Chapter Text
at six years old, you are already a force to be reckoned with.
your voice carries. your laughter echoes. your emotions arrive unfiltered and immediate, crashing into rooms before you do.
you are sunburnt skin and untied laces and perpetually scarred knees that never fully heal. you talk with your hands. you pout dramatically. you argue even when you are wrong because you would rather die than admit that you are.
you are not afraid of anything.
or at least that it what you think.
your father says you've always been headstrong.
your mother says you've always been stubborn.
you think you've simply always been right.
it is at the tender age of six that you will first meet a boy with a temper as fiery as yours, not knowing then or until many, many years later that he would become the person most special to you.
—⋆˚꩜｡
during the summer before first grade, your farther announces that you're going on a camping trip with him and 'an old friend from before you were born,'. you don't hear the nostalgia in his voice, instead your childish mind hears the word trip and your mind instantly fills with excitement.
the drive to shinganshina takes what feels like forever.
and it is in this town hours away from your home in liberio that for the first time you saw him standing on the porch of his house.
carla jaeger had opened the door with a warm smile that made you feel immediately welcomed. she'd smelt of flowers and laundry detergent and cherries, and you had decided you liked her almost immediately.
eren however, had not liked you.
he had been standing half-hidden behind her, small fingers curled tightly into the fabric of her skirt. the cotton bunched in his fist as he peered out from behind her hip studying you with sharp eyes as if you were some rare animal.
you had stared back at him and he almost instantly looked away, his sun kissed skin glowing a faint pink.
coward.
that was what you thought eren jaeger was.
you didn't hide behind your mom.
you climbed trees to high and jumped off swings midair and let your knees bleed without crying.
eren looked at you like you might bite him.
you dared him silently to step forward.
he didn't.
war began quietly.
—⋆˚꩜｡
you sit in the backseat of your father's car with your chin pressed to the warm window glass, leaving a faint fog of breath that disappears as quickly as it forms. they sky is an endless expanse of blue, streaked with thin white clouds that look like cotton candy.
your eyes scan constantly. left. right. up.
you're looking for silver streaks.
you always are.
your grandmother had once told you that if you see a thousand airplanes before you turn eighteen, you get one wish—a real one. the kind that counts.
you were four when you first learnt that and you have been counting ever since.
"there!" You should suddenly, shaking your palm against the window hard enough that the sound echos through the car.
your father states in the drivers seat, glancing up instinctively as if he might see what you see from his limited angle. "what is it silly monkey?"
"a plane!" you bean, leaning so far forward your seatbelt digs into your shoulder. "that's 138!"
"already?" he laughs, shaking his head. "do you even know what you're going to wish for when you hit a thousand."
you shake your head no, even though you know what you want to wish for. you wish to be older. you can't wait to be grown up so you can go on as many adventures as you want without having to come home before the sun sets.
beside you, the boy shifts in his seat.
you glance at him for what feels like the thousandth time.
eren jaeger.
six years old, just like you.
dark hair that falls messily into his eyes no matter how often he pushes it back. long lashes that make him look almost delicate until he narrows his gaze and something sharp flickers in the pools of green blue.
he has not spoken for nearly an hour.
he stares out his own window with a look that suggests he's bored out of his mind, which was terribly unfortunate since there was still another three hours left in your journey to the mountain camp site.
"what's that even for?" he asks without turning toward you.
you twist in your seat dramatically, eyes widening with excitement. "when i get to one thousand, I get to make a wish."
he turns his head then, fully. green eyes meeting your for the first time since the drive began. they are not soft or warm like the eyes of most children your age.
"that's stupid."
your mouth falls open in genuine offense. "hey!"
from the front, grisha sighs, half amused, half exasperated. "eren. how many times do i have to tell you to be nice to others."
eren rolls his eyes—a full, deliberate motion—and turns back to the window.
you cross your arms tightly over your chest, huffing louder than necessary.
you decide you hate him. eren jaeger is a stupid boy who doesn't like to have fun.
—⋆˚꩜｡
the campsite smells of crushed pine needles, smoke, and fishy lake water.
when you step out of the car, the air wraps around you in heavy, humid layers. the clearing is wide, circled by towering trees that stretch impossibly high, their leaves whispering against one another in the late afternoon breeze. a shimmering lake sits beyond them, the water calm as it reflects the sky like a mirror.
Your sneakers sink slightly into the dirt as you walk.
The ground is uneven.
You like that.
Eren does not comment on any of it. He simply grabs his small backpack and walks ahead without waiting.
You stick your tongue out at his back.
—⋆˚꩜｡
the first day is competitive without either of you saying it aloud.
he finds a stick.
you find a bigger one.
he balanced across a fallen log, arms hour for stability.
you do cartwheels on it.
he climbs a tree halfway.
you climb higher.
even as bark scrapes your palm and sticky sap coats the raw skin of your fingers. you don't cry. you don't look down. and when you finally jump, you land harder than you mean to, knees jarring. nevertheless you stand straight immediately and look over to eren with a shit eating grin.
he watches you carefully as if he's waiting for you to fall.
you don't.
when he skips a rock across the lake three times, he smirks.
when you skip it four, his jaw tightens.
it's almost impressive how expressive he is without using his words.
—⋆˚꩜｡
by the third day, you and eren are sworn enemies without having to agree upon it.
the sun begins to dip earlier. the light turns warmer, softer, filtering through trees in golden streaks that catch on floating dust and drifting insects.
your fathers decide to fish one last time, leaving you and eren in the clearing where your tents had been set up.
"don't go past the clearing," your dad warns sternly, pointing to a cluster of large stones that mark the invisible boundary.
eren kicks at a rock and instantly lets out a loud yelp, hopping around as he grips onto his foot clearly having hurt himself. you watch as he flails around like a fish out of water before tripping on a piece of wood, falling back onto his back with a hard thud.
a loud laugh escapes you as you run over, sticking your hand out to him.
"are you okay?" you ask, still laughing as he glares up at you.
to your surprise, eren slaps your hand away, pushing off the ground himself before storming off.
"hey! where are you going?" you call after him.
"better wood!"
"huh? but there's wood right here?"
"not good wood though!"
you mutter something under your breath about him being a sore loser, not paying any attention as he crosses over the boundary and disappears into the tree line.
you gather sticks carefully, stacking them into a neat pile. you hum to yourself, toes digging into the first. a dragonfly hovers near your ankle. the lake laps gently at the shore.
time stretches on, the sky turning pink and orange as the sun begins it's descent.
you don't notice that eren's gone until you look up to brag about how many more sticks you collected than him.
but as your eyes frantically search the clearing for the boy with dark hair and blue-green eyes, your stomach dips in a way you don't know how to explain.
all you know is that it is not a good feeling.
"eren?" you call out loudly, expecting him to suddenly appear.
he doesn't.
you drop the sticks you'd been carrying and sprint towards the lake, your chest tight with fear. you have never felt fear before. you do not like it. not one bit.
"dad! dad eren is gone!"
everything changes at once.
your fathers smile disappears. grisha stands too quickly, rod clattering against stone.
"stay in the tent." your dad warns firmly.
you nod.
you do not stay.
—⋆˚꩜｡
the forest at dusk is nothing like what it is during daylight.
shadows stretch longer than they should. the spaces between trees look deeper, darker. every snapped twig sounds amplified, every rustle of leaves has your heart racing.
"eren!" you shout, voice bouncing unevenly between trunks.
you do not know how long you've been searching. quiet frankly, you do not care. you may hate eren jaeger more than you hate vegetables and folding your laundry, but none of that matters to you at this moment.
"hey!"
your head snaps toward the sudden call, hope blooming in your chest and you follow the sound blindly, pushing past branches that scratch at your arms and draw blood.
you find eren at the base of a massive oak tree, fallen into a shallow cave carved into the roots. dirt streaks his face. his leg is twisted awkwardly beneath him.
"you idiot!" you yell, staring down at him as your chest rises and falls hard. "get up!"
"you don't think I tried?" he yells, glaring. "I can't get out."
without a second thought, you climb down.
the earth inside the small cave is cool and damp, pressing against your palm as you steady yourself.
you turn your back towards him and crouch. "get on."
"I don't need help."
you whip your head around, eyes narrowed. "don't be so stubborn eren."
he glares at you, but climbs onto your back anyway.
he's heavier than you expect.
your knees wobble. you've been running around for so long that it seems like the endless supply of energy you typically have is beginning to run out.
your palms burn against the roots as you push upward. your shoulder scrapes against stone.
you grit your teeth, ignoring the sharp sting.
eren manages to grab the edge and pulls himself up and you follow behind up, breathing harder than you'd like.
it's dark now.
far too dark
"okay. which way is camp?" he asks, turning to look at you.
you freeze. "... uh..."
"HEY! DON'T TELL ME YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW?" He yells, eyes wide.
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO RAN OFF!"
"YOU IDIOT!"
"YOU'RE THE IDIOT! I HATE YOU!"
silence hangs think between the two of you for a long moment before you pick a random direction and begin to walk.
you both know it's wrong, yet neither of you admit it.
you walk fast, easily navigating through the dark while you hear eren struggling behind you, limping. every so often, you turn to check on him and quickly look away not wanting him to catch you staring.
"hold on—" eren shouts suddenly as you begin to quicken your pace.
you don't slow down. if anything you walk faster.
you hear eren grunt, his footsteps quickening as he tries to catch up to you.
to your surprise, he manages to even on his injured leg, his small hand reaching out to wrap around yours.
"would you stop for a second! I think we should stay in one place—"
a branch cracks somewhere behind you suddenly and you both scream, dropping to the group, arms wrapping instinctively around one another.
your cheek presses against his chest and you can hear the wild rythym of his heart. you're more than certain he can hear how fast your heart is beating.
the two of you remain in this position for a long moment before you swallow hard.
"it's gonna be okay," you whisper.
eren jerks away suddenly, pushing you away. "I'm not scared!"
you stare at him for a second, and even in the dim lighting, you can see the tips of his ears turn red.
"fine." you mutter, standing up and walking over to the base of a large tree, crouching down and brushing a spot clean before sitting.
you look at eren expectantly and he limps over, sitting beside you.
your shoulders are touching as you bring your knees to your chest, suddenly feeling very cold.
neither of you move away.
exhaustion and hunger creep in slowly and you try to fight it but it's no use. your head tilts to the side against your will and it falls onto eren's shoulder.
you feel him stiffen.
but he doesn't move.
—⋆˚꩜｡
you wake up to the sound of jets.
your eyes snap open instantly.
for a moment, you don't remember where you are.
the air is cold against your cheeks. the ground beneath you is uneven and damp. there's the faint scent of moss and dirt and lake water clinging to everything.
it takes a second for you to realize your head is still resting against eren's shoulder.
his head is resting against yours, dark hair brushing against your temple, his breathing slow and even—deep in sleep in a way that only children can be after terror exhausts them.
the red scarf he'd been wearing earlier is wrapped loosely—messily—around your neck. it isn't folded neatly the way adults wrap scarves. it's tangled, uneven, one end longer than the other, but it's still covering your bare arms. the skin there is streaked with thin scratches from branches and bark, little lines that sting faintly and have already begun to dry and scab.
you lift your head slowly.
the scarf shifts against your skin, still warm from him.
through the break in the treetops above, you see it.
a plane.
small and silver and moving steadily across the deep navy sky. the stars around it shimmer faintly.
your lips part softly
139.
you almost smile.
even here. even lost in the dark. even scared.
you're still counting.
your eye begin to droop again, exhaustion pulling at you in heavy waves. the adrenaline from earlier has drained from your blood, leaving you hollow and aching. the tree at your back is rough and steady. eren's shoulder is warm. sleep starts to drag you under again when you hear it.
your name.
his name.
your heart jerks up as your heart slams violently against your ribs.
you quickly push away from the tree, not thinking, not caring that the sudden movement leaves eren's head without support. it lolls forward slightly before he slumps sideways.
you're already on your feet.
"dad!" you scream, voice cracking. "we're here!"
the sound of your own voice feels too loud in the darkness.
you turn back immediately, crouching down in front of eren. dirt presses into your knees. you grab his shoulder, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt.
"eren!"
you watch as he stirs faintly. "mm—"
"wake up!" you urge, shaking him harder this time. "our dads are nearby!"
his eyes flutter open slowly, sleep-heavy and confused.
he blinks at you as if he's trying to focus on something that won't quite settle.
"...huh?" he squints. "y/n... why isn't your hair blue?"
"what?" your brows furrow as you stare at him.
did he hit his head when he fell or something? why would i have blue hair?
eren blinks again, eyes unfocused. "why... isn't it blue?"
"you idiot, what are you talking about—come on get up!"you snap automatically, grabbing his arm and tugging at him. "come on, get up!"
he doesn't move right away, instead he looks past you.
through you.
"I feel like..." eren mutters softly, almost to himself. "I had the longest dream."
your movements slow. "huh?"
eren's gaze drifts upward toward the sky.
"what was it?" he whispers faintly. "why can't I remember?"
a strange chill slides down your spine.
"eren?" you say more quietly now.
he blinks up at you again and it's only then that you see it. his eyes are glassy. shiny.
"why..." you breath, brows knitting slightly. "...are you crying?"
eren's eyes widen suddenly as if he's only just realized something himself. he lifts his hand quickly, rubbing at his face. his fingertips come away damp and he stares down at them, confused. almost as if the tears don't belong to him
"Y/N! EREN!"
the voices are louder now. close. branches snapping. heavy footsteps.
eren blinks again, the strange faraway look fading.
his jaw tightens and all the softness disappears, replaced by the familiar scowl you're used to.
"dad?" he calls out, pushing himself up onto his good leg.
without thinking, you reach forward and grab ahold of his hand, and this time, he doesn't pull away.
the two of you stand there beneath the oak tree, dirt-streaked and scratched and wrapped in a crooked red scarf, as beams of flashlight cut through the dark and your fathers finally break into the clearing.
your father carries you back to the campsite on his back.
you don't remember when he lifted you — only the sudden feeling of being weightless and then the steady rhythm of his footsteps beneath you. your arms hang loosely around his shoulders, fingers curled weakly into the fabric of his jacket. his back is warm. familiar. safe.
somewhere beside you, grisha carries eren the same way.
through the fog of exhaustion, you catch small glimpses — eren's arm dangling over his father's shoulder, his dark hair shifting with every step, his injured leg wrapped awkwardly in someone's sweater. the red scarf is no longer around his neck.
it's still wrapped around yours.
the campsite looks different now. harsher. lantern light flickers against the tent fabric while your fathers move with a quiet urgency that hadn't been there before. no more laughter. no more fishing stories. just zippers rasping closed, metal poles collapsing, dirt being shoveled over the dying embers of the fire.
"we're heading back," you hear distantly. "his leg needs to be looked at."
the car doors open.
you're placed carefully in the backseat.
for a brief second, you feel eren's shoulder press against yours again as he's settled beside you. his breathing is uneven but steady. the air inside the car smells like lake water and sweat and pine sap clinging to clothes.
you drift into sleep almost immediately, your head tipping sideways until it finds eren's shoulder as if it belongs there. his head, heavier now with exhaustion, rests gently against yours.
then everything dissolves into warmth and motion.
—⋆˚꩜｡
when you wake again, sunlight floods the car.
bright. warm. almost blinding.
you squint, lifting a hand to shield your eyes. the road hums beneath the tires. the sky outside is wide and blue, streaked with early morning light.
you blink sluggishly, mind still thick with sleep. for a moment, its as if you've forgotten everything. you turn your head instinctively, reaching for the familiar warmth of eren only to be met with empty air.
the seat beside you is empty.
eren is gone.
you straighten slowly, scanning the backseat as if he might be crouched on the floor or hiding beneath something. the scarf slips slightly down your shoulder.
the space where he had been sitting is empty.
a strange hollowness opens in the cavity of your chest.
"dad?" your voice is still rough with sleep. "why didn't you wake me?"
your father glances at you in the rearview mirror first, then turns his head slightly, relief softening his features when he sees you're fully awake.
"you needed the rest," he explains gently.
you shake your head stubbornly. "we didn't say goodbye."
there's a pause.
"he said to let you sleep," your father replies.
you frown immediately, small hands curling into fists in your lap. "idiot."
the word doesn't carry the same bite it usually does.
you lift your hand slowly, fingers brushing over the red scarf still wrapped around your neck. it's tangled and uneven, one side longer than the other. you trace the knit absentmindedly, pressing it between your fingers as if testing whether it's real.
eren jaeger really is the worst.
you found him.
you saved him.
carried him.
and he didn't even want to say goodbye?
the thought stings far more than you expect it to.
your throat tightens.
for the first time in what feels like years—though in reality it's only been months—your eyes begin to burn.
you blink hard, fighting the tears.
you don't cry.
you don't.
yet your vision blurs anyway, a soft sniffle escaping you before you can stop it.
it shouldn't matter.
after all, eren was annoying and mean and he called you an idiot and said your plane hunting was stupid.
you stare out the window as the road stretched endlessly ahead, sunlight flashing between trees.
you try to focus on the sky. on counting. on finding another plane.
but for the first time, you don't look up.
and somewhere in shinganshina, a boy with blue-green eyes sits in his bed, staring out his own window searching for planes in the sky, touching his cheek in confusion as if he can still feel the warmth of something he can't name.
neither of you understand it yet, but something has changed between the two of you in those woods.
even at six years old—you and eren jaeger have already begun orbiting each other.
—⋆˚꩜｡