Chapter Text
The sun has already set when Seonghwa walks in the kitchen, a single and empty plate in his hands. Silently, he starts to clean the space, his movements almost automatic. Cleaning had always helped him in many ways. When his emotions got the best of him, Seonghwa’s solution was always cleaning. It was like cleaning a space managed to clean his mind too.
That’s why Seonghwa is there, in the kitchen, rearranging a flower bouquet he has bring home a few days ago. Now that he was satisfied, he quickly goes to his bedroom, preparing his stuff. He does his night routine silently. He takes his shower, brushes his teeth, applies some skincare on his face. In silence. Because that’s how it always is since almost a year.
When Seonghwa isn’t at work, surrounded by flowers and his favorite coworkers, his mornings and nights are usually filled with silence. But he has got used to it, even if he’s not the silence’s biggest fan. But it’s not like he chose it anyway. Months ago, it wasn’t like that.
The florist slips under the white cover of the bed, on the left side like always. For a few seconds, he looks at the empty side on his right and he sighs. Of course, Seonghwa is going to sleep alone this night again. It’s not like Hongjoong was going back home anyway.
For the umpteenth time this night, Seonghwa reads his boyfriend’s last message.
“got caught up at the studio, don’t wait for me tonight. Sorry…”
The black haired man didn’t even reply when he received it, way too used to this type of text by now. So Seonghwa plugs his phone on the charger and puts it on his bedside table. He turns off the small light and closes his eyes. He tries to sleep, tossing in his bed. Hoping that maybe, when he will wake up tomorrow, Hongjoong will be by his side, hugging him like he used to.
__________
Seonghwa wakes up to the unpleasant song of his alarm. Blindly, he shuts it off before rubbing his eyes sleepily. His second action of the morning is to blindly tap on the right side of the bed, only to find it cold and empty. So the florist guesses he’s going to do his morning routine in silence again.
An hour later, Seonghwa is walking outside the apartment, ready to start his day at work. Fortunately, Hongjoong and him decided to rent a place near both of their jobs, so both of them would be able to come back home as soon as possible. Not that it matters now anyway.
Surprisingly, Seonghwa is not the first one at the shop today. One of his coworkers, and friends, San is already there. They greet each other with a small “hi” and a smile. When Seonghwa comes back from the back of the shop, San glances at him for a second.
“Rough night ?” San asks, voice soft as he starts to water some of the plants in the store.
As a good friend, San knows Seonghwa a bit more personally than a coworker. He knows about what is happening since almost a year, between Hongjoong and the older. So it’s only natural for someone as caring as San to ask his friend how he’s doing.
“He didn’t come back home. I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night at least.” Seonghwa says, trying to fake a chuckle but obviously failing.
His friend looks at him for a second before going back to his task. He knows better than to talk about it, especially this early in the day. So they both start their day, Seonghwa taking orders while San starts to work on them. Soft music is playing in the background, making the whole atmosphere cozy, almost relaxing.
When the two florists hear the bell ringing, they both look towards the door, only to see their two other coworkers and friends closing the door behind them.
“If a single customer pisses me off today, I don’t know if I’ll stay calm.” The first one says.
“Hello to you too, Wooyoung.” Seonghwa says, not looking at his friend, his eyes glued to the paper in his hand. “No need to ask Wooyoung, it seems. But Yeosang, how are you today ?” The oldest asks, glancing at the silent man for a second before going back to his paper.
“Great. You ?” Yeosang asks, taking off his coat and going to the back of the shop.
Seonghwa takes a small breath. “I’m great, thank you.” He says, faking a smile. The kind of smile that says ‘I’m not, we know it and I don’t want to talk about it”. And Yeosang knows better than to push his friend.
Yeosang and Wooyoung take their aprons in the back, putting them on before preparing the coffee side of their shop. It’s been a few years since they’re working together. Seonghwa and San wanted to open a flowers shop for a long time, talking about it more than they can count. And when they talked about it to Wooyoung and Yeosang, it was naturally that the best friends proposed to mix their own idea of opening a coffee shop to Seonghwa and San’s idea of opening a flowers shop. And a year later, after a lot of organization and a big amount of shitty jobs for the four of them to gather enough money, they opened Aurora, a coffee shop and a flowers shop in the same place.
Seonghwa, as the oldest of their group, feels extremely proud of their achievement. It was, and still is, a lot of work and devotion. And he’s glad that he’s able to spend his work days in a place he loves, surrounded by people he cherishes with all his heart.
The day passes rather quickly. The four of them working perfectly together. Wooyoung filling the whole shop with surprisingly chaotic joy, San balancing the chaos with his calm and kind self. Seonghwa and Yeosang working diligently, enjoying the warm atmosphere in Aurora while the customers come to have a small dose of sweetness in their day.
When the clock is close to hit 6pm, the small group decides that it’s time to wrap up for the day. They clean their respective spaces and gather their things, discussing their plans for the night.
“We’re going to have a movie night with San.” Wooyoung says with a small but happy smile on his lips. It’s been a bit more than a year since the two of them got together. It took them a long time to finally admit their feelings to each other, spending their whole days dancing around each other despite their obvious feelings. It was almost written on both their faces at some point.
Wooyoung looks at Yeosang, his smile turning a bit more playful. “And you, Yeosang ?” the blond asks, trying to act casual by wiping the already clean counter.
“Jongho asked me on a date.” The red haired replies, cleaning the tables, not bothering looking up at San and Seonghwa, who are now looking at him with wide eyes.
“Finally, thank God. It started to become painful to watch.” San says, leaning against the counter on the flowers side of the shop.
“Don’t even talk about watching painful things when Woo and you took years to get together.” Seonghwa says, finally closing his laptop and putting it back in his bag.
San rolls his eyes at the older but his eyes quickly go to his lover, who’s already watching him with a smile on his lips. They both smile, communicating in a way that neither Seonghwa and Yeosang understand, fortunately for them by the way.
“And you, Seonghwa ?” the older hears Yeosang ask him. He thinks about the question for a few seconds, even if he knows how his Friday night is going to be.
“I don’t know. Probably spend the night reading or watching something.” Seonghwa says, already going to the back to take his coat.
“You should talk to him, Hwa.” Wooyoung suddenly says after a minute of silence.
Seonghwa closes his eyes for a second, trying to come with something that can be heard like a proper reply.
“I know. I already thought about it since a few weeks.” The older says, taking his stuff before the four of them walk to the door.
“I hope you know we’re here for you Seonghwa. Always.” San says softly, putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder. Seonghwa gives him a small but sincere smile, one that his friends know is like a ‘thank you’ smile.
His friends wait until Seonghwa closes the shop, making sure everything is clean and safe. Once it’s done, they part ways, not forgetting to wish Yeosang a good date and San and Wooyoung a good movie night.
When Seonghwa gets back home, silence greets him. So his mind drifts into auto pilot mode. Digging in the kitchen closets, he decides on cooking something simple for a lazy night. The lunch box he prepared yesterday for Hongjoong isn’t in the fridge anymore, a sign that his boyfriend was there during the day. The black haired man sighs but decides to not think about it. It won’t change a damn thing to torture his mind with bad thoughts, he decides.
It’s a few hours later, when Seonghwa is freshly showered, tucked under his covers with a book in his hand, that his phone lights up next to him. He puts his bookmark in his book and takes his phone.
From : Joongie <3
“I’m going to come back home late today too, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”
“The lunch was delicious, by the way. Thank you. <3”
Seonghwa sighs, again – he hates that but it seems he’s doing that a lot recently. He pinches the bridge of his nose. He didn’t reply to Hongjoong’s last night text, so he decides he has to reply to this one. He quickly texts back.
“It’s okay. :)”
Seonghwa presses send and puts his phone back on the bed, screen facing the sheets. He looks at his book, his eagerness to read suddenly gone. Is it how he’s going to spend his Friday night again ? Alone, tossing in his bed, hoping that his boyfriend of six years will come back home at a reasonable time ?
For a moment, Seonghwa considers sleeping early, convincing himself that he’s tired enough to drown his loneliness and sadness in sleep. But, weirdly, something is itching in the back of his mind. Something he tries to ignore since a few weeks. Whenever he thinks about this whole situation, where his relationship seems to be almost … dead.
The florist closes his eyes, trying to stop his brain for going further in a way he doesn’t like and doesn’t want to. But it seems like it’s too late. His mind is racing, not stopping a second and Seonghwa finds himself being helpless. He keeps hearing the same thing in his head, murmuring the words like it’s the only ones he knows and understands now.
Maybe we should take a break. Maybe we should take some time for us to think properly about our lives and priorities. Maybe it would be better for the both of us.
So Seonghwa thinks. For hours. Debating about what he should do.
Should he listen to the part of him that loves the man that is Kim Hongjoong ? The part of him who still hopes that the man will change ? That he will realize how Seonghwa is feeling ? How lonely he feels ? How he misses Hongjoong ?
Or should Seonghwa listen to the part of him that hurt ? The part of him who’s tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of sleeping alone at night and hoping that his lover will be there in the morning. Tired of feeling the right side of the bed cold and empty every other night.
For long hours, the florist thinks. His mind is torturing him, his heart is aching in a way he never felt before. At some point, his head hurts. But Seonghwa doesn’t really care. The pain is meaningless next to the one tearing his heart apart.
The florist doesn’t know how long he stayed in the dark of the bedroom. He just feels it’s way too long to be healthy. But at some point, he can hear the soft click of their front apartment. And suddenly, all his fatigue seems to be gone.
Seonghwa hears some shuffle outside of the bedroom for a few minutes. It doesn’t last long until he hears the bedroom door creaking softly. The florist stays still, silent in the darkness of the bedroom. Seconds later, Seonghwa feels a presence sliding under the cover as quietly and softly as possible. His heart feels like he can beat out of his chest. Why, he doesn’t really know. He just feels it. Aching and tired.
For a few seconds, the bedroom is drowned in the silence and the stillness, until Seonghwa turns on the small lamp on his bedside table and straightens himself against the headboard. He turns his head and looks at the mop of blond hair and the tired, but still beautiful, face popping from under the cover.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up. It’s late, go back to sleep, angel.” Hongjoong says, obviously tired, but looking at his boyfriend.
After a quick look at his phone showing 5:17am, he turns back to the blond. “It’s not late Hongjoong, it’s early.” Seonghwa says with nothing but tiredness in his voice. It sems like both of them are tired, but obviously not for the same reason.
“I know, I didn’t see the time pass.” The younger says, taking the cover off his face to look and speak properly to his boyfriend.
“Well, I saw the time passing.” Seonghwa simply replies, glancing at Hongjoong for a second. His hands find each other, playing now with his fingers.
“I’m sorry Hwa, we had to-”
“To finish this session. I know, Hongjoong.” Seonghwa waits for a few seconds, waiting for his lover to speak. When he realizes that he has nothing to reply, Seonghwa surprises even himself when he continues speaking.
“I know Hongjoong and I’m tired. I know you love your job. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to stop it. Not at all. But we barely see each other anymore. We only communicates in texts. Well, communicate is a big word.” Seonghwa tries to chuckle, only to fail. “It’s been two weeks since we last ate together. And it was rushed because you wanted to go back to the studio as soon as possible. And you spend the rest of the day and the night there. I’m tired Hongjoong.” The florist says, catching his breath and trying to not let the tears forming in his eyes.
“I know and I’m sorry Hwa. I’ll try to come back home-” The blond starts to speak but the florist can’t stop himself.
“No you don’t know. You don’t know how it feels to sleep alone in a bed made for two. To wake up alone. To spend the entire day hoping that I will find you at home when I get back from work. You don’t know how it feels when the only thing I hear when I get back home is silence.” Seonghwa says, his voice craking. “You don’t know, Hongjoong.” He repeats, his voice now almost audible.
For a few minutes, the bedroom is silent. Again. As usual. Except Hongjoong is here, for once. But the silence is still crushing. And when Seonghwa realizes that Hongjoong isn’t going to reply, he just gets out of the bed, takes a set of clean clothes haphazardly. He takes his phone on the bedside table and walks towards their bedroom door.
For a second, Seonghwa freezes. Is he really going to do that ?
Without thinking much longer, Seonghwa looks back at Hongjoong, who didn’t move from their shared bed. And when he sees the way his lover is looking at him, the older hesitates for a second.
The look in Hongjoong’s eyes is heart shattering. He looks at Seonghwa with nothing but pure sadness and pain in his brown eyes. His blond hair looks messy, his lips half parted even if not a single word comes out of them. But at this right moment, Seonghwa knows that if he doesn’t move right now, he will miss the only chance he dared to take.
“I’m going to spend the night at Wooyoung and San’s.” The black haired man says, not looking at the man he loves.
The next half hour passes in a blur. Seonghwa can only remember the feeling of the cold wind of the very early morning hitting his face when he stepped out of the apartment. The feeling of his heart aching as he walks towards his friends’ apartment.
It’s only when he knocks at his friends’ door and when Wooyoung opens the door in nothing but pajamas on, that Seonghwa realizes fully what he just did.
“Woo…” Seonghwa says, his voice cracking before he feels the tears finally running free along his cheeks.
Wooyoung doesn’t miss a second before he takes his friends in his arms. He makes him walk inside his home, carefully shutting the door before making them walk to the living room. For a few minutes, the only sounds heard in the house are Seonghwa’s sobs and Wooyoung’s calming hums. The older is hugging his friend weakly, letting his tears slide down his cheeks until his head hurts, again and more. It’s only half an hour later that Seonghwa straightens himself, as best as he can.
“I’m so sorry Wooyoung. I didn’t mean to bother you during the night, but I didn’t know where to go and-” The florist says, sniffling.
“It’s okay, you never bother me Hwa. Don’t even say or think that.” Wooyoung is quick to reassure his friend, letting a comforting hand run along Seonghwa’s back. “Do you want a tea ?” The younger proposes and Seonghwa nods.
For the next hour, Seonghwa lets his heart out. From explaining the events of the night to how he feels for almost a year. From times to times, the older tries to blame himself, saying he did a mistake. Saying he’s not understandable enough with Hongjoong. But Wooyoung is quick to reassure him, telling him that he’s allowed to feel whatever he is feeling. He’s allowed to hope for something more from the blond.
It’s 7am in the morning when Seonghwa and Wooyoung agree to go to sleep. Wooyoung is quick to prepare the spare bedroom for his older friend. They both part ways, not without Wooyoung reminding Seonghwa that he doesn’t have to blame himself and that he should try to sleep.
Wooyoung goes back to his shared bedroom with San, who still sleep unaware of the whole situation, and Seonghwa slides under the unfamiliar cover, immediately closing his eyes. He’s too tired to cry again, even if his heart is almost begging him to, in order to soothe him a bit.
Seonghwa falls asleep a few minutes after, his sleep agitated and not even restful.
Unaware that Hongjoong is still lying in their shared bed, knees tucked against his chest, his arms squeezing his legs while his gray sweatpants are stained by his own tears.