Chapter Text
February was the worst month of the year if you asked Matsukawa Issei. It toed the line between winter and spring in the worst of ways. You never knew whether you needed to wear a thick coat and scarf to fight off the icy wind or to bring an umbrella to hide from the sudden torrential downpours of rain. It also had the worst holiday of them all - Valentine’s Day - and didn’t even have the decency to be a full thirty days long. Really, there was no need for February.
Maybe, if February didn’t exist, he wouldn’t have lost Aoi.
“Happy birthday pumpkin. You’re 29 now, just one year off thirty! I can’t believe you’re so old.”
Issei breathed out a harsh laugh as he stepped forward and started arranging the flowers he had brought. Beautiful white lilies, orchids and chrysanthemums arranged around a single pink carnation in the centre. It was the same every year. When he was ready, he sat back down.
“Sakura is starting school in a week. It’s crazy how fast time flies. I almost can’t believe it’s been five years.”
He was lying to himself, and to her. Issei had felt her absence in each minute of the last five years. How could he not, when his beautiful daughter reminded him every single day of what they both had lost. She didn’t remember her mother, of course, she was only three months old at the time. But she knew about her, Issei would never let his little girl go through life not knowing about the angel watching over both of them.
“She made you a card this year. Hajime and Tooru bought her an art set for her birthday and she went all out. I think I’ll be finding pink glitter around the house for the next several months.”
It had been difficult to hold back his tears when Sakura proudly showed him the card she made earlier on. He managed, barely, to hide it behind a smile and tell her how beautiful it was - how much her mother would love it. But now, he didn’t bother keeping them to himself. Issei sat there on the ground, cold and wet from February’s weather, and let the tears fall freely down his face. Aoi was the one person he never had to hide his emotions from.
A bitter wind blew across and Issei shivered as he sat unmoving. February was harsh. How cruel was the world to give and take the love of his life from him on the very same day. It wasn’t fair. February was the worst month of the year. Issei’s phone vibrated in his pocket to tell him when it was finally over. He stood up, bones creaking from the cold and stepped forward gently. Placing a hand on cool marble he tried to crack a smile.
“Well, now we’re both twenty-nine. The old jokes only work for one day a year.”
The last of his tears dripped from his chin and splashed against the headstone as he leaned down to plant a kiss beside her name. Taking a deep breath, Issei straightened up and turned away. He refused to look back until he was sitting in his car, door closed and seatbelt fastened. Only then did he glance in the rearview mirror to catch sight of the moon peeking out from behind the clouds and causing the flowers he had left to glow. Issei gripped the steering wheel tight in his numb fingers and started the engine, turning up the heat and the radio to drown out the cold silence February left behind.
It was March now. In three hours he would be home, crawling into his bed and trying to sleep. A few hours after that Sakura would surely come racing into the room with her bright smile and warm hands to chase away the gloom left behind. He would have breakfast with his two best friends and his daughter and open their cards and gifts and smile on the outside. And Matsukawa Issei would move into his sixth year without his wife.