Chapter Text
If you told Nihilux that following your dreams included slamming your head on your desk after yet another sleepless night, she would’ve rolled her eyes, brushing you off.
“Goddammit, I’m so tired..” Nihilux yawned, rubbing her forehead to ease the bruise that was forming. She stared at herself in the reflection of her computer screen, her eyes drooping with sleep. Nihilux set down her pen, resting her head in her arms on the desk, staring up at the soft golden light that emitted from the lamp.
She was absolutely exhausted. Both physically and mentally.
Because of course, this was part of following your dreams as a manga artist. Even though her dreams had almost completely fallen apart, hanging together by a thread.
From publishing books in stores, to uploading online in hopes someone would spare her a view, the dream was almost over. Even with every all nighter she had been pulling, she found she still couldn’t make much progress. She knew that before long, her inbox would be flooded with comments from angry readers, demanding an upload.
Who are they to dictate how quickly I update? It’s my story! I can do whatever the hell I want!
That was what she told herself. That she wouldn’t let strangers make her sacrifice her sleep, her life even, just to upload quicker.
And yet, she was still awake at 4 in the morning, her drawing tablet taunting her with a half finished sketch.
“What am I doing with my life..?” She groaned.
“Grown adult, and destroying myself just to update my manga. Because I can’t handle impatient strangers.”
She stood up, turning off the tablet.
I’m too tired tonight anyway.
Nihilux made her way to her bed on wobbly legs, shrugging off her cardigan. She climbed into the bed, pulling the covers over herself.
It’s no big deal. I’ll be more productive tomorrow.
It didn’t matter that she’d been saying that for the past week.
“Hurry up and update…I’ll kill myself if you don’t update, heard that one.”
Nihilux muttered as she scrolled through her inbox, clutching at her throbbing head. The afternoon sun shining in through her window did not help in the slightest, both worsening her headache, and reminding her of how much time she had already lost from sleeping.
Nihilux reached the very end, leaning back in her chair.
Not a single positive comment.
“What’s the point of this anymore? All they do is whine about how I’m not quick enough, or I’m not talented enough. Good god..” She grumbled to no one in particular, closing out the tab. She had stopped replying to comments, tired of trying to make excuses for her laziness.
She knew she couldn’t put it off forever. This was what helped pay her bills. This was what kept her in her apartment.
But at some point, it did get exhausting when everyone only complained that she wasn’t doing enough.
Nihilux closed the tab, sighing.
“No, not good to overwork myself. I need a break.”
She stood up, pushing in her chair. As she stared down at the desk, she grimaced.
I still owe them this.
Maybe I’ll just take my tablet to work while I eat.
Nihilux grabbed her drawing tablet off the desk, cradling it close to her chest. Lightly stretching her back, she pushed open her door, stepping out into the kitchen. It was late for lunch, but she needed to eat something at the very least.
Nihilux opened her curtains a bit, just enough to let a little sunlight seep through to light up the surrounding area. After setting the tablet down on the counter, she rubbed at her tired eyes, moving to her fridge. The cold air hit her face the moment she opened the door, jolting her system awake. She scoured the shelves, looking for something to throw together quickly.
Nihilux grabbed a container of leftover fried rice from the night before. She opened the lid, glancing inside.
“This should be enough for one bowl..” She sighed in relief, closing the fridge. Nihilux grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, dumping the remaining contents of the rice into it. She tossed the container into the overflowing trashcan that made her nose scrunch up every time she looked at it. She placed the bowl into the microwave, closing the door as it loudly buzzed to life. Nihilux grabbed the tablet, glancing over the drawing one more time. She twirled her pen around in her finger, sketching out details she had left unfinished.
“Ah, this still looks wrong..” She scowled.
Hunched over the counter, she kept working, even as the microwave came to a stop.
Can’t pause now. I’m finally doing something. She chanted to herself in her head.
It still didn’t feel right. The entire page looked sloppy, rushed. Nihilux brushed it off.
“I just need something. Something..”
And then she heard a loud crash outside.
It startled her, nearly making her drop the pen. Nihilux’s head shot up towards the door, unsure of whether or not to check out the sound.
“Ouch..Be more careful, you nearly killed me!” A high voice scolded from outside.
“It an accident, sorry! You’ll be fine.” A second, lower voice apologized, tone laced with sarcasm.
“Just help me pick all of this up..”
“Of course, something’s gotta happen right now.” Nihilux groaned. She set down the tablet, approaching the door quietly. She pressed her eye to the peephole, glancing outside.
There was a pink haired girl crouched on the floor, frantically picking up objects that had spilled out of boxes she had dropped.
“Can you hurry up?! These are heavy to carry!” She called out.
Nihilux watched her struggle to clean up the mess, and sighed.
Fuck it, I’ll bite.
She opened the door slowly, stepping outside, coming face to face with the girl on the ground. The girl looked up, freezing like a deer in headlights. They said nothing, staring at each other for a few seconds.
“…Hi.” The girl muttered quietly, averting her eyes out of embarrassment.
“Hey.” Nihilux replied, trying to stifle a giggle at the sight beneath her. “Need some help?”
“Yeah, that’d be great. Especially since someone is taking forever!” She shouted.
“Just wait a damn minute!” The other voice retorted.
Nihilux crouched down, picking up the scattered items. “Who’s that?” She asked.
“That’s Yao Guang, she’s my roommate.” The girl pushed a box towards Nihilux for her to pack everything in.
“Not a good one I’d presume?”
“Watch your words, I can hear you!” A head of white hair, most likely the roommate in question, poked out from across the hall.
“Mm, she’s fine. A bit lazy, but fine.” The girl shrugged.
“How about you?” Nihilux questioned, looking up.
“Hm? I’m Evanescia. I’m moving in next door.” She smiled. “Sorry, should’ve introduced myself sooner.”
Nihilux returned the smile. “It’s fine. I’m Nihilux.”
“Cute name. Ah- You’re sitting on one of my books!” Evanescia gently brushed her aside, grabbing the book from underneath her.
“Sorry!” Nihilux shifted away from the pile, maintaining her distance. Evanescia wiped the dust off of the cover, placing it into the box.
The two worked in silence, filling the boxes back up and closing them. She was about to place down a book, before Evanescia stopped her.
“Hang on, that goes in a separate box.” She pointed to the one on Nihilux’s left. Nihilux crawled over, peering into the box, only to find it was filled to the brim with mangas.
“You like mangas, I take it?” She commented, about to reach in to examine the collection, before hesitating, looking to Evanescia for approval.
“Yeah, I collect. You can take a look if you want.”
Nihilux made sure to handle the books with care, glancing through the titles.
And maybe making note of some series she should look into later.
Wait..
One of the books suddenly caught her eye. She set down the one she was currently holding, sifting through the rest of the collection to reach into. Nihilux dug down, grasping onto the book, pulling it up out of the box.
Surely, she had to be hallucinating.
Because it was a book from one of her oldest series, one that she published when she first started out. One that she had discontinued after a lack of support. She ran her fingers over the cover, tracing her old pen name.
Blurry_QR_Colt.
“This is…” She trailed off, unsure whether to feel nostalgic, mortified, or honored.
“Ooh! I love that series!” Evanescia lit up when she saw what Nihilux was holding.
…Huh?
“I-Is that so? You really like Fluffy Across the Blue?” Nihilux stammered, face on fire.
“I’m not done with it yet, but I think The Fluffy might be my favorite so far. Have you read it?” She looked to Nihilux with excitement.
“I…started on it a while ago. Not very far yet.” Nihilux awkwardly laughed.
Oh, this is terrible. Worst day of my life.
“Trust me, you’re gonna love it. You gotta let me know what you think of.. Ah, I can’t say that part yet.” Evanescia stopped herself, hiding a smile behind her hand.
“Hey, you’re the one complaining about me being slow!” Yao Guang stepped out in the hallway, arms crossed. “Quit flirting with our neighbor, and bring the boxes in.”
“I’m not flirting! I’ll be there in a second!” Evanescia groaned. She placed the manga back in the box, closing it up. “Sorry for taking up your time. Thanks for the help, Nihilux.”
Nihilux stood back up, watching her haul the boxes away.
“You’re welcome..” She murmured, awkwardly shuffling back into her home, closing the door behind her. She pressed her back to the door, taking a moment to process what just happened.
She actually likes my series.
She really, honest to god, likes my series.
Nihilux couldn’t stop herself from grinning.
Perhaps it wasn’t the worst day of her life after all.
That night, even as Nihilux struggled to draw another frame, she couldn’t keep her mind off of her previous interaction.
Someone likes my work.
This wasn’t anything new. She knew people loved the things she made. They always wanted more from her.
But that girl was so happy.
It didn’t feel like the brief thanks she would get for a new chapter. It was real, raw happiness.
Nihilux set down her pen.
It didn’t change anything. She wasn’t coming back to that series. It’d only be a waste of time and money. The girl would find out why it failed soon.
And then, Nihilux could finally be done with herself.
She opened up her desk drawer, pulling out a tiny drawstring bag. She dangled it between her fingers, with a sense of dread in her heart. Opening the bag, Nihilux let the pills spill out onto her desk, staring at them.
Soon. As soon as she finished this series, and everyone was satisfied.
Nihilux could finally be done with herself.