Work Text:
Hey.
Well, “hey” doesn’t seem like the right way to begin a letter. Especially to someone I won’t be able to se ever again. And ever is a quite long time you know. Of course you know, or at least would know if you were still here, you knew everything.
Anyway, I thought that it would be right to write you a letter since you helped me writing a letter to Christine. Even though you don’t need an explanation to every shitty thing I’ve done, you still deserved one…actually, you deserved so much more. To live (or to exist considering that you weren’t a living being…) at least.
And, you know what? Even if you didn’t breathe or grow or eat or whatever other characteristics of a living being are, you still were alive to me, you were real to me. And you deserved respect as any other, so, as Christine, you deserve an apology…
…you know, even if you never had a name, cuz you were a computer, I still. Um. Let’s say you still were important to me. After all, you were an inseparable part of me for a huge chunk of time. Like, I would wake up and you were the first thing- no, person I heard. And when I would go to sleep you were the last person I heard.
About that, have I ever mentioned that you appeared in my dreams a bit too often? Even though after taking the pill- well, taking you, my dreams seemed crazier than ever. But apart from that, it’s crazy how often you’d show up in my dreams. Maybe it has something to do with how much time we spent together or how much you affected me. I still see you there sometimes and it’s weird cause you never really had a body. Though I never seem to remember your appearance anyway, I just remember your presence.
I won’t be diving into details of what exactly I saw asleep, but it just makes me miss you even more. I dont like saying it, but I miss you. You did way less harm than good, I can’t believe you convinced me to flush you- convince me to kill you. Genuinely, I would do anything to bring you back. You separated my life into before and after meeting you, I’ll never be the same and will probably miss you forever.
I just hope that you’re not completely gone and just, like, sleeping somewhere inside my brain or something like in “Aliens” when they used hypersleep chambers for long journeys…maybe one day you’ll be reactivated, but I’m no computer scientist to actually bring you back to life. All I can do is wait and hope. And maybe drink more mountain due®.
But if you’ll never come back, which is a more likely scenario, I’m really sorry things went the way they did. I’m sorry you had to go the way you did. I liked you way more than I was able to say, so much more than I could ever admit to you or myself.