Chapter Text
“Stop kissing me, Percy!” Annabeth shoved him away gently – she did not mean that and of course he knew that. Both didn’t seem able to be far away from each other – “I need to get back to my cabin; it’s already past bedtime”
Percy just looked at her, green eyes boring into her grey ones “Stay” he simply said, voice laced with affection and something deeper, love.
The war made him more protective, more attentive. Sometimes he found himself looking at her from a distance, just to make sure that she’s safe. Every time they hugged, he held her more firmly, repeating himself that she’s there with him. It’s not a dream, she’s alive. And they were together.
“You know that I cannot stay, we’ll see each other in the morning” she murmured softly, caressing his face. Her fingers felt like feather on his skin; he wanted nothing more than keeping her here forever. Just them, alone, in the privacy of his cabin.
He never realised how alone he felt inside cabin three before Annabeth started to spend her time there. Sometimes they weren’t even doing anything, they were just there enjoying each other company.
“Kiss me one last time before going” he pleaded, smiling.
She smiled back, and Percy melted. He loved her, more than anything. She was his anchor to the mortal world. He fought a war, he defeated Kronos and still, the most important thing in his eyes was her, not the new founded peace, not that the Gods were willing to help their children. None of that stuff mattered to him, he wanted her safe, he needed her alive. And he needed her to be by his side forever.
The thought of losing her still scared him more than death. When she got stabbed to protect him, watching her bleed into the ground, eyes watering in pain: he felt like his heart was getting pulled out of his chest and stomped on. A world without her, was a world Percy had no intentions of living in. He was nothing without Annabeth, she was the one that was keeping him sane, human.
“Are you still with me?” there was worry in her voice, and he immediately felt sick. He so caught up in his head, for non-existent problems that he forgot that she was here, that she was alive. That she was safe.
“Sorry. I was thinking about the war. About you.”
She hummed, taking a minute to herself, it was still hard talking about this war. They lost so many friends, all of them so young. It was painful, but still they were alive and together, so Annabeth thought that it could’ve gone much worser “I’m here. We are here together Percy. I’m alive” she reassured him, her soft hand holding his.
He took a deep shaky breath. “I love you, Beth. More than anything. I am nothing without you.”
She felt like words weren’t enough to explain how she felt about him, so she kissed him. Her lips saying things she could not put into sentences.
His strong hands were holding her waist, keeping her closer. “I love you more”
“That’s downright impossible miss Chase” his mouth was laced against her lips a second later, they seemed to not be able to get enough of each other.
Annabeth detached herself from his soft lips. “I really need to go”
He scoffed but detangle himself from her. “I’ll walk you to your cabin then. So, I can give you a goodnight kiss”
Her smile almost blinded him, and her soft laugh almost killed him on the spot. His heart was ready to explode. “If you insist Jackson. I’ll let you walk me, and I’ll let you kiss me goodnight”
✱
Percy woke up alone, no knocks on his door.
That was strange. Annabeth was usually awake at the crack of dawn, knocking on his door, ready for the day ahead.
She was probably still sleeping, he thought, it was rare for her to sleep in, but it was not uncommon. Also, it was late in the night when he finally caved in and walked her to the Athena’s cabin.
Well, it was nice to create new traditions: Percy woke up before his beloved girlfriend.
As he walked towards cabin six, he saw Mason – one of Beth’s brothers – passing by. He looked quite anxious, but it was normal, they were teenager who had fought a war not even one month ago.
“Hey Mase! Is Annabeth still sleeping?”
His anxious vibe became even more noticeable after Percy’s question. The latter started to get worried too, did something happen? Why did no one come to wake him up immediately?
“I thought she spent the night in your cabin” he explained, his eyes focused on the tip of his shoes.
Percy took a deep, shaky breath. Something did happen. “I walked her back to her cabin last night. She did not want to spend the night; it was against the rule she said”
Mason – despite himself – laughed a little “Yeah that sounds like her”
Percy, on the other hand, was not laughing. Not even a little. Nothing about this situation seemed funny to him. “Great to see that you can still find something funny out of this.”
He was angry, maybe angrier that he ever felt in his entire life. Deep inside of him he knew that Mason’s laugh was worry driven but still, he was hating him for laughing during what would become the worst morning of his life.
“I’m sorry Perce. You know how much I care about Annabeth. I’ll help you search, without a doubt!” Mason fumbled on his words. The look Percy was giving him was making him feel so small and insignificant. “She’s probably out in the woods, she goes there when the world feels too heavy on her shoulders”
“You don’t care enough!” Percy was shouting. If the world was too heavy Annabeth would’ve come to him, she needed him as much as he needed her.
He was causing a scene, he could feel eyes on his skin. Watching with interest the scene unfolding. It was unlike him to lose his temper with another camper. With a friend to be exact.
“Percy. You need to calm down! She’s probably with Chiron, or as I already said in the woods.” Mason tried to resonate with his friend – even though he was not sure Percy would call them friends right now –
His nostril flared. His green eyes were dark with anger. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do!”
“Sometimes she simply doesn’t want to be found. She’s her own person, we don’t keep tabs on her twenty-four seven” Mason spoke gently, trying to make his point without offending his interlocutor.
“She’s my person! And someone took that away from me.” His voice was trembling; he almost looked as if was trying not to cry. “I need to find her. I can’t live without her!”
“We’ll find her. She’s here for sure. She wouldn’t leave camp without talking to you first”
✱
The woods for the first ever felt hostile. And they were completely silent, not even a murmur could be heard.
He had lost track of time: he anxiously paced every mile of these damn woods and there was no trace of his girlfriend. It’s like she vanished into thin air, and Percy thought that was impossible. How could a person simply vanish without leaving any traces behind.
If she wanted to leave camp, he would’ve known. She would’ve told him.
That was so unlike her, she loved this camp. That’s the only place she ever considered home. That’s the place they could be together safely, without a worry.
No, he assured himself in his mind, she hadn’t decided to leave him. Someone took her away from him, and from camp.
“If you can hear me, wherever you are, I miss you. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I failed” he murmured in the wind “It should’ve been me. Not you.”
A sob escaped his lips. “I’m so deeply sorry. Annabeth, I failed you.”
By then he was a mess. His eyes were red with the tears he tried so hard to hold – didn’t want anyone to see how frail he could be, that was a side only Annabeth could see –
His breath was ragged, short. One hand was holding his chest, he was in such pain he thought that he was going to die in these woods, alone and scared.
For the first time ever, he let himself be weak. He was just a boy, and he had never felt more alone.
He was sixteen and he had already suffered a lot. He fought and won a fucking war. He watched friends fall dead on the ground. He had nightmares keeping him awake every night, he could still hear Clarisse’ scream when Silena died. He heard the Apollo cabin crying mostly every evening because of the losses they felt.
And it was his fault.
He was the chosen one, the hero the prophecy talked about, and he dragged all of them into that hell. And he came out of it, but most didn’t, and he’ll never know peace because of it.
The most peace he had known was this month passed with Annabeth by his side, but he probably didn’t deserve it. And the Gods had punished him, taking her away from him.
Another sob escaped, his hands pulling at his dark curls “Please. Take me instead, she just doesn’t deserve to be far from her home”
“Percy” a gentle voice called for him, but he was too emotionally drained to care, too busy crying and begging the Gods to let her go “Percy please, let’s go back to camp. Tomorrow we’ll search again, you’ve been gone for hours.”
Percy could only sob louder, he’s been in the woods for hours and he made no progress in his search, he had just cried like a loser; but still, the only sentence he could mumble in response was the same that he’s been repeating in the air for the last hour. “They took her away from me.”
“I know. I am so sorry Percy”
Finally, he found the strength to look in the direction of the voice, and there stood a blond-haired boy, his gentle blue eyes filled with compassion.
Will had lost so much during the war but had still a gentleness in his eyes that was admirable. Percy envied him, he was not compassionate, he was just so angry.
“Let’s go back to camp. You need some rest”
Percy nodded, slowly rising to his feet, he had cried so hard he fell to his knees - or maybe he was on his knees because he was begging the gods or whoever was listening to help him –
“Tomorrow we’ll search outside camp, New York is a big city but maybe we are lucky enough to find some clues, or find her even better”
Percy liked the idea of finding his girlfriend, and Will was right. If she was not at camp, she had to be out in the streets of New York. “Yeah. Tomorrow sounds good”
✱
Once he got back in his cabin, all the hope he felt thinking about the tomorrow’ search disappeared. He was – again – alone with his thoughts. And nothing was more dangerous for him than be alone with himself.
“Father if you can hear me, please give me a sign. Anything, just tell me that she’s safe. I don’t need to know exactly where’s she is, you probably cannot tell me but I need to know that she’s safe” he pleaded, sadness and worry laced his voice “Please, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t vital for me.”
Silence.
“Dad please. You know how much I care about her. I turned down fucking immortality for her. I could have been a god, but I’m not because I couldn’t stomach the idea that one day I had to watch her die.
Today was one of the hardest day in my life, and I’m a mortal. Doing this for the rest of eternity, living without her, would be hell for me.
So please just tell if she’s alive. If she’s fucking safe, for gods sake.”
Silence.
“Fuck you. How can you even call yourself my father when you’re actively leaving me in hell! I’m your son and you’re refusing to help me!
I hate you!”
“I fought a damn war for you and all your ungrateful relatives. I hate you, and all of them!”
When nothing but more silence occurred, Percy fell to his bed defeated. Tears brimming his eyes for the third time today.
What a shame: the most powerful demigod alive was only capable of crying.
“Please. I already lost her one time. I cannot do this again.
Please someone tell me she’s safe. I know you are all sitting on your shiny fucking thrones listening to me crying and begging. Does it make you strong ignoring a boy pleading for your righteous help?
I surely hope it does, because it would be such a displeasure to find out that the Gods you've fought for are truly the assholes Luke was talking about!”
The mention of his former friend Luke made him wonder if he had been right all along. Maybe the Gods really did not care about their children, mayba they cared only when their interests were at risk.
He hated himself for thinking this way, but he was blinded with rage and hatred. And honestly he couldn't care any less about all the hateful things he was saying and thinking.
If making the Gods mad were the only way to make them listen to him then so be it. If they really didn't care about him, fine, but he sworn to himself to never help them again.
of refusing to help.
Both could play the game.
In the dim light of his cabin he found himself thinking about the first time that he lost her. He could still remember how afraid he felt. How helpess he was.
Percy was fourteen when it happened.
They were at a school dance with Thalia and Grover, they were on a quest, but when he and Annabeth were forced on the dancefloor – to make their alibi as student more plausible - for a moment he forgot while they were there. He just cared about her, about her arms wrapped around his neck, his hands on her waist.
They danced only half a song before Thalia’s shout had interrupted them, bringing them back to reality. They had two young demigods to save, they were not there to enjoy each other company, even though Percy desired nothing more than that.
He had wished he could be a normal kid, doing normal things like school dances.
He remembered fighting against monsters, shouting and screaming. And then she was gone.
She climbed on Dr. Thorn, her knife firmly in her hand. But then the hunters released their arrows causing them both to fall off a cliff.
For the first time he realised how angry he could get. How much hatred he felt when she was not there with him. She was his anchor to sanity.
He vividly remembered how mad he had gotten when Nico - one of the two demigods - started asking question about Annabeth.
"If she was so smart why did she fell of a cliff" it took a lot of mental focus, from him, to simply ignore the question and not throw the kid off the damn cliff too.
For the first time ever his world was all dark. There was no light in a world without Annabeth. He had felt completely lost, like someone took away his compass and now he had no idea where to go.
It was a heavy world to live in for a fourteen year old boy.
And now he was experiencing darkness for a second time. And it nwas not easier. He was sixteen, and still felt as afraid as he did two years prior.
His heart felt heavy and crushed.
He had held the sky on his shoulders and still, that was nothing compared to the heaviness he was feeling right now.
“Please. Take me instead.
Bring her back.” He pleaded one last time, using the last bit of energy he had left in his tired body.
If Percy had known beforehand how much sadness heroes could experience, he would’ve wished to never become a hero.
Glory was nothing when all it left you was suffering.
How could the most powerful demigod alive be so fucking helpless.