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I would like to call my grandma but,
If anyone asks Keum Seongje how he felt at the moment, the one answer he would give to anyone is to fuck off and maybe punch them, but if you were a mind reader and read his pile of feelings and memories that are all piled up like yarn, you would see that he is probably not that okay.
On campus, everybody knew Seongje as a mysterious guy who doesn't want to be bothered. And it all wasn't far from the truth really, he’s always walking around campus alone, he has zero friends (at least that's what they say), he always wears the same hoodie to class everyday, he looks like he’s always close to punching somebody in the face whenever they talk to him about something, he always fucking ghost people, and more examples really. He was quite the enigma, and he didn't even bother denying all the rumors about him being in some sort of gang in high school. So it's safe to say that sometimes it's not even him that avoids people, it's the others.
Seongje knows about all this gossip running around campus, he wasn't living under a rock really, but he could not give a shit about anything really. All he wanted to do right now is graduate from medical school as fast as he can and maybe be a doctor so he can make a lot of money and move to Italy so he can adopt five cats and live the life he wanted all along, so if the assholes here wanted to run their mouths, Seongje just let them be because they're all gonna die in a ditch alone anyways and the suspect for all of it would be Seongje and he would happily agree to that claim because fuck them.
It’s been almost a year or two since he moved to Busan after the union fell, and It’s also been one year since he left. Seongje held no feelings for him now. Maybe. It’s complicated really, he knew him, the last person he ever fought was him and that was the best fight he ever had, so he can’t really forget the guy. That and also how they fucked before and he was good at it but thats completely unrelated. The union was apart of his high school memories that was like a love-hate relationship with Seongje, he loved it because he could freely fight anyone he wanted and didn't get in trouble for it, mostly, and it was quite the entertainment for him, especially that kid, red was his name? or was it white? he didn't remember, but that guy was amusing as hell. Yet he also hated it because it was starting to get boring. And if anyone knew him, they’d know that he in fact never liked things once they lose their spark.
That was the reason he left Yeongdeongpo in the first place, sure there were a few medical schools here and there but that place was boring. At least, that's what he convinced himself to believe. If the union was a love-hate relationship, so was Ji Hakho. He could never really forget him because of everything they did together, really who was the one person Seongje trusted enough to be so comfortable with he accidently spilled his plan to go to medical school and maybe move to Italy? Yeah sure there was Hwangmo but he was more like an ashtray for him than anything—but he can’t really say anything because said ashtray is the only one keeping him sane because he's the only person he’ll ever talk to willingly. Other than that, it was clear that Seongje felt safe enough around Hakho and so did Hakho, too bad he moved away without having the slightest thought to inform him. Seongje knew he was sometimes an asshole to Hakho, he may have punched him once or twice when he made him annoyed but he thought he was fine with it. Looks like he thought wrong as one day when he texted him after a few days with no contact, nobody answered him. It stayed that way for a while until Seongje just eventually went with the thought that Hakho was just fed up with him and moved far away so he wouldn't see his ugly face again, and sure, Seongje isn’t the most attractive guy but he wasn’t that bad.
He even tried calling him at some point which was embarrassing because nobody answered, he was just getting a bit desperate, but nobody answered. So he gave up on him.
So it's safe to say that Seongje moved away from Seoul because of him.
But Seongje wouldn't admit that out loud. Currently, he stood outside his balcony now, the air is filled with smoke as he lit up another cigarette. Ironic. He’s trying to be a doctor yet here he is, doing something he knows will shorten his life span, but who cares. He’ll die early anyways. The night is still young, the wind is blowing through his hair locks and is making his skin tense up anytime there's a huge breeze passing through, he was never that good with cold weather. If Seongje was being honest, today was fucking rough. His professor dropped a pop quiz all of a sudden and he sure as hell didn't study at all yesterday night, thankfully he knew 64% of the questions there but still. Could’ve been bad. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had three assignments due on Monday, he had one group project and of course he's stuck with the most incompetent people ever in one singular group and of course he just so happened to run into one of his friends as he was walking around the city. Thankfully he had his hood covering his face and wore contact lenses just for today, thank fucking god. Seongje has been smoking less and less as he goes on with his life, mainly because he's so busy with college that he forgot about smoking entirely, but with what happened today, he needed a few minutes of smoking time or else he'd actually go insane and rip out his purple hair out of his roots, well mainly because he got reminded of Hakho as he saw his friends walking around Busan. What were they doing here anyways?
Hakho was always a distant memory in Seongje’s mind. He always tried to forget him and It's for the best that he forgot him once and for all and then maybe he didn't have to constantly feel in fear that he’ll find him. That thought scares him. He overlooked the city that was in front of him and looked at the billboards that littered his view. Most of them are about popular brands of alcohol, skincare and food and so on, bright lights flickering ever so often and Seongje can’t help but just stare as his cigarette hangs between his fingers. He paused to look at one of the billboards promoting a romance show, he had heard of it before. Said show was talked about all over campus and as he watched the trailer, he couldn't help but curse under his breath. He kept watching until it changed into an ad about skincare, he blinked a few times as his eyes felt dry—did he even blink while watching that trailer?—and closed his eyes and ultimately decided to sit down on the floor, close to the sliding door, and leaned on the railings as he closed his eyes once more. He felt goosebumps as the wind let out a big gust of wind again. Everything seemed to remind him of Hakho. He didn't want to admit it and he shouldn't even feel this way but he missed him. He missed that son of a bitch with orange fucking hair like a motherfucker. Did Hakho miss him too? He fucking hoped so. Let that bastard feel the pain in his heart as he missed Seongje because with the way he just so carelessly ignore him he fucking hoped that bastard feels the pain ten times worse. Still closing his eyes, he pulled in his hands and took a big breath of smoke from the cigarette, he slowly blew out the smoke that burned his lungs a bit.
His daydreaming didn't last long as a ring from his phone snapped him out of that state. Huh. Somebodies calling him. He took his phone out of his pocket and stared. And he knew who that somebody is, who else if not that orange haired bastard. Who is he kidding, he knew Hakho was at least missing him just as much—or he just needed a loan—with how much he called Seongje. He always called Seongje at nights where the air felt cold and the atmosphere felt different, he was always like that really. He’s unpredictable, sure, he sure as hell didn't expect Hakho to call him after basically ghosting him for months, but he spent corny night walks with him around Yeongdeongpo and he can consider himself pretty good with predicting Hakho. He watched the name ‘tangerine (derogatory)’ popped up on screen yet he didn't do anything. He never did. Why would he answer the guy really? after he ghosted him for months on end. He watched as his phone kept on buzzing.
Really. It was ironic. Really ironic. He missed the guy, sure he did, not that he’d admit it anyways, but he’ll never pick up because he was always petty. Even if that night something felt different. Everything felt different that night. He kept on looking at his phone. Strange. It was strangely taking a while for his phone to turn off. He squished his cigarette onto the balcony floor and picked up his phone. He wondered how he sounded today, did he sound the same as high school? Did he act the same? he fucking hoped not.
And maybe Seongje can just act like his thumb slipped or that a bug landed on his screen or maybe that the wind was so strong it pushed the accept button, but he couldn't really act like the call wasn't accepted.
Silence. Was what he got. He didn't say anything, Hakho didn't say anything. God, what was he hoping for? Hakho would never call to tell him he’d miss Seongje and say corny shit like that. He'd never do it no matter how drunk he is. Maybe Hwangmo’s right. He should stop smoking, maybe it was the cigarettes fault for making him see this. Experience this. Hear this. It was all just the nicotine. Still, he’d never stop anyways.
“Hello?”
Hwangmo shook his shoulders lightly. And Seongje woke up from his dreams.
He was still on the balcony but this time, his phone wasn't buzzing. He was still on the balcony but this time, Hakho wasn't there. Even if it's through his phone. He wasn't there.
She’s just nostalgia.