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They've been given two days. Just forty-eight hours for Hyunjin to pack and vacate the premises.
The entire apartment is quiet, save for the sounds of Hyunjin moving around and shoving his belongings into a suitcase. Chan and Changbin are helping, refolding clothes that Hyunjin has tossed inside and rearranging things around for a better fit. The others are seated in a line up against the wall, trying not to watch while being forced to inhale the clash of unpleasant scents flooding the apartment.
Felix feels close to tears. There's pressure in his throat and behind his eyes, and no amount of meditation can chase this sensation away. He hates it when Hyunjin's scent sours like this – it hasn't happened in a while, and he's reminded of his immense distaste for it now.
Then he spots Changbin picking up a set of paints, and something in him cracks.
"No," he blurts, the words forcing their way past the lump in his throat. "He doesn't like those paints. He says they're too dry and lumpy."
Changbin pauses, gaze flitting between Felix and the paints. Next to him, Jisung shifts closer, like he hopes his presence will help soothe him. It doesn't, not really, but Felix isn't about to tell him that.
"Okay," Changbin says calmly. The paints are set aside and he pointedly turns his back on them. "I won't pack those. Which does he prefer?"
Wordlessly, Felix points at a set that's sitting on a shelf in the corner of the room. He doesn't look over at Hyunjin, not when he can feel the alpha's gaze heavy on him. If he meets Hyunjin's eyes right now, he might start bawling for hours.
"Those ones," he mumbles. "He likes those."
Changbin picks them up and gets back to packing, even taking care to place the box of paints under several shirts for some padding. At this rate, Felix thinks miserably, Hyunjin will be done packing before the night's over. He didn't even need forty-eight hours.
He hunches further into himself, shoulders sagging, and the tiniest part of him feels guilty at how bad his own scent must smell now.
"Can I," Hyunjin begins, clearing his throat. "Can I leave the rest of my stuff here?"
"Of course." Chan sounds so certain, like Hyunjin will be coming back soon, like he's simply going off for a short trip. "We won't touch your things."
Felix chances a glance at the suitcase: it's already full, with just enough space for toiletries. Will Hyunjin take his shampoo and hair treatment too? The thought of not being able to smell the scent of Hyunjin's hair mixed with the man's natural scent is –
"Yongbok?"
"…Yeah?"
"Come with me for a bit?"
He goes, because it's Hyunjin and he will always go to Hyunjin. The alpha leads him to his bedroom, where Felix manages to glimpse several half-empty shelves before Hyunjin crowds him up against the closed door and fuses their mouths together.
Felix whines into the kiss, nails digging craters into Hyunjin's nape. It's not their first kiss, not by a long shot, but Felix knows this will be their last. At least for the foreseeable future, and a part of him wonders if it would've been better for his heart if he didn't follow Hyunjin into the room after all.
Hyunjin's hands feel massive around his jaw, all encompassing, and so gentle in the way he handles him.
"You won't forget me, right?"
Felix grabs two fistfuls of Hyunjin's shirt and jerks forward to close the sliver of distance between them.
"No," he forces out, biting at Hyunjin's lower lip. "Never."
He tastes the metallic tang of blood, and for some inexplicable reason, feels tears prickling in his eyes once more.
Wetness glistens on Hyunjin's cheeks the next time they part, and Felix wonders if they came from his tears or the ones currently clinging to Hyunjin's lashes. He supposes it doesn't matter.
"You need to take care of yourself, okay? Remember to eat, I know you always think you have to diet, but you're perfect as you are. Stretch before practice – do you still have the foam roller that we bought together? Don't stay up too –"
Felix presses his fingertips to Hyunjin's kiss-bruised lips.
"Stop that. You make it seem like you're never coming back." He sniffles, rather inelegantly, and brushes a tear away. "You're still gonna be here for a couple more days anyway, so stop that."
The smile that flickers across Hyunjin's face is melancholic at best.
"Yeah," he says, winding his arms around Felix's middle. His breath fans warm across the curve of Felix's neck. "I…I'll miss you."
Before today, Felix used to think that their biggest obstacle would be figuring out what they were to each other. But now that he's facing days and weeks and months ahead without Hyunjin's presence? He'd take uncomfortable conversations about labels any day.
He screws his eyes shut and curls into Hyunjin's warmth, trying to soak it all in. He'll make the next forty-eight hours count.
Except when he wakes up the next morning, Hyunjin's no longer there. His suitcase is gone, and when Felix darts into the bathroom to check, so are his toiletries. The shampoo and hair treatment have been left behind, however, squeezed into a metal rack as if nothing is wrong.
"He had to go today," Chan tells him gently over breakfast. Felix doesn't eat a single mouthful of whatever is placed before him. "He didn't know if he'd be able to handle it, staying two more days."
Felix stares down at his hands, acutely aware of a building headache currently pushing out against his temples. He wants to do many things – scream, cry, maybe drive a fist through the nearest wall. Instead, he settles for a curt nod and a quick retreat into the bathroom, where he sits on the closed lid of the toilet bowl and tries to ignore the gnawing emptiness growing in the depths of his heart.
An unknown amount of time later, a knock jerks Felix out of his misery.
"Yongbok? Can I come in and wash my face?"
Felix knows Minho wants to enter to do more than just wash his face, but gets to his feet and unlocks the door anyway. He doesn't exactly want to stay in the bathroom and listen to whatever Minho has to say, yet he can't seem to find it in himself to leave.
To his credit, Minho doesn't drag it on. As he busies himself with digging out a hairband and lathering up his facial cleanser, he tells Felix just one thing.
"Don't be too upset at him. This is hard for him, too."
"I know."
Felix watches Minho go through his entire skincare routine.
"When do we have to leave?"
As much as Felix wants time to stop so he can gather himself together, they've got schedules to go to and appearances to make. With Hyunjin's sudden hiatus, their main priority is editing their choreography for the next few episodes of Kingdom, and Felix doesn't want to be the reason for any delays that could potentially impact their performance.
"A little less than an hour," Minho answers. He squints at himself in the mirror, then shrugs at his reflection. "One day at a time, yeah? It'll get better."
"Yeah," Felix mumbles. "One day at a time."
Days pass, one day at a time, and yet things aren't getting any better.
In fact, as the days blur into weeks, Felix finds himself feeling worse. He constantly feels down and lethargy has made itself a home in his bones, and even nesting in a pile of Hyunjin's clothes while they talk on the phone hasn't helped one bit.
In the first couple of months, he pushes through Kingdom recordings out of sheer willpower alone, because it seems even the strongest coffees don't do much anymore. If it were just the constant lack of energy, Felix thinks he could manage. But at one point, being around people who aren't his members starts causing unease, and the relief Felix feels when they're back in the safety of their dorm is palpable.
It's anxiety, a tiny part of his brain informs him one night as he struggles yet again with falling asleep. Anxiety and exhaustion is a terrible mix, and Felix doesn't want to think about what's to come. It's obvious his members are worried about him – hell, if he were an outsider looking in, he'd be worried too.
They're making barely any progress on their studio recording for "Wolfgang", largely due to Felix's body shutting down whenever he steps foot into the studio and thinks about a song of theirs without Hyunjin's voice on it.
(He was punished for his lack of focus with a ban on calling Hyunjin – the wave of unbridled rage that surged within him upon learning of this was nothing like he'd ever felt before, but it crashed as quickly as it crested, for he simply didn't have the energy to sustain his anger.)
The sun rises on a random weekday like it always does, and for the first time since Hyunjin's departure, Felix wakes up in tears. He tries to burrow deeper into his old, haphazard nest but fails, and the frustration builds up so rapidly that he suddenly forgets how to breathe. His scent must have spiked something horrible, because Chan suddenly appears in his field of vision, looking harried.
"Felix? What's wrong?"
"I feel like shit," he mutters miserably. "Everything hurts, I lack the energy to do anything, my sleep's fucked, and I have zero appetite. I'm sad and angry, and I can't even call –"
A hand appears out of nowhere, and Felix watches it in slow motion as it closes around one of Hyunjin's shirts. He sees the hand retract, sees the shirt move, and when it clicks in his tired mind that it's about to be removed from his nest, he snaps.
"Don't fucking touch that," he hisses, pure fury boiling in his veins. "Get out."
"Whoa, Felix, I just think we should wash some of these –"
"Get out!"
A beat passes, then Felix sucks in a ragged breath. When he exhales, he releases both air and tears. Chan and Changbin share a look that goes unnoticed by Felix, and after Felix deflates back into his nest, Chan takes a tentative step closer.
"Felix, can I touch you?"
Felix mumbles something incoherent into his hands, a jumble of sounds and syllables that Chan deciphers as permission. He settles down onto Felix's bed, taking care to avoid touching his nest, and gently – but firmly – hauls Felix close.
"I don't feel like myself anymore. Can I call him?"
Chan's shirt sleeve is steadily getting saturated with Felix's tears.
"I know," Chan soothes, patting Felix on the back. He pointedly ignores Felix's question and instead asks one of his own, "But we should really get some of these clothes washed, yeah? What if I traded these clothes for a newly scented batch from Hyunjin? Would that be okay?"
At the mention of Hyunjin's name, Felix's body tenses.
"We won't send these away until we get the new clothes," Chan promises, "so you'll have a nest the whole time, yeah?"
Logically, Felix knows it's a great deal. But the illogical part of him, which just so happens to dominate his psyche at the moment, is reluctant to part with these clothes.
Chan doesn't press for an answer, patient as he lets Felix mull the suggestion over and over.
"Okay," Felix mumbles eventually, "but I must have the new batch before these go."
As soon as he finishes speaking, Felix hears Changbin exit the room, likely off to find a way to fulfil Chan's promise. Surrounded by rumpled clothes that smell more like his own scent than Hyunjin's, Felix lets Chan hold him until he falls into a restless sleep.
"We might need to speak to a professional about this," Minho says, looking over his shoulder at the closed door of Felix's room. Felix has been bedridden for days upon days now, and if they haven't already pre-recorded all of their Kingdom episodes, there's a high chance they would've had to drop out of the competition. He turns back to the rest of the group and throws his hands up in the air. "This is highly abnormal."
They've been relying on information from Hyunjin's mother since, and from her succinct reports, it seems like Hyunjin isn't faring much better than Felix is. The alpha's unusually irritable, and in order to avoid taking it out on his family, he had to resort to buying a treadmill for the home just so he could work off the unwanted energy.
(A sign that something is really wrong? Kkami has been avoiding him like the plague, the pup's animalistic instincts warning him to stay far away. )
"Yeah," Chan sighs, dragging a hand down his face. "We should send some of Felix's clothes over along with Hyunjin's, see if having Felix's scent helps him calm down somewhat. I'll talk to our staff tomorrow, see if we can schedule a meeting with a doctor who specialises in stuff like this."
"What even is stuff like this," Jeongin bemoans, slumping into Seungmin's side. "None of us has ever experienced or witnessed anything like this before. Do you guys know it took me almost half an hour to wake him up yesterday? Half an hour! And let's not even talk about how his scent has been all over the place."
"Exactly why we need professional help." Chan's thumbs fly over the screen of his phone, brows knitting together before they eventually smooth out. He looks up to see his members staring at him. "Okay, just submitted the order for a batch of newly scented clothes. Apparently Hyunjin's thrilled he can be of use; his mother has opted not to tell him about Felix's condition, lest it worsens his temperament."
Jisung sinks into their lumpy couch, gaze skyward.
"I feel really bad for them. The situation itself – the hiatus and not being able to see each other – is shitty enough as it is, but dealing with all these symptoms on top of that?"
"The worst part is they didn't even have time to figure their shit out before Hyunjin left."
The sound of Chan's phone locking rings loud in the silence.
"We'll figure it out," he says. He doesn't quite know if the confidence in his voice is genuine or otherwise. "Whatever this is. We'll figure it out and we'll get through it."
Three days later, Chan wakes up to two bags of clothes by the front door and a text message from their manager confirming his appointment with one of the company's in-house doctors.
Armed with his treasures, he ventures back into their room and settles down for yet another long attempt at waking Felix up. It's an uphill battle – if it wasn't for the tiny frown gracing Felix's face, anyone would think he's fully unconscious. Chan ultimately manages to get him to open his eyes after twenty minutes, and it's a feat only achievable thanks to a freshly scented shirt pressed to Felix's face.
"…Hyun? S'that you?"
"No, Felix, I'm sorry. But we got a whole bunch of clothes for you, do you want to build a new nest?"
Felix pushes himself upright, pallid skin flushed red with fever.
"Okay," he mumbles. His fingers close around the shirt and he breathes in the thick cloud of Hyunjin's scent. It calms him immediately, a balm for his heated skin, and he wants nothing more than to soak in it. "Mine?"
"Yeah, Felix. He scented all these for you. Can I send the old clothes off to be washed?"
A nod, and Chan deposits both bags of clothes onto the bed before he leaves the room, giving Felix privacy to arrange his nest exactly how he wants it.
He's managed to get them a day off under the pretence of tweaking Wolfgang. Everyone else, apart from him and Changbin, has left for practice anyway, although he suspects it's more to give Felix space than wanting to dance the same choreography for hours.
Felix's old nest lies scattered across the floor. Chan and Changbin get to work, folding each article of clothing and placing them into the bags that the new clothes came in.
"When's the doctor's appointment?"
"I'll leave in…forty minutes? Drop these off with someone who can get it sent to Hyunjin's place, then I'll head to the doctor's."
"Alright. While you're there, I'll try to get him to eat something."
They finish up in silence, and when Chan checks in on Felix after, he finds that the younger is sound asleep once more.
"He looks a little better," Chan whispers to Changbin as they peer around the doorway. "Don't you think? He looks like he's actually having a restful sleep."
"Probably because of all the pheromones he's inhaling. Might wanna mention this to the doctor."
"Don't worry, I have a list of notes. I'm off – take care of him."
Changbin walks him to the door. "I hope you get some answers. God knows we need some answers."
Chan returns home a few hours later with his head swimming, and opens the door to see his members all gathered in the living room. Even Felix is there, bundled up in one of Hyunjin's sweaters that dwarfs his small frame. He's nibbling on a cracker topped with canned tuna, attention fixed on the television that's playing a movie on Netflix.
Everyone else turns to look at Chan, trying not to look too hopeful.
"We've got an answer," Chan declares, yanking his mask off. "And it's a doozy."
He doesn't beat around the bush, striding over to the middle of the room and placing himself in front of the television so Felix has to look at him, too.
"You and Hyunjin are soulmates."
The seconds tick by like sludge. Chan can see Felix struggling to make sense of his words, the pile of tuna atop his cracker clinging desperately to the crumbly surface.
In the end, it's Seungmin who goes, "Soulmates?"
"Yes. I think that term is pretty self-explanatory, so I'm going to explain something that isn't quite self-explanatory."
He steps closer to Felix, careful in his movements so he doesn't startle the other. After prying the cracker from Felix's fingers and passing it over to the nearest person, he continues.
"You're soulmates, but because there isn't an active bond, the sudden and prolonged departure of your mate is giving rise to all of these symptoms. The mood swings, the lethargy, the lack of appetite – they're all meant to act as alarms, to remind you to return to each other. It's a faux bond, so to speak, and the symptoms will only fade when you're in proximity again."
He pauses there, partly to give Felix time and partly to dig through his pockets for the pack of medicine he's been given. Hyunjin's gotten medication of his own, and Chan dropped those off with Hyunjin's mother before heading back home.
"I'm going to speak to management tomorrow to try and get a timeline on when Hyunjin can come back. But for now, take this once a day after dinner –" he presses a blister pack into Felix's hands, followed by a nondescript spray bottle, "– and spray this over your scent glands in the morning."
Felix flips the blister pack around and around in his grasp.
"I'm not as surprised as I should be," he rasps, voice rough from disuse. "I feel something with him that I've never felt before. But I attributed it to being older, or perhaps more experienced in life. Soulmates are rare, aren't they? They're barely included in school curricula now."
He trails off, looking down at the medicine in his hands.
"It helps, knowing." He looks up at Chan, the shadows under his eyes catching the light. Then he smiles. "Thank you."
The number of days left to the final episode of Kingdom can be counted on one's fingers.
Felix's condition has improved significantly with the help of the medication, but the doctor has warned that they can only be used for a short period of time and are by no means a solution to the problem at hand. As a result, Chan has been on their management's ass regarding Hyunjin's return, and he thinks they're close to finally getting a fixed date.
In fact, they're packing up to head home after a long day in the studios when he gets a text from one of their managers. Chan reads the text once, then twice, then blinks at his screen.
"Hyunjin will join us for "Mixtape: Oh"."
He hears a thud behind him, and he turns to see Felix rubbing furiously at his hip. Everyone else looks just as surprised as he feels.
"Hyunjin's what? He's coming back?"
"We'll have a meeting once Kingdom wraps to discuss the changes for the timeline." Chan studies Felix, takes in the colour in his cheeks and the straight line of his shoulders. "But let's focus on this performance first – he'd want us to do this right."
Felix wets his lips. When he nods in agreement, it's with a new light in his eyes.
"Yeah, okay. We'll do it right and we'll do it good."
They're getting their hair and make-up done when Felix notices Jisung walking over to Chan's side. The two converse in quick, hushed whispers, eyes fixed on the glowing screen of Jisung's phone. He's struck with the normalcy of the scene, because how many times has he seen 3RACHA (in any of the possible combinations) discussing music while getting ready to perform?
That single moment feels so ordinary that when the door opens and Hyunjin walks in, Felix takes far too long to react.
In fact, it's only when Hyunjin's right next to him and he can feel the other's body heat that everything hits him in full force. He surges out of his seat, nearly knocking a whole bunch of make-up products off the vanity in front of him in his haste, and all but collides with the solidity of Hyunjin's chest.
His grip on Hyunjin as he clutches the other close must border on painful, but he can't help it. With every ounce of energy he exerts, he gets extra confirmation that Hyunjin's here, and he knows Hyunjin isn't about to get him to stop.
He hears voices and movements all around him, but he doesn't care about what's happening – that is, until Hyunjin noses at his scent gland and says, "I don't get a kiss?"
Felix jerks back, hand already halfway to Hyunjin's mouth to shut him up when he realises that the room is empty. He doesn't know who got the room to clear out, but he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
The first press of their lips settles something deep inside him. It's impossible not to yearn for more, and he groans low in his throat when Hyunjin opens up and lets him have just that.
It's been months since they last kissed, but it's easier than breathing. Hyunjin tastes sweeter than he remembers, smells richer than all of the clothes in his nest combined. His senses are on fire, heart racing and teeth aching –
"I want to bite you so badly," Hyunjin says, quietly but firmly, the words passing from tongue to tongue. "You'd let me, right?"
Felix inhales, lungs full of his alpha's scent right from the source.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'd let you."
Hyunjin's hands are warm on the sides of his face, and Felix cannot help but think back to the night before he left. Such a familiar sensation, and yet so different in so many ways. This time, however, he basks in it.
A kiss lands on the tip of his nose and another on the corner of his eye.
"We'll probably need to be part of a dozen meetings before they'd even consider letting us," Hyunjin says, thumb tracing the shape of Felix's mouth. "But I'm willing to go to all of them if you are."
"They'll have no choice but to let us. Doctor's orders."
Hyunjin smiles, and Felix takes this time to give his mate(!) a proper once-over. His hair is still long, healthier thanks to the lack of products and bleach for months. He's lost a bit of weight, but Felix supposes that's to be expected considering what they've both been going through. Otherwise, he looks as good as Felix remembers.
"I don't look as good as you do," Hyunjin says, and Felix blinks. Did he say all that out loud? "You're just easy to read."
Felix flushes. "No, I'm not. It's just you."
The smile that spreads across Hyunjin's face is a world treasure.
"It is," he agrees. "It's definitely just me."
A knock on the door sounds then, shattering their temporary bubble of privacy.
"Guys?" It's Changbin, his voice passing through the door clearly. "I'm afraid we don't have much time left before we're due on stage, and we need to finish getting ready."
"Okay," Felix calls. "You guys can come in."
He gives Hyunjin's hand a squeeze.
"I'll be watching," Hyunjin says, taking a slow step back. "You guys will go home winners, I know it."
"We," Felix corrects. As the other members and staff flood back into the room, he settles back into his recently vacated seat. "We will go home winners."
They do go home winners, and Felix has never been happier. Truth be told, he's not sure how much of the joy comes from winning, not when he also gets to go home with Hyunjin right by his side.
It's a one-night event because they've yet to settle the details regarding Hyunjin's return, but this is more than good enough for now.
After rushing through a shower together that consists of more elbows and laughter than soap suds, they find themselves squeezed around the dining table and digging into food that Hyunjin's mother had sent over while they were out.
For the first time in a long time, Felix feels ravenous. He wolfs down whatever is placed in front of him, going until there's no food left and everyone else is looking at him in mild shock.
"Uh," he begins. "I think my body really needed that."
"Do you want more food?" Jisung hops out of his chair and makes for the cupboard where they store their hoard of ramyeon packs. "We still have your favourite. You haven't had it in a while."
Felix turns to Hyunjin. "Can you make it? I like the way you make it."
He can see himself in Hyunjin's eyes, and it's a wonderful sight. Those very eyes crinkle, with joy, with mirth, with love.
"Yeah, I can make it."
Off he goes, puttering about the kitchen like he'd never left, and Felix takes a few moments to think about how the last few months have gone. Because Hyunjin did leave and things did change, and while he would never want to go through that again, the silver lining might've made their struggles worth it.
They've never had the chance to talk about what they mean to each other, not when their days are constantly packed and having a discussion this charged would require more energy than they could give.
But now? Now they don't even need to have a discussion, not when biology has done all the talking for them. A part of him does wonder what it would've been like if they did have that conversation, but he would be a fool to complain about how things turned out.
The familiar aroma of his favourite ramyeon floats over to him. Something in his heart flutters.
Jisung glances up at him.
"Wow, I don't think your scent has been this sweet in a long time. Is it the food or is the person making the food?"
"The food," Felix laughs. It feels good to laugh again. "Definitely just the food."
From his spot by the stove, Hyunjin tosses him a pout. That's alright, Felix thinks, he'll simply have to kiss it off later.