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Calix didn’t know how to love.
The very ground beneath his feet, the sky above his head, the stars far beyond what he could ever possibly see; in his eyes, they all had a function. A ‘reason’, may it be.
In his eyes, the smaller things did not have those reasons.
Love was one of those things. In the smoldering eyes of Calix Valefar, love had no reasoning. It was just something. A concept that life made up to feel less lonely.
And oh, oh, then it happened. And then he was judged.
The day that his commander introduced him to Willow was the worst day of his life. The day that he was slapped in the face, hard, by the stern hand of reality. And right after, was comforted by the gaze of pure, unadulterated love.
He loved the way Willow cradled his face.
He loved the way Willow would just look at him sometimes. Just for no reason at all.
He loved the way Willow occasionally returned to him with a rose proudly clutched between her fingers, held out for him to accept.
He loved the way Willow had such a tight, yet ever-gentle grip on his very being.
He adored her.
And for some reason, all those things were the worst realizations he’d ever had.
It was utterly overwhelming. It felt like drowning. It felt like being suffocated, trapped in an enclosed space that he didn’t want to leave at the same time. It was too much.
And to his absolute horror, that enclosed space had eventually become too suffocating.
Pathetic, he thought, tears shamefully streaming down his face, hands trembling and clutched around the same hands that endlessly brought him warmth, no matter how much he demanded.
“I love you so much and I don’t know what to do about it.”
He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell and thrash and screech until that pathetic feeling was gone.
And yet, at the same time, he wanted it to stay. He wanted to feel, everything and anything he could, no matter how hard it stung.
And at worst, he knew that whatever he truly did, she’d always take his hand and guide him through it with that kind, otherworldly gaze that he didn’t even deserve to look into.
But, here and now, he could find something else in that eye of hers.
Confusion.
Guilt.
Sorrow.
Fear.
Willow wasn’t a being of this world. Born with the unfortunate fate of quite literally being sculpted by the hands of the deities themselves, she stepped onto the earth fully grown, yet knowing little to naught. And for that she had been punished by the very beings who decided that fate for her.
Heavens know how she was so kind. How she managed to mimic a smile without the presence of a mouth. How she’d go out of her way to understand, to feel what others felt just to know.
Willow loved him. Calix knew she did. And it was because of that fact that she had been just as perplexed as he was.
”Then don’t.”
And that almost broke him.
It was embarrassing and foolish. Sobbing in the arms of his beloved with hands clutched at her flesh, made of light with a soft glow that had only been intricately placed amongst the list of all the other things he adored about her.
“Weep only if it is what you wish. But please, spare my gaze from yours whilst doing so.”