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"I am your Father, Squidward!" Darth Vader shouted.
Squidward couldn't believe this. How could this be?
"Impossible!" Squidward denied. He'd lived in Bikini Bottom, no sign of a father let alone the giant masked human that was claiming to be such. He was meant to live in the ocean, he was a squid after all.
He can remember faint rumors from when he was just a kid, people saying he was displaced during some sort of rebellion and so that's how he landed up in Bikini Bottom.
But his father being Darth Vader?
"This is absurd." He stepped back, making sure not to slip off the platform they both stood on. It was a long drop down.
This whole time he thought he had been fighting for something greater than himself, packing his clarinet and joining the rebellion with the hopes of avenging his parents. The ones that were supposed to be dead, not on the other side of the cause.
"I am your father!" Darth Vader repeated and the words stung deep into his squid heart. He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't.
"It doesn't make any sense." He tried to deny. Even if the holes in his past were starting to align with this new knowledge. "Like, just scientifically!"
Darth Vader tried to move closer, one of Squidward's heels dipping off the edge of the platform. "Son, Squidward. You'
... you are my son. My only son."
Darth Vader reached out, managing to clasp a hand on Squidwards shoulder harshly to keep him still.
"And we have something to do." He pulled Squidward to the opposite end of the platform.
For a very brief moment, Squidward was sure it was a trick. Until the Darth Vader pulled him close and revealed... a bag.
That had another bag, and another bag, and- how many bags did one human need?
"Your mother gave me too many." Dath Vader excused, making Squidward gasp. He didn’t have any memories of his mother.
Suddenly, Darth Vader pulled out a football. "Here." He tossed it towards Squidward. "Now, throw it back."
They spent many minutes just throwing the ball back and forth before Squidward finally dropped his guard, asking questions that Darth Vader answered as honestly as possible, until;
"So, why are we different?" Squidward tossed it to Darth Vader.
"Different?" Darth Vader tossed it back.
"Why am I a squid and you're a human?" Squidward tossed the football to Darth Vader.
"Well, son..." Darth Vader hesitated. "I met your mother in an aquarium-"
Squidward jumped off the platform.
"NO, MY BOYYYYYYYYYY!" Darth Vader's dry could be heard as he went.