Work Text:
There was a time where Iwaizumi truly believed in love. The gut wrenching feeling, the belly filled with butterflies, the happiness, feeling like your living on a cloud above everything.
When he was little, almost 6 years old, he looked up to his parents. They had been together for decades, he never saw them fight or argue, he never heard the slightest hate in anything they said to each other. He lived in a peaceful, loving family, the three of them had everything to achieve happiness. He saw love to its utmost, he lived loved for most of life, truly. But fairy tails always have bad moments, don't they?
-
It started when he hit eight years old, still as innocent as ever. The day after his birthday, which he had spent accompanied by Oikawa, he woke up to a silent, cold atmosphere. His clock indicated that it was 9 a.m which meant his mum should be making a lot of noise preparing breakfast already. But nothing could be heard from downstairs and it worried Iwaizumi. Sure, on top of his 8 year old self he couldn't do much, but he couldn't wait here forever, especially when his mum might be in danger.
He went down the stairs in a slow pace, taking his sweet time. Truthfully, he had a really bad feeling and he didn't know where this was coming from. It was only a little bit more silent then usual, what was there to panic about? He was almost downstairs, just one more step and he'd be touching the wooden floor, but he didn't have the courage. He just could not do it.
What made him change his mind was hearing an almost inaudible whimper coming from the kitchen just on his left. He shook his head, grabbed the hem of his shirt and almost ran to the destination. His eyes met a trail of blood first, slowly making its way around the counter placed in the middle of the room. It was quite clear and if he remembered right from his science classes, this was good news. Clear = good, dark = bad. His teacher told them to remember it since it would be in the test, he knew, he studied, that was it. He sighed and tears formed in his eyes already, thinking about who might be bleeding like this.
His mum was sitting on the tiled floor, naked legs and blood running down them. He thought about how she must be cold, so he ran to her room and brought back a thick sheet, laying it on her legs. She smiled despite the pain and pat his head. "Good boy," she whispered. Iwaizumi was proud of himself, nonetheless, but he wasn't stupid.
"Mum, are you okay? Are you dying?" She laughed. "Of course not." Of course, she was alright, nothing to worry about. Then he remembered the blood.
"Mum, why are you bleeding?" She looked up to the ceiling, avoiding his stare. "I did something wrong. Dad just got a little angry and pushed me too hard. It's not his fault, okay?" No, it wasn't, his daddy was a nice, respectable man. He wouldn't do this on purpose. He knew that. He smiled at his mum and asked her in an innocent voice if she wanted him to heal her wounds, like she did to him. She shook her head and told him to go play with Oikawa while she cleaned up. He didn't think more about it and ran toward the door and Oikawa's house.
-
In two years, nothing much happened. Iwaizumi started to notice bruises on his mum's face, bruises on his dad's hands, beer bottles piling up and then disappearing, holes in the walls who were fixed two days later, two sheets and a pillow laying on the couch, used bandages in the trash, the smile on his mum's face vanishing, the sobriety of his dad making itself rare. But it still didn't add up to him, what was happening in his house that he didn't see, perhaps he was too innocent? Oikawa was much smarter in this domain, so he set up a rendezvous with him to ask.
-
"So, what do you think?" He had just finished explaining the ordeal to him and it took him a few minutes to finally answer.
"Iwa-chan, can you keep an eye out about what's happening at night? Let's say tonight you go to sleep later and observe your parents for a while, ok? Come back to me with the answer!" Iwaizumi nodded and watched as Oikawa left running. It would be the last time he saw him for a while.
-
As Oikawa recommended, he hid in the living room that night. He stayed there a while before his parents finally showed up. His father was yelling, throwing his fists around, not aiming anywhere in particular. He was saying something about his mother being a self deprived whore, or something in the likes, he couldn't understand through his drunk voice.
He then hit her one time in the face, sending her flying back on the ground. He kicked her side and Iwaizumi couldn't take it anymore. He stormed out of his hiding place and threw himself at his father. "Stop, stop, stop!" He was screaming, he wanted to protect his mum with everything he had. His father didn't even bulged and kicked Iwaizumi away. He was about to hit his wife again when Iwaizumi stood in front of her, arms spread and ready to take anything he would be thrown. "Don't hurt mummy, please." He was crying, tears rolling down his cheeks and crashing on the floor. His father simply chuckled, murmured that he couldn't protect anything, that he was useless. Iwaizumi received the final blow, in his guts, stopping his breathing for the longest thirty second of his life. He hit the wall behind him and suddenly felt dizzy. The last thing he heard was "We got a call from Mr. Oikawa for domestic violence, if you'd come with us please." And then everything faded into darkness.
-
He woke up to the annoying "bip" sound he knew belonged to an hospital's machine. Someone was holding his hand, his mum, and another person staring at him from the corner of the room. He wished it was his father, that this was all a massive, horrible nightmare, but it wasn't. The police officer who asked a thousand questions told him his father wouldn't hurt him or his mum anymore. It was over, as he said. He felt somewhat relieved, his mum was safe at last.
"Mum, why did he hurt you? Us?"
"Sometimes people love differently or cannot demonstrate it in a proper way. But this was not love, I was stupid for putting up with it. Love's not real, baby. Get some rest, now." After that day, Iwaizumi firmly stopped believing love was a nice feeling, something to cherish. Love is an illusion, it's hell, it hurts, "do not put up with it."
-
As he grew closer to Oikawa in his high school years, he started developing abnormal feelings, feelings he was not familiar with. It felt different from every other emotions he ever had, weird, somewhat painful. A pang to his heart every time he witnessed Oikawa make a new girlfriend. An exhausting feeling washing down on him as he thought about girls. It took him a year to realize he was in fact gay and in love with his best friend. But Oikawa was as straight as a not cooked spaghetti and since when "love" was a part of his vocabulary? He couldn't imagine himself in a relationship, something temporary and hurtful. He didn't want to bear the same fate his mum had some years ago, he wanted to crush his heart for giving such a dilemma. Dealing with his feelings by telling Oikawa or hiding forever, hoping this would go away, perhaps slowly, like it took his father to get out of his life, but it would happen somehow.
He was greatly wrong as his last year of high school came around and the horrible emotion was still deeply engrained in his body. Deep down in his heart, he knew this wasn't temporary, he would probably love Oikawa his whole life, but he just couldn't bring himself to share his feelings. He couldn't repeat his mum's actions, he couldn't put up with the hurt it would bring him. He was weak and fragile, it'd take nothing to break him down. So he made the peaceful resolution to keep quiet about everything. He would not disappoint anyone like that.
-
Oikawa learned to love. He learned through hard times, through mistakes, with help, with enlightening. Everything he knew, he owed his mother. She always tried her hardest to spread joy and love in Oikawa's life, she didn't want to ruin anything to him, to spoil the great feeling that love was. She had experienced a lot of bad relationships, but never did she give up the hope of her true love.
After her divorce with Oikawa's father, she kept smiling to him, said "He just wasn't the one. I have to wait for my knight in a shining armor!" He lived in a nice world filled with love, between his father and his mother, his step mother and step father, he liked them all. They liked him as well, showering him with the sweetest words and actions to prove it.
To sum it up, Oikawa knew the good side of love. He waited for his princess on top of a tour, the perfect fairy tail for him, but no matter how much girls he passed up, he never found the deep feeling of love. He never quite achieved to find his happiness through those adventures, he felt like he was numb to love. Like he couldn't feel anything even close to it.
-
In his last year of high school, he started to develop something he could call "liking" towards someone he never expected. A man, his childhood friend, Iwaizumi to be more precise. He didn't understand how he could feel like this for another man, but oh well. He wasn't difficult, especially if it was Iwaizumi. Handsome, smart, volleyball's team ace, strong, mentally wrecked, but he didn't mind. He would be his knight in a shining armor, because he knew Iwa-chan felt something for him too. He just wanted to wait for him to confess. He didn't want to make the first steps, fearing he might be going overboard with his boundaries. So he waited. He waited for god knows how long, but he never hinted ever again that he wanted something more than friendship. He never showed him anything related to love. So maybe Oikawa's feelings were wrong? Perhaps his mother had lied to him? That's what he started to believe as he watched Iwaizumi act out on his own more and more often. They were not together as much as before, they were taking separate roads.
When Iwaizumi announced he was going to a different university, Oikawa understood.
Love is an illusion, it's hell, it hurts, "do not put up with it."