Chapter Text
Kuromaku blew on the steaming hot cappuccino in front of him and took a small sip. Ahh, perfection. Sitting across from him, Spade was chugging his third black coffee.
"I wouldn't consume that much caffeine if I were you," Kuromaku warned his friend.
"Don't tell me what to do," Spade said, glaring as he banged a fist on the table.
"Alright, alright, I'm just worried for you. Let's not let this become like the chaos at home. That's why we're here in the first place."
After both Spade and Kuromaku had been rudely awoken by Waru and Felix's usual shenanigans, Kuromaku had dragged Spade to a nearby cafe - partly so they could relax, and partly to stop Spade from killing Felix and Waru.
"Let's just hope that they don't burn the place down without you around to stop them," Spade chuckled.
"If there's an emergency we could always check the server," Kuromaku reminded him.
"Oh yeah. I kind of forgot about that, I have it muted."
"You're supposed to be a moderator," Kuromaku reminded him, frustrated.
Making a server had been an idea Kuromaku came up with so that Fëdor and the clones could exchange information regarding their day to day lives that needed to be communicated, such as if the microwave wasn't working or they were running low on milk. However, the others had quickly taken to spamming the server with unnecessary messages, especially Romeo, Felix, and Waru. As the server owner, Kuromaku had appointed Fëdor and Spade as moderators to make sure things didn't get out of hand.
"Eh, they'll probably be fine," Spade said, setting his cup down.
"I think we should check just to be sure," Kuromaku frowned, picking up his phone.
💖𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸💖: selfie1836.jpg
💖𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸💖: It's a wonderful morning today! ❤️
The Original Fëdor: MY SOFA
💖𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸💖: It's okay Fedya, we can always get a new one. 😉
The Original Fëdor: WHY IS THE SOFA ON FIRE???
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: Felix did this.
PEElix: THAT'S NOT TRUE
PEElix: HEY MY NAME
RainyDaze ☂️: Hey everyone, I'm really sorry to interrupt but where do we keep the fire extinguisher?
PEElix: WHY AM I NAMED PEELIX
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: Point and laugh at the piss colored boy!
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: mepointingandlaughing.mp4
Local Furry: bananacat.gif
💖𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸💖: Gabriel, dear, I have no idea what that means but it's cute!
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: The fire extinguisher is in the kitchen, Brolly!
RainyDaze ☂️: Dante's hair caught on fire but I managed to put it out!
PEElix: HOW DO I CHANGE MY NAME BACK
RainyDaze ☂️: I checked the kitchen but I couldn't find the fire extinguisher anywhere :(
Spade: Please don't tell me those two idiots forgot to put it back after Felix sprayed Waru with it for eating his brownies last week.
The Original Fëdor: I swear on the Nechitaylo family name, if that fire doesn't kill you idiots THEN I WILL
💖𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸💖: I had nothing to do with it! It was all Felix and Waru!
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: It was your idea to pour gasoline on the couch, loverboy.
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: Dare I ask?
PEElix: He thought that since gas prices are going up, it'd make the couch "fancier".
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: It's like when Fëdor got split up, only one of us got all the brain cells!
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: I have to agree.
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: And that someone… IS THE INVINCIBLE WARU!
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: Never mind.
RainyDaze ☂️: What happened to your name? And Felix's?
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: I've been wondering that as well, actually.
The Original Fëdor: HOW ARE YOU ALL SO CALM RIGHT NOW
Spade: The server says Waru owns it now. That explains the names
Spade: Why did you give him ownership?
💖𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸💖: Yeah, you should've given it to me!
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: I did no such thing.
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: Allow me to explain my brilliant master plan. First, when I locked Kuromaku out on the balcony and stole his blazer, I found his phone in one of the pockets.
RainyDaze ☂️: You did what???
PEElix: YOU DID FUCKING WHAT
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: After that, I used the finger stains on the screen to find out his passcode.
Local Furry: How?
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: It's pretty easy actually, I just looked at those oily smudges on the screen to identify the most pressed numbers and figured it out from there.
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: I'm angry, but also impressed.
Spade: I have to admit, that is impressive.
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: After that, I went on Discord and transferred ownership to myself, and I put the phone back into his pocket so he wouldn't notice. After that, I logged into my own account and then I
(Three minutes pass with no activity in the server.)
Local Furry: Where'd you go, Waru?
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: Sorry, Fëdor just came back and I had to get this on video.
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: fëdorkickingromeo.mp4
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: fëdorpunchingfelix.mp4
PEElix: fedyastranglingwaru.mp4
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: I can see where Spade gets it from.
Spade: I'm saving those videos.
💖𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸💖: Well, since the couch is still on fire, do we have any marshmallows we can roast?
The Bum: Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat.
RainyDaze ☂️: I can pick up some marshmallows! I'm at the store looking for another fire extinguisher
PEElix: What about burgers? We could have a barbecue!
THE INVINCIBLE WARU: Can you get some Cheetos too?
Spade: Make sure to get the Flamin' Hot ones.
Kurobaka 🤓🤓🤓: You people are incorrigible.
The Original Fëdor: I'm changing my card's PIN number.