed pained. Whatever he was dealing with, it seemed to be eating away at him from the inside.
Classes became boring, too, as Rick decided on a whim that he was no longer sitting with you. You'd usually pass notes to each other despite being at a touching distance and whisper stupid stuff to try make the other laugh. Considering last week had left you both in tears laughing, and that this was all very sudden, you felt the need to confront him.
"Rick, I don't mean to be blunt but what's gotten into you? If I've said anything to upset you, you can tell me now and I'll happily apologise for it, but I've never seen you act this way before," you said sincerely. Rick couldn't make eye contact with you. He seemed physically strained, almost wincing at the word "friendship" as he attempted to pull back his chair.
"I'm sorry, but things are no longer going to work between you and I. I have come to a realisation and I have no choice but to distance myself. Goodbye, and I wish you all the best," he replied, trying to keep his voice calm. However, you could hear him choke back a sob in the last sentence.
Before you could respond, he had moved himself to the other side of the room, leaving you by your lonesome. You failed to concentrate on your class as you sat in utter disbelief, trying to comprehend what had just occurred. Your head was firmly in your hands, kept low to the table as to not let anyone know there were tears threatening to fall. Unbeknownst to you, Rick held the exact same position. He let his tears fall onto his pointless workbook, thinking about how much he had just fucked up. He wanted you back more than anything.
Home was a bit different for him that night. Rick blasted straight past the living room and trudged up the stairs, hanging his head in shame. He laid flat on his bed with his face smushed into his pillow, simply wanting to die in that moment. The lads had expressed genuine concern at Rick's lack of presence at tea and tv time. Neil and Mike were rather unsuccessful in their attempts at bringing Rick downstairs, so Vyvyan took matters into his own hands.
In true Vyvyan fashion, he punched a hole in Rick's door and unlocked it from within, entering. Not even the intrusion was enough to make Rick lift his head - something was royally wrong. Vyvyan sat at the foot of Rick's bed, offering the best comfort he could as a typically violent man.
"Hey, Rick, I know I can be a bit of a bastard to you at times, but it's only fun and games! Why don't you come have a bit of tea with us; I'll even let you use my favourite plate".
"I don't want food right now, Vyvyan. I'm rather nauseous, actually. Besides, you're not the problem here. It's all my fault!" Rick stated as his sobbing started up again at full throttle. Vyv was caught rather off-guard, but he remained cool in his mate's time of need.
"Well, what could you have done? All us three feel just fine about you at the moment".
"It's not about you three, it's about another guy. The lad I sit with in college sometimes during our shared breaks and the one I have a class with. We were such good friends, Vyvyan. But I had to go and ruin it! I just had to be a poof, didn't I? All I try to do for this ruddy country under Thatcher and this is the thanks I get!" Rick cried. Even if he had to bring his hatred for Thatcher into the whole ordeal, it was plain to see that this was killing him.
"Y'know, Rick, none of us are gonna make fun of you for liking guys. It doesn't make a difference to any of us at all. Plus, we kind of already figured it out". Vyvyan replied, deadpan. Rick felt somewhat calmer until a pang of fear hit his chest.
"What? What do you mean you all knew I was gay? Before me as well?"
"Well, yeah. The way you talked about that guy everyday with such a dreamy look in your eyes made it quite obvious. Also, you're terrible at holding your liquor".
"How do you mean, Vyv?"
"One night you and I went to the pub cos we were bored and after just one drink you were telling me all about how handsome the guy you're sad about was and how you always caught a stiffy after talking to him".
Rick went through about a hundred emotions in the span of a minute. He was relieved the lads wouldn't think any less of him for being gay, but he was rather horrified at how much he'd spilled to Vyvyan. He also felt disgusted at how he had treated you, and he needed to resolve it quick. First, though, he needed to have his tea and wait for the day to be over.
Vyvyan walked with Rick down the stairs and sat with him at the table. As he promised, his food was served on Vyv's favourite plate.
"Finally come down 'ave ya, Rick? It's good to see you here," Mike said, with a pretty genuine tone. It wasn't something Rick was used to hearing.
"Yeah, you seemed pretty down earlier today. How're you feeling now?" Neil carried on. Rick didn't really know what to say in the moment, he still felt emotionally vulnerable. Luckily, Vyvyan was on hand to tell it to them straight.
"Okay lads, Rick's gay. He likes the lad he's been on about for the past few months and he thinks he's fucked things with him". Rick hung his head into his hands again at Vyvyan's way of relaying information. Thankfully, the guys actually felt quite bad for Rick.
"Oh you'll get him I'm sure. Treat him like I'd treat a good doll: be gentle and reassure your love. Be passionate about it all and really show your emotions," Mike advised.
"I didn't know you had experience with trans people too, Mike!" Rick said, almost elated.
"Oh I don't mean those kind of dolls, mate".
Rick looked at nothing in particular in disbelief and tried to shake the thoughts from his head.
"Yeah, just be proper peaceful about it, innit. It could go a long way," Neil said hurriedly, trying to bring back the original conversation. For the first time, Rick actually listened to what Neil had to say.
"Wow, well, thanks guys! I'll keep this all in mind for tomorrow. I must say, I do feel much better now. I really do appreciate- OW!" Rick was cut off by a swift kick to the shin from Vyvyan.
"Glad you feel better but don't get too soppy on us, pooface".
Rick rolled his eyes with a smile. He waved goodnight to the lads and went to bed feeling fresh. He was determined to make things right.
Come Tuesday morning Rick felt raring to go for once. He was ready for a positive start and to reach his end goal: to be your boyfriend once and for all. He left the house with a spring in his step and entered the college early for once, hoping to catch you alone. He peeked around corners and windows, unable to catch a glimpse of you anywhere. Oh god, what if you'd got so upset you'd left the college forever? His heart would have broke into two if he hadn't have decided to actually go to lesson that morning.
He entered the barren room sluggishly, going to turn to his new seat when he noticed you sat all alone at the back. You looked at each other, silent and awkward. You swallowed a lump in your throat, internally pleading for Rick's return as he made his way along the rows of seats. He grabbed a chair and placed it next to you, sitting down tentatively. A small sigh escaped his lips before he began.
"I'm really sorry about yesterday. I acted unacceptably towards you and I shouldn't have taken my stupid feelings out on you," he started. You nodded, accepting what he had to say.
"It's okay Rick, these things happen. But, what made you feel so upset that it came out all on me?"
Not expecting to have to answer that question again, Rick looked up at you almost fearfully. Thinking back on it, you had never disclosed your sexuality. He had no idea whether you even liked men. Was he about to ruin your friendship again? The weight of it all almost broke him as he began to cry. Tears streamed down his face as you pulled him in for a hug, rubbing his back and resting your head on his. The closeness of you two and your comforting nature made Rick feel safe and more assured. His crying calmed as he thought about how nice it would be to lay in your arms on a quiet night, lulling him to sleep and having something to look forward to when he woke up. You moved just a few centimetres away from Rick so you could look down at him, prompting him to let out a small whine. You placed your hand softly on his cheek, and he instinctively held the back of it. After a few moments of silence, he spoke up again.
"I love you. I realised the other night that I was gay and I couldn't handle it. I felt that all my feelings for you would fade if I pushed you out of my life and waited for a girl to come around. But my mates brought me back to my senses. I am so, so sorry I treated you so shittily and I really want for us to work out. If you can forgive me, I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be the first face I see on a morning and the last I see on a night. I want to be in your arms every second of everyday. I want to walk with you, talk with you, laugh with you, take our exams together, have petty arguments together, sleep together, be together. I want so deeply for us to be boyfriends that it makes my heart ache," Rick poured his heart out to you, taking a few very needed breaths before saying one final sentence.
"Will you be my boyfriend?" He asked so quietly and softly.
You looked at him with a tear-stained face as he looked back both scared and expectantly.
"Yes, Rick. I would love nothing more than to be your boyfriend. You liking men has no negative effect on my life, and you should be proud of who you are. Don't feel you have to hide from your friends, and certainly not me. We're in the same boat here. You have no idea just how much you mean to me, and to spend my existence with you would feel like a great honour. I will be your boyfriend," you closed out with a smile. Rick's face became one of pure joy and relief. He was almost laughing at what had just happened.
"Haha, is this really it, then? We're a couple?" Rick couldn't quite believe it. His eyes lit up as you nodded, making him sure this wasn't just a dream. If he was still not quite adamant, the sudden press of your lips against his was sure to do it.
Soon enough you were both making out in an empty classroom. You had one hand on the back of Rick's head and the other on the small of his back to structure him. Rick was gripping onto your shirt as you lead the kiss. Your mouths clashed against each other almost in a dance as your tongue found his mouth. He moaned and grasped harder, feeling like he had to hold on for dear life.
You both broke away for air, looking at each others' exhausted but still beautiful faces. Smiles crept up on both, elated at the events that had just played out. Before you could go back in for another round, however, the other students started to file in as class was about to begin. You both scrambled to get your books and pens out to at least make it look like you were going to pay attention today. Instead, you both spent the hour passing looks at one another, making the other giggle, and whispering dirty remarks to each other.
If just talking to you gave Rick a stiffy, god knows what today had done to him.