Chapter Text
Taking a commercial airplane for a joyride as a trio was bound to be a bad idea, and Ze wonders why he ever got into the cockpit to begin with. In his defence, Moe seemed excited to try it and Regect insisted he knew what he was doing. He said something to the effect of, “Don’t worry man, I know how to fly a helicopter.” Never mind how he tends to make stuff up on a daily basis. Plus, Ze was certain the two aircrafts in question required separate licenses to fly, so it didn’t even matter.
However, to his credit, Regect got the plane off the ground. It was unsteady and Moe lost her balance at least three times, but they’ve been in the air for ten solid minutes now. Landing, however, is a whole other ordeal.
“No, Regect, the instructions SPECIFICALLY STATE these levers are for the LANDING GEAR.”
“WHERE, DUDE?”
“HERE, the middle of the page, dipshit!” Ze shoves the paper closer to where Regect’s face would be if he wasn’t a headless entity. “Look!”
The world’s existence must depend on Ze and Regect arguing, since they bicker about nearly everything. Not a single day goes by without finding a reason to throw an insult or call the other an idiot.
“HONK!”
“That manual is useless. I told y—”
“HONK HONK!”
“One second, Moe—”
The plane’s speakers interrupt Regect mid-sentence.
Woop woop. Pull up. Woop woop. Pull up.
“HONK!” Moe gives them both a pointed look from the copilot's seat, waving her hand towards the control panel displaying their altitude getting lower by the second. “HONK honkHonk!”
By now they've definitely passed the grassfield they spotted to land in a minute ago. The terrain outside the cockpit window is all forest and lakes. He turns back to Regect.
“Oh my GOD—just press that button!”
“It’s not that button, idiot!”
Woop woop. Pull up. Woop woop. Pull up.
“We’re going to CRASH, man!”
“OKAY! fine, if you’re so sure—fine! Here,” Regect gets up from the main pilot’s seat, “take the controls!”
“Hey—”
Despite any protests, Regect grabs Ze’s forearm and uses it to maneuver him into the seat he just left. Ze reattributes the fluttering feeling in his stomach to being handed the controls to a rapidly descending plane.
“UHHHHH–”
“Oh, what was that? Oh, you’re dumb? And don’t know what to do? Use your manual!”
He is such an asshole. I hate him, Ze thinks. I hate him so much.
“Honk honk honk!”
Moe snaps him out of it. Pulling the levers he knows are for the landing gear makes him feel rather smug when the sound of them being extended rumbles through. It doesn’t last long though, the plane has descended too low for anything they do now to matter. The sound of trees scrapping the underside of the aircraft might deafen them all.
Something slams against the window and a scream could be heard fading away. Did he just hit someone with a vehicle again?
“I’m blaming you for this, Regect!"
Before anything else could be said, the plane exits the treeline and dives straight into a lake. Regect, who was standing, and Ze, who didn’t buckle in when he was seated, went flying forward and hit the glass like two crash dummies. The plane plows through the water until it finally stops, nose-up, half-sinking beneath its surface.
“Honk? HonkHonkHonk honk honk!”
Moe quickly unbuckles herself and scrambles to where her two accomplices now lay unceremoniously on the floor. Ze groans and pulls himself into a sitting position.
“Yeah, I’m okay, Moe.”
“OW. Oh, ow. Fuck. That hurts worse than falling off buildings. Ow.”
Regect is fine too, then.
“Not fall, you jump because you forget you can fly.” Ze laughs prematurely, then finishes, “You’re just like this plane.”
“Oh yeah? You have five seconds to start running.”
“Honk honk honk. Honk honk.”
Moe noticed the sound of trickling water, the plane slowly submerging itself further. Ze makes a mental note to thank her later for being the only reliable person in his life.
“True,” Ze stands and rubs at the bruise forming on his head, “let's get out of here.”
Regect is still on the floor. Moe quickly double checks that he’s alright before leaving the cockpit, presumably to find an exit. They hear her honking down the seating aisle. Thankfully they’re the only ones on this thing.
“Come on, chud. Up.”
“Just carry me out.”
“We’re NOT doing this again.”
“You wouldn’t help a poor thing in need?”
“You just threatened to chase me. UP.”
Ze kicks at Regect’s leg until he obliges.
“OW. Stop—OKAY.”
Slowly, he gets up, but not before making sure his movements are as dramatic as possible while bemoaning the entire time. Ze mocks his display by rolling his eyes in an equally dramatic fashion, then turns to follow Moe.
Looking outside the windows dipped beneath water level reveals nothing interesting besides a school of PNG fish. Their pixels are blurry at the edges.
“Honk honk. Honk!”
Moe is trying to communicate with something just outside the window.
“HonkHonk.”
As he walks closer, he sees more. The being looks humanoid? Mermaid-like. Grey-blue skin with black hair surrounding an anglerfish bulb sprouting from its forehead. Ze comes to a stop slightly behind Moe. He counts three arms and three pupilless eyes observing him right back.
“Is this guy gonna help us?”
“Honk!”
“Wait, did they understand you, first try?”
“Honk.”
“Then how do you know for sure?”
“Honk! HonkHonk, honk honkHonk honk. HonkHonk.”
“What research? We have no data like that.”
“HonkHonk HonkHonk.”
Random entities show up in this world all the time. They want and do various things, Ze even recognizes some of them from the internet. He doesn’t know how they get here, but he supposes it doesn’t matter since none of them have stuck around like Regect or Moe have.
They hear Regect approaching them, shouting to cut into their conversation.
“Oh hey! It’s a sea eu!”
“For real? You know about this?”
“Yeah! Sea eu later lmao.” Regect disappears mid walk, deliberately a second before reaching Ze’s personal space.
“Okay cool, yeah sure—leave us down here! ASSHOLE!”
He’s aware the creature outside is still watching them. It’s unnerving.
“Honk! HonkHonk honk.”
Ze sighs. “Let’s just mine our way out with a pickaxe.”
Landing the plane was a bust and they’re farther from home than usual. Ze would be more troubled by this, but stealing a random aircraft wasn’t any more unusual than their other escapades. This is a typical Tuesday afternoon.
“Hey, there you two are!” Regect greets them once they reach the shore. Ze wrings his clothes out with his hands, not that it helps much.
“You’re a dick.”
“Honk HonkHonk.”
“Just learn how to teleport, don’t blame me.”
Ze flicks water at him in protest.
Finding home is going to be tricky, the forest looks identical at every turn. The trail of broken trees is a good starting point though, so they begin moving.
Half an hour goes by quickly while talking with Moe. They’re mostly dry now, thanks to the clear sky. Regect is levitating somewhere overhead, just out of earshot, to scout above the forest canopy.
“Honk honkHonk honk.”
“Yeah, good point. Fish don’t even have fingers.”
“Honk honk?”
“I don’t think there’s a single instrument they could play besides drums.”
“Honk honk honk. Honk, honkHonk honk.”
“True, maybe the rattle too.”
Without warning, Regect zips back down in front of them. He’s still hovering over the ground.
“THERE’S A HOUSE!”
“Our house?” Ze asks, hopeful.
“No, idiot, if it was our house I would have said our house.”
The only thing stopping Ze from strangling him was distance.
Moe begins jumping up and down. “Honk honkHonkHonk!”
Ze smiles at her. “Alright, let’s check it out.”
The house Regect spotted turns out to be a street-front store, but removed from the rest of its city block. It has striped awnings above glass windows, a rainbow of colours can be seen within. Brick walls framed two open doors with a simple sign above them: flower exchange.
Regect finally decides to abide by gravity again to enter. Moe bounces inside quickly, pulling Ze along.
There are rows and rows of budding plants, bouquets, and even ornaments for flower arrangements. The space is small for a shop with this inventory, everything is stacked to the skylight ceiling. Pots, gardening tools, fertilizer, seeds in small packets. Anything related to floriculture was probably for sale. Ze was also certain breathing this air would kill anyone allergic to pollen instantly.
While walking between shelves and tables, there’s not a moment when they aren’t surrounded by blossoms.
Ze finds himself admiring Regect’s black silhouette, it contrasts well with the colourful flowers around him. He starts looking him up and down before realizing what he’s doing.
Turning his head so fast should have given him whiplash.
Ze chances a glance at Moe to check if she noticed. Luckily, she’s too busy admiring dahlias and poking at other things to pay him any attention. His face feels hot.
“Honk HonkHonk, honk honk.”
Regect focuses on her to respond and Ze is thankful for the opportunity it gives him to slip away. The two of them become thoroughly distracted by rummaging through a wooden drawer she’s found.
“Where was THAT?”
“Honk honkHonkHonk. Honk!”
“Agriculture, sure, but in a flower shop?”
Ze hears their conversation fade out as he makes distance. Not even crashing a plane caused his heart rate to spike so fast. This is starting to get out of control. This because Ze refuses to name it. Maybe he’s been suppressing something for a while. Perhaps he’s a bit too far gone as well. It doesn’t matter though, he never has to address it.
He looks around for a distraction and then takes notice of something. There’s no employees in this shop.
Navigating back to the front door confirms this, no one is seated at the checkout counter. In fact, there isn’t even a cash register. No lunch break sign or service bell, either. Huh.
Illogical places are far from unusual to him at this point. If anything, this location is more on the normal side. However, there’s something else here. It leaves Ze rooted to the spot. A growing sense of dread starts digging into the same part of his brain that primal fear stems from. The worst part is, he cannot pinpoint the danger. There’s seemingly nothing wrong and he looks around uselessly.
A pinching sensation forms in his lungs. Is he starting to panic? Where is everyone again? They should probably leave now—
“There you are, man!” Regect appears behind him so suddenly Ze actually jumps.
“AAAAH—DUDE. Oh my God. Hi.”
“Oh man, you’re never beating the ‘screams like a little girl’ allegations.”
Ze doesn’t grace that with a response.
“Moe, he’s here!” Regect yells back into the shop. “I WIN!”
A disappointed honk comes from behind some shelves.
“Guys, I left for two seconds.”
“Going missing is Moe’s thing, you can’t copy her.”
“HonkHonk!” Moe rounds the corner to join them with her hands hiding behind her back.
“Anyway, look, we’ve found something awesome. Show him!”
She wastes no time pulling a massive scythe out of her inventory. It barely misses a nearby display full of flowers in glass vases.
“WOAH—damn okay, that’s—STOP SPINNING IT.”
“HONK!”
Regect cheers. “YEAHHH HAHA!”
With how their usual interactions go, Ze doesn’t get to hear Regect laugh often unless it’s directed at him. Moments like these are rare and endearing, although he’d rather go mute before ever admitting out loud how much he likes the sound of it.
That thought spawns another small, pinched feeling in his lungs. This time there’s even an uncomfortable pressure to go with it. He clears his throat.
“Great job, that is pretty cool. I think we should leave though.”
Moe senses the change in mood and lets the scythe rest.
“Honk honk, honk?”
“Nah, just uh—I wanna get back home already. This place is also giving me weird vibes.”
A pause.
“Oh, sure. Yeah, if you want, no problem.”
“Honk!”
Ze didn’t realise how tight his posture was until he felt his muscles slack with relief. He must have looked really uncomfortable. Maybe Regect can be considerate, sometimes.
“Thanks, you two.”
“Have you checked your own vibes though? They’re way weirder.”
“Says the entity?!”
“Honk! HonkHonk.”
Nothing happens when they exit the shop. Nothing continues to happen all the way back home. That night, he even dreams of nothing. It was probably nothing, then.
Ze is quite fond of the house Regect made for the three of them. It’s a rather simple design, but it adds much needed consistency to their lives when everything else is so unpredictable. Even when the chaos follows them inside, the walls stay the same.
It also helps that those walls are made of stone brick and sandstone, fire proof materials. He’s sure by this time the house would have burnt down otherwise. He wonders if Regect did that deliberately or not. Probably not, he decided. Regect isn’t that smart.
An abrupt pinch resonates through his chest, once again from his lungs. That’s the six or seventh time since waking up today.
These flashes of brief pain happen at seemingly random intervals, but it’s not so bad. The pollen in that shop probably irritated his lungs more than he thought, it’ll stop with time.
So he ignores it.
He ignores it when Regect asks him to go fishing to prove he does, in fact, catch weird and unexpected items with his fishing rod that no one else can.
He pretends not to feel it when they start a debate over who’s biggest catch is more impressive.
He shrugs it off when Regect nudges his side, pointing out a crew of three cowboys arriving on horseback to speak with them. Too bad they aren’t friendly, the fishing trip was going so well. Now he’s in a standoff, everyone but Regect has a firearm drawn.
“HEY!” Ze yells, “If you guys don’t start explaining yourselves, I’ll blast all of you to the river sticks.”
“It’s the River Styx, actually.” Regect corrects, just to be an ass.
“No one cares.”
“Wouldn’t want you to be mistaken.”
“SHUT UP!”
Ze is pointing a rocket launcher at the cowboys, a rpg-7 to be specific. He usually has a hand gun with him, but today he brought something more excessive. In truth, he planned to shoot Regect with it when he inevitably fished out something he planted in the water beforehand and acted like it was natural.
“Easy now, boys.” The first cowboy speaks, but doesn’t lower his revolver. “Reckon we start over. Ya’ll ain’t seen our plane ‘round here, have ya?”
Ze and Regect exchange a look.
“No.” Ze decides to say.
“Yeah, we haven't seen it.”
“What plane?”
“Exactly.”
“No idea.”
The cowboys do not seem convinced, their expressions becoming even more displeased. Even one of their horses huffed in annoyance. Ze can’t imagine why a group of gunslingers would have a commercial aircraft anyway, it clashes with their whole gig. Their leader speaks again before he can ask.
“Liars, the both of ya! We know dang well it was you! Had that runway wired with CCTV cameras this whole time. Now... where in tarnation is it?" As he speaks, the gun trembles with his tightening grip.
“...Well, really it was this guy's fault.” Regect said, pointing to Ze.
“REALLY?” Ze was going to kill him.
“YES, you kept distracting—”
“NOPE, you were the one—”
“—me when I had everything under control!”
“—disagreeing with me on EVERY DECISION—WHAT CONTROL?”
The second cowboy tries to interject, but they both ignore him to continue their argument. Ze is still holding his rocket launcher and if the cowboys weren’t there he would have turned it on Regect by now.
Someone becomes impatient and raises their gun to the sky.
BANG
A warning shot from the third, a cowgirl that hasn’t spoken yet.
“We ain’t askin’ twice,” she says, once they all go quiet. Then she realigns her revolver with Ze’s chest.
Oh yeah, the standoff. He should resolve this swiftly. They promised Moe that they’d be back in time to have dinner together. It wasn’t near sunset yet, but they had to consider the time it takes to walk back. Ze clears his throat and makes eye contact with the first cowboy again.
“We kinda, uh… crashed it…”
“Say what now?!”
“...into a lake.”
Ze thinks that they shouldn't be this surprised. Meeting him and Regect hasn’t painted the most competent image so far.
“DAMN IT, that was the whole haul from the bank! EVERYTHING!”
The man threw his hands up in devastation before slinging profanities at Ze and Regect. Seeing this, the second cowboy reached out to comfort their leader, but got ignored.
“Y’all will pay for that!” The cowgirl declared, undoubtedly serious.
Absolutely not, Ze thought. Another small group of people swearing revenge on him is not something he is willing to tolerate. The pirates are annoying enough and they only show up every once in a while. Hell, Regect is especially exasperating and Ze sees him every day. He gleefully decides it’s rocket launcher time.
“Actually! ACTUALLY!” Ze has to yell over the first cowboy cussing to be heard. “We have all the money here with us. Right now.”
“We do?” Regect doesn’t even bother to whisper.
“If you don’t shut up—YES, we do! Wait right here.” Ze starts walking backwards to maintain a visual on them. “Just one moment!”
He reassures them multiple times while creating a gap, although they attempt to follow twice. Regect is actually being helpful for the first time in his life by keeping their focus on him. He’s making up a story about why they brought a haul of money on a fishing trip. It's complete bullshit of course and Ze feels his lungs pinch as he tries not to snicker at Regect's antics.
He continues to skip backwards, counting each step in his head until he stops far enough down the shoreline. It’s barely the minimum safe distance, but it’s an improvement considering he has no qualms shooting this thing at point-blank range. Ze does want to use this weapon properly at least once though.
When satisfied, he snaps into position and aims his weapon.
“Stand back, Regect!” After hearing his name, Regect turns around and visibly jumps.
“OH, SHIT—”
“Or don’t, I don’t care.”
The cowboys realize that they’ve been tricked right as Ze pulls the trigger. The launcher jolts on his shoulder as the two-stage propulsion system kicks into motion. He watches with elation as the rocket cuts through the air and deploys its fins. It soars until it lands right in the middle of the group. The explosion is spectacular, sending all three cowboys and their horses into the sky. He shields his eyes from the sun as he watches them disappear into the atmosphere like Team Rocket. They’ll be fine.
“Wow,” Regect says, appearing next to him.
“You remembered you can teleport? I’m shocked.”
“Wow.”
“You said that already.”
“Wow.”
“Okay stop.” He says, while shoving him.
They return to their fishing spot, now with a decorative crater. A single cowboy hat remains. Regect picks it up and makes it levitate above him, about where it would sit if he had a head. Every day Ze learns about a new ability he has, promptly for Regect to never use it again.
“Now I can look like Arthur Morgan!”
“Totally, yeah.”
“All them years, Dutch…”
Ze whacks the hat to the floor before he can finish the quote. Regect scrambles for it and Ze’s lungs pinch at him once again while he properly laughs.
Moe greets them with a song at the door. She had been fine tuning her latest melody while they were gone and it was coming together very nicely. Experimenting with 8-bit was a fantastic idea, Ze thinks she would be hired for a game soundtrack instantly if she wanted to. He inquires about her creative process and she joyfully explains while they prepare food.
The fishing trip with Regect was plentiful, so dinner consisted of smoked fish with various side dishes. They also brought home stacks of random items and river junk, but Regect dumps it all into chests to be dealt with later. However, once he returns to the kitchen, he decides to stand right behind Ze and berate his meal choices instead of helping.
“Why don’t you ever criticize Moe, huh?”
“Moe added carrots to hers, a top tier vegetable, and she’s the best. Come on, we all know this.”
“HonkHonk!”
Ze opens his mouth to respond, but turns his head instead as a dry cough forces its way out. He hastily uses his arm to block his face too, not wanting to ruin everyone's food.
“You good?” Regect sounds amused.
“Yeah, I’m blaming you. Must be allergic to idiots.”
“Nah, you would have given yourself immunity by now. Ha—OOF.”
Ze punches him in the side, hard. It feels good to do so after a whole day. Regect crumbles within seconds and pretends to die on the kitchen floor.
Dinner went surprisingly smoothly after that, excluding Ze fighting the urge to cough every few minutes. Clearing his throat subtly can only be done so many times. Holding it in nearly works, up until the feeling gets so intense he simply has to cough for relief. It’s slightly painful whenever he does. Each cough is completely dry. Unfortunately this hinders how much he actively participates in conversation and he sees Moe giving him a questioning stare. He just shrugs in response.
“Honk? Honk honk.”
“I could be sick.”
“HonkHonk, honkHonk honk?”
“I don’t know.” Ze sighs. “I do not know.”
“Imagine getting sick, couldn’t be me.”
“Y’know what? Let me cough on you. COME HERE!”
Ze jumps from his seat and leaves his mostly finished plate to beeline for Regect. This immediately starts a chase around the house.
“Gross! No, GET AWAY.”
“I thought it was harmless to you. Hm? HM?”
“MOE HELP.”
Her laughter can be heard from the dining table. They loop back around and run past her again. She’s shoveling the remainder of her food down, wanting to participate in the chase faster. Once she joins, neither of them can tell which side she’s on.
Ze loses track of how many times they run up and down the stairs. At some point they even end up outside the house because Regect jumped off the balcony. While they’re outdoors, a random creeper joins in and they all yell at it.
Moe starts using her water balloons to frighten it away, only making things even more hectic. This circus show continues until they’re all out of breath. The creeper thankfully leaves when they rush back inside, closing the doors in its face.
Regect is breathing heavily and leans against the wall for support.
“Ze…Truce…?”
Moe is sitting on the floor nearby, looking equally winded but very pleased with herself. That creeper was great for moving target practice.
Ze bends forward, panting, hands on his knees, quickly realizing this game wasn’t a very good idea for his lungs.
“Yeah…fine, okay…I’ll get you tomorro—” He starts coughing again, a bit harder this time.
“Honk Honk?”
“I’m good, see.” Ze stands up straight to emphasize his point. Despite his sureness, Regect and Moe glance at each other in their doubt.
“Seriously, dude, go to the doctors or something man.” Regect actually sounds concerned.
“Alright, I’ll go then. First thing in the morning, okay?”
They give him their approval, which Ze is relieved to get over with. It feels somewhat strange when they express any worry about him. Everyone heads upstairs and into their respective rooms, wishing each other a good night. It leaves the house in a rare state of silence.
Despite this, Ze can’t sleep. Without anything to distract him, the slight pressure in his chest is perturbing. He’s been ignoring it, but it hasn’t diminished at all since yesterday. It’s definitely related to the coughing and presumably the pinching too.
He rolls around to find a more comfortable position. Such levels of drowsiness usually would have knocked him out by now, but his body simply isn’t cooperating this time. Hours have passed and the others are definitely dreaming already.
There’s a brief moment he contemplates knocking on one of their doors, followed by a chastising sense of shame. He doesn’t need to bother anyone like a child would, he can handle not getting sufficient sleep for one day. This is nothing, he can tough it out.
The pressure doesn’t ease up, making him cough into his pale bedsheets. It’s like there’s something stuck and refusing to come out.
Yeah, he’s sick. God dammit.
Ze continues to toss and turn. He considers doing push ups on the floor to exhaust himself further. The crescent moon glows on him from outside his window and he glares back. It’s probably near two or three o'clock at the moment.
Perhaps the most productive choice would be to get up and visit the doctors now, even in the dead of night. He could return before anyone wakes up and leave a note just in case he takes too long. There’s a spare book and quill somewhere around here. Getting medicine might be really useful for sleeping later. Nobody would mind if he snoozed during daylight, Moe and Regect go on duo adventures plenty of times. It’s a solid plan.
With his mind made, he moves to sit up, except the new angle triggers the worst coughing fit yet. It feels like there’s something lodged in his windpipe.
He coughs and gags and spits into his hands. Half a minute feels like half an hour until, finally, something wet and plush hits his palm. He shifts his hand into the moonlight to investigate.
A small, unassuming flower petal. It’s bent awkwardly and glossy with spit.
“What the fuck.”