Work Text:
Dean’s pov
“This isn’t you.”
I say, my body weakly kneeling in front of the angel staring down at me with eagerly blue eyes. My voice sounds more begging than I inteneded. My limb is now shaking as if I were barely staning on the earthquake. Vision dull, blood leaking out of my nostril, lips swelled, I can’t recognize what is there in front of me. What’s happening? But I can’t surely conclude.
My blood-stained hand moves up in an unstable way, grasping the edge of his trench coat. His angel blade in his firm hand moves up, pointing at me. My whole body tenses up, clinging to him.
“Cas, we need you,” — he doesn’t show emotion or reaction on his face, like the angel of the Lord — “I need you— I can feel you.”
Then Cas furrows his eyebrows. Upon seeing it, I sutbly smile, feeling hope that Cas would come back. Cas drops his blade, blade falling on the dusty ground with scattered thud. I sigh, relaxing my hand that has been grabbing his coat.
But something’s wrong. Cas’s eyebrows deepen, crouching down.
“I won’t compensate you, save you.”
“What?”
I abruptly get flustered, my eyes widened with a shock. My obilvious reaction seems to make him more annoyed.
“I gave you everything.”
“I remember.”
I answer queitly, trying to caress his shoulder but he halts me by grabbing my wirst. His strength feels so powerful comparing to my body that I rasp in pain.
“I rebelled for you. What I’ve done is all just for you. I threw away my honor of the angel of the Lord, giving up the serve for God. I’ve served only for you.”
He throws my wrist, making my torso jerked back severely.
“I know, Cas, I know what you did for me—”
I plea, but cough hold me back. I spits the bloody lump in my mouth. My throat feels like burning in hell like the fourty years.
All of sudden he harshly grasps my collar, dragging me closer so I can see his face better than before. I groan and feel his angry breath ghosting on my face. Feel as if my blood surges in the opposite direction.
“Cas, let me go.”
My voice cracks. But he just glares at me.
“But you’re too mean to me. Making me hurt.”
He emphasizes, gritting his teeth and dagging me even closer. His lips brush my earlob, sending me a shiver from head to toe.
"To everything. You don't even know that so far.”
He whispers angrily. And this heavy burden now sits on my heart, squeezing it — my heart throbbing, ribcage feels like it collapses slowly. I want to say sorry to him whatever stops me. I have to show him some respect. The way to worship the angels. Tears prick, my bloody hand hastily moves towards him, but Cas shakes off. Dismay washes over me.
“Sorry.”
My voice hides into the deep cave, sounds gravel and hoarse. I manage to say it with all my might.
“Sorry, sorry Cas. Sorry— I was so stupid.”
I desperately cling to him, grabbing his forearm and shoulder, But he doesn’t move like statue rooted in the ground.
“You’re stupid, Dean. I’m tired of this with you.”
Cas exhales his breath sharply. I have no choice but to wait in fear about what he’s going to do.
Then, he grabs handful of my brown hair strongly, eliciting moan from me. My eyebrows are knitted in pain, affiction soars to my head.
“Cas!”
I call his name, but recieve no answer. I have no idea about what he is doing to me, being dragged up and forced to stand up on my feet. My legs stumble.
“I’ve lived wrong life, serving you — such a pathetic thing.”
His remark pierces my heart. I want to cry or plea for him to show some mercy, but I’m so weak. That there’s no way for me to do something. Just watch and let this happen.
“I make this right, Dean. You have to disappear from my life.”
He grabs his angel blade, it reflects shiny dim light. I gasp painfully.
And blade approaches me. When it’s closer to me, I relieze he’s gonna kill me — my breath feels chocked. My vision goes obscure, only can see his emotionless face. I desperately beg, tears well up without reliezing.
“Cas, Cas— please stop… stop!”
“You deserve this,” he growls.
When the tip of blade touches my abdomen, my breath is caught. My head goes white. I don’t know what to do to stop him, so I shout what I want to say in my deep heart.
“I love you! Cas.”
And Cas suddenly stops, slightly flinching. His blue eyes now stares at me, and his head tilts as if he misheads it.
I stretch my arm and hold him by my hand right on his heart. I can feel his heart beating. I mumble by lump in my throat, and swallowing, saying again.
“I love you, I love you Cas, so much—so please stop.”
Now I’m begging him, tears dropping on my cheek then sliding down to the chin. I can see Cas hesitating. His grip on my hair loosen subtly. I lifts my other hand and detach his hand from me carefully.
“Really?”
He asks, his eyes fixed at me eagerly, the blade moved back.
“Yeah, really,” I nod passionately, moving closer to him. I know what I’m doing — my plan is to get as close as I can and do whatever he wants, such as kissing, hugging, touching, loving, and sex.
I’m dangerously too close to him. Our breath is mixed, ghosting each other’s face. Chest to chest. Crotch to crotch — I awkwardly feel angel’s bulge in his pants. Cas and I realieze we’re so dangerously close. I move my head aside so I can whisper in his ear.
“You do, Cas. You’re not like this.”
In Cas’ eyes, I can see twisting confusion in the blue sea. He blinks fast, then his eyes fixed on mine. My hand awkwardly moves up due to the insufficient space between us. And lands on his shoulder.
“You said you always watch over me, protect me. You’re angel—” I sigh, “—my angel.”
He tips his head and seems he’s considering deeply, his brain working fast. My hand smoothly moves up, my fingertips brushing his neck. His strong muscle of neck under my hand, due to his angelic power, almost manages to make me lose my mind but, I swallow as I meditate mentally.
“You’re manupulated. By Naomi. You don’t have to do this, Cas.”
I persuade, carefully starting to propel my plan to charm him while trying my best for him not to notice it. My hands now on his nape, my head slightly pulls back, I use my iconic smirk to seduce women in bar with my tilited head — instantly Cas gets strained and blushes subtly.
“Dean,” he calls my name with his voice that is gasping quietly, I can feel his gaze intensified: lust and need scatter in his blue shiny eyes, making them dark.
“You don’t know how much I love you.” I give him time to do so. Cas’ brain works swiftly with his eyes darting, Cas humming in consideration. I need him. In this apocalypse, we need angelic power desperately. Without him we couldn’t make it so far. I probably know how mean I am to him. I’ve seen him as just a inanimate warrior I call whenever Sam and I need him. Maybe It’s too much to ask him more favor for me.
At the moment, Cas suddenly twists his face, pressing his temple in pain, bending his torso as he rasps. It makes me flustered — I hastily grab his shoulder.
“Hey you okay?”
Cas tries to breathe normally, barely nodding.
“It’s… angel radio.”
Then he pauses his movement as if he hears something important. After a moment of his radio being done, he blinks so fast, lifting his bent torso up and slowly staring at me. I notice atmosphere changes like… before. I wonder what he heard about. Want to ask him. His hand holding his blade goes tighter, showing his pulse prodrunted, which makes me nervious.
“Cas?”
His name comes out of my mouth. Cas’ eyes moves down on my lips and up on my eyes.
“I love you.”
He says suddenly. And I blankly stare at him, asking him.
“What?”
His blade comes closer with shiny reflection, my eyes go widened as I open my mouth to stop him.
I can feel the sharp… no, his opened-lips on mine. Even before I percieve what just happened, he pushes me onto the wall with green vines. Surprised, my all oxygen escapes from my lung. He presses his lips on mine more soft— somewhat more possesively. He grabs handful of my brown hair, jerking back, which causes heat in my crotch to surge up to my stomach. I didn’t expect this at all, such a suddenly arousal situation stimulates me farther eventually. His lips trails over my skin, down to my neck — elicits moan from my lips. He kisses on my neck as he moans, and teeth and tongue graze as he sucks my flesh.
Then stops. Pulls back. He lets out depressed sigh as his hand on my hair pats me gently, I can’t help but look down at him with obilvious look.
“I know what you’re doing. You’re manupulating me now.”
I scramble to fix his misunderstanding rapidly.
“No, Cas. You do misunderstand—”
“No, Dean.”
He makes me shut up, his hand moving down on my chest.
“And you’re my weakness. You’re the only one who can make celestial being— me, obediant. Making me paralyzed."
I keep watching him, feeling something ominous unamed.
“I don’t get what you’re talking about…”
“…But we both know I’m an angel, warrior of the God. Eternal, divine.”
He adds, “Such being must not have the weakness. It’s considered as the corrupted.”
His grip rapidly grows stronger, holding me still. Now I fucked up. Chest feels tight, heaving. Fear now turns into intolerable one. I clutch his wrist.
“Cas, Cas!”
I try to shake him off, but I realieze I just squirm my body at the utmost like a doll in a meaningless way.
“To take a step forward, you need to disappear in my life.”
Something sharp stabs my abdomen. I groan in pain, slowly looking down at my belly. His blade stuck in me deeply. Throat instantly feels tight, Feeling betrayed, I rasps as the blade twists. I look up at him in hopelss.
“You’re the most surprising event in my enternal life ever.”
Cas says, he sounds like he tries to be looked emotionless, but I feel his human feeling in his low voice. Blade goes out, and in again. More deeply, making me cough with blood. My knees drop on my feet, falling on the cold concrete. He follows me, crouching down while blade keeps stuck in my body, which makes blood keep leaking out endlessly. I raise my hand. But weakly fall on my next side, failing to reach at him.
“Cas, you don’t…”
I trail off without a period. Cas lowers his chin. My all power is gone now. No choice, or angel. I have no choice but to stare at him. All I can do is look at him with all my might. With my love and care. Now I hate him, don’t want to see him, want to say him to fuck off in my sight. But namelss emotion doesn’t. Still loves him.
Cas looks at my blood without a word. The blood turning into red puddle beneath me. I close my eyes. The world disappears in my sight. Dark, endless world welcomes me, maybe which I see forever.
“Do you still love me?”
He ask softly. When I don’t answer, I feel his hand touching my face. Leaning in his hand I subtly nod, so subtly that he almost doesn’t notice but he does.
“This is forbidden. Human and Angel.”
He whisepers, feeling hopeless.
My heart is slowly beating, so slowly I can feel it’ll soon stop. I hope he cures me with his grace, but I know he does not do that.
“Sorry for this. Sorry.”
His words contain his sincere apology and sound shaky, and I can notice it. But it’s not enough, he does know this too.
“Sorry, and I love you more than ever.”
Cas whispers with his all heart as our foreheads meet. He loves me, but kills me. For his Heaven and responsibility of angel and saving the world.
I sleep. Forever. In his touch.
When he stands up, Naomi already stands next to him. He stares at her with blank eyes.
“Well done, Castiel.”
She says proudly. He just glares at her. He might go crazy mentally. This is the most regretful thing that he has ever done. He just killed his beloved.
“You just eliminated your weakness. You become stronger like other soliders.”
Cas tries his best not to see the dead man in front of him.
“It’s…”
He tries to speak, but a lump holds back. He wants to do something human that most people do when such situation happens. Crying. But he doesn’t know how to cry. So he just blanky stares at me, feeling something that can’t be described as Enochian. While she confidently thinks Heaven comes back its own place where it should be.
Worst day ever in his endless life.