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“J-Julia! I can’t hold on any longer!” Benjamin called out, struggling to cling onto the post.
The storm was raging out of control on Botnia Paradise. It was insane of Benjamin to try and help Julia out with the transmitter. Logically he should’ve listened and take cover. But he’s always been stubborn when it’s with people he cared about. Especially when it comes to Julia.
“Benjamin! Jag älskar dig!” Julia confessed
“Och jag älskar dig” He reciprocated letting out a small smile, already accepting his fate
…
Just as Julia got the transmitter working, the couple lost their grip as they fell to the ground.
…
Their arms holding onto eachother as if it was some form of final connection before they wind up dead.
…
…
Benjamin felt some plastic rest on his back as it somewhat cushioned his fall. He lied there for a bit, his body was all bruised up, he maybe got a broken bone or two. But he’s still breathing…!
He used up all his energy to sit up and exhaled a small laugh of relief and triumph
“We’re alive…! We did it!! Julia we-!” He turned to face his beloved.
…
She’s laying still
…
“J-Julia?” He called out, shuffling himself towards her. She’s not moving.
…
He rapidly yet lightly touched her shoulder
…
Still not moving
…
He shook her body.
…
No movement.
“Hahaha…Julia, this isn’t funny…!” The singer let out a humourless laugh
He shook her harder
…
She’s still not breathing.
…
No matter how long he did so…she’s not responding to it.
He finally checked her pulse on her neck which is what he probably should’ve done first.
…
…
No signs of one.
…
He looked at her face, her eyes were open and soulless. Devoid of life
“No….! No, nononononono this can’t be happening…!” Benjamin stuttered, tears were streaming mercilessly down his face
“Don’t leave me..! Please…! J-Julia!!”
He frantically looked around, no one’s around. It’s just him…fuck…!
”Help…!
Help!!
Someone..! Please!!” He shouted out, panic truly settling in now.
No one arrived.
Not even a glance at his direction
Nothing
”Help-! Please……! Julia don’t leave me…! Julia?!?! JULIA!!!” He felt himself scream, as if it would magically do something.
It’s too late…you know it is.
…
She’s gone.
…
Forever.
…
You’ll never be able to hold her again.
To gossip with her again
To kiss her again…
She’s dead.
Dead.
Dead.
DeadDead
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“BENJAMIN WAKE UP!!”
The plea finally broke through the noise as Benjamin shot up from where he laid his head the night before.
…
His breathing was shallow and rapid, he couldn’t focus on anything, everything was dark…
“Benjamin?” A soft yet familiar voice called out. The singer’s body was shaking yet he was frozen in place, more tears were streaming down his cheeks. He felt a hand touch his. Alongside that, he registered the texture of a mattress beneath his palm…he’s in his room?
He was finally able to turn his head to where the hand came from, surrounded by the darkness it was the same woman he thought he lost…Julia.
It’s…It’s just a dream…
It was just a dream…
…
Is it…?
…
A phone flashlight was switched on so that the room was illuminated just enough to not disorient the singer. He could see that Julia’s there…still breathing, still present, full of life…!
”I heard you crying out in your sleep…!” She muttered with shaky breath
Her eyes were full of worry despite looking half asleep. Benjamin wanted to talk, to sob, scream…just…anything. But no sound aside from his shit breathing and his pounding heart could be heard. There was this horrid lump in his throat that just wouldn’t go away.
Julia at least understood what was happening and took the hand that was still holding onto his and placed it onto her neck, onto her pulse point.
…
…
He felt a steady rhythm…
That piece of confirmation finally made that lump in his throat go away. He clung onto his wife like his life depended on it (and it definitely did at this point) and started sobbing. Burying his head into Julia’s shoulder. She hugged him back, one arm around his back the other stroking his long blonde hair in slow and deliberate motions.
“Shhhhh it’s ok Benjamin I’m here” Julia whispered
“I-It…It felt so real…! We were back on Botnia Paradise, in that storm again… B-but you didn’t…you-!” Benjamin tried to mutter, but the sounds of his sobbing were too strong for him and he eventually gave up trying to speak
“You can tell me about it later. Just focus on your breathing ok?” Julia instructed him
Benjamin could only nod as he closed his eyes and tried to take back control of his breath. He remembered something that Julia would always do whenever she was worried about exams in Portsmouth.
In through the nose for 4
…
Hold for 2
…
Out through the mouth for 8
…
“Good. Just like that Benjamin…” He heard her call.
After what felt like forever when it was probably just a few minutes, his panicked breaths finally lost the battle as he felt himself slipping back into the regular rhythm he was used to. His body was still shaking terribly but it wasn’t too much of an issue now…
It just…
Felt so real…too real…
“We’re safe…we’re alive. We’re not in that storm anymore.” Julia assured her husband. Still stroking his hair. Her persistent shushing sounded like the ocean when it’s in harmony with the cruise. The waves gently caressing the vessel. Definitely not the best analogy to think of but it’s all he could think of to calm himself down. Especially when something like that never happened again.
“Is there anything you want me to do for you?” Julia asked, making sure she can see him fully. His eyes, normally full of joy and laughter were replaced with fear and dismay. Tears were still flowing and don’t show signs of stopping.
“Please… Don’t let me fall asleep…!” Benjamin finally muttered. Being all too aware of the fact that he sounded broken. Especially with his plea to keep him awake…just having the possibility that he would have to deal with that nightmare again and maybe even more like that…?! No. Fat chance. He would rather have insomnia.
Julia shifted her body so that she’s properly sat up. Still holding onto her precious swan. She then looked behind her.
“Do you mind if I turn on the light? Not the big one but the bedside table one”
Benjamin shook his head indicating her that he doesn’t mind. It took him a second to adjust his eyes but he could clearly see it now. Julia is still there. Still by his side. The couple sat there for a moment, just appreciating that they’re in each other’s company
…
The sound of the espresso machine purring in the kitchen could be heard as Julia gave Benjamin a fresh cup of coffee. He smiled and nodded as a thank you. He held the cup in his hands and looked at the beverage contained.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked him
Benjamin simply looked at the reflection of himself in the drink and took a deep breath.
“It started out normal, well…normal as it could get in a storm. But…instead of both of us surviving…you-!” Benjamin felt himself breaking again, but Julia knew exactly what he was talking about “No one came around to help…I was alone…!”
“Honey…!” She sobbed as she gave him a soft kiss on the lips to which he eased into
“I’m so sorry for this I-!” Benjamin started to utter before getting a boop on the nose by Julia to snap him out of his spiral.
“Benjamin. Look at me ok? What is this on my hand?” She pointed to the ring on her finger the same one he placed on her finger the day they finally tied the knot.
“Your ring…the one I gave you on our wedding day…”
“Correct. This ring is a symbol of how much I love you. It’s my duty as your wife to make sure that you feel heard, if I’m not doing that then I’m doing a terrible job. So please Benjamin, don’t apologise for experiencing a human emotion, especially when having nightmares like that.” Julia affirmed
Benjamin let out a small yet audible chuckle and nodded. He finally had the coffee. It’s cooler now but not by much to make too much of a difference.
“Want to watch a movie?” She suggested
Benjamin gave a small smile
“I would love that. Just maybe something that won’t leave me scared shitless.”
Julia laughed and nodded. They both went over to the couch and sat down as Benjamin turned on the TV.
The movie they settled on was some cheesy romcom. It honestly just ended up being there as background noise as they chatted about life. From leftover gossip to upcoming maintenance checks to album rollouts. And of course Linda Q. Anything as a distraction from what the singer had to deal with.
After the movie ended, Julia searched for something else to watch. Benjamin felt his eyelids getting heavy. Terrified, he shook himself awake. And even slapped himself in the face to stay alert. He’s getting sleepy…no. Not like this…!
The captain noticed his distress and squeezed his hand to get his attention.
“You alright Benjamin?” It’s a dumb question in hindsight but she didn’t care at that moment
“I don’t want to sleep…!” He murmured “What if I get the same nightmare again? What if something else happens? What if I don’t wake up again-?” He started spiralling again, but before he could ramble further Julia cupped his face in her hands
“If your body tells you that you need to sleep, you need sleep ok?”
“But-!”
“I know, I know. It’s terrifying to deal with the thought. But it’ll be better for you in the long run. If it happens again, don’t be afraid to tell me. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night, wake me up if you have to. I want to help you out”
Benjamin paused and then sighed
“Yeah…you’re right.” He admitted, he’s exhausted from everything that has happened
“Maybe you could listen to some LoFi to help? I don’t think sleeping in complete and utter silence will do you any good right now” Julia suggested
Benjamin nodded and was about to get up before Julia stopped him
“Stay here I’ll grab your headphones”
“Julia you don’t have to-”
“I want to help you Benjamin, besides they’re just in our room.” She insisted
Benjamin nodded and stayed put as Julia got up and headed over to the bedroom. Sure enough she came back with the headphones. She handed them over to Benjamin who turned them on and searched for LoFi playlists and played the first one that came up.
Once the music started playing he laid his head on Julia’s lap; as if he needed that extra bit of reassurance. Julia twirling his hair in between her fingers was the last thing he saw before he finally felt comfortable enough to close his eyes and doze off into the night.
Julia took a moment to look at Benjamin. Her beloved fanboy. Just hours before, he experienced a terrible nightmare. Something she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy. He looked terrified for his life and her own. But now, he looks peaceful. She can still sense the fear but it’s likely been overpowered by exhaustion. She could hear his light snoring which got a chuckle out of her. Eventually she too was taken away into dreamland. Hand stroking her husband’s hair.
Her dearly beloved
Her swan
Her one true love
Finally at peace