Chapter Text
Chp 1: Faded Scars - Nico's POV
"Alright, alright I can walk myself."
I grumbled as i was near pushed from the the back by Will into the infirmary. The son of Apollo had made me promise a day ago that I would spend three days of rest in the infirmary after the war against Gaea, though l was in all honesty not interested from the get go I knew well that he would never let me off that easy. Will would drag me in here kicking and screaming himself if he had to.
"I wouldn't have to do this if you weren't so stubborn in the first place, you know well you need rest."
I could hear him reply as he opened the door to the camp infirmary, where I was greeted to the sight injured campers and probably overworked Apollo kids. he sounded more annoyed than me despite the clear twinge of worry behind his tone, though he had no need nor right to be worried. He doesn't know me no matter how much he pretends to.
My black combat boots scuffed against the white floor as I dragged my feet, it was clear I didn't want to be here. Will steered me to a curtained off corner of the infirmary. great my room for the next three days is going to be a boxed off curtain room.
"..."
I didn't mention anything despite the clear look or dislike on my face about the current situation I'm in. I walked in, lifting the curtain for myself, quickly moving Will's hand out the way as he tried to do it for me.
"I'm tired, not so ill that I can't lift a damn curtain."
I snapped at him, my words coming out harsher than I meant them as I sat down on the hospital esque bed, a slight feeling of guilt pricking me as I quickly pushed it back.
'He wanted this didn't he? He's just gonna have to deal with me.'
I thought quickly, looking up at him as he stood next to me, seemingly needing to do something, seeing how he hasn't left yet.
"So then.."
I said, wondering why he was just standing around. He looked down at me at my words, caught off guard by the expression on his face, his blue eyes widened for a moment before he carried on.
"Right, before anything I need to look at the werewolf scratches on your arms again."
He said, holding out a hand as if gesturing for me to take off my jacket to let him see.
I had let him treat the scratches on my arms a day ago due to his persistent nagging. And if anything i wish he didn't have to do this again, the feeling of Will watching me as i took of my jacket I wore no matter how hot it was, it made me feel so uncomfortable. I didn't want him to see the scars on my arm, i didn't want anyone to see them.
Back when I was younger, when I ran from camp, I was at my worst. I felt horrible more than anything, my emotions were a whirling storm I just couldn't figure out how to calm. I was angry, angry that I trusted him. That I naively trusted Percy to protect my sister on the quest. I was sad, sad that Bianca was gone, I felt I had lost her twice. Once to the hunters of Artemis, and a finial time to death. And I was angry and confused with myself, that I longed to be next to the boy that hurt me and my sister despite everything he did, the promise he had broken. I hated that I still thought of him even till that day, that I remembered my awe I felt the first time I saw him brandishing riptide and saving me and my sister from Dr.Thorn. The excitement I felt as he told me about the world of the Greek gods and how I could be someone like him someday if I trained hard.
I hated him, I hated Percy for everything he did, the promise to me and my sister that he broke, I hated how his sea green shone with regret as he told me about what happened. How he gently spoke to me, putting the mytho magic figurine of my father in my hand trying to make me understand despite my new overwhelming grief for my sister.
And despite all of that, even though I couldn't put the proper name to it then l had loved Percy, even though I felt it was wrong. Even though I wanted with all my heart to deny it I was in love with him.
And I hated myself for it.
(Can anybody say "Catholic trauma and guilt" with me?)
I felt I was disgusting, that there was something wrong with me, that it was wrong to harbor those feelings for another boy. What would my mother think if she had known when she was still alive? Would she hate me?
...
Would Bianca hate me?
That's what I asked myself each day, pushing my feeling back as I trained under Minos. fighting against monsters to become stronger, trying my hardest to summon Bianca's spirit. I felt so gross, so broken. Though I guess it was fitting for a son of Hades. And therefore, so was the pain I inflicted on myself.
The self inflicted wounds that dragged across my wrists, my thighs, red turning to white as the days went by. I felt I deserved it, i punished myself for the way I felt. I knew I shouldn't but I did, there wasn't any other way I thought I could feel better. To repent for the sin I was committing, to repent for the love I know I could never have.
I grit my teeth as reluctantly took off my jacket, sliding it past my shoulders as I discarded it beside me. The red long claw marks along my forearm now stitched closes by Will's skilled hand. And underneath, on the underside of my left arm were the scars, they spanned across my wrist faded nearing my inner elbow. Will never commented on them, which I was grateful for I never wanted anyone's condolences or pity, especially not Will's. Though from the pause in his movements, the widening of his eyes, and the sad look on his face the word pity clearly fits how he feel for me right now.
I watched as he examined my arms, cringing at his touch, though his hands felt warmed, as if he had been in the sun I sill hated being touched. He was clearly careful to not turn them over as he checked them for any infection of sorts, he placed my arms down and leaned away once more.
"They seem to be healing fine, no sign of infection."
He said, clearly half to himself, I cleared my throat before speaking.
"Cool, is that all?"
I said, my tone pretty impatient as the heel of my shoe tapped over and over against the floor as I bounced my leg. It was pretty obvious I wanted to be left alone by my anxious actions.
"Yes, for the most part."
Will replied, calmly despite my tone.
"I just need you to change into this first."
He said, picking up something from the small bedside table, which he threw into my lap. I picked it up and and unfolded it, clearly not happy by what a saw.
"A fucking hospital gown? Did you *really* think I'm ever gonna wear this?"
I said, the irritated look on my face prevalent as the words escaped my list. One thing is going to be clear here, he's got me majorly fucked up if he thinks I'm wearing this.
"Nope, nuh uh death boy. You're going to wear it."
He said, leaning against my bed.
"I'm not letting you sleep in ripped skinny jeans, I'm sorry but your going to have to sacrifice your style for a little while to get some proper rest."
I grit my teeth at his 'death boy' comment, this one gonna be a very long three days alright. I let out a sigh as I conceited, knowing this wasn't a argument I was going to win.
"Alright fine, I'll wear the stupid gown, and *dont* call me death boy."
I said, snapping out the last part. Sure I was going to give into wearing this but he sure as hell wasn't gonna be called death boy.
"Alright calm down."
Will said, raising his hands in surrender as he spoke. He tried to be serious but from the slight quirk of his lip you could tell he found this amusing.
I blinked, waiting for Will to leave the room. He wasn't expecting me to change in front of him right?
"...are you going to leave so I can change or...?"
I said after a few moments, because he obviously wasn't getting the message for some reason. I watched as a light blush crossed over his face, he was clearly embarrassed as he spoke.
"Oh! Yeah right, I'm leaving, tell me when you've finished"
Will said before rushing out, his blond hair being pushed back by his movement to show his reddening ears. I let out a snort of amusement as I picked up the hospital gown, getting up to change into it. Regrettably leaving behind my clothes discarded on the table, though Will did have a point. My current clothing would be pretty uncomfortable to sleep in.
I quickly changed into the gown he provided me, it was quite typical. Blue and a darker blue, wow! I pulled off the mentally ill kid in a mental hospital look pretty well.
"....are these fucking grippy socks..?"
I mumble to myself as I looked at the happy yellow socks I was provided, that were folded into the gown so I didn't notice them before that point. I scoffed at how stupid as was about to look before putting them on, great now I really did have the full mental hospital fit on.
"I'm finished."
I said, calling to Will outside the curtains where I guessed he was probably waiting. I watched Will come back in with a slightly amused look on his face.
"How are the grippy socks treating you?"
He asked me. His voice teasing, from the sound of it he overheard what I had said.
"Just fine thank you" I said, my voice slightly sarcastic.
"I'm overjoyed to look like a mentally ill kid in a mental hospital, do you guys not have these things in black?"
Will shook his head, brushing his sun bleached hair out of his eyes as he spoke.
"No can do sadly, it's either yellow or pink socks. I thought you'd prefer yellow."
I groaned, flopping down on my bed. God this is going to be miserable.
"How the Hades do you manage to only buy pink and yellow socks?"
I asked, now looking up at Will from my pretty uncomfortable hospital bed. Will's blue eyes looked down at me as he started to speak.
"I asked the camp store for the socks in black and white but when I got them they only gave us yellow and pink, of course courtesy of the Stole brothers."
"I honestly should have guessed."
I said, groaning for the second time in this conversation, of course they did. What do the Stoles not do anyways? I blinked, I hadn't realized how tired I was till now until then as I stared up at the ceiling. How did I even get here? Only a few months ago I was alone, maybe visiting my sister a once every few months at camp Jupiter but that was it.
Yet now I'm sitting in the camp infirmary, forced to rest under the guise of worry from Will. I doubt it though, why would he worry about me? I'm a child of hades. I'm meant to be alone, we never lead happy lives, now do we.
"..ico"
I really shouldn't get my hopes up, it never lasts long. They welcome you for a while, all kind and they even invite you to sit at their tables, a 'war hero' 'the kid who fought along side Percy'.
"...nic..?"
Until you outstay your welcome. They jump when you suddenly turn up, they whisper when you walk by. Suddenly no one wants you around anymore, no one wants the creepy son of Hades around dampening the mood. That's the way it's always been-
"Nico!"
I jumped as I heard my name being called, I blinked slowly for a moment. Before shaking my head and sitting up, now looking at Will.
"...Yes? Sorry, I got lost in thought for a moment."
Will took a moment to respond, his worried gaze met mine as he opened his mouth to speak.
"Are you okay Nico? I had been calling your name for a while, are you okay?"
I looked up at him, gritting my teeth as I put on a blank look, trying to hide my previous thoughts. As much as will annoyed me I didn't want him to start worrying about me.
He kept my gaze, the furrowing of his sun bleached brows showed me he obviously didn't really believe me but he didn't mention it again as he looked away, his expression still worried.
I watched him for a moment, noticing how his hands clenched as he picked at the tips of his thumbs. I couldn't tell if it was ADHD or anxiety.
I let out a sigh as I flopped back down on my bed. Closing my eyes before pointedly turning on my side as I spoke, not bothering to open my eyes to address him
"I'm going to sleep now"
I said bluntly, my thoughts were whirling at this point and there was no way I had enough mental energy to keep up conversation at this point.
The edges of my consciousness were going black at this point, the edges faded when I could barely make out what he was saying.
"Alright then Neeks, sleep well"
I didn't even tell him off, I was just too tired at this point to care, as I let myself fall into sleep.