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(You're still the one) You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(Still the one) You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss goodnight
You're still the one
The last battle it's won, not without great loss, but out of all of this…
Siuan lives.
And so does Moiraine, but that's not nearly as important for her.
If it’s real or not she can’t tell, but it’s what she can see in front of her right now, it’s what she hopes it’s real. She saw a thousand futures, some where she didn’t live to see the last battle, or where Siuan was the one that didn’t make it, and Moiraine isn’t sure she would even want to live at the end of it if Siuan wasn’t there.
But she is, Moiraine can see her, and Siuan is looking right back.
She thinks of all the times she saw her face right after waking up, smiling at her, or when she first saw her at the Amyrlin Seat, regal and stern. But right now, her clothes are covered in blood and her face is streaked with ashes, her skin is wounded and burned in some places, and she has never looked more perfect to Moiraine.
Moiraine wants to run to her but hesitates, she remembers the vows they made, of finding and waiting for each other in every life, but she also remembers hurt and heartbreak, and she wonders if all of those words and promises would be enough to hold this relationship.
She was so sure she wouldn't have the slightest chance of seeing the aftermath of this battle, she had lived enough, all to see this mission done. But now she's here, and Siuan is right here as well.
Light. Let this be real.
Siuan doesn't wait though, she runs to her and Moiraine suddenly sees herself in her arms and at this moment, feeling her body against hers, she cannot doubt that this is real anymore. They’ve made it. And she clings to Siuan hard so she doesn’t disappear.
Moiraine moves back a little to look her in the eyes, holds her face in her hands as she asks:
“Would you consider staying? With me. We spent enough time apart and now we can… would you?” Siuan gives her that look like the answer was obvious, but Moiraine needs to hear her say it or else she will doubt herself.
“Moiraine… nothing in this world could make me choose to not stay with you. It is done. We can rest now, together.”
The voices in her head are silent as Siuan kisses her forehead, and she weeps, feeling like she’s finally home.
In a bamboo hut near the river they sit in silence. They should be happy they finally have the time they fought so hard for. But they had both seen the ugliest parts of this war, lost people they loved… it will take a lot of effort and healing for these memories to not haunt them.
After long, insufferable years of barely seeing each other, not being able to send letters so frequently or communicate in any way, you would expect they would forget how it is to live together, but not with them. They must have done this in each past life because they fall into it naturally.
It's hard sometimes, they both have nightmares, Siuan wakes up screaming, remembering all she had to go through after being stilled. Moiraine panics in silence, hoping to not wake up Siuan, but she can’t help but cling to her when she dreams about her, bloodied and bruised before her head is on the ground. And Moiraine has to watch and feel everything and she wants to rip her heart out.
She never tells Siuan about those.
Other days she is numb and sleep doesn't come at all, but Siuan is always there, she stays awake with her, and with time, even on the worst days Moiraine can tell that Siuan is alive and here with her, this is real. It makes everything more bearable.
They get through it day by day. And they don’t have to do this alone. In time, they start to laugh again, Moiraine learns how to fish, even if she’s terrible at it at first, tangling the nets and not being able to catch more than small fishes, she is determined to prove she can be the perfect fishwife.
In these moments it finally feels like everything was worth it, every sacrifice they had to make that brought them to this, so she can be here with her wife.
This is one of the days where she can’t stop thinking about how far they’ve come.
Moiraine is sitting at the foot of the bed that Siuan is laying at, while lazily playing with Moiraine’s hair and looking like she's about to fall asleep.
Moiraine can't help but stare at her. Thinking of how incredible it is that after so many years, so much time apart, how she still loves and wants Siuan as badly as when they were young, and that Siuan feels the same.
“What's wrong?”
“Why would there be something wrong?”
“You're staring”
A good minute passes before she answers
“The pattern was too kind to me, letting me have this. It's more than I think I deserve”
“Don’t you think you beat yourself too much? We did what had to be done, you know that”
“I still did terrible things and-”
“Moiraine, you’re thinking too much. Just come here and let me hold you”
Moiraine sighs, knowing she will not have the last word on this. She smiles, thinks about how it’s easy to do that now, with Siuan. Even if she won’t forgive herself anytime soon, it’s easier to believe she may, eventually.
She gets up and goes to bed where Siuan now lays down with her arms open to hold her, she snuggles close to her love, sleep doesn't come easy for her usually, but on these nights, where they are impossibly close, there is no space for nightmares to reach her.