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“Ah, hyung. What should I do?” Wonjae is laying on the coach when Giriboy comes home.
“What are you talking about? And when did you come? You didn’t reply to my texts.” He goes around the living room, dropping his bag and taking off the coat.
“I know, sorry, manager called, and we had a pretty long conversation.”
“Yah, are you in trouble, Wonjae-ah?”
“No, not like that, hyung.” Kid milli turns around on the coach, leaving his phone on the coffee table. Watches the older one as he changes into clothes he wears at home with Doldori running around at his feet. “I already fed him, don’t worry.”
“Okay, thanks.” Siyoung takes two cans of beer and falls on the coach beside Wonjae’s feet. “Spill it, I’m ready.”
He doesn’t tell right away. Takes one of the cans and opens, sipping a little. Still watches as the older plays with the dog, his beer left on the coffee table right beside Wonjae’s own phone. He thinks about it for a second and takes the second can, pops it open and leaves where his hyung left it.
“They are offering me to be a mentor on High School Rapper 3. What should I do? I am not even good with teens.”
“And you’re asking me this because?” Giriboy questions sipping beer.
The truth is Wonjae doesn’t really know. He came here right after the call with his manager and didn’t even think about it properly, fully trusting his hyung. It’s kind of surprising how he relies on Siyoung these times. Show me the money ended and the regret of not being produced by Giriboy did not fade even a little bit. But after the show they’ve become so much closer, which is actually not quite rational, because he is still resentful about the whole not-choosing-him thing. Anyway, he lets it slide when they are alone, not to ruin the vibe they have going on.
“Because you actually have been through this and I can take your advice,” he says after the long pause.
“Okay, then I say that you should accept the offer. It might be fun at least, not talking about the exposure and money, also some trendy songs if you’re lucky. But it depends on the second mentor on your team, to be honest.” Giriboy sips some more of his beer, still patting the dog on his laps. “Did they tell you who is the second one?”
“Not really, they don’t have them yet, but they were offering me to ask in the label.”
“Oh, okay, that makes sense.”
“Do you want to do it with me? I know you told me you would never do it again, but…”
“I do want to.” Siyoung states firmly, not interrupting from playing with Doldol. “I mean… With you it might actually be fun, also let there be no YoungB the second, please. I love him, but the limit for overconfident-almost-not-teenager in my life is reached.”
“Can I already call them back then?”
“Yah, Milli-ah, you’ll seem too desperate. Call tomorrow at least.” He laughs, hitting the younger’s knee with his own. “Let’s just have fun, don’t worry too much, okay?” he adds a little later.
Wonjae stays the night. Surprisingly not for the first time. He likes Giriboy’s apartment. It’s cozy and warm, and smells like wood, also a little bit of dog, but he doesn’t mind. It’s almost always clean, and Doldori doesn’t really bother him, which is a really bold thing to think. The dog is a literal son for Siyoung and the most beloved creature in this home. The moment Wonjae says something relatively bad Doldori related, he is out of the door.
“Have you eaten?” Siyoung asks several beers after.
“Not really, have you?” Wonjae can live on some more beer and snacks they have scattered around.
“Me too,” he says quietly. “But I’m kind of starving right now.” He stops for a second, contemplating. “But I need to lose some weight.”
“A man that drank 3 cans of beer can be thinking of losing weight?” Kid milli laughs. The joke is not even funny, so he blames it on alcohol. “But to be honest, hyung, you look good. Do you really need to starve yourself?”
“Yah, it’s you who is putting me on air in a month, I need to look presentable.”
“Don’t worry about that, hyung. I’ll order something,” he says, leaning towards the coffee table to get his phone. “What do you want?”
“I’m craving fast food.” The older one is practically laying on the floor, mumbling all the spots he likes.
“Craving? Hyung, are you pregnant or something?”
“I thought I’d already told you. If it’s a girl, we’ll name her Hongwonnie. If it’s a boy – Yohannie,” he says, half laughing and patting his stomach.
Nothing extraordinary happens after that. They eat, watch some dumb shows, listen to the new beats and sleep separately – Wonjae likes the coach when it’s wrapped in a soft blanket. He doesn’t know why it feels kind of lonely though. To be surrounded by Giriboy’s stuff and smell, hell, he is in his apartment, on his coach right now, half naked, but something is always off. Maybe, he is just out of his mind these times, with no actual work to do. During the show he was extra busy, doing all of it and more: shooting music videos, recording songs, making content for dingo. It did raise the bar for his work hustle and right now it's like he’s not doing anything, that’s partially why he’s trying to be more around Siyoung. His hyung never sees it as work, it’s his life. He lives like that: makes up some crazy beats and raps about anything he thought about or watched on TV or read in his comics that he never shows. Wonjae wants more of it in his life, he wants to be around and to be a part of this process. So, he shuts off on the coach wrapped in the blanket from Siyoung’s bedroom, which faintly smells like him.
-----
They sign the contract and NDA for the third season of High School Rapper two weeks later. Giriboy keeps saying it won’t be as draining as Show me the money, so they don’t stop booking performances for the periods between the shoots scheduled. The first day of shooting is two to three weeks away and Wonjae is in a weird state of anticipation.
“I’m on a diet, don’t offer food,” Siyoung says when they’re in the studio, trying out some new beats. They have dozens of songs recorded with the two of them, but the older doesn’t really want to put any of it out.
“Okay, hyung, but can I eat in front of you though?” Kid milli is sprawled in the chair, looking more comfortable than ever.
“Yeah, I don’t care,” he says, pausing for a second. “Actually, no burgers. You know I love them and since I see you almost 24/7 it’s all I ask.”
“No problem, hyung. But if you faint right before my eyes, I’ll feed you myself.”
It should’ve sounded like a threat, instead Siyoung just smirks and Wonjae’s whole face turn red at the realization of how it doesn’t sound like one.
-----
Giriboy doesn’t give anything away. He is fun and nice and really loyal, but nobody actually knows what he thinks most of the times. It applies to Wonjae too. He spends two thirds of his awake time around the older, but he doesn’t fully understand him. At first, Kid milli’s main reason for staying around was music, but after months of spending time like this, he is not so sure anymore. They don’t do anything related to music most of the times now. Of course, he is not thinking of their relationships as strictly professional. They are really good friends. WYBH gather to go clubbing and collect compromising photos half of the times nowadays. It doesn’t feel strange. But with Siyoung it’s started to shift somewhere along the way and Wonjae cannot point out the exact moment it’s become what they’re having now. He doesn’t say it’s bad, he just gets confused of what it is between them. Sometimes, it feels like they’re married already, but the older doesn’t even hug him first.
“Do we have ramen at home?” Giriboy asks. They are in the supermarket – the nice one, which is 10 minutes away from the house. Siyoung’s house to be exact, the one he refers to as home as if it’s theirs. Wonjae is okay with that – he is the one sleeping there second week in a row.
“Yes, but only the ones I like, so we need to restock,” he says, helping hyung find his favorites. Look at them – couple material.
The walk home is quiet. It’s the middle of the winter, so that makes sense. When they are finally home, it’s the same. Doldol runs around at their feet, asking for food, Wonjae puts away the stuff they bought and Siyoung goes to change into something more comfortable.
Kid milli puts butter in the fridge when it hits him – hyung hates butter, but they bought the biggest block of it just for him. Maybe, what they’re having needs to be stopped before it’s too late, like catching feelings or something. Or maybe it’s too late for that, because he thinks he’s already caught those – somewhere between feeding Doldol and putting away the package of butter. Realization feels heavy in his chest.
“Wonjae-ah, let’s order tonight? I feel like eating some chicken,” Giriboy says, halfway to the kitchen. “Are you okay?” He is actually not okay, but his hyung doesn’t need to know that.
“Yeah-yeah, I was just thinking of going home tonight.” Maybe staying away from each other for some time will help. “You know, I think I overused your welcome.”
“What are you talking about, Milli-ah. We’re bros, right? You can stay for as long as you want. At least stay for tonight. The taxi will be costing a fortune right now,” he says, looking towards the window in the kitchen – it’s already snowing heavy outside.
“I’m kind of rich right now, hyung,” Wonjae says, laughing. “But you’re right, it’s too late, let’s order something to eat.”
The night goes by quickly for Wonjae’s taste. They do the usual: eat while watching the show on TV, play around with some beats, joke about upcoming shootings and tease each other. But to Wonjae it feels different now – like he is hiding the most important secret in his life. He tries not to look the older in the eyes as if they would spill everything out. He tries not to think about his toothbrush standing in the bathroom next to Siyoung’s, it feels too real otherwise. It all comes crashing down on him when the lights are off, hyung is in his bed, probably sleeping already. But he can’t turn it off – he’s terrified of his feelings, thoughts, what ifs. There is no chance this would end good, he thinks. He should just bury these feelings deep inside and learn to live with that.
-----
The next week is kind of boring and depressive. He locks himself in his own apartment, writing lyrics as if they could take some of his feelings away. However, it makes it worse – he is now fully aware of every hidden thought on his mind: of Siyoung’s lips and cute laugh, his stupid jokes, the moment when he looks at you before thinking of what to say. Wonjae writes those down and doesn’t pick up when hyung calls, texting “I’m busy, will call you later”. Later doesn’t arrive yet. And they have 2 weeks till the start of the show shootings.
Siyoung knows something is wrong, when Wonjae doesn’t text back the next week. It’s not like they should be in touch 24/7. But it seems really off. There is no way the younger is so busy not to look at his phone and if he’s ignoring Siyoung, well, that should be fixed. He thinks about the possibility of Wonjae having a girl over, maybe even a nice one, who is there not only for one night. And it stings a little.
Giriboy fell for his labelmate when they just started working – a year ago. And he got used to pushing his feelings deep inside and seem like an ordinary colleague, friend and hyung. Something like that happened before, so he knew what to do this time – ignore and stay away. It was easy at first – they were seeing each other when working on couple of each other’s tracks, nothing more. But after the Show me the money, it changed. Even when shooting it he tried to stay away. Siyoung desperately asked Swings not to take Wonjae on their team, which was not that hard, because the boss himself was planning to let the younger work with other teams while there was the chance. Giriboy really hoped it would be easier, that they would meet each other less, however, everything pushed them together over and over again – dingo shootings, music videos, events, shows. They grew closer and Siyoung couldn’t stop himself from falling even harder this time. He got to know real Wonjae, his inner thoughts, quirks, smiles and jokes, how he behaves when heavily drunk, how he is embarrassed when others tease him, how he asks Siyoung for advice, calling him “hyung”. It landed gradually and he couldn’t make himself disappear from Wonjae’s world, so he let himself stay in it, but he could try to pretend and that’s what he’s doing. He plays his role excellent now – no lingering gaze, no hopeful thoughts, nothing to pin anything on him.
The last months were both the blessing and the curse for him. They got so close, that it’s almost painful not to be beside the younger right now. It seems so stupid, how he let his guard down, maybe even gave something off, judging by Wonjae’s complete ignoring. He should fix it, if they are still doing the High School Rapper in a week. So, that’s what he does – goes to Kid milli’s apartment uninvited, hoping to be wrong about him having a girl over. Otherwise, it will be awkward and kind of messed up for Siyoung himself. He knows Wonjae may have something going on in his love life, but it hurts, nonetheless. So, he hopes to avoid that part of Kid milli’s life as long as possible.
He's been here quite often not to check the address and the apartment unit from his phone. He comes near the door, checking for the sounds on the other side before ringing the bell – seems like nothing is going on in there, so Wonjae is either asleep or not present. Siyoung wears a mask of a caring hyung and waits. It takes some more time before the younger one opens the door.
“Hyung? Why are you here?” he asks visibly surprised.
“Would you let me in first?”
“Yeah, of course.” Wonjae steps aside and stares at Giriboy while he is taking his shoes off.
“Are you okay?” Siyoung asks, going further into the apartment. The lights are off, bottles of booze emptied on the floor, only the monitor blinks – text editor open with half the screen full of letters.
“I’ve been better,” Wonjae chuckles bitterly, looking like a mess and smelling faintly of alcohol.
“What happened? This is why you were ignoring me all week?”
“It’s nothing, just some heavy thought process.” He shrugs it off and makes space for Siyoung on the couch. “Want something? I think there are drinks in the fridge.”
“Have you eaten today?” Siyoung can’t help but worry and when Wonjae doesn’t answer something hot rises inside of his guts. It’s not even that serious – he himself often skipped meals when working non-stop, but this is not some positive inspirational stuff, the younger seems like he’s already stepped halfway into the depression. “You’re going to kill yourself, what is it messing with your head?”
“It’s nothing, hyung, I told you, I have just been busy.” He sits near the couch on the floor. Giriboy can’t see his facial expression, but the voice is not confident at all.
“We are shooting in a week, Wonjae-ah,” he says trying to be calm and soothing.
“I know, I’m okay, I promise. It’s been some bad days, but I will be okay, hyung.” He looks back at the older and Siyoung sees that he’s not okay as he thinks.
“I can’t just leave it like that. What is wrong? Just tell me. I know I often joke around, but I will try to help.”
“I know, hyung, But you can’t. There is nothing you can do.”
They sit like that for some time. Siyoung misses Doldorie with his ability to draw all the attention away, because the silence is not comforting this time. So, he thinks and mentally crosses impossible reasons on his “Why Wonjae is like that” list. And then it hits him.
“Don’t tell me it’s some love shit, Wonjae, why does it look like it?” He is almost angry at Kid milli, not sure if it’s just jealousy.
“I… Hyung, it won’t… It’s nothing. Nothing will change between us,” the younger stumbles his words, looking more scared than anything.
“What do you mean?” The images of some pretty girls beside Kid milli are fading away as Siyoung catches on what have been just said. “Why would it change?”
He doesn’t get it – has he been exposed already? Does Wonjae know what he’s been hiding all this time? And the younger doesn’t even look at him, he lowered the gaze as if caught doing something shameless. Is it because he is disgusted by Giriboy? But he just said that nothing would change.
“It is about us, isn’t it?” Siyoung can’t bear the prolonged silence. He sighs and thinks of all the ways how this could happen – was it when they were staying over at his house, was he too obvious? Wonjae is still silent, but is looking straight to the older now, eyes wandering a bit as if deep in thoughts. “So, you know… I promise I won’t do anything about it. Just forget it, okay? Pretend like it never happened.”
Kid milli seems to become more and more frustrated. He doesn’t say anything and yet his mouth opens and closes slightly as if he’s trying to respond, but nothing comes out. His brows furrow and he involuntary plays with strings of his hoodie.
“Say something,” he says half askingly.
“Hyung, I am not sure what to say.”
“Are you disgusted with me? If that’s the case, I can find someone to replace me on the show.”
“What? No. Why would I be disgusted, hyung? It is you who should be.”
“Okay, I think I am not getting anything right now.”
They sit in silence for some more time – the monitor shuts off and it’s only the outside lights that are making the room less dark, so that they can see the outline of each other.
“What do I know, in your opinion, hyung?” Wonjae breaks it, still sitting on the floor, legs tugged to his chest.
“That…” Siyoung hasn’t said that ever, not even to himself. He doesn’t know if he could. That would make it real, almost tangible. Something inside of him stops him every time he starts to get the words out, even now. “I have feelings for you.” Here – he’s said it. “Not friendly or brotherly,” he adds a second later.
“I didn’t. I didn’t know that.”
Oh. So Siyoung just confessed – not what he was planning to do with that information. He tried to shove it under so many layers of his life, that he forgot sometimes.
“Okay, that is why you weren’t disgusted earlier. If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I get it,” he says, internally accepting every possible way this talk could go now.
“Hyung, wait,” Wonjae says desperately, climbing on top of the couch, beside Siyoung. “I want to talk to you. I thought…” he trails off, both happy and frustrated. “I thought what I feel is wrong, that you would never look the same at me. I thought what I have for you could never be more than a secret.”
“Wonjae, what are you…” Giriboy can’t even finish a question, when the younger takes his hand, urging to look at him.
“Siyoung-hyung, I have feelings for you too.”
They sit beside, facing each other, Wonjae still hasn’t let go of his hand, which is so hot, that Siyoung thinks he’s getting burnt. Never in this world could he even process that his feelings may be reciprocated. He hid his feelings, perceived them as this little ugly thing, that could never see the light of the day. So now, happiness, that should be coming out of every single pore of his body, is slowly simmering inside.
“Okay,” he says after a long moment of yet another silence between them tonight. His voice is quiet, but Wonjae hears him, judging by how quickly he glances up from their hands still connected.
“So, what does that mean?” Kid milli is impatient as always, even the moment can’t make him stop.
“That you will eat and sleep properly tonight, I hope,” Siyoung tries to laugh it off – out of habit. He doesn’t know what to do with a positive outcome. He was ready for everything, except this.
“Can I kiss you, hyung?”
The moment is instantly charged again: Wonjae’s hands move up to Siyoung’s wrists, one goes up until it lays on his shoulder, where it connects to the neck. Giriboy wants it, he never imagined – never let himself think of it, but he wants it so much that everything in him aches in anticipation. He sees how Wonjae moves closer, how he crowds him to the back of the couch, how his hand holds his neck now, but the younger doesn’t take that choice away, he waits for the answer, breathing in Siyoung’s air.
“Yeah, do that, please,” the last part is almost inaudible, but Kid milli catches those words with his lips.
The kiss is everything Siyoung hasn’t even try to imagine. They close their eyes in synch, and Wonjae doesn’t even deepen it – he savors Giriboy’s lips, tugging with his own. The initial heat is gone and the kiss fades into light pecks. Siyoung has to stop the clinging younger one with a light push to his shoulder.
“Yah, you’re worse than Doldorie,” he says still laughing, trying to stop Wonjae, who looks like he’ll die if he doesn’t keep kissing Siyoung.
“Want to stay the night?” Wonjae asks casually after pecking his lips for the last time. It makes swirling thoughts in Giriboy’s mind stop for a second.
“No, not tonight. You need to rest, and I am not sure… if… Yeah, also, I need to feed my dog, you know,” Siyoung doesn’t even know how to articulate his reasonings.
“You mean, you’re not sure in us?” Kid milli looks sadder than he was a second ago, so the older tries to fix it as quick as possible.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Wonjae-ah, it’s about spending the night, you know, it might be too much for my weak heart,” he ends with an obvious joke, but it didn’t go through.
“Oh, no-no, hyung. Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean that,” he highlights the last word, looking for the signs that Siyoung does understand him. “We’ve been doing it for so long and I thought that we can keep doing it after the confession. Staying over for the night, I mean. But, yeah, Doldorie would eat me alive if you left him without dinner because of me.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry for making it weird in some sense,” he says apologetically.
“No, you most definitely didn’t, hyung. And it’s not weird, right? I mean I don’t think it’s weird, and I think about it… with you,” Wonjae glances, trying to read Siyoung’s expression. “But I’m not rushing you into anything. I just want you to know that I’m okay and I’m ready when you are.”
“Okay, Mr. Always-Ready…”
“What? Not that…” The younger blushes hard, not really able to interrupt Giriboy.
“… but it’s not that you have to wait for me, really. If the moment is right…” He himself is red right now. It’s good Wonjae can barely tell difference from what he sees. “I mean relationship stuff – I’m not throwing myself at people left and right. I have standards, you know.”
“Okay, I totally get it. And what are the standards?”
“Let’s do some couple-y things. Also, I might be very old-fashioned, but I would need a label for what we have, so I can feel secured.” Siyoung almost winces at the memory of his last relationships if he even can call them that. He never got the clear response of what it was.
“I can do that. Are you free tomorrow?” he asks so seriously that it makes the older laugh out loud.
“Gosh, you’re so cute like that, Wonjae-ah.”
“I’m not supposed to be cute, you know,” he laughs back, nudging Siyoung’s knee. “You did that to me, take the responsibility, hyung.”
They talk for some time before the older catches the sight of the time and rushes home to Doldorie.
“Text me when you’re home, okay?” Wonjae stands relaxed leaning on the wall, while Giriboy is getting ready.
“Okay, and meanwhile you need to eat something, I’m serious.”
Wonjae catches his hand before Siyoung steps out of the apartment, pecking it slightly, as if accepting whatever is ordered.
-----
It’s not the ideal time to start things but love never waits, as Wonjae likes to think. So, he ignores all the work the next day just to get ready and prepare something nice for Siyoung. It’s not like he is actually doing stuff; he just checks reviews for popular places around the town and makes his head work extra just to recall some of his hyung’s favorite spots. Giriboy really likes grilled pork, so that should work, right?
So, when the evening starts to approach, he wears his lucky cap with the rest of the outfit that has been already planned in advance and goes straight to the apartment he’s been to a bit too often if you ask anyone from their label. So often indeed, that Doldorie treats him as an inhabitant. Siyoung on the other hand looks nervous, unlike any other times they’ve been together, except while shooting the Show me the money, maybe. And even then, it was more about the results and nothing else.
They stumble in the nice restaurant with fancy grills on each table which are separated in booth-like style.
“It smells good already,” Giriboy says while the host accompanies them to the table – it’s not packed, but all the tables are reserved so it must be really good.
“I wanted our first date to be nice enough to remember,” Wonjae says after they are left alone with two menus on the table.
“Wonjae, stop saying such things in public.” Siyoung feels his ears burning. To that the latter just laughs, trying to catch his hands, that are covering already blushing ears and cheeks.
They order everything that looks nice in the picture with the fancy set of pork to grill on the fire. The younger takes the tongs before Siyoung gets to say anything and cooks the meat. They joke and tease, and talk, discussing late drama in the label, just like before. Nothing is out of ordinary except it’s just two of them now. Usually, the whole crew from the label or just some random friends tag along. But it’s nice – they can say and do whatever feels like it without the watchful eyes on them.
“Hyung, manager just texted.” Wonjae shows the display of his phone casually. “He’s saying that the shootings are starting on Saturday, we need to come earlier for an interview.”
“Okay,” he responds while chewing the meat that the younger put on his plate. “Yeah, I think that’s him.” Siyoung rummages in his pocket to get the phone out, checking on it. “Why mine is so much longer?” He shows Wonjae the actual text from the same manager.
“I think he’s low-key scared of you.” Wonjae laughs, still finishing with the grill. “And you’re older too.”
“Gosh, it’s not like I’m using that against him. You’re even younger than him and you’re not scared, right?”
“I know the real you, but when we started hanging out, I was very cautious around you, actually.” He turns off the grill, placing Giriboy’s favorite side dishes closer to him. “You’ve got that intimidating aura around you. As if saying you don’t play around, that’s why YoungB doesn’t like working with you – he’s scared to death he won’t be able to write down a verse on time. You know him, he tries catching feels and vibes before doing anything.”
“Oh yeah, that is true. Last time I scolded him for pushing back the recording schedule for a week because he couldn’t get that specific mood.”
“I used to be like that too, you know. Before working with you, I thought that music comes when it wants to.” They eat and drink through the whole conversation, but Wonjae pauses, sensing the shift in atmosphere. “But I saw you working on different stuff making sure music comes when you want it to. I felt so inspired that occupied the studio room for a week straight – Justhis was mad.” He laughs remembering the moment when he was thrown away from that shared studio room.
“So that’s how you stopped being scared of me and switched to Justhis, I suppose?” That’s clearly a joke but Wonjae feels like the older wants to know when it changed – when Wonjae stopped being intimidated by him and stayed closer.
“That was the start of me thinking that you’re not that bad, yeah,” he keeps it fun, joking back. “But when you cried on that stage… I saw the glimpse of a real you. I knew you were working nonstop, but I never thought that you were pushing yourself that hard.”
“I’m never going to hear the end of it,” Siyoung says playfully, blushing from Wonjae’s heartful words.
“I wanted to run up the stage and hug you, you know. You did all of that and I wanted someone to say it to you. But you know how it goes – there were cameras everywhere and all of them kept congratulating you and Nafla, and Swings. I didn’t want to intrude in your moment.” There is nothing left from the previous joking and teasing mood, but it doesn’t weight on any of them.
“I wanted someone to actually hold me and say those words. And I would be on the cloud nine if it was you,” last words are barely audible but Wonjae catches on them and holds them dear to his heart.
“Did you?... Already then?” he asks somehow hopefully. That fact won’t change anything, and he didn’t even think that being with Siyoung was a possibility, so it’s rather curiosity than anything else.
“Well,” Giriboy starts uncertainly. Wonjae is still waiting for the answer, so the older sighs and continues, “when… when you joined WYBH and I got to seeing you around in the company too…” He stops for a second, recalling something – maybe an exact moment it all started for him. “You had that stupid grin and talked like you know everything and then in a snap of fingers you got terrified of Swings when we were out drinking.” He smiles thinking of those times.
“Hyung, that was not the best of me. But I never saw anything or suspected a thing. How did you do that?” Wonjae shifts forward, leaning closer as if he is going to tell a secret. “You saw me realizing my feelings – the best I could hold it in was a week.”
“I got used to…” He stops trying to choose a right word, “hiding those, pretending, being not who I am. You can say like that.”
“So, stuff happened in the past I suppose?”
“Yeah, but nothing too traumatic, don’t worry.” Siyoung chuckles, trying to make the mood lighter. “It’s just that I never thought that it can be mutual, you know? You have always talked about girls and stuff, and to be honest you do look super hetero-coded.”
“Hetero what? I am not sure I know what that mean.”
“I’ll teach you more of that.” Giriboy laughs out loud at this point. “I meant that you look extremely straight. Got it now?”
“Oh, okay. I never labeled myself actually, but to be fair I’ve never fell for a guy before, so…” It is a blessing their table is very much closed off and distant from the other ones.
“Now I feel like a jerk,” he says lightly.
“No, you’re right in a way. I did talk about girls a lot at some point.” Wonjae only now remembers his obsession over those Instagram models when he just got the taste of fame. “Did it hurt you?” he asks unexpectedly even to himself.
“I tried not to take it personally. You never knew what I felt for you and that’s fair.”
They keep on eating, Kid milli calls for the waiter to bring more drinks and the conversation dies down for a bit. Probably both are in their head, trying to make sense of everything that’s been said.
“Since you asked me too, I want to know how you got to realize, you know, that I’m the sun of your solar system?” Siyoung is having a good time, teasing and joking.
“Well, this is a bit odd, but remember us going to that fancy supermarket a week ago?”
“Oh, yeah, and the very next day you went MIA,” Siyoung says casually, as if talking about the weather.
“Uh-huh, so it’s because of that huge block of butter we bought. I looked at it and it hit me, you know. It was too domestic for two dudes and I actually liked it, and sometimes I even missed you while lying on the coach in the room next to yours.” Wonjae dips his head feeling a bit embarrassed. “You gave me that blanket of yours when it got colder and I subconsciously imagined hugging you while holding it. I thought it is nothing extraordinary – some best bro behavior, but yeah… Block of butter did it for me.” He scratches his neck awkwardly trying not to look at his hyung.
“It is a bit odd indeed,” the older says visibly blushing. He tries to change the mood as it becomes a bit too intimate for a place like this. “And you have to finish that block, you hear me, it cost a fortune, and I don’t even eat butter.”
“Does that mean I am allowed at yours now?”
“What do you mean? You always are.”
“Yeah, I know, but not like how it used to be, maybe we could like… sleep together?” Wonjae gets bolder, only to correct himself a moment after. “Just sleep, I’m not implying on anything else… yet.”
“Okay, we could do that, it’s more practical that way also, being winter and all.”
“Are we boyfriends already or do I need to pass anything. You were talking about standards yesterday,” Wonjae openly teases Giriboy while being a bit nervous, trying to hide it behind a grin, and waits for a response.
“We spent so much time together, and I know almost everything about you, so I’m afraid that stuff doesn’t really apply to you anymore.”
“Aw, you say we are already too close. That is nice.” The younger one waits a bit more before asking again. “And what the other thing? Being boyfriends?”
“Do you want to become official? Not like publicly, but between us and those who are close to us?” Siyoung gets serious in an instant. “I’m asking you because I feel the responsibility, I’m your hyung after all, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
“Being with you is not a bad thing. Right now, it feels like a dream to be honest. I know we won’t be able to be open about it but it’s enough for me if it’s for you.”
“It is.”
“So, what do you say, hyung?” Wonjae gets to hold Siyoung’s hand when no one sees.
“Yeah, I would be more than happy, Wonjae.”
Both of them get a bit flustered after that, holding hands before a group of people come in to sit in the next booth. They finish with the food and Wonjae insist on paying for it, promising to let his hyung pay next time.
“So…” Wonjae gets closer at the streetlight, when they are waiting for a green one to light up. “Can your boyfriend stay at yours tonight?” he whispers questioningly in Siyoung’s ear. They have been walking for quite some time, getting closer to the older’s apartment complex. Giriboy instantly gets goosebumps, but he would rather blame it on the winter than Kid milli’s breath in his ear.
“No, unless you stop using that word in every other sentence.” The older one puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket and shoots off when the light changes to green.
“Hyung, wait,” Wonjae tries to keep up, practically running after blushing Giriboy. “You know, I’ve been missing Doldol, and I need to start on that block of butter, if you want it finished soon.” He knows that’s a stretch, but he can’t promise of stopping teasing his hyung like that.
“I can just put it in the freezer and never see it again, you know?” Siyoung is having a good time when sees how Wonjae is on the verge of begging at this point. “You can stay over. I’m just messing with you because you do look cute like this – just like when you were afraid of Swings that time in his apartment.” He laughs out loud, and Wonjae is happy to be the one to make him feel that way, even if it means he needs to be reminded of some of the most embarrassing moments from his past.
“It’s okay, you can mess with me, hyung, in any way you want to.” That probably wasn’t an implication Siyoung is thinking of right now, but he can’t throw that thought away, so he clears his throat and tries to change the direction of their discussion.
“I still have all the stuff you left the last time, so it’s not a problem, right? We don’t need to stop over at your place on our way home?”
“No, but I want to buy some treats for Doldorie, I need to get on his good side, being your boyfriend and all,” he says with a huge smile on his face, while Siyoung blushes for the hundredth time this evening.
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The shootings for the High School Rapper’s third season start easy. The atmosphere on the set is light and fun. But what can Wonjae say about it – he doesn’t really know how this can turn out. He saw some clips here and there, but never watched it fully, so he just goes along with anything Siyoung says and does.
They joke around with other mentor teams as all of them are rather close already. Code Kunst even teases them when no one is around, being the one they’ve revealed their relationship to last Friday during a studio session. They knew he would be okay with that, so talking about it felt good and relieving.
“Team Giriboy and Kid Milli, you are next. Please, come in,” the assistant girl, that has been running from place-to-place for half an hour, says while showing the way into the smaller room on the other side.
Staff promise not to take a lot of their time, which means that it’s not anything too serious and they feel less pressured as they come in. They sit beside each other in front of the camera and a monitor displaying the text messages.
“Ah, so the questions will be in the form of texts?” Siyoung feels comfortable as he got used to being filmed in the last few years.
The interview goes smoothly – they tease each other naturally now, not thinking hard about how it looks. Giriboy giggles when Kid milli jokes about something and it is so hard to keep themselves in check, so when the question about how they’ve become one team comes up, Wonjae lets himself wander in his thoughts while Siyoung lights up to answer.
“I told you right? I told you that I would do that with you.” He looks up at Kid Milli expectantly.
“Why?” Wonjae asks with the corners of his mouth twitched upwards, mostly to see what the other would say, only because he himself doesn’t get where his hyung is going with it.
“Because I like you!” Siyoung laughs while looking at Wonjae and the younger one forgets for a moment that they are literally sitting in front of the camera.
“I like you too…” he says quietly after they erupt in giggles and Wonjae thinks that it’s not perfect, but the moment feels somehow special.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t do it with someone else!” Siyoung says seriously, coming back to the professional self, bringing his attention back to the camera and staff that is sitting across.
“We’re actually dating!” Wonjae declares unexpectedly and laughs slightly when Siyoung is the one dying from the laughter. The staff also chuckles at that, not knowing that it’s true.