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The clock ticking in the hallway was too loud. BB would have ripped it off the wall already if he had managed to get to it. Fortunately for the clock it was hung up out of his reach. He paced nervously back and forth in front of the hallway to the dummy room. Waiting for Eden’s mind to be copied over to his first dummy. He knows that everything that had happened, their friendship would be gone now, that Eden would not remember anything. Maybe that was a good thing. Losing Lenny had obviously broken him, he didn’t have to live with that grief now. A second chance maybe? BB did not know, and it bothered him more than anything.
A pair of researchers walked past him, their glances looked worried. They had never seen BB this restless before. Yet they did not ask what was bothering him, being in front of the dummy room gave them enough impression for what could be going on. After they had rounded the corner, BB could hear their hushed voices talking. Let them gossip all they want, it's not like they are not gonna find out about what happened anyways. The researcher would always know what was going on within Contact.
With a slight creak the door opened, making BB look over. STL stepped outside, holding his usual data pad. Before STL could really look for BB, the taller man instantly strode next to him. “Is everything going well?” BB asked, voice slightly unsteady from the nerves. “As good as it can be. We have to be lucky that he wore a helmet, otherwise there might be nothing to save.” A slight shudder went through BB’s body at those words of his team leader. “I wanted to talk to you BB-14, before he wakes up.” The tone that STL spoke in was more serious than usual.
“About what? Is something wrong?” A sliver of panic shot through BB, but he tried to keep his voice steady. STL sighed before he spoke again. “With how nervous you already are, I don't know how well you are going to take him waking up. He was your friend BB-14, you care about him. But he won't remember that friendship, he will be different. And that has me worried. Not for him. I'm worried for you BB-14.”
BB almost choked at those words. STL placed a steady hand on his shoulder. “So please, take it easy for now. It will be like looking at a ghost of him. I can’t make that easier for you. But if you ever need to talk about it, I'm always there to listen as your team leader.” The grip on his shoulder tightened a bit, as STL gave him a reassuring squeeze, before the older man removed his hand again. Letting out a shaky breath BB looked away. “I will keep that in mind STL.”
Letting out another sigh STL gave him a stern look. “They also settled on a call sign. It’s going to be Crackhead or just CH for short. So remember to call him that when he wakes up.” With the intonation he gave Crackhead it was obvious that the team leader was not too big of a fan of the name. BB just snorted when he heard it, a bit of the nervousness leaving his body. “Fucking hell. With what he did, no wonder they settled on that. After all only a Crackhead would release the moles out of his own free will.” STL only let out a hum as a response.
The door behind them opened, just wide enough for the head of one of the medical staff to look outside. “STL could you come back inside, he is going to wake up soon.” Giving BB a reassuring look, the shorter man walked towards the door. “I will call you as soon as he is ready to meet you and F-1.”
Having been left alone once more, BB slides down the wall into a seated position next to the door. Resting his head against the cool wall behind him. Was it this obvious that he was worried? So obvious that STL noticed it even with him hiding his mortified expression behind his gas mask?
Did he choose the right thing? Was it selfish to keep him alive? BB did not know. The only thing that he knew right now is that he did not want to lose Eden. Seeing him lying there, underneath the rubble back at the nest, it made it clear to him that he cared more about Eden than he ever had thought. He didn't want more people he cared about to die, not him, not his Eden.
It was BB’s fault Lenny died, BB’s fault Eden pulled that lever. His fault, that Eden would have died. His fault, that he would have lost his best friend forever. The feeling was gnawing at his insides, as if eating him alive. Was it guilt, regret? BB exhaled sharply before he buried his head in his arms.
With every minute of waiting that feeling chipped away at that little hope that Eden would be the same. The best supplier they had in the region, the most reliable man BB had met. Always showing up on time no matter what. Joking with him, spending the little time BB had outside the facility on that rooftop with him. Doing it all for Lenny, oh how much he cared for Lenny. That child he had taken in. That child he cared so much for. That Lenny who was now dead.
His mind spiraled more and more, thinking about what was no longer there. All the days that Eden would not remember, All those memories they had together, would be gone. But even just maybe that was for the best, because then he didn’t have to confront whatever feeling it was that was building within him. Because it would not be Eden anymore? So all those feelings would disappear?
Heavy footsteps came closer towards him, ripping BB out from his thoughts. They stopped right next to him. Slowly lifting his head from his arms, he could only see the yellow fabric of a hazmat suit for a while as his gaze wandered higher. The youngest of the team was staring down at him. Fuck he always forgot how tall F was, it didn't help that he towered over the sitting BB. Looming quietly as always. F seemed to greet him with a static cracking noise. But that was all he could guess from whatever the algorithm of the tall guy actually was meaning to say.
“Did STL call you over?” BB only received another static sound as an answer. Right, why did he even ask? The machine was still a mystery to him, as he couldn’t tell how aware F even was, about what was going on around him. Was F even sentient or just a program running its course? BB probably had to ask STL about it. The older man usually knew more about whatever Contact was researching.
His mind had wandered off again, so he didn’t even notice for a moment that F had extended his hand towards him, offering to help him stand up. Causing the youngest to stand there awkwardly for a good half a minute. “Ah, thanks F.” He mumbled before taking the hand in front of his face, getting pulled up to his feet with a quick tug. Now that he was standing, BB could feel that he had been sitting on that floor for a while, his body aching from the hard floor. How long had he even been waiting.
As he stretched, to get some of the stiffness to go away, the sound of muffled voices hit his ears. It sounded like they were coming from behind the door, getting closer to the two. As the door opened BB could see STL stepping outside beside the two other team members. The team leader looked for BB and F in the other direction first before he turned around to face the two of them. “Ah there you are. CH-0 is awake and passed his first few tests. So he is ready to meet both of you.” STL gave a bit of a worried look to BB as he spoke. “Have you been waiting here all this time? It has been over 2 hours.” A moment of awkward silence was between them before BB answered. “Yeah … it didn’t feel that long to be honest.” He really hadn’t realized it had been that long. Was that a good thing? Probably not. BB only looked down slightly ashamed, he really had gotten lost in those thoughts. Shit.
STL exhaled sharply, rubbing his temples, very obviously worried for him. “I will need to talk with you again BB-14, but not now. CH-0 is waiting to meet you. He is struggling to sit still, bombarding me with questions. Has he always been like that?” Ushering the two of them inside the oldest began leading the way. “Not really, he could get antsy from time to time, sure, but he used to be really patient. He had to be out there.” BB nervously picked at his gloves while they walked. That dreadful feeling swelled up again and he didn’t like it. Hope of CH being the same as Eden sank with every step he took.
“Well, let's hope it's just the nerves after getting transferred for the first time. It takes a bit after all to get used to having no memories.” Opening the door to the dummy room STL left it open for BB and F to step inside. Letting the youngest go in first, BB almost hid behind F’s tall frame before he also went inside. Which caused STL to let out a sigh and shake his head slightly.
Peaking around F he could see Eden sitting on a table, he was already wearing the same yellow hazmat suit all of them were wearing. But he still had that same motorcycle helmet on, slightly banged up and covered in an assortment of scratches accumulated over the years outside. And Eden looked directly at him. It made his blood run cold, causing him to freeze in place. Could it still be him?
Walking past the youngest and the now statuesque BB, STL went up to Eden who had begun swinging his legs back and forth as he waited eagerly. “CH-0 these are Freshman also just known as F-1 and Black Buddy, BB-14 for short. They are the other two members of our team. I hope you will get along well enough.” After introducing the two to their newest member, the team leader waited for a reaction from both sides.
F only let out a static noise, seemingly greeting him. That seemed to cause him to hop off the table and while still a bit unsteady on his feet skip towards them.
He was skipping. Eden would not do that, right? Right? A shiver ran down BB’s spine.
Looking both of them up and down, Eden seemed to beam underneath that helmet of his. “It’s so good to meet you! STL already told me during the test about you guys!” His voice was the same, but that tone, he had never heard it from Eden before. Even with Lenny, he had never sounded so joyous before, so unconcerned with the world.
So incredibly not like Eden.
BB forgot to breathe, something seemed to shatter deep down in his heart. Was it that little bit of hope remaining? No. It was worse than that. It was as if it had broken a dam of every fear that he had tried to ignore. Every single tiny bit of grief he had tried to shove away deep inside of him broke loose. He suddenly felt dizzy, his vision going blurry. He almost didn’t register that Eden was almost ecstatically shaking his hand, as if his body had moved on his own, without him realizing it. He looked so happy, but he did not look like Eden in his eyes anymore. Because all he could feel at that moment was pain, that spread like a wildfire through his entire body.
That look STL gave him, he knew that he was about to unravel. As if the gasmask in front of his face was not there. Like he could see BB’s eyes start to fill with tears. It was as if he had gone deaf, he couldn’t hear whatever CH was saying, almost like he was not in the room anymore. Because there wasn’t an Eden anymore.
“CH-0?” SLT spoke up, interrupting the newest members rambling. “We still have some more tests to run, you can get to know the others in the next few days.” Looking between the three of the other team members for a moment, CH almost chirped his reply. “Oh, alright. It was nice to meet you two, even if you're not that talkative.” He skipped back to the table while humming a tune, where he sat down again. “See you tomorrow!” He waved after the two, as STL signalled the researcher in the room to continue before he dragged BB out of the room. F gave a static whistle before following the other two.
“F-1 you’re dismissed for the moment, I will call for you again when there is something I need from you.” The order of the team leader only caused the youngest to nod, before F heading down the hallway, leaving through the door they had entered through earlier.
As soon as F was out of sight, STL’s face snapped back to face BB and grab his shoulders.. “Fuck, BB-14 breathe. I'm bringing you back to your room right now.” He could feel the taller man trembling underneath the suit. But he couldn’t coax a word out from BB. He was barely listening to begin with.
It took a gentle push from the team leader to get him moving, it was a shaky first step, then another. STL gripped BB’s arm, making sure he did not fall over. He had a feeling it was only a matter of time before the other fully broke down, but luckily it was not hard to get him to walk at a fast pace through the hallways.
Not long after, the both of them reached the residential area that had been established for the employees of Contact. STL led BB into the side hallway that connected to Team 2’s dorms, right in front of his team members' dorm. “BB-14, do you need me to stay?” He tried to sound as calm as possible while took out BB’s key card from the others pocket, to open the door. BB was clearly visibly trembling now, even having to lean against the wall to not fall over. “Please answer me.” STL’s voice had never sounded more concerned before.
The door let out a beep as it opened. It sent a shiver through BB’s body, making him move inside on his own. “No …” It was barely but a whisper. “I … need to be alone.” His voice cracked as he tried to speak. He didn't want STL to see him break down even more, he only had so much more strength to keep it barely together. “BB-14, are you sure.” The hand placed on his shoulder made him shiver. “Please.” It was almost a cry as he begged STL to leave him. “Leave me alone. Please!” He had to grip the door frame to not collapse right there, he was so close to screaming as he pleaded with his team leader. The grip on his shoulder tightened, before the shorter man let out a defeated sigh.
“I will come back in the morning. Please don't do something stupid. Promise me BB-14. I won’t leave if you don’t.” He turned the other man around, so he could look at him. Even with the gas mask in the way, STL could still read BB quite well. “I’ll try …” His voice was back to a whisper, it was the most that he could manage. “Fine, I’ll hope I won't regret trusting you today. If you need me before the morning, just call me, I will be right there.” STL pulled him into a tight hug. BB wanted to crumble right here and there, but he did everything he could to not do that. He had not expected the older man to do that.
Before too long his team leader pulled away again. His hands still rested on his upper arms for a moment longer. “Till in the morning BB-14.” Just barely could BB see his eyes through the tinted visor, they looked so incredibly sad. Then STL slowly turned around and walked away, looking over his shoulder one last time to glance at BB, before he rounded the corner.
BB took one step inside, letting the door behind him fall closed on its own. Then his knees buckled out of exhaustion underneath his own weight, falling to the floor. A low sob finally escaped his throat. It was not him. Eden was truly gone. The only thing remaining of him in this world was his voice, his helmet and most likely his face underneath. But even with that remaining here, that man was not his Eden anymore.
Tears started flowing, dripping onto the gas masks visor, clouding his vision even more than all that haze in his mind already did. “I’m sorry.” He called out in the empty room, his voice almost tearing itself apart.. “I’m sorry.” BB repeated it again, hoping to make anyone hear it, but there was no one there to hear his pleading. “I’M SORRY EDEN.” His voice broke at the last time as he yelled out that name, it was only followed by intensifying sobbing.
He was selfish, he failed him. Now there was nothing left. Nothing but his own memory of that man he loved so much. That realization made him scream out in pain. When the room returned back to only the sound of him crying, BB could not breathe anymore. He clawed at the straps of the mask to unfasten them. He needed it off, he could not have it on anymore.
As he finally unlatched the snaps he threw it across the floor, as far away from him as possible. He breathed in the stale air desperately, trying to fill his tortured lungs. A shudder went through his body like lightning had hit him. His life meant nothing now. All he did in life was for Eden, to see him again. No! He promised STL. BB could not break that promise. Who would he be, if he did that? The most selfish being in this fucked up world? He would be even lower than those despicable cultists that took Lenny’s life. He did not want to be worse than them. That little bit of pride left in him would never let him stoop that low.
The dizziness from earlier finally caught up with him, he felt so incredibly sick. With the last of his strength he scrambled into the bathroom, just in time before he vomited into the toilet. There was likely no one more of a mess than he was right now here in the facility. BB could only rest his head on the toilet seat, tears still running down his face. Tiredness slowly spread through his body. Was he really going to pass out in the bathroom? That would only make tomorrow even harder. Slowly he dragged himself out of the bathroom and onto his bed. Changing would be a problem for the BB of tomorrow.
The thought of having to see that ghost of Eden tomorrow again, what a cruel joke by his own hubris CH was, pained him. BB had only wanted to have him stay alive. So he wouldn’t be lonely in this god forsaken place. But now? What would he give to hear Eden call him that stupid nickname again. He let out a quiet sob. “I would burn the world to hear you call me Crow one last time.”