Work Text:
Today Tommy started thinking, really thinking, about his past. His childhood, his teenage years, and what he achieved in the end.
He was 5 years old when he first met Steve. Tommy had been afraid to go to kindergarten on his own. He tried not to show it. His dad told him that's a thing only 'fags' did. At that time, Tommy didn't know what it meant: But in the way his dad had spat the word out, he knew it couldn't be good.
Steve walked up to him that very first day. Introduced himself to Tommy, asked Tommy his name, and asked him to be friends. That's exactly how it went. Tommy will never forget that moment.
Him and Steve quickly had become best friends, and had many sleepovers, mostly at Steve's house. Steve's parents were never home, Steve always said they were on business trips, but Tommy didn't think too much of it.
It was his 12th birthday. His parents had been real nice to him all day, let him invite over some people. So Tommy invited over Carol and Steve, his best friend and at that time girlfriend. They were his only friends. Back then, Tommy never really had had any romantic feelings for Carol. He was pretty sure Carol also didn't. Maybe she did. He just didn't want to be left out as the only guy without a girlfriend.
At 14 Tommy realized maybe he never wanted a girlfriend. He and Carol had broken up for good, but remained friends.
At 15 Tommy and Steve were at a party. Tommy had been crushing on Steve for a few months, maybe longer, without even realizing it.
He and Steve had kissed that night. In Steve's room. Tommy will also never forget that. They dated for a few months, their relationship a secret between them. But soon enough Steve started hanging out with Nancy Wheeler. Nancy Wheeler is the one Tommy will forever blame. Thanks to her he would never have a happy future, and also thanks to himself, because he was an asshole.
At 17, Tommy oficially lost his bestfriend, ex-boyfriend, whatever you want to call it. All because maybe, maybe he had been an asshole to Steve again. Tommy regrets it, to this day. But he will always put the blame on someone, anyone else. He'd never do that, right? Tommy was bad at blaming himself. He would always find someone else to blame for something he did wrong. Just to cope. He didn't want to feel like he always did everything wrong, and was such a dick to everyone, even the ones he loved, and never wanted to lose. Ever. But Tommy realized it too late. Because Steve was gone now. Off with Nancy Wheeler, Tommy shouting at him as Steve drove away in his car, his face bruised.
At 22 Tommy found himself inlove with a guy rather unexpected, Nancy's other ex, Jonathan Byers. It was strange. It all started when he had moved to New York city, and started working as a barista at a coffee shop. He had changed as a person. Into a better person. A better version of himself. Had left Hawkins behind him. Pretended it never happened. Dropped out of school. That day Jonathan walked into the place looking at his phone, unaware it wasn't the usual guy serving him. ''The usual,'' Jonathan had said without looking up from his phone. Only when no response came, Jonathan looked up. His eyes widened. ''Is that you, Hagan?''
Well, that happened. Tommy apologized a thousand times for his behaviour and actions from years ago. Jonathan forgave him. Tommy got excited to see Jonathan everyday while he was working. He fell hard for the guy. They started hanging out more and more, outside of work. They got to know eachother better. Tommy found out Jonathan was studying at nyu, lived in a cozy apartment and was friends with Steve now.
Steve and Tommy had never made up or seen eachother again by the way.
At 23 they started dating. Tommy had asked Jonathan out. They were happy. They went to drive-in movies often, usually ending up making out in the car. They went out for dinner or lunch often. Tommy would cook for Jonathan and surprise Jonathan with a new dish after coming back from nyu almost daily. Tommy worked 2 jobs to earn enough. They went all out with valentines day presents. They'd celebrate Christmas at the Byers' place, back in Hawkins. Jonathan's mom, Joyce, was a very sweet and caring soul Tommy found out. Will was doing well and great at art. Tommy longed for a caring mom or dad, for years, and it felt like he belonged in their little family. That was the happiest Tommy had ever been.
At 27 everything went wrong.
Again.
But this time, it was different.
Jonathan got in an accident one day, on his way home. Tommy got worried. He didn't know why Jonathan wasn't home yet. Went out looking for him.
Nothing. No one.
2 hours later he got a call from the hospital.
He had died.
Jonathan was dead.
Tommy grieved him. For so damn long. So did Joyce and Will.
And Steve.
Tommy met Steve again at Jonathan's funeral. It was akward at first: In the 4 years that Jonathan and Tommy had been dating, Tommy had been avoiding Steve like the pest. ''Steve's gonna come over later, honey.'' Jonathan would say. Tommy would always go out, wandering around. Would always find an excuse to avoid Steve.
Eventually, they could talk without any akward pauses.
Tommy couldn't bring himself to apologize.
He didn't have the balls for it.
But it didn't matter: After the funeral they never talked again.
Now Tommy was 28, living alone in the apartment he once shared with the love of his life.
Tommy wasn't completely over Jonathan yet. He sat at home all day, had no damn energy to get up and go to work. Got fired from both his jobs. Got an eviction notice. Tommy couldn't bring himself to care. There was no point in continuing with everything. With life. He felt empty, he didn't know how to even explain it. But it did't matter, because he would be dead soon anyways.