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Smith had always been able to see things. He’d been able to see into another life, have a view of what they would be like if they took the other bus or missed a phone call. Kind of like another timeline. It only happened when he touched them, though, and only when he wanted to see it.
Ever since he’d been dating Ross, he’d stopped himself from seeing it. Smith was too scared to find out if Ross would’ve been better off without him or - and this was what he was terrified of - happier without him. Ross had never known that Smith could do this and that’s how Smith wanted it to stay. He was constantly torn between finding out. On the one hand Ross could’ve been miserable but on the other, well, he might not have.
Smith had been increasingly stressed lately. Long shifts and less sleep meant he had too much time to think and most of that had been spent imagining different scenarios for Ross’ timelines. He would try not to touch him as much, scared that he’d look and ruin everything but they were cuddling in bed one night and he couldn’t help himself. Smith’s hand drifted across Ross’ exposed upper arm, absentmindedly playing with the hem of his shirt as his head rested on his boyfriend’s chest. He eventually decided against it, reasoning that if Ross would’ve been happier he would’ve left already.
After this their relationship got better day by day. Ross started working towards his dreams again and Smith got promoted and began earning more money so he decided to buy a ring. A plain silver band with stones set in the middle, matching for both of them.
Oh and the day they got married was the happiest of their entire lives. Both Ross’ and Smith’s parents were there, tearing up as they watched on. Their friends were all there as well, all of them knowing that this day would’ve come sometime.
Their honeymoon was just as amazing as well. Smith had gone totally overboard with rose petals and champagne - being the cringey shit he was. The two lay in bed, heart rate still high with their bodies barely covered by the bedsheets.
“Remember when we met?” Ross asked, his fingers finding their way to Smith’s. “Just missed my train and you accidentally whacked me in the face with a baguette?”
“Oh god, how could I forget?” Smith replied between fits of giggles.
Smith clearly remembered running to get the next train after a not-so-quick stop at the bakery. He’d been planning to get some bread for lunch and hand the baguette raised slightly as to avoid it getting caught. When he got down to the platform he could’ve sworn he heard someone yelling his name so spun around, hitting an unsuspecting Ross with a loaf of bread. He’d gone utterly ballistic - yelling and swearing - but for some reason ended up agreeing to go out for lunch with Smith as an “I’m sorry” present.
“What about the day you proposed?” Ross questioned, a bit quieter, fondly stroking Smith’s hair.
“The look on your face when I pulled out the ring, I thought you were gonna scream,” Smith replied, smiling as he remembered how much happiness he’d felt.
They’d been going through a rough patch - Ross always complaining that they never saw each other anymore and Smith saying that they always managed to make time for each other. He just thought it would’ve made them a lot happier if he proposed.
Which it did for a while. They saw each other a bit more when planning the wedding and managed to have more nights in where they just veg out on the couch. After a month or so the arguments started again. Accusations of not caring and long nights of waiting up where all that filled their spare time. They weren’t happy as much. The wedding got put off again and again to the point that after they’d agreed on a date it was two years on.
Eventually, though, the day came and it was bliss for a few hours. That was until Smith managed to leave their passports at the hotel they were staying at before the wedding. Ross wasn’t too happy and ignored him for the majority of the flight to their “mystery destination”.
Smith thought that this might be a break for them - allow them to clear the air and start a life as a happily married couple. Although he did wonder what it would be like if he hadn’t proposed. Would the arguing have stopped?
As they talked a bit more, his hand began to slowly drift up towards Ross’ head, just barely grazing his temple. He concentrated on the timelines and found the one where he hadn’t proposed. His mind got taken away and he found himself watching on the day he was meant to have proposed.
Another argument.
This time Smith hadn’t emptied their bin, leaving Ross to do it when he got home from work. It was as Ross yelled, “Do you even care about me anymore?” that Smith was supposed to pull out the ring. It never happened.
Instead he saw himself storm off and out the door into the street, head in his hands just sobbing over their failed relationship. He stayed for a few minutes then got out a small box from his pocket - that he knew contained the ring - and shoved it deep into his jeans.
Then Smith saw Ross in present day. He was in an unfamiliar apartment - what seemed to be a penthouse, looking out over the London skyline, adorned with furniture and floor to ceiling windows that gave a crystal clear view of the capital. When Smith spotted Ross he was in a black, leather armchair holding a children’s story book, reading to a young child. A child with the same striking blue eyes that were almost identical to Ross’.
His child, Smith thought, slowly beginning to regret his decision and it didn’t get any better when another voice came from a hallway.
“Babe,” the unfamiliar man called out, “where’s Bertie?”
“He’s right here with me,” Ross replied as the young boy giggled at the sound of, what Smith presumed was, his name. Bertie clambered onto the armchair that Ross was sat in and made himself comfortable in his dad’s lap, pointing at the pictures that went along with the story.
The mystery man appeared from in front of Ross, his hair about a similar length to Smith’s despite being a lot darker. The man’s frame was smaller and he crouched down next to the armchair, one hand resting on Ross’. When Smith took a closer look, he saw the identical rings the two shared.
They were married? He’s happier without me. Did I fuck it up by proposing?
Ross seemed to be smiling the same angelic smile he always had, Smith noted that he seemed to laugh more at the other man’s shitty jokes. They had wedding photos and holiday photos and baby photos and every photo littering the apartment. Ross just simply looked happier with mystery guy than he ever had with Smith.
Smith saw flashes of more scenes from this alternate timeline. Ross finally getting the job he’d always wanted, having a wedding that blew theirs out of the water, seeing the world together, having civilised conversations that didn’t descend into ridiculous arguments.
When he was out of the timelines, he found Ross staring into his eyes with a concerned look across his face.
“Are you alright?” he asked, placing a hand on Smith’s forehead, “You look a bit ill.”
Smith swallowed the lump in his throat, “I’m fine, I just think I’m gonna go to sleep now.”
Ross nodded, making sure that Smith was comfortable and kissed him on the forehead before adjusting his position so his arms were wrapped around his husband’s middle. Halfway through the night Smith felt himself be released as he looked over to see Ross flip around to lay on his other side. Seizing the opportunity, Smith carefully got himself out of bed and quickly threw on his discarded clothes. He grabbed his bag that he didn’t have time to unpack and took one last look at the room before grabbing the door handle and slowly turni-
“Where are you going?” a sleepy Ross wondered aloud, rubbing his eyes and squinting at the dark figure of Smith by the door.
“I, just need to go,” Smith replied, unwilling to turn around to face him.
“But we just got here?” Ross said.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Smith said, his voice beginning to crack slightly, “You’ll be happier without me here.”
“We just got married though, I have the ring and everything,” the quiet, slightly intoxicated voice came from the bed. Smith finally turned around to see Ross sitting up, a warm glow from the side light revealing his pouting face.
“Go back to sleep Ross, you’ll find it easier. You can wake up and enjoy the rest of the honeymoon. I can speak to lawyers then soon enough you’ll be free,” his voice was now racked with sobs, “You can find someone new and soon enough forget me, ok?”
Ross was silent as Smith turned the door handle and dragged out his bag, the soft click of the door shutting behind him was enough to cause full on tears.
They’d be happier apart, he should never have proposed. Ross would have his happily ever after and Smith would get what he deserved; loneliness. That’s all he needed anyway.