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Beads of sweat roll down Sullin’s forehead.  She takes a deep breath, her grip on her practice epee tightens.  She stares right ahead, it’s a dummy.  Tonight this dummy was her enemy and she was going to lunge at it.

She’s alone in the room and has been for hours.  Although the gym had no windows, she didn’t need them to know only the moon and stars were out.  It was also seeing the student employee non discretely walk by, probably to do a wellness check on her.  It was valid though because Sullin made it a point to begin her personal training at 11am.

Her lungs were giving out but she puts that idea away and gets her stance ready.  With right hand, she tilts and extends her epee upwards and perfectly aligns it in view with the dummy’s head while keeping her left to float behind her.  She takes a deep breath before taking two steps forward then, kicks with her right leg and pushes with her left.  Her back is as straight as can be with both arms extended, but the burn in her thighs from the hours of practice makes her wobble in place.  She feels slightly satisfied when her strike creates a thud that manages to cut through the volume of her music.

Only slightly though.  Every lunge had to be perfect.

She huffs frustratedly, stepping back to her starting point.  Her eyes never leave the dummy and her grip tightens even more.  It was like she could almost feel her knuckles go white.

Sullin gets back into position, cursing at herself for her last lunge.  While she takes a second to breathe, she doesn’t hear the gym doors swing open.

“Thought I’d find you here!”

Startled, she turns around, ready to use her épée as a weapon.  Whoever the intruder was didn’t need to know the end was blunt.  Maybe her music was too loud.  Not hearing the door open should be a concern…

But the girl before her wasn’t even close to a concern.  She was kind, gentle, patient and thoughtful.

She is Lynn.  

Lynn was a real saint, an angel even.  Sullin was not religious by any means, but some part of her always thought that Lynn coming to her life must have been something divine or written in the stars.

Sullin cracks into a smile seeing the way Lynn put her hands up in the air as if she were threatened and scared.  She could never do something like that to Lynn though.  She couldn’t ever feel threatened by her in this sort of way.

She walks to her bag where her phone was to pause her playlist and set down her epee.  She could just almost make out Lynn’s footsteps closing in on her.

“Who sent you to check up on me?” Sullin asks curiously as she unscrews the lid to her water bottle.  “Dahyun or Nien?”

Lynn shrugs, pulling her hoodie over her head.  The hood nearly swallowed her head from how oversized it was.  For once Lynn looked small, but not for once, Lynn looked cute.  Lynn looked cute a lot of the time.

“She didn’t send me… I just… Stopped by to see if you were home and wanted to hang out,” Lynn explains, almost shyly. “And I would’ve stayed to hang out with her too but she said she and Kaede were going on a date so I didn’t wanna keep them long.”

Sullin’s eyes flash to Lynn’s bottom lip that sticks out just ever so slightly.  Lynn must’ve been wearing something because her lips looked more pink than normal.  Her mind lingers on it when she brings her own eyes to Lynn’s.

“Dahyun unnie definitely would’ve let you stay by yourself.  Nien unnie should be home soon anyway so you wouldn’t have been there by yourself for too long.” Sullin chuckles.

“I know but you’ve been here for almost nine hours.”

“...Yeah?” Sullin chuckles, attempting to get Lynn to break with her. “And your point is?”

“Sullin.” Lynn says unamused, crossing her arms disapprovingly.

“Lynn.”

“Nine hours.” 

“Oh come onnnn,” Sullin smiles, reaching for Lynn’s hood and pulls it off of her.  Lynn’s stoic stare chips for just a second from the action.  Whatever side of Lynn she saw with this, she liked it but she would never admit that out loud. “I can’t get better if I don’t practice.”

Lynn sighs, “Did you even eat dinner?”

“I had two power bars.”

“...That’s it?”

“Chocolate and strawberry,” Sullin answers.  “I’m fine, I got ramen at home.” Sullin pats Lynn’s head with amusement, as if she were a couple of years older than her. “You wanna come back and eat with me?  Maybe watch a movie?”

Lynn tilts her head and looks onto her knowingly, “…We’re gonna eat deep in the morning aren’t we?”

“I need to get at least one hour in!” Sullin whines.

Lynn crossed her arms, the scowl only grew more intense before her face lit up.  Sullin knew she came up with an idea.

“We could do a race,” Lynn proposed and pointed to the wall on their right. “That wall will be our starting point.  If I make it to the other side before you, you pack up and we go home.”

Sullin shakes her head, “No no.  That’s not fair, you’re taller than me you’ll get there faster.”

“You don’t know that! I could lose!”

“No you wouldn’t! Well, actually…” Lynn thinks out loud. “Okay listen, if I had my epee we could’ve done a little competition buttttt….”

“But…?”

Lynn lets out a smile and a puff of air, putting her hands up defensively. “Maybe it wouldn’t be an easy little match.”

That lights up a fire in Sullin.

Sullin cocks her head, inching closer to her.  She feels slightly satisfied when she witnesses fear flash over Lynn’s delicate features.  She feels even more satisfied when Lynn visibly gulps but continues to keep up with her energy, their eyes intensely fixed on each other.

Only slightly though.

“What are you implying here…Kawakami?”

Lynn smirks down at her, stepping just a tad bit closer to her.  Sullin in an instant feels even smaller compared to Lynn than she did before.  Something about the way Lynn was looking and smiling down at her made her panic in a way that she didn’t quite understand just yet.

Other than someone she trains to keep up with and a teammate, she has always seen Lynn as just a friend.  A friend she has always thought was attractive.  An extremely gorgeous friend that she has said on more than one occasion, as a joke of course, was her girl boyfriend.  A girl that’s a boyfriend.  Lynn is her boyfriend that also happens to be a girl, but still this did not mean she had feelings for her.  Absolutely not.  No way.  There was no time to date anyways even if she wanted to, she’s here to fence.  And she’s damn good at it, so for now, she’ll settle for the runaway thought of her on a date.  Her head on her shoulder, the mystery figure bearing a striking resemblance to Lynn.

She has always seen Lynn as just a friend, and it was going to stay that way.  Still though with the combination of Lynn’s alluring brown eyes that Sullin thought about too often these days, and her sly smile that was surely going to flash through her thoughts for the next foreseeable days, she understood the fangirls (as Sullin liked to call them) who pursued the woman.

She sees Lynn as just a friend, or at least that’s what she has been unsuccessfully telling herself for the last few months.

There’s a thought that runs through Sullin’s mind, one that she almost wants to dare herself to take.  What would happen if she were to pull the strings of Lynn’s hoodies towards her, bringing their faces mere centimeters apart?  What would happen?  Does Lynn think about this too?  Surely it can’t just be her… Right?

“…Maybe you’d win, or maybe I’d lose,” Lynn says quietly, almost like she was lost in her own mind before stepping to the side and walks backwards towards the end of the gym. “Care to find out Bunraksa?” She calls out, arrogantly sticking her arms about.

Like throwing more wood to a burning campfire, Sullin marches on over in the same direction as Lynn.  Lynn’s light chuckles are normally a sweet melody to Sullin’s ears, now though they’re everything but that.  It’s bitter and disharmonious.

So what if this was a petty little competition that she had with Lynn?  She was still going to give it her all and even the score.  The girl kept track of her wins and losses against Lynn (which was currently Lynn having one over her), it was serious for her.  Lynn was just so good at everything and that bugged her more than she ever thought it would.

Sullin’s back hits her back against the wall at the same time Lynn does.  She glances over, eyes locking intensely with Lynn’s for a passing second.  Lynn’s eyes were always sharp somehow.  Her eyes were twin stars in a powerless city.  Dazzling and mesmerizing, Sullin always struggled to keep eye contact.

“Count us off.” Sullin mumbles, pushing down the last lingering thought she had about Lynn’s eyes.

“1…2…3!!”

In an instant, the two girls dash forward.  Their rapid footsteps echo in the gym, and it’s all Sullin can hear for the time being. Her mind is set on one thing only; beating Lynn.  Like their thunderous equally matched steps, it echoes in her mind.

I have to win.  I have to win.  Why is she so fast?!  Jesus Kawakami!

She dares not to glance at the other girl, knowing that doing so would put her at risk.

Just when the wall is within her reach, Sullin pushes on as a desperate attempt to get just a bit ahead of Lynn.  But then from her peripheral view, two arms extend out to the wall.

Before she knows it, she and Lynn are no longer side by side.  

“YES!” Lynn shouts victoriously.

“Hey!” Sullin shouts in between the breaths that escape from her. “You cheated!  You can’t touch the wall?!”

“I didn’t say I couldn’t!” Lynn grins.

“You cheated!”

“Oh come on, don’t be a sore loser.  This wasn’t a match at a comp now was it?”

“Well no it wasn’t…”

Lynn flashes her a smile before unzipping her hoodie, fanning herself off shortly after.  Even when she was supposed to be sweating, Lynn glowed.  Sullin didn’t understand that, not in the slightest.  Would Lynn still glow like a divine being if she were to ever, for whatever reason (totally not imagining taking her to her favorite spots in Bangkok), visit Thailand?  Probably yes, Sullin thinks.  Everything about her was just so perfect.  Kawakami Lynn was naturally beautiful and a natural at their shared sport.  

A scowl forms unconsciously as Sullin ruminates on how many more hours she spent training and practicing compared to Lynn.  The only thing she knew for certain other than she liked being in Lynn’s presence was that she definitely spent many more hours training and practicing.

“You okay?” Lynn asks softly.

There were words that bubbled in Sullin’s mind.  Words of frustration over their work gap were suddenly louder than the words of affection and admiration that Sullin didn’t allow herself to explore.

A tight line forms in place of where her smile would be, clearing her throat as she makes way to her belongings and begins packing up.

“I’m good,” Sullin sighs, rubbing her eyes.  “It’s probably a good stopping point anyways.  I got a reflection assignment to finish.”

“Is it a lot?”

“Not really,” Sullin carefully puts the cover back onto her practice sword, placing it neatly in her bag next to her other items before zipping it closed and slinging it on one shoulder. “I have most of it done, I think I just need one paragraph.”

“I hope you get it done soon then.”
“Do you have anything?”

“I finished it all earlier today.  I knew I’d probably be busy helping Mayu and Xinyu set up for their party tomorrow night.  Which speaking of…” Lynn fake coughs in a manner that brings a smile to Sullin’s lips, right where it should be. “You’re still going to that right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Cool!”

Lynn rushes past her, using her shoulder to push open the door.  She holds the door open for her, smiling at her tenderly.  It’s the little things like this that have been really getting into Sullin’s head lately.  Lynn always did chivalrous type of acts before, this was not new.  She’ll hold the door open.  She’ll instinctively stand in front of her and push past a crowd of people at house parties and get her a drink first before she gets one for herself.  She’ll make sure Sullin is walking on the inside of the sidewalk so that she is farther away from cars.

Lately, Lynn has been showing up to her nightly solo training and even waits for her to be done with her post training shower.  She waits through it all, just to walk her home.  It’s the little things that make Sullin feel crazy and wonder.  

Do friends do this for each other?  Yes.  Would rivals do this for each other?  Probably not.  Would a crush do this?  Scratch that thought.  She did not have a crush on Kawakami Lynn.

So then Lynn does all of this, insisting on waiting for Sulling.  She insisted on walking her home and now this time, insisted on holding her bag for her because she might be too tired and deserved a break.

Sullin can’t help but think about where Lynn stands in her heart.  What is Lynn to her?  Friend?  Teammate?  Rival?  The main star of her romantic day dreams?  All of the above.

Silently, they walk side by side out on the sidewalk.  The silence wasn’t loud, it was comfortable and calm like Lynn.  When they come to a crosswalk, waiting for the signal, Sullin dares to glance over at the girl next to her.

She casts a quick glance, just barely catching Lynn’s gaze darting away from her and back ahead at the path ahead of them.  What was silent now was overtaken by the sound of Sullin’s heartbeat that played on like a drum solo. Now there was a new question in her mind.

What was she to Lynn?

Sullin doesn’t go to parties often.  That was kind of a lie though because one of her teammates Carmen, liked to host dinner parties often.  But Carmen’s dinner parties weren’t too big, there would be teammates and some other friends that Carmen had.  However the kind of parties that Xinyu, Mayu’s friend who also lived with her and Lynn, threw were like the ones Sullin would see in movies.  

With Xinyu’s parties, all of Sullin’s circle also attended.  Then again, Sullin was somewhat included in Xinyu’s close circle.  Sullin’s housemates, Dahyun and Nien were in Xinyu’s friend group.  By proxy (and they just happen to be some of the friendliest people on the planet), Sullin was also friends with their respective girlfriends Kaede and Seoyeon.  With Kaede and Seoyeon came so many others like Kotone, Jiwoo, Yooyeon and Chaeyeon just to name a few.  They were the ones that stuck out to Sullin and funnily enough, they all managed to get Sullin’s socials before the night ended.  Each and every one of the many friends that Lynn’s older cousin and roommate shared welcomed Sullin into their classroom sized friend group.  

Sullin was not really the Xinyu party type of girl, but she’d always go with an invite.  Xinyu’s parties came with a little something extra for her.  The moments that she stole with Lynn at each gathering eventually turned into minutes.  From minutes came hours, and every second with Lynn felt timeless.  Alone and away from everyone else, where Sullin could really get to know the girl a little better.  The time alone with her quickly became what she looked forward to the more common it became.  With a shared look, Lynn would lead the way to her bedroom.  Lynn’s bedroom began feeling like a little hideout for the two of them.

Everything and everyone was a thunderstorm, loud and rumbling.  Lynn was a pair of headphones with her favorite songs playing, canceling the thunderstorm just outside.  She was calming and Sullin could get lost in the music for hours.

Sullin buried her hands into her pockets as she followed her friends ahead of her.  Dahyun and Kaede, always in their own little world, giggled between themselves at the inside jokes that only they knew.  Nien and Seoyeon, beside her, walked hand in hand in a comfortable silence.

“So Sullin,” Nien says. “What time did Lynn go home?  Did she stay the night?”

“Huh?!” Dahyun whips her head around in shock.

So much for comfortable silence and a separate little world.

“...How did you know she was over?” Sullin slowly turns her head at Nien, like she had been caught in something.

Which she kind of was because Lynn did stay the night.  But Lynn also left early in the morning, and both girls were so sure that both Dahyun and Nien did not notice.

“Just now, thanks for confirming!” Nien sticks her tongue out juvenilely like before laughing with the rest of the friends.

It takes everything in her power to not shove Nien with all the strength in her body before she remembers that the older girl could easily out-power her.  Nien split her time that was not dedicated to her classes to Seoyeon, their friends and the many many sports clubs that she was part of.  Most notably, Nien was the captain of the wrestling club… Yeah she wasn’t winning that.

Sullin resolves to whining, weakly pushing the older girl to the side.

“Why do you ask?” Sullin pouts.

“She’s here all the time,” Seoyeon deadpans. “It reached levels of suspicion.”

“Suspisicon?!”

“Super suspicion.”

“What, like, don’t whistle at night?” Sullin grins.

Dahyun and Kaede’s bodies shake with laughter while Nien matching their laughs raises her palm at her for a high five.  If anybody was going to appreciate the dumb jokes (excluding Lynn of course) it would be the three of them.

“That was good!!” Nien giggles.

Seoyeon smacks her lips disapprovingly, but Sullin knew her habits.  Nien’s laugh was too contagious for Seoyeon to not crack a little.

“No Sullin, that's superstition,” Seoyeon sighs. “You know what I said.”

Sullin shakes her head, burying her hands deeper into the pockets of her jeans, “I have no clue actually.”

“Okay let’s get back on track,” Nien coughs after catching her breath. “But seriously.  Lynn is over a lot.”

“Are you guys annoyed by that?”

“Oh nooooo. No,” Nien dismisses in a beat. “We love her, she's an angel.  We-”

“We, as in you and Seoyeon unnie.”

“Um actually!” Dahyun raises a finger in the air. “Kaede and I as well.  Actually all of us.”

“Us?!” Sullin stops in her tracks, ripping her hand out of her pockets and grabbing her scalp. “All of us?!  As in who?!”

“Well Mayu, because obviously,” Seoeyon answers as she puts her free hand out in the air and counts down.  Sullin’s eyes widened in horror. “Then obviously Nakyoung because duh.  And then everyone else in the group, but that’s because we all have the nosy virus.  And then…”

Mayu was one of the sweetest people on the planet.  Nakyoung was someone who simply made things feel relaxed but still fun.  Their combined powers naturally made them a beloved couple.  Sullin never felt like a stranger around them, Mayu and Nakyoung both radiated a maternal energy like never before.

This made them scarier considering Mayu is Lynn’s older cousin and guardian.  Nakyoung, being Mayu’s long term serious girlfriend, takes her future in law role very seriously.  Maybe a little too seriously.

Sullin’s mind races a mile a minute at the thought.  If she didn’t know what she was to Lynn, what the hell was she to probably the two women who had the biggest influence and nonetheless impact on her life?!  Sullin knew how close Lynn was to her cousin and her girlfriend.  If she wasn’t with her, Lynn spent her time hanging around them.  Could it be possible that they disappro-

“Hello?  Earth to Pirada Bunraksa!” Nien lands her hand on Sullin’s shoulder, rocking her back and forth a little before letting go.  “You totally spaced out for a second there.”

“Oh not the full government name.” Kaede chuckles.

Sullin blinks at her dazedly, “...I did?”

“Yeah you did,” Dahyun walks to her, smiling at her sincerely and pats her head. “You know you can be honest with us right?”

The fencer’s lips quiver as she finds herself suddenly in the center of the circle her friends had formed around her.  Being friends with older girls had its perks.  Sullin would never have to worry about paying for a bill when they’re out for food, she would never have to worry about not having anything to wear.  What she did have to worry about was this.

The “I love you bro” ring, in which the friends form a circle and the conversation truly gets serious.  Sometimes one friend would be at its center and Sullin was lucky enough to not actually be in the hot seat.

Her luck had run out.

“I’m gonna say this with all of the love in my heart,” Dahyun says softly before her face drops and hardens. “We all notice when you and Lynn disappear from parties.  It’s not a secret, we all see it.”

Sullin feels like she wants to throw up.  

“We just wanna know…” Nien crosses her arms. “Do you maybe have a thing for Lynn?”

Do I… Do I?!

Sullin looks around the circle, meeting eyes not like Lynn’s.  Their eyes were full of care, expectation, giddiness and maybe even a little mischief.

Lynn’s eyes were always full of intrigue, mystery and answers to secrets that Sullin sought after.

“I… Um…” Sullin pulls at the neckline of her shirt. “Honestly I don’t know.”

“That’s ok-” Dahyun nods encouragingly.

“I-think-I-like-her.” Sullin blurts out in one second before burying her face into her hands. “Actually-I-don’t-know.”

Dahyun pats her head again after a few seconds of a collective frozen state, “...That’s!  That’s okay too!”

“Why do you say you ‘think’ though?” Seoyeon asked curiously. 

“I don’t know… It’s just,” Sullin sighs defeatedly.  “Complicated between us.  I think.  I don’t know, it's weird.”

“Is she sending you mixed signals?”

“I don’t even know if she has been sending me signals.  I can’t really tell if someone likes me.  You know, nobody really liked me in grade school.  And it’s not just that either, I get so annoyed thinking about how perfect she is at every practice but she’s so sweet and kind and-”

“Sullin!” Kaede gets a hold of the girl this time. “Calm down!  She is definitely sending you signals!”

Sullin feels like she wants to throw up even more.

“She is?!”

“Yes!” Nien laughs. “I think her most obvious signal is how often she’s over!”

“Okay well here’s the thing,” Sullin throws her hands into the air. “Is it not platonic to hang out with your friends often?  I mean, we all hang out constantly.”

Seoyeon shakes her head once, “Mmm, while that may be true… Her energy is so different around you.  It’s hard to explain but we all feel it.  Of course Mayu and Nakyoung do too.”

“There’s yearning in her eyes too,”  Nien adds. “I know what I’m talking about too because I used to look at Seoyeon the same way when we weren’t dating yet.”

Seoyeon turns her head, scowling at her. “Used to?”

Dahyun and Kaede share a look before glancing in other directions.  Sullin knows Seoyeon’s typical antics and banter with her, but grimaces nonetheless.

“Still do my love,” Nien kisses her cheek. “Still do.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Sullin frowns, “...Are we done with the circle now?”

“Not quite!” Dahyun says. “It’s okay if you don’t know now, but try not to lead her on.”

“But we don’t know if she likes me like that.”

“She probably does!”

“I don’t believe you!” Sullin crosses her arms.  “And besides!  I don’t have the time anyways!”

“If I have time for 4 sports clubs, a job and classes you can absolutely get a girlfriend too,” Nien says.  “When it comes to love, nothing really gets in the way.”

“My top priority is becoming captain of the fencing team,” Sullin said as seriously as she could. “Lynn may be my friend, but she is still someone who’s a threat.”

Nien opens and closes her mouth, the confused expression growing more intense the longer she took to find the right words.  Sullin meant to though.  Lynn may be her friend but she was undoubtedly her biggest roadblock to becoming captain.  The prestige of it all is just within her reach.  Her problem is there’s another hand already extended but not as strained as hers.

“You’re not in the gym and you’re not at a comp!” Nien says concerned but with a smile no less. “You’re going to a party where you’re going to see Lynn, your friend.  Tonight, she’s not your teammate slash potential captain running mate.  It’s okay to lean into your feelings for her and what she may feel for you!”

Dahyun tilts her head, stretching her lips to one side, “If all of us are sensing something, that should count for something!”

Sullin squints at the both of them, feeling weary, “...Don’t feed into my delusions…”

All four older women drop their heads.

“Okay.  This is okay, we’ll have another circle time!”

Sullin shivers at the thought and continues walking behind everyone else.  Not a word came out of her, but her mind was as loud as ever.  Knowing what she was to Lynn would be wonderful.  Whatever she felt towards her wasn’t normal, she knew that.  For now though she was content not knowing as she didn’t know the totality of her feelings towards Lynn either.  For now it was safer for her to not know Lynn’s feelings because chances are that it is not reciprocated.  For now she’ll settle in their limbo.

.

.

.

Sullin settles into the couch, feeling slightly nervous at the prospect of Mayu and Nakyoung having a different view of her.  But when she walked in, both Mayu and Nakyoung happily greeted her as if there was nothing going on.  They were just as she expected them to be.  Really the only thing out of the ordinary was when Nakyoung swung an arm over the girl’s shoulder and walked her to the kitchen.

Well, there was another thing out of the ordinary.

Cracking open the beer can that Nakyoung handed her, she turns her head to look around the room.  Familiar faces surrounded her but there was one that was missing.  Lynn was absent and that was very out of the ordinary.  Normally Lynn would have walked her inside and handed her a soda can, here she was seeing everyone but her.  She was nowhere to be found.

She really shouldn’t care about Lynn’s absence that much, it didn’t matter she tells herself.  Chaeyeon takes a seat next to her happily, but Sullin was still unwillingly trying to figure out where Lynn was.

“Sullin!  How have you been?” Chaeyeon beamed at her, pulling Sullin out of her wonders.

Sullin tears her eyes away from the staircase where she hoped to see Lynn.

“I’ve been good.  Just doing a lot of training.” Sullin answers before drinking from her can.

“Right, you’re still going to try and get that team captain or team leader spot right?”

“Of course,” Sullin nods firmly, smiling that her friend remembered this. “That’s my goal.”

“You’ll be the coolest and prettiest captain, I’ll be one of your fan girls!” Chaeyeon teases as she covers her face behind her hands.

Sullin shakes her head, chuckling at the joke.  She had never really thought about her having fan girls, but she sure has thought about Lynn’s.  They were flies, they only ever annoyed her and got in the way.

“Fan girls,” Sullin laughs. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Fine I guess I’ll be one of Lynn’s!”

Sullin smacks her lips in distaste, “Fun’s over.”

“What? Are you jealous?” Chaeyeon leans into her menacingly.

Sullin biters back her tongue, she could say a lot of things.  But these are things she doesn’t mean and she would just rather not.  Chaeyeon had her goofy moments but she always meant well.  She just couldn’t do it to her.

“Me? Jealous?” Sullin scoffs, whipping her head out towards the door. “Please I don’t get j-”

She cuts her speech short when the door opens and in comes Lynn.  

There she was.

With two bags of ice in her arms, her black hoodie pulled up just enough to present her muscles walked in the girl of her thoughts.  Lynn, walking in with ease and a smile that could put goddesses to shame.  With just a few steps inside and eyes like a siren, Lynn’s presence wasn’t loud but it always was to her.  Lynn’s presence to her was like the buzzer at comps.  She can’t ignore it.  She couldn’t ever ignore it.  She can’t ignore Lynn.  She couldn’t ever ignore Lynn.   She drinks more than she should from her can when feels her throat dry up a little at her quiet beauty.

Just when she’s downed the beer nearly halfway in record time, a small slim figure pops in from behind Lynn.

This rosy cheeked stranger, with a brown paper bag in her hand, smiled timidly as she followed Lynn inside.  They laugh shyly at something the stranger says and suddenly, Sullin’s throat becomes a dry desert.

Who the hell is that?  A fan girl?!

Squeezing the can like a stress ball, she chugs it again as she eyes them from the door and to the kitchen.  Chaeyeon sounds muffled at the moment as Sullin drowns in her thoughts.

Who is this pretty stranger and why was she with Lynn?

“Why are you staring?” Chaeyeon nudges her side, looking at her coyly. “I just watched you drink that entire can in 30 seconds.”

Sullin tears her eyes from the sight of Mayu being friendly with the stranger.  She blinks down at her can that looks more like a wrung out towel than a normal beer can then back at Chaeyeon.

“I was thirsty.” Sullin answers dryly.

“...You’re jealous… Aren’t you?”

“No, god no.” Sullin scoffs, placing her can on the table in front of them.

“Maybe you can lie to the others but you can’t lie to me, it’s forbidden,” Chaeyeon says seriously, leaning in closer.  “It’s the law.”

“What law?”

“Chaeyeon’s law,” Chaeyeon answers almost immediately. “Not only did I watch you drink that whole can faster than Nien would for a bet, but I watched you watch Lynn walk in.”

Sullin froze.  She was absolutely right and didn’t even think about how indiscreet she was.

“Did not.” Sullin lies.

“Did too,” Chaeyeon frowns before grinning. “You’re so totally jealous.  You must like her, don’t you?”

Sullin rolls her eyes, feeling irritated. “Why has everyone asked me that today?!”

“Are we wrong?”

“You guys are so nosy.”

“You guys are the babies, some questioning was bound to happen.”

“And you’re all grown!” Sullin groans in a hushed tone. “Don’t you all have something better to do with your lives?”

“Himejoshing out together is the best way to escape the trials and tribulations of our adult lives, Sullin.”

“There’s nothing to himejoshi over.”

“None of us think so.”

Curiosity hits Sullin like a truck.  The older girls talked about the two of them, that much she knew.  But she needed to know more.  She needed to know for her own sanity of course and so that she could shut down any form of gossip about her and Lynn.  No other reason.

“What do you guys see….?” Sullin turns her head for a moment, secretly hoping to lock eyes with Lynn.  The girl though was too busy unloading the ice into the large cooler, as the stranger was handing things from the paper bag to Mayu.

She swallows away any bit of negative thoughts that crept onto her face as she turned back to her older friend, who smiled at her in a way that made her almost want to get up and leave. 

Almost.

“We see two girls who spend a lot of time together, who match each other very well.”

“In what ways do you think we match each other?”

Chaeyeon laughs. “I’m sorry but the fact that you’re asking really doesn’t help your nonchalant act.”

“There’s a bug on you.”

“That’s not gonna work… This time.”

“Your personalities fit well together.  You guys aren’t opposites attract like Nien and Seoyeon or Xinyu and Sohyun… But look at Dahyun and Kaede for example,”  Sullin follows where Chaeyeon gestures too, finding a very relaxed couple sitting together and eating from one plate at the other end of the room.  “Not really opposites but… They’re plucked from the same branch… Cut from the same cloth or part of the same instrument.”

“I think the common phrasing is ‘cut from the same cloth’.”

“Yeah but I like making up my own stuff too sometimes, you get it!”

“About Dahyun and Kaede unnie?” Sullin attempts to deflect. “Well yeah. They fit together.”

“And so do you and Lynn,” Chaeyeon nods. “You two match each other’s energies well.”

Deep down, Sullin knew she was right.  A small part of her always knew they matched well.  Better than well.  So much better than well that it scared her a little.

“Lynn and I are just…” Sullin trails off, gulping at her vulnerability. “Friends…Kinda friends.”

Chaeyeon huffs, smiling at her all-knowingly, “Right.  You keep telling yourself that Pirada.”

“You’re the second person to call me by my government name while on the topic of Lynn.”

“Great minds think alike!”

“...Keep telling yourself that…”

“Hey!”

Jiwoo appears out of thin air as she plops herself down on the couch’s arm rest with a red solo cup in her hand.  She looks down at the two with a nod, smiling smugly at them.

Did she know too?  Who was she kidding, Jiwoo knows and definitely partook in this little gossip about her and Lynn.  The older girls talk.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Talking about our favorite gay fencers.”

Jiwoo snorts, “Good work.”

Sullin groans, leaning her head back onto the couch, “You’re part of this too… Aren’t you?”

“Of course I am,” Jiwoo grins. “Maybe not as much as your housemates and Mayu and Nakyoung but I’m there in the conversation.”

If now was a good time to know the couple’s thoughts, it was this moment.  Asking them herself was terrifying and gave her a shiver that involuntarily took over.  The older girls watch her with concerned eyes as she pulls her hair from all kinds of directions to mask her face.

“What have Mayu and Nakyoung unnies said about it?”

“Oooh,” Jiwoo clicks her tongue. “The fact that you’re asking about it means you care.”

“Can’t a girl be curious?!”

“A girl can be curious but it feels like this is more than just a normal curiosity, ya know?”

“…. Fine.  What did they think?”

Jiwoo hums, tapping her lips.

There’s an impulsive thought to push Jiwoo off from where she sat but that would draw too much attention to the three of them.  Now was possibly the only time outside of comps and practice she wanted Lynn to be away.  She can’t keep lying to herself.

“They think you’re a nice kid.  A little on the quieter side but funny.”

Sullin slowly unravels her hair, “Is that it?”

“That’s all I know so far,” Jiwoo says honestly, before nodding to Chaeyeon.  “Was there anything else?”

“Mmm no I don’t think so?”

“Why are we talking about Lynn though?”

Sullin throws her hands out of the way of her face, nearly lunging at herself as she puts a finger to Jiwoo’s lips .  Jiwoo caught off guard, nearly falling off the couch in a struggle to balance.  Feeling panicked and anxious over potentially getting Lynn’s attention at definitely a bad moment to walk in on, the fencer really does lunge at her but this time in an effort to pull Jiwoo back in.

“I am so sorry!” Sullin pressed her palms together, holding them up in the air like Jiwoo had the power of Buddha and could summon a mountain on top of her.

Jiwoo wasn’t like that though and looked at her stunned, simultaneously laughing.

“You’re okay, nobody died,” Jiwo brushes off and leans in closer to the huddle circle the three of them created.  “But seriously, why are we talking about…Lynn?”

“What are you guys talking about?” Lynn asks, leaning into the couch, just a hair behind Sullin.

Sullin really wants to throw up right now.

Chaeyeon yelps in a genuine surprise as Jiwoo whips her head back at her like someone yelled her name.

Oh god did she hear us say her name?!

Chaeyeon holds a hand to her chest, “Jesus we need to put a bell on you!”

Lynn between the three of them, smiling like a fool who hadn’t a clue in the world that she was their topic of discussion.

Sullin discreetly puts a fist to her chest as if that was somehow going to help when she feels her heart play on like bongos when Lynn looks down below, locking eyes with her as she giggles.

Who knew, talking about it out loud with the older girls made her really start acknowledging it?  Because it is true.  As frustrated as Lynn makes her for being naturally gifted at their shared sport it makes her just as frustrated when always showed her kindness.  Greediness and jealousy trickle in her thoughts when her mind flashes back to the stranger with her at the door.  Maybe she really did have feelings for Lynn, and that frustrated her like hell.

“Hi.” Lynn smiles.

Sullin blinks up at her, terrified out of her mind at how hot her face feels.  Is it noticeable to Lynn that she’s blushing as hard as if she met an idol?

“...Hello.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good.  How are you, this fine evening?”

OH MY GOD DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT?!

Lynn smiles even wider than she thought possible, “I’m good thanks for asking!  Have you eaten yet?”

“Egg roll.”

“Egg… roll?”

“Yeah.”

“...Just one?”

“Yeah…”

“Stay there, I’ll go get you more food.” Lynn says immediately and makes a beeline towards the paper plates.

As soon as Lynn leaves, Sullin hunches over with a heavy sigh.

“Oh my god you like her…” Chaeyeon whispers behind her hand.

Jiwoo snickers, “The way she looked at you from above…  I feel like I witnessed a drama with my own two eyes.”

“Right!  That was kinda fun!”

“I’m glad you all find this amusing,” Sullin groans, leaning into Jiwoo’s side.  “What’s this in your cup can I-”

“Oh um-”

Before her mind really registers what she is doing, her hands find their way to Jiwoo’s cup which then leads back to her.  Before her mind really registers what she is doing, she drinks the whole cup.  Whatever was in that cup had a the tiniest bit of bitterness, but everything else thrown in there

Both Jiwoo and Chaeyeon look at her speechless as Sullin slowly brings the cup down from her lips.  Nervously she cradles it near her chest.  Sometimes her impulsiveness was a problem.  Sometimes.

“Sorry…” Sullin apologizes quietly.

“That’s okay…”

“...I’m gonna get you another one-”

“Yeah you do that!”

She springs up from the couch, hastily scurrying to where the drinks were kept.  On the counter sat a glass beverage dispenser filled to the top in a red liquid with various red fruits.  It was decorated with stickers plastered all over it and a paper sign taped to it that said, “Love Potion”.

Seems like the combined efforts of Xinyu and Mayu all over it.

As she pushed the dispenser tab up, her eyes naturally went over to where Lynn was.  With her back turned, Sullin didn’t feel as self conscious staring at her.  But then the stranger slides right next to her, and she jerks a little at the sudden awareness that she had been nearby her.

She’s a little too close for Sullin’s comfort.  She must know who this girl is.  Jiwoo’s cup is just barely halfway full when she stops the dispenser but it’ll do for now.  The fencer quickly shuffles back to Kotone on the couch and hands her the cup but her eyes are locked in on the two.

“Oh thank y-” Jiwoo sighs in relief.

“Mhmm yeah yeah.” Sullin mumbles before walking off with purpose in her steps towards Lynn and the stranger.

“Do you want a drink?” Sullin asks as she marches up to them.

Lynn looks up from the stranger and to her, “Oh!  Sure!”.  She presents the plate with more food on it to her, and shrugs. “Is this enough?  I got a bit of everything.”

Sullin glances at it.  A bit of everything turned out to be a lot.  She definitely noticed that Lynn got a lot of food for her and not nearly as much for herself.

“Oh yeah that’s good thank you,” Sullin smiles, taking the plate from her. “Are you eating too?”

“Yeah, I didn’t really get a chance to eat yet.  I got sent for ice and last minute things with Jiyeon.  Perfect timing though because now we can eat together!”

There’s a feeling in her stomach that begins to bubble.  Part of her hates it because of how cliche it is, but she’s heavily shushing that other part; it is Lynn after all.

Sullin shyly smiles, “What do you wanna drink?”

“Uhh I’ll have whatever you’re having?” Lynn answers, smiling just the same as her.

“I think I’m gonna have the love potion jungle juice thing.”

“Then I’ll have that too!” Lynn nods. “Oh by the way this is my friend from class, Jiyeon.”

So she has a name.

“Hi, nice to meet you!  And your name is?” Jiyeon asks.

“Call me Sullin,” she answers with disinterest. “So, how long have you known Lynn?  What class is it?”

“Ummm, we’ve actually been in a few classes together, right?” Jiyeon looks at Lynn for reassurance and they both chuckle at it.  Oh, she does not like that.  “But now we’re actually talking and stuff.”

“I see… I see.”

“I know you’re in the fencing team or club, right?”

Sullin slightly draws her head back, “I am.  How did you know that though?”

“Lynn talks about you a lot,” Jiyeon nods before her eyes shoot open and nervously laughs as Lynn turns her head back at her.  “Good things of course!  She doesn’t say anything bad or suspicious at all!  Ha!”

Lynn turns her head back at her, face now looking more flushed. “I really don’t.”

Sullin eyes her a little suspiciously and now she can’t help but think back on her conversations with the older girls.  Part of her wanted to know more about that but it had to wait.  She needed to know more about this Jiyeon girl.

“Are you single Jiyeon?”

“Oh!  Uhh, yes…” Jiyeon laughs, but genuinely this time. “Sorry I was caught off guard by that.”

“It’s okay.  Are you single by choice or…like?”

“Probably or like but,” Jiyeon looks at Lynn again. “I’m also here because I’ve actually been talking to Kotone.  That’s also kinda a big reason why I’m here.”

Now Sullin feels kinda bad.

Lynn looks at her with cautious eyes, “Yeah, I invited her because I knew they were starting to talk and all…”

“Oh,” Sullin says awkwardly.  “Well… Where is she?”

“Out on the patio,” Lynn slowly answers.  “Waiting for Jiyeon…”

“I needed a little encouragement to go outside!” Jiyeon says, unaware of the awkwardness between the two fencers. “You’re right though Lynn, I have nothing to worry about!”

Lynn’s unreadable expression fades away, going right back to being bubbly. “You got this!”

“You got this…!” Sullin chimes in in an attempt to salvage whatever first impression she may have.  “I believe in you.  You’re pretty!”

Jiyeon pouts, “Aww thank you.  You’re so pretty too!”.  She steps out from between them and begins back walking to the patio doors. “Wish me luck!”

“Fighting!”

“Woo…”

The two fencers stand idly by at the counter watching Jiyeon disappear from the room.  Sullin tries to distract her mind by focusing on the music that is lightly plays in her ears.  She casts a quick side glance at the girl next to her, meeting eyes that were once again unreadable.

Tightening her lips, she steps over to the beverages.  The music wasn’t too loud but the older girls, most notably Xinyu, Nien and Nakyoung, sang along to each song.  Even with the music and a trio of voices, her ears picked up on the faint footsteps of Lynn behind her.

“Do you wanna eat in my room?”

Being asked to go felt so different now.  It felt more… serious?

Of course it did.  Now she was really thinking about how she sees Lynn, everything to do with her was serious now.

“Yeah sure.”

.

.

.

The first thing that catches Sullin’s eyes when she walks into Lynn’s bedroom is the bamboo khantok table that waited by itself in the center.  The little reminder of home was in between the desk and Lynn’s purple sheeted bed.

It looked just like the one at yai’s house.

Slowly, she sets their drinks down as she attempts to make sense of it all.  Attempting to get a clue, she keeps her gaze on Lynn.  All she finds though is the girl laughing to herself, cheeks flushed an all.

“When did you get this?” Sullin asks when Lynn sits herself down next to her.

“It came in today!” Lynn answered, pushing her plate towards her.

“Why did you buy it?”

Lynn shrugs, “I thought maybe it could be nice to have for when we wanna get away and eat in here,” Her big brown eyes look into her own and Sullin swears she can see her pupils grow. “Also because when you showed my pictures of you at your… yai?” She asks in reassurance.

Sullin smiles widely at her pronunciation.

She remembered how to say grandma?

“Yeah that’s right!” Sullin leans in just a bit more.

“Right yeah, yai,” Lynn nods happily. “I remembered seeing this kind of table so I thought… Maybe it would be a nice little thing for you to see and remind you of your hometown?  Also, it beats hurting our backs trying to eat while sitting on the floor.”

“Have I talked about being homesick with you before?”

“A couple of times here and there,” Lynn hums. “I miss my hometown a lot but at least I have Mayu,” She gestures all around the table with open hands. “Hopefully this helps a bit.”

“That is so…” Sullin whispers. “Sweet.  You’re really sweet.”

Lynn blushes, “Thank you.”

“You know when you’re not annoying me during practice, you’re actually pretty decent.” Sullin jokes, ignoring the feeling in her stomach.

Lynn laughs wholeheartedly at this and Sullin really liked hearing it.  It was like her very own orchestra, one that she wanted to conduct all on her own.

Sullin holds out a cup, waiting for Lynn to do the same.  When Lynn catches on, she’s quick to raise her cup and gently tap it against her own.

“Cheers.” Sullin beams.

“To what?”

“Cheers to fencing for somehow bringing two girls from different countries together.”

“Cheers.”

The two fencers drink from their cups filled with this “love potion” that undoubtedly was just named that as a joke but Sullin wondered.

Maybe the beverage actually did contain some sort of powers and enchantment to make whoever drinks it fall in love.  Maybe she was crazy and watched way too many supernatural tv shows.

Maybe Lynn and her really did have something and maybe she was too clueless or in denial to see it before.

One thing was certain to Sullin at this moment.  Lynn wasn’t just a teammate, a rival or a friend.  She was something beyond that.  

She is someone that she thinks she’s falling for.

The other girl looks at her so warmly, with such care and attention from her.

No words were needed between them.  She couldn’t recall a time that felt more peaceful than this.  Lynn felt so comfortable.

“How do you say ‘cheers’ in Thai?”

Sullin made it a habit to get to practice first.  She liked the feeling of being the first of the team to arrive.  She liked the feeling of seeing everyone, one by one walk in through the doors.  The first few practices, her teammates used to be surprised seeing her inside waiting for them all.  By this point though, it would have been stranger if Sullin weren’t the first person.

Something she caught on real quickly was that just a couple minutes after she arrives, Lynn does too.

Before being forced to think on her feelings, Sullin was excited that her friend arrived.  During practice of course, the line between friend and rival blurred as Lynn was naturally talented at fencing.  That excitement to talk and bond turned into an excitement to get one up.

Now, after thinking about her feelings, the thought of seeing and spending time with Lynn made her feel more excited than she’d like to admit.

The sound of the gym doors opening makes her head perk up from her phone, hoping that it was the girl on her mind.  Sure enough it was, and sure enough that feeling she got in her stomach from the party came right back.

Lynn pulls one ear bud out as she waves excited at her, shortening the distance between them.  Sullin turns off her phone, placing it on the bench as she eagerly waits for Lynn to settle in.  

“Hey,” Lynn greets as she sits down next to her.  “How are you?”

“I’m good, how are you?” Sullin hums as her brain pauses.  Realizing her mistake, she puts her hands in the air, grinning bashfully. “Bleh no!  I meant-”

Sullin turns her head and gets lost in her big brown boba eyes and suddenly she’s tongue tied.  She doesn’t know how long she’d gone without feeling this pathetic and loser-y after all of this time, but now this is her life she guesses.

She presses her lips into a thin line, swallowing away her rapid thoughts and insecurities.  She was pretty, she knew that about herself.  She didn’t need to be told that, she could just take a look in the mirror and know.  

In front of Lynn however?  Now this wasn’t the same anymore.

Did her hair look okay?  Are her dark circles too dark?  Was her smile weird?  Did her breath stink?  Are her eyes uneven?

Surely she must hear her heart too.

“Have you eaten yet?” Sullin asks, her fingertips carefully sliding just a centimeter closer to hers.

Lynn edges her fingertips closer to hers, “I have.  I hope you have too.”

“Mhmm, I ate the leftovers Nien took home.”

“Good,” Lynn smacks her lips, looking down at their hands. “Can I walk you home again?”

“Yeah.” Sullin breathes. 

Lynn gulps, bringing her eyes back to hers.  There was a small moment of quietness and to Sullin it felt like they had the world to themselves.

“You ready for practice today?”

“Always.  I hope you know you’re going to lose today.” Sullin jokes as she pulls away, overtaken by her nerves.  The next move that unfortunately comes out of her is a playful fist to the other girl’s shoulder.

Sullin regrets this immediately.

FUCK WHY AM I SO AWKWARD?!

Lynn doesn’t seem to notice the awkwardness of it all and instead laughs it off, and genuinely at that.

“Okay sure. We’ll see about that.”

“Oh!  Excuse me?”

“Well, we may be friends but still,” Lynn trails off, filling the little gap in between them by leaning in just a tad bit closer.  Sullin’s senses aren’t invaded by her perfume, but more so are gracefully met with traces of lilies and wild berries.  “I won’t make things easy.”

You are making it so hard to be normal.

“I won’t either.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

.

.

.

Sullin’s favorite part of practices were the sparring matches.  It was so easy to get into the mindset, to act as if she were at a comp.  They were her favorite because it was where she knew what she needed to work on.  Does she strike fast enough, can she block in a heartbeat, can she win.  Everything about sparring was thrilling.  It was a matter of pride too.  Sparring in practices was also easy for her to get caught up in the moment, because there have been too many matches where she got overly excited over her own victory.

She looked on straight ahead of her and on the other end of the blue mat was her.  There’s sweat rolling down her forehead from the last match up.  Her lungs felt like they were giving out.  Thankfully they were closing out practice after this one.

From what she can see Lynn looked just as beat as she did, her gaze as piercing as ever.

But then Lynn’s icy demeanor melted away the second she put her hand in the air, signaling for an okay.

“Are you okay?” Lynn mouthed.

Sullin’s lips stretched, “Yeah.  Are you?” She mouthed back.

“Yeah.  You’re doing good!”

“So ar-”

“Okay!” Their coach raised his voice.  “Let’s focus!”

With that, Sullin whipped back into seriousness as she and Lynn put on their masks.  

“En garde,” He said, putting his bands behind his back.  Sullin clenched her jaw as she readied into position.  “Allez!”

Their coach blows into his whistle that fills their gym.  And then, a thick silence.  Sullin can feel everyone’s eyes on both of them.  The girls liked to chatter quietly amongst themselves at every opportunity but now they were quieter than field mice.

She raises her right hand at her, where the dummy would be in her line of her is now Lynn.

Lynn is opposite from the plain dull dummy.  She’s gorgeous, she’s kind, she’s thoughtful and above all else she is real.  Not just in the sense that she is an alive, beautiful amazing woman and not an inanimate object.  Lynn is the most real person she’s ever met, she thinks.

What a shame now she has to lose to her.

Sullin lunges fiercely at her with her practice blade, swifting in the air.  She always liked the sounds she could make with her fencing blades.  From the force of her strike, Sullin holds her breath as her blade collides with Lynn’s.  The sound their blades produced rang in her ears and it was almost like it invited her to strike at her again.

They soon fell into a cycle, if one girl began to advance further to the other side, the other would retract their steps with ease and their strikes mirrored one another.  Neither of them could get a hit and Sullin was starting to feel a little desperate out of exhaustion.  Leave it to Lynn to keep her words, because this had to have been their longest sparring match up yet.

A loud clang echoed in the gym, now accompanied with murmurs from their teammates.

She squeezed her handle tighter this time like it was going to fly out as she took a small step forward and extended her arm by an inch.  She swung her arm, aiming towards the girl’s legs.

Lynn does exactly what she hoped for by mirroring her movement.  She only has half a second, maybe even less, to flick her hand upwards in order to land a hit on her torso.

Finally instead of hitting the air around them, the end of her sword makes contact with Lynn’s torso, right at the spot she hoped for too.

Their win to win ratio was equal now.  She knew this was just sparring, but Sullin felt on top of the world.

She rips off her mask, roaring out of pure happiness and adrenaline.  Winning always gave her a rush and she loved the high it gave her.  It felt even better knowing that this wasn’t just anyone either.

Lynn drops her playing arm, letting it fall to the side as she takes off her mask.  She smiles in content watching Sullin celebrate to herself as some of their underclassmen cheer her on.

Their gazes find each other and Sullin can’t help but remember the way Lynn looked at her at the party a few weeks ago.  Her heart skips a beat when the other girl slowly walks towards her.

“Congrats,” Lynn hummed as she tucked her sword underneath her armpit and delicately clapped her hands. “But… Just so you know, I let you win.”

Sullin smiles as she rolls her eyes in a fake annoyance, “Yeah okay sure.  That’s what sore losers say.”

“I almost had you though, you have to give me that.”

“You did.” Sullin admits.

“Okay everyone, good practice today!” Their coach claps his hands together and turns to the rest of the team who sat on idly by.  “You’re all free to go,” He turns around at the two of them and smacks his lips together.  “I need to talk to Lynn though.”

The two girls share a look, both of them feeling uncertain and taken aback.

Sullin doesn’t want to think too hard what this talk could be, but she knew deep down.  Although their skill levels were about the same, Lynn was a notch above.

Lynn is going to be named captain.

Feelings of bitterness creep in as Sullin drops her head silently and begins walking to her bag that was left on the ground.

“Sullin!” Lynn calls out from behind her. “Wait for me okay!”

Without another word, she throws an “OK” in the air and walks off the locker room with each step feeling heavier than the last.

.

.

.

Sullin hated herself for forgetting to bring a jacket.  Instead of waiting inside the gym as Lynn probably would have, she needed fresh air.  She almost considered taking out her uniform and wearing it on her walk home.  She almost considered leaving Lynn.  Both of these ideas were stupid though and she wouldn’t dare to do either of them.

Hugging herself to keep warm, she curses herself for not checking the forecast for how cold it was going to be after practice.

Her head jerks towards the door with Lynn poking her head out frantically, like she was looking for her.

She watches the other girl sigh in relief as she walks up to her with rosy cheeks.

“You stayed.” Lynn grins.

Sullin hugs herself tighter, “You wanted me to.”

“I honestly thought you might have left.”

“No…” Sullin shakes her head, trying to act nonchalant.

“Thanks for waiting,” Lynn says. “Are you cold?”

She looks back at her, “A little.”

In an instant, Lynn takes off her duffle bag and drops it to the ground before unzipping her oversized black hoodie.  Before she processes it, Lynn takes her own bag off of her shoulders, hanging it on her arm.  With all the charisma in the world, Lynn casts her jacket over her small frame.  All she can smell now is Lynn’s wild berries and lily flower perfume, not that she was going to complain though.  

“Put it on, I don’t need it.”

“Are you sure?” Sullin asks, putting in each arm through the sleeve with caution.

Lynn steps closer to her, watching her softly, “Yeah.  I’ll be okay.”

Sullin feels her heart thump when Lynn zips up the jacket for her.  She’d seen this sort of thing played out in a drama.  Not once did she think she would be living out this small intimate gesture, and the pettiness melts away.  She must mean something to Lynn too.

God.

Sullin slings her bag over her shoulders after Lynn hands it to her and they begin walking towards home.  Unsure of what to do with her hands, she shoves them into the pockets of Lynn’s hoodie.

“So… What did coach talk to you about?” Sullin asks, turning her head at her.

For once, Lynn kept her eyes ahead. “Umm.  He said I’m going to be team captain.”

There it was.

She knew it.

“Congrats.” Sullin says as cheerful as she could.

There’s a salty taste in her mouth and she’s upset.  She’s upset that the captain position wasn’t given to her.  She’s even more upset though that she couldn’t completely feel happy for Lynn.  She feels awful.  She feels bitter.

Thankfully though, home wasn’t far from the gym they used.  The only thing Sullin wanted to do was let herself feel every emotion in that long and hot shower she was going to take.  

“Thanks,” Lynn hums, feeling the shift in the air.  “...But I thanked him and told him I’ll think about it.”

Sullin nearly breaks her neck, whipping her head at her, “What??”

Lynn shrugs, finally looking back at her, “I don’t think I wanna be captain.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think I can lead a team well.  I might mess up.  That’s a lot of pressure.”

“You’ll be fine,” Sullin reassures. “You should accept it.  If anyone should be captain it should be you.”

“Really?  I think out of everyone it should be you.”

“Oh please.” Sullin shakes her head and turns her attention back to the street ahead of them.

“I’m being serious,” Lynn chuckles lightly. “You’re the first one to show up.  You’re our moodmaker, like everyone has a good time and gets along because of you.  I honestly don’t think I would have been able to really talk to anyone without you being there.  And you work hard too, I know you do.”

She looks back at her, meeting sincere eyes.

“I’m not gonna lie but I really wanted to be captain.”

“I had a feeling a few minutes ago.”

“You could tell?”

“I think I can figure out your body language pretty well now,” Lynn says softly.  “...How badly do you want to be captain?”

Sullin blows a puff out a puff of air, thinking of all the reasons why.  It all came back to her family back home.

“If I was made captain, it’s like suddenly my parents don’t think I made a mistake or am wasting my time,” Sullin answers slowly.  “They think all of my hobbies are dumb and that I should focus on my studies but the thing is…  Fencing is what made me feel like me.  It was something I had all on my own.  And not to toot my own horn, but I think I’m damn good at it.  I put it in the work and look at how far it’s gotten me ya know?”  

“So being our team captain feels like the natural choice?”

“It means that I didn’t do this for nothing and that my passions go somewhere.  I didn’t sacrifice time and money.  My efforts aren’t for nothing.”

“I see,” Lynn whispers as she stops in her tracks.  She points backwards with a new look of determination. “Are you good to walk the rest of the way home?”

Sullin stops her pace and looks at her confused, “Umm yeah?  Umm, what.. What are you doing?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lynn shakes her head and begins retracting her steps. “Can I call you?”

Sullin frowns at this.

Don’t worry about it… Don’t worry about it?? What is she talking about??

Each step Lynn takes back, Sullin takes steps towards her.  

“Well now I’m gonna worry about it, what are you doing?” She crosses her arms.

Lynn sighs and comes to a stop, “I’m gonna go to the coach's office.  He should still be there shouldn’t he?”

She raises an eyebrow at this, “Probably?  Why are you gonna go back there?”

“I’m gonna tell him you should be captain and not me.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Lynn answers with a shrug. “You just gave me all the reasons why you should be captain.”

Is she making a pity party out of me??

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m telling the truth.”

“Just stop.” Sullin puts a hand out.

“Being captain means so much more to you than it does to me.  You have a reason. You want to be.  You deserve to be.  How can I wrongfully take this position from you?”

“I didn’t get picked, that's just what happened,” Sullin says firmly, feeling her frustration growing  “You don’t need to step down to spare my feelings.”

“I’m not trying to spare your feelings Sullin, I have no right being captain.”

“You’re the best damn fencer I know! It’s so frustrating because I work so so much and for so long just to get to your level.  You’re like a prodigy and if there’s anyone who should be captain it should be someone who’s naturally good at it like you.  I think part of why I kept telling myself I didn’t like you like that was because of how annoyingly good you are at it.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Lynn looks at her with wide eyes.

Oh fuck.

“What did I say?” Sullin says in a beat.

Lynn walks to her carefully as if she was going to run away.  “Sullin.”

“Lynn.”

Sullin wants to run away but her feet won’t listen.  Even when Lynn stops and is now directly in front of her, her feet still won’t listen.

“You like me?” She tilts her head, waiting for a response.

“That’s not the point.” She breathes.

“Sullin, please,” Lynn pleads with desperation in her voice. “Can you please repeat that.”

“Lynn please-“

“Can we please just focus on that right now? To be honest, now I am way more focused on that.  Am I crazy for thinking that things were changing between us?”

“No.  I think things have changed. I know things have changed.”

“Changed... because?”

“Because I like you.  I like you a lot,” Sullin admits.  “Actually no, I think I’m falling for you and it’s scary.  And now you’re going to be our captain and I’m happy for you but I’m also sad and everything is just confusing.”

“I like you a lot too.  More than that though.  But now that I’m saying it out loud,” Lynn smiles at her, like she felt a weight off of her chest. “I know I’m falling for you.  Sullin,” Lynn whispers, taking her hand in hers.  “You have no idea how long I’ve had a crush on you.  And now that I know how much being captain means to you… How can I take that from you?”

“I’m a big girl.  I’ll get over it.”

Lynn rubs the back of her hand with her thumb, “No.  I’m going to tell him it should be you.”

“And I’ll tell him that it should be you.”

“So what are we gonna do?”

“About us?... Or your whole plan to talk to coach?” Sullin wonders.  “One is less scary than the other.”

“Which one is scarier?”

“Us.”

“Scary why?”

Sullin looks down at their hands briefly, swinging them a little. “I’ve never felt like this before.  I only wanted to focus on my grades and fencing.  I never really had time to commit to a serious relationship.”

“So you want a serious relationship with me?” Lynn smiles at her annoyingly.

Sullin rolls her eyes again. “I’m not going to waste my time and energy on someone who’s not worth it.”

“You’re so worth it to me.  Honestly I’ve never felt this way before either.”

“Are you not scared of things going bad?  What if everything changes for the worse?”

“Being with you is worth the risk,” Lynn steps a little closer.  “Why not take a chance with me?”

Sullin purses her lips, “If we do this, things won’t ever be the same.”

“I’ll take all of my chances.”

“I trust you.”

Sullin watches Lynn’s eyes flicker to her lips for a split second.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please do.” Sullin nods her head once, taking a deep breath.

She closes her eyes when Lynn gently cups her cheek with her other hand.

Lynn’s lips are soft against hers, so much softer than what she could have ever imagined. Her mind is free of all thoughts but one; Kawakami Lynn.  The feeling in her stomach comes back at full force and she’s almost a little angry at herself for how long it took for her to get here.  Kissing her gave her an adrenaline rush, more than what she felt from winning.  

Lynn pulls away and Sullin already immediately wants her lips back.  

Big brown eyes stare into each other and Sullin is so certain that her own pupils are dilated too.  They shared a laugh together, one that was full of relief, affection and happiness.  No words were needed at this moment, for right now they were themselves.

They were Sullin and Lynn.

Not just friends, not just rivals.  But as girlfriends.  As each other’s first loves.  Lynn pulls her in for a hug and they stay like this for a while.  Not that she was going to complain, she wouldn’t dare.

“Can I be honest?” Lynn rests her head on her shoulder.

“Yes.”

“You’re my first kiss.”

Sullin smiles like an idiot, “That makes me really happy to hear.  I wish you were mine.”

“Who was yours?”

“Some kid from elementary school.  He had boogers.  He was so gross.”

Lynn cackles, “Do I have boogers?”

Sullin pulls away, feigning disgust, “You got a big one hanging-”

Lynn laughs loudly, playfully hitting her arm. “Wow!”

“Can I be honest too?” Sullin laughs.

“Of course.”

“I got jealous at the party.  I thought you and Jiyeon had something going on.”

Lynn pulls her by the waist, bringing her closer again. “I could tell.  Like I said, I think I have a pretty good idea on your body language now.”

“Ah…”

“Also Mayu was watching and told me she thought you were jealous.” Lynn giggles.

Sullin’s eyes shoot open, “AH!”

“Did you know the older girls talked about us?”

“Yes.  They all interrogated me practically that day.  But I’m glad they did,” Sullin recalls.  “It opened my eyes.  I think I knew deep down I liked you.  I was just being petty.”

“Petty?”

“I was telling Dahyun and Nien I saw you as my rival…” Sullin sheepishly confesses.  “...I really wanted to be captain.”

“Right,” Lynn smacks her lips.  “The captain thing.”

“I’m not gonna go easy on you, even if you’re my girlfriend now.” Sullin pokes her shoulder.

“How about we go talk to him together?  Why not co-captains?”

Co-captains why didn’t I think of that?!

“You’re so smart Kawakami.”

Lynn blushes, “Come on.”

They interlace their hands, and it’s crazy how Lynn’s hands fit into her own.  They feel more in place than the handle of any sword.  She lets Lynn lead the way to their coach’s office.  His reaction to their proposal could have any sort of reaction.  He could accept, call himself stupid and soon thereafter they would find themselves to be the team’s first co-captains.  That or he can laugh in their face and who knows what they would do after that.  Maybe they can quit and start their own club?  Whatever the outcome, Sullin was ready to face it with Lynn with newfound confidence.  Because now, she finally knows what she is to her.

After a few weeks, their university’s fencing team welcomed the first co-captains in the history of the school.  Their talk with the coach was easier than Sullin expected.  The only reason why he chose just Lynn was because he had been following the previous coach’s methods.  The previous coach only elected one captain each time, but after some exchanges (and perhaps fear that both of his best fencers would quit, but that was a theory conjured up by Nien) they were made co-captain.  It really was that easy.

So naturally, Sullin is back at Lynn’s home for a party.  Instead of it just being for fun, this time the party was to celebrate their promotion.

Of course now that they were dating as well, Xinyu and Mayu assigned them to decorate the house.

Due to their height, Xinyu assigned the both of them to put up the backdrop for photo ops because of course they had to have them.

“Remind me again why you’re not putting up the backdrop?” Sullin asks, looking back at the older girl.

Xinyu watched them intensely, “Because I have to make sure it’s straight!”

“Is it straight yet?  My arms are killing me!” Lynn groans.

“Yeah mine too!”

“You are both fencers.  Aren’t your arms supposed to be durable or whatever?” Xinyu raises an eyebrow and tilts her head.

“This is different!” Sullin whines.  “This is the tenth time you made us redo it!”

“Yeahhh!”

Sohyun laughs from her spot in the kitchen as she was assigned to take over and make the alcoholic beverage of the night.

“Give them a break hun!  Come try this!”

Xinyu squints her eyes at the two of them, “Coming!  After this, please sprinkle confetti everywhere!”

“Fineeee!” Lynn groans.

Xinyu skips over to her girlfriend and both of the girls share a look.  No words were said but they both knew what the other was thinking.

They simultaneously strike at the wall with the little strength they had left.  Xinyu ran decorating functions like the navy.  The both of them take a step back at their finished work, which hangs a little crookedly but hopefully Xinyu won’t notice.  Lynn rushes over to her, arms wrapping around her like it was where they were meant to be.  She buries her face in her neck as she settles in and Sullin has never felt happier.

They stay like this for a few moments before grunts and coughs fill their ears.  They rip away from each other in fear of Xinyu’s habit of running things like a tight ship, only to find that it was Mayu and Nakyoung.

Seeing the couple in front of them suddenly felt worse and Sullin wants to throw up right now.

Mayu grins as holds her cellphone in the air, “Baa-baa wants to talk on the phone!”

“About what?”

“She wants to congratulate you silly!”

Sullin learned that word means grandma through papago.  She wanted to try and start learning for Lynn to keep up with her efforts in learning Thai.

Lynn glances at her for a moment and walks off with Mayu, but not before sending a wink at her.

This left her alone with Nakyoung, who looked at her stoically.  Now Sullin felt a little scared.

“You and I should talk more.” Nakyoung says flatly.

“We should… Yes…”

“Listen, Lynn doesn’t have an older sister.  The closest thing she has is Mayu and now me of course,” Nakyoung inches closer to her menacingly. “But Mayu is nice.  She’s a sweetheart.”

“…Correct.”

“So I know you won’t break Lynn’s heart,” Nakyoung puts a hand on her shoulder.  Sullin has never felt more frightened in her life. “But if you do…” The older woman’s gaze sharpens.  “Don’t.”

“You’re not tough!” Xinyu shouts from the kitchen.

Sohyun begins cackling which spreads to Xinyu and Sullin prays to a higher being that she doesn’t crack.  She’s a little terrified at the threat.  

Nakyoung gasps as she yanks her hand away and turns her head towards the laughing couple, “Hey!!  Not cool, I'm trying to do my job!!”

“What job??” Mayu asks suspiciously as she strolled back in the room with her arms crossed.  Although Lynn towered over Mayu, she carefully followed closely behind her.

Unsure of how to access whatever situation she was in, Sullin not so subtly shakes her head.  Seconds later, Sullin hears more cackling from Sohyun and Xinyu.

“I have to scare her a little babe!” Nakyoung whines as both Mayu and Lynn meet up with them.

“Sullin is our friend!” Mayu scolds, pulling her girlfriend away.

“Thanks Mayu!”

“We’ll scare her later-“ Mayu mumbles.

Sullin’s smile drops, “Wait what.”

Mayu breaks into a cheeky grin, “Come on, we still have things to do!”

Before she can get another word out, the two scurried off to finish out their tasks for the party.

She sighs just as Lynn steps back up and wraps her arms around her again.

The fear of Nakyoung and maybe now Mayu mostly washed away from the embrace.  Mostly.

“Confetti you two!” Xinyu points at the two of them with a wooden spoon.  “Then you can be gay all you want!”

Sullin sighs loudly as she pulls away from her favorite person then grabs the bag of confetti that was left on the table.  She looks at it for a passing moment and back to Lynn who looked at her in such a way that made Sullin still feel flushed.

Xinyu never said where to sprinkle the confetti.

She casts a quick glance at the older woman, finding her still occupied with mixing the party drink of the night.  In a hurry, she rips open the bag and haphazardly tosses all of its contents all over the table.  It didn’t look like it would be up to Xinyu’s standard at all, but she just wanted to spend alone time with her girlfriend before the party would start.

Sullin puts a finger to her lips which Lynn caught onto quickly.

No words were needed between them but they knew that their only chance to have time for themselves was now.

Lynn laces their hands together before sprinting away towards her room.

“Confetti?” Xinyu calls out as they pass by.

“All done!  Gonna take a nap!” Sullin gives her a thumbs up before they’re finally out of view.

Once inside the room, the two of them sit across from each other.  There’s traces of the previous night on the table as it’s littered with empty bags of chips and candy.

“Do you really wanna take a nap?” Lynn pouts her lip.

Sullin shakes her head and scoots a little closer to her.  She takes this opportunity to give her a quick peck on the lips.  She liked seeing Lynn’s cheeks go from snow-like to something more akin to the perfect pick of an apple.  She liked it almost as much as kissing her.

“No.  I just wanna be alone for now.”

Lynn chuckles as Sullin leans her head down on her shoulder, kissing her head gently.  They stay like this for a while.  Everything felt right at this moment.  She knew soon more people would come in, their footsteps would rumble like a thunderstorm.  All she needed now was Lynn who was like her safety blanket, shielding her away from the weather.

She was certainly falling for her.

“How do you say girlfriend in Japanese?”