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It had been three months since Skeppy came back, and it had been five years since BadBoyHalo killed him. Between these two events there was a lot of time for change: and some people did change, but then some just couldn’t. Even when they had as many second chances as they were given, it was impossible for them to be good people. BadBoyHalo thought he changed. The moment he pushed Skeppy into the ravine was the memory that he would know every detail of best. He really truly believed he changed. But he didn’t.
In all the time since Skeppy was revived it was hard to go back to normal. The first month was the hardest. To go one day from telling yourself you’ve moved on and healed, to all at once being disillusioned by seeing them again is a disgusting feeling. Bad should have been happy, and he thought he would be. He was when he cried and ran to Skeppy and apologized and repented before him, but only a month in and now he only felt the crushing and laborious weight of something horrible. Bad didn’t know if he could do it. How do you go from having no one at all to now having your entire world back right in your arms where they belong? The thing that ate at him the most was the feeling of a loss of progress. He had moved on, he had changed and he was better. That’s what he kept telling himself. But now he was back, and suddenly all of the items in Skeppy’s room that had sat collecting dust (after Bad forced himself to stop going in there,) had an owner again. How can you falsify a sense of normality, when looking at something you had a month ago feels completely different now? That was the first month.
The second month, panic set in. Skeppy of course, after his revival, had moved back in with Bad. They always lived together. That’s what they did. The first few weeks Bad couldn't bear to see him around at all. In fact, he almost avoided him because every time his eyes caught sight of that man, his heart ached and hurt so badly he thought he would die. He knew that wasn’t fair to Skeppy, as the usually cattish man now seemed much subdued and sought out company often from others, but he couldn’t do anything about how he felt. He knew he was selfish, he knew he was unfair and he knew he was distant, but for God’s sake, he thought he had changed.
Four years after he killed Skeppy, and he was doing well for himself. He had made new friends and allies, and was able to think about something other than him every waking moment of the day. He worked on himself, and came to put a heavy weight on what he said and how exactly he impacted others. But then Skeppy comes back, and he feels absolutely no different than he felt standing at the precipice of that ravine, reduced to a helpless and immature excuse of a person. Since Skeppy came back it hurt to see him not only because of the unforgivable behaviour Bad could never in a thousand lifetimes make up for but because Skeppy was the physical manifestation of everything that was wrong with him.
Since the incident five years ago Bad had replayed the memory in his mind millions of times over. He could repeat every word said, visualize every detail of the room around him, and see every glint of fear in Skeppy’s eyes during his final moments. His nightmares subsided as he got better. Now, two months in, and they weren’t nightmares anymore, they were real because the man he killed was living with him. Sleepless nights and tear streaked cheeks were all BadBoyHalo knew for the second month he was back.
The third month was the culmination of torture. Nearly every night turned into a waiting game for when the sun would rise, and BadBoyHalo was a panic stricken mess. He had cried to Skeppy a few times, desperately seeking comfort from him that he knew he would never receive: because Bad was still struggling with something. Something he had been holding onto for even longer than five years: something that was there before the Egg, before Pogtopia, before the Disc Wars, all this time he still hadn’t come to terms with this one last, pressing thing. He knew what it was, but he couldn’t even bring himself to think it in his mind. In fact, it was a thought never fully formed, never given the chance to be considered, but BadBoyHalo didn’t need to think it to just know what it was… and what it meant.
And that’s what was tortuous about the third month. After Skeppy died- Bad felt a kind of relief after a few months because he knew he didn’t have to care about that figment of a thought anymore. But now he did have to care about it again, he had to acknowledge it, and to him that was more terrifying than seeing the last gleam of light in Skeppy’s eyes for the hundred millionth time in his nightmares.
At the end of the third month, Skeppy’s revival had culminated into everything Bad had worked so hard to reconcile with and forget about, and something about the fact that the person he was singlehandedly most close to in the world didn’t make him feel better but instead made him feel worse? That was the most painful thing to him. Bad curled in on himself on top of his dark sheets, cradling himself like a child in the cold as he wailed into his own embrace.
Hot tears carved a trail down his cheeks, and he shivered despite his skin practically burning up. The many restless nights and taxing days had thrown him into a feverish state of unrest and abandonment of rationale. He murmured to himself- something about being selfish and awful- before the door to his room creaked open gently, slowly.
“... Bad…?” The all too familiar man’s voice called out softly to him, like a mother wishing to see if her child was awake yet. Bad hiccuped slightly and curled in impossibly tighter around himself. His wings wrapped tightly around his torso and his tail coiled like a noose around his calf. Hearing Skeppy’s voice usually would have pulled him to some sort of sense, but right in this moment he was lost to emotion. He didn’t give any sort of response to the man’s acknowledgement. What was the point? He knew he would approach no matter what he did.
A slight dip in the mattress was felt as Skeppy sat beside the amalgous mess.
“Bad…” He began. His voice was so soft, so tender like he actually cared. The demon felt a violent shiver down his spine. He hated how Skeppy sounded. It was different than it was back then and he despised it.
“Can you look at me…?” He prompted softly. Bad felt an ugly beast rear its head in his heart. “...Please, I know you can.” In his current state, each patronizing word which would usually bring a sense of comfort or familiarity to him only made him grow more bitter. He sniffled, his body still wracked with quiet, stifled sobs.
The weight distribution on the mattress shifted as Skeppy adjusted himself. He hesitantly placed a hand on the man’s shoulder.
“C’mon, talk with me here-” Bad didn’t give him a chance to finish. Every emotion he’d shoved down, everything he thought he had fixed, every feeling he controlled suddenly couldn’t be contained anymore.
“DON’T TOUCH ME.” He snapped, flinching violently and adjusting to accuse Skeppy with the most vile glare he could possibly muster. He felt both satisfaction and guilt as Skeppy flinched back in surprise, his eyes widening and his hand retreating.
“Bad, I’m sorry I-”
“Just. Go. Away.” Bad practically growled, his teeth clenched as his tear stained face looking like his words were bringing him physical pain. “Leave right now Skeppy, I don’t want you here.” He snapped, his words biting.
Skeppy looked taken aback, his eyes softening in hurt and he lowered his hands into his lap. His expression was one of confusion and concern, his brows furrowed uncomfortably.
“I’m sorry Bad- I, I didn’t mean to upset you-”
“STOP! JUST STOP!” He wailed, curling back into his defensive posture. He hated, hated, hated how Skeppy sounded. Skeppy doesn't apologize, he doesn’t back off, and he definitely doesn’t sound like that. To Bad, this wasn’t Skeppy: this was someone who changed and constantly reminded BadBoyHalo that he hadn’t. “Go away! I don’t want you here!” He repeated, claws digging into the skin of his biceps as if to redirect his tension somewhere else.
Skeppy sat there, utterly at a loss. In all of his years of knowing BadBoyHalo and being his best friend, he had never acted like this. He hadn’t ever resisted, hadn’t lashed out, and hadn’t ever told Skeppy to go away. Skeppy worried at his bottom lip a little. Since he got back, Bad had been relatively the same, this was the first time he had acted out of character in... Well, forever. It worried him, seeing the trembling man before him, refusing comfort.
“Bad, I know that’s not true, you’re just upset…” Skeppy began before being fiercely interrupted again.
“No.” The word cut through the air like a razor. “No, I'm not just upset. I’m not out of my mind and I’m not ‘just saying that’ for the sake of having something to say!” Bad raised his voice, unfurling just a bit from his self manufactured cocoon.
“Bad please-”
“I HATE you!”
Everything stopped, and Bad regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Skeppy felt his heart splinter.
“Everything was fine! Everything was great, even!” Bad was riled up now, and couldn’t stop the words from babbling out of his mouth. “Until YOU CAME BACK!” He roared, months of built up frustrations finally escaping him in his hateful rhetoric.
Skeppy sat there, eyes wide and tears brimming just under his lids. Bad’s words cut deep and he wanted to not believe him, but it was so hard.
“You don’t mean that…” He desperately murmured.
“I mean it with all my soul, Skeppy!” he sneered before turning his face away again. Bad truly thought he would feel better after lashing out but instead he only felt worse… Fresh tears began to collect in his eyes and he sniffled again.
“I had moved on. I had finally fixed myself! I woke up to a new day and you know what? The first thing I thought about wasn’t you!” He rambled tearfully, shuddering every now and then. “I didn’t have to worry about you anymore and I didn’t have to worry about how- how- how I feel! I could just be me!”
Skeppy blinked, absorbing his words.
“But now-! Now it feels like I haven't changed at all! Skeppy, I-I’m not fixed, I’m not fixed when I’m with you!” He sobbed.
A few moments of silence fell over the room, where neither tried to communicate anything but quiet sobs and sniffles of restrained tears. Then, Bad spoke. This time, he sounded more curious than angry though.
“Why are you still here?”
Skeppy took a deep breath, trying to steel his resolve and suppress his tears. After dying, Skeppy had a lot of time to change himself. He spent every moment of his limbo regretting everything he ever did, and it was only after realizing he could do something about it that he thought he ought to. It occurred to him now, BadBoyHalo had changed, but by seeing Skeppy again it just brought him crashing back down. He was the sun to his Icarus. He tensed slightly, mind racing with warnings to not do what he was about to do, but then he went for it anyways. He reached out, struggling but ultimately successful as he pulled Bad into his embrace. He resisted at first, if not only to make a point, but after seconds quickly subdued and clung to him, still shaking.
“Because,” Skeppy croaked, rubbing comforting circles into Bad’s back. “Because I could never leave you, Bad.” He said, swallowing the frog in his throat. “You could say you hate me a thousand times, say you want me gone and say I was never your friend, but I swear to you BadBoyHalo, I would never leave you. I can’t.” He whispered the last words to him, lips brushing against his soft hair. He took another deep breath to ground himself.
Bad just shook slightly as a few more tears left him, but he really listened and paid attention to Skeppy’s words, and though he didn’t really like how strangely gentle and comforting he was being towards him, he couldn't deny that his words reassured him. He grew warm and let a tiny smile slip through his teary display.
“You- You’re not…angry with me?”
“I could never be.”
Skeppy almost cut him off before he could get the thought out, and he shook his head as if to drive in his point.
“Bad, I understand where you’re coming from. I… I get it. I don’t really want to talk about my time in limbo but…” Skeppy stammered a bit. He had touched on the subject lightly with Bad but never fully divulged the details of his time there in that awful place. “I went through a lot of change myself. I…I had to come to terms with something. Something I didn’t really want to. And, if I can be honest, when I saw you again for the first time, it was like I reverted right back to how I was before. I thought, ‘nope, I can’t do it’ and I was…worried again.” Skeppy admitted.
Bad pulled his head out of the crook of Skeppy’s neck to peer at him as if he had heard him incorrectly.
“You… were?” He breathed. He wasn’t hurt by this information, but rather relieved to know that his best friend knew exactly how he felt. Skeppy nodded, smiling sheepishly.
“Heh… Y-yeah. It was like I had to come to terms with it all over again, because I worked through it with my imaginary version of you, and then I… I saw the real you and I had to go through it again.” He explained quietly, his hand trailing up to rest lightly on Bad’s shoulder now.
Bad smiled softly and sympathetically, wiping his drying tears with his sleeve.
“That’s… kind of how I feel.” He admitted quietly, all previous malice from his voice dissipated. Then, his eyes widened slightly as he realized. He had never even come to terms with what he had to in the first place. “You… You mean it? You’re not mad at me? I lashed out and- I shouldn’t have…”
Skeppy shook his head.
“Bad, of course I’m not mad at you. Do you think I’d be holding you in my arms right now if I was?” Skeppy gave a small little chuckle, and Bad seemed to light up at that. There was a glimpse of the Skeppy he knew. Then, he seemed to pause and a troubled look dawned on Skeppy’s face.
“What is it?” Bad asked, his brows furrowing ever so slightly.
At his words, Skeppy's expression softened, and he gave a smile. A dreamy smile. The kind that BadBoyHalo hated because it made him want to smile too. Skeppy leaned in and pressed a kiss- merely a fleeting one- to the man’s hairline. He pulled back and met his eyes and Bad couldn't look away even if he really wanted to.
“Just you.” He replied.
Bad swallowed hard. Eyes locked. This moment held boundless tension, which wasn’t helped by the way his stupid, stupid heart stuttered. No no no. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. This was much too heated for best friends.
But as he stared into Skeppy’s eyes, finding himself consumed in their warmth, his heart went from fluttering to aching, and that figment of a thought he suppressed day in and day out made itself known. Bad tensed a little but then Skeppy smiled a little again, his lips quirking up just at the corner and for the first and last time, BadBoyHalo didn’t really care about keeping the thing he hadn’t faced yet a nondescript thought.
He knew he must have had a compelling look on his face, because Skeppy laughed again and his heart did that weird stupid thing where it ached and grew warm at the same time and he could feel his words catch in his throat.
“Skeppy… What- what did you have to overcome?” Bad asked, tearing his eyes away. He was worried that- wait no, he hoped that Skeppy was struggling with the same exact thing that he was, but he didn’t know if he actually wanted to hear it. He didn’t know if he could handle that.
That puzzled look returned to Skeppy’s face and Bad silently cursed himself for saying anything that would take his smile away.
“Hmm?” He asked, seeking clarification.
“Like… In… in your limbo. What did you have to.. Come to terms with?” He spoke, voice wavering a little on the edge of several emotions.
Skeppy’s expression dropped a bit and his eyes hardened with seriousness. He seemed to be having an internal war about whether he really wanted to tell him or not and somehow that made Bad feel even worse. Then Skeppy cleared his throat and spoke, voice taught and strained with containment.
“I… I realized I care about something,” He murmured quietly. The words passed on his breath between the few inches separating the two. “I realized I care… a whole lot more than I wanted to let myself believe I did.”
Bad almost held his breath. He wanted to believe that what Skeppy was saying was somehow parallel to how he felt too, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. Because if Skeppy didn't feel the same, that would hurt more than anything else the world could throw at him.
“You don't have to tell me…” Bad spoke, sensing Skeppy’s resignation and hesitation. “I get it, I have something I can't say either.” He offered a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.
Skeppy averted his gaze, his lips parted as if he was about to speak, but then he closed his mouth again in favor of a wry smirk.
“Yeah… Yeah some things are best left… unspoken.” He replied.
Bad nodded.
“Kept… To yourself.” He agreed.
“Undefined.”
At that, Skeppy captured his gaze, and his expression went soft again with that God forsaken smile. Bad swallowed, suddenly very aware of their proximity. His dry smile turned more shy, and he decided he'd try something. Something that maybe best friends shouldn't do.
He slowly reached for the hand that Skeppy had placed on his shoulder, but as he lifted it away, he didn't let go. He just held it. His eyes darted to examine Skeppy’s expression, to see any sign of hesitation or disgust, but if anything he smiled more, the boundaries of his eyes crinkling.
“Let's… Stay like this.” Bad whispered quietly to him.
Skeppy nodded. And they did stay like that, until BadBoyHalo fell asleep. And then soon after, Skeppy did too. It was the first restful night in a long time for either of them.