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sakuya found himself in a tough position. everyday, sakuya watched his best friend, ryo, with a smile on his face. everything ryo did made him proud. despite being younger than ryo, sakuya felt like the older one when it was just the two of them. ryo had attempted to be the older, caring person for sakuya since he was the maknae, but that always ended up with sakuya taking care of ryo instead.
if sakuya had to rank the most mature in the group to the least, ryo would be second to last (yushi last). it wasn’t that sakuya disliked him or he found ryo annoying—in fact, he felt the opposite (opposites attract, wasn't that right?). he loved the way ryo clung onto him like a koala, to which he feigned nonchalance to. whenever his best friend hugged him or crawled near him, his body acted all weird. his heart would beat quickly or his stomach would suddenly feel all light and fluttery.
during dance practices, sakuya wanted to praise ryo for how well he’d done, but he didn’t. after concerts and fancons, sakuya wanted to run to ryo, hug him, and swing him around, but he didn’t (again). sakuya knew how hard-working ryo was. he wasn’t oblivious to the harsh comments some “wishzens” left about ryo. this made sakuya want to delete all those posts individually and shield ryo from any negativity. in short, sakuya just wanted to list off everything he liked about his best friend and protect him from the world.
was this normal for just best friends? sakuya wasn’t sure. maybe it was. the two had practically spent their teen years together, so they’d watched each other grow. thus, it was normal to feel slightly infatuated about him, right?
there were many unspoken words sakuya wished he could say, but there was just this feeling that laid heavy in the back of his mind. what if ryo felt weirded out about everything sakuya wanted to say? what if ryo started acting weird around him and distanced himself? it’s not like they were weird compliments… just slightly more affectionate than what sakuya usually commented. okay, maybe slightly was an understatement, but it came from his heart!
wanting to relieve this pressure a bit, sakuya opened bubble. reading his fans’ messages always felt comforting, like a cool balm over a burn. they were never too demanding and always responded well to sakuya. sakuya drafted a quick message to his fans.
i want to praise and tell ryo about all his good qualities, the things i like about him, but from the moment i tell him, i’m scared that he’ll start overthinking it for no reason or change because of it, so there are times when i can’t just bring myself to tell him about it.
after rereading the draft, sakuya realized his manager would immediately confront him about it. sm entertainment despised the idea of their idols dating—even more if it was between their own colleagues. not wanting to face the wrath of the higher ups, sakuya tuned the message down and replaced the moments he mentioned ryo with “the person” and replaced the masculine pronouns with genderless ones. that’d do it. the fans would never know.
shortly after hitting the send button, sakuya quickly added another message.
i wonder if you get what i mean.
it was always best to make private matters sound more casual and ask for feedback to engage with fans. sakuya mentally patted himself on the back for being so cryptic and smart with this. responses from his bubble subscribers rushed in. sakuya carefully skimmed through all of them. most were showing empathy and relation to sakuya’s current predicament, though his eyes lingered on the few outliers.
saku-kun~ is this about ryo-kun??
oppa! are you talking about ryo? >.<
is this who i think it’s about?
well! he should’ve known his fans were smarter than he thought. had he made it that obvious? not wanting to dig his hole even deeper and let even more people know that this was possibly about ryo, sakuya closed the app. that was enough bubble for the day.
“sakuyaa!” the all so familiar voice called out.
speak of the devil.
the padding of footsteps came closer and closer as ryo entered the shared room. ryo naturally gravitated towards sakuya on his bed. sakuya felt the warmth of ryo pressing against his side.
“what are you doing?” ryo mumbled into sakuya’s shoulder.
sakuya desperately hoped ryo wouldn’t notice the sudden increase in his heart rate. “just reading bubble messages…” sakuya said, keeping his voice as even as he could. it wasn’t a lie, sakuya had just been reading the fans’ responses. the reminder of several of them noticing the message was about ryo sent a shiver down sakuya’s back. “they were asking for a selca of us.” now that was a lie; sakuya just wanted a photo of him and ryo. he knew he could always just ask to take a photo or quickly sneak one, but having a “reason” felt more comfortable.
“oh? but i don’t have makeup on right now…” ryo worried.
“you always look good, don’t worry.”
“huh?”
oh, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. the fear of ryo finding him weird crept back into sakuya’s mind. “nothing..! you don’t have to show your face, you can just stay like how you are right now.” it didn’t matter anyway, he wasn’t going to post it. sakuya felt selfish, wanting to keep this moment for himself only, but that was whatever. ryo was his best friend anyway and he was doing it for himself—no fanservice.
ryo hummed in agreement and shuffled into a more comfortable position, swinging a leg over sakuya in the process. sakuya felt himself tense up a little, his stomach feeling weird (in a good way). quickly, sakuya eased into the position and angled his phone to an angle to capture part of his face and ryo’s mop of hair that was on top of his shoulder. snap. shutter.
sakuya scrolled through the library of pictures of him and ryo. ryo really was there for him every moment. it made him feel all warm knowing he had the best person to support him throughout everything.
while reminiscing, a faint snore could be heard. ryo had fallen asleep. sakuya’s heart swelled with pride because ryo trusted him enough to fall asleep right next to him—on top of him in fact. sakuya quickly took a clip of this precious moment to remember it forever.
🥐🦭
ryo had disappeared to the other dorm to film a live with riku. now, it was just sion and sakuya. this was the perfect time for sakuya to seek advice from his oldest hyung.
“hyung, what do i do…” sakuya complained. “i want to confess my honest feelings to ryo but i’m scared!!”
“sakuya, what are you scared of. you’ve known him longer than any of us.” at moments like this, sakuya hated sion’s T way of thinking. this was not helping at all. “agh- nevermind hyung you’re no help.”
sion smiled. “how about you get some nice food and confess on our day off? i can gather the others and go out to leave you two alone—we’ve wanted to do karaoke for a while anyway.”
a light bulb turned on in sakuya’s brain and the gears started running. that was actually an amazing idea! “hyung! you’re right! i know the perfect thing to order for us then. will you really leave us alone in the dorm for me?? wow hyung- thank you.” sakuya rambled. his brain was running as fast as he would on a soccer court.
“what was that about me being no help?” sion teased. “whatever kuya, don’t mess it up! i don’t know when our next free day is, so make the most of this!!”
🥐🦭
d-day. today was the wishies’ precious day off and sakuya wasn’t going to lose this opportunity to confess his feelings. he’d been bottling them up for too long and battled himself about it. sakuya’s day started earlier than usual on a day off (12pm… still earlier than 3pm on other days off). sion had messaged him a little earlier informing him about how the hyung line and jaehee had gone for karaoke. now it really was just ryo and sakuya.
sakuya opened the delivery app on his phone and searched for the expensive beef restaurant ryo enjoyed. he wasn’t going to cheap out today.
after all the items were added to the cart, it totaled to about 224,000 won (≈$156). that wasn’t bad… for two people. sakuya also added melon soda from a cafe to the cart because ryo liked it. the total increased even more. sakuya swore his finger was shaking when he pressed the checkout button. wonder why.
as sakuya waited for the food to arrive. he decided to freshen up. he took a shower, changed out of pajamas, styled his hair so it looked decent, and sprayed some cologne. ryo was on his bed, scrolling his phone. sakuya hoped be wouldn’t notice the sudden effort sakuya put into is appearance.
“why so dazzled, sakuya?” ryo asked. of course he would notice. sakuya rarely cared about his look during days off as they typically wouldn’t be filming or going out, so what sakuya was doing was abnormal. “are you going out?”
sakuya paused before replying. he had to be careful with his words to not reveal the surprise. “uhh no, i wanted to film a tiktok for czennie so yeah.” he wondered if ryo would notice his lie because he could aways just hide his face with a cap to film one.
ryo hummed before acknowledging sakuya’s answer. phew!
sakuya left their shared room and plopped on the couch. the notification from the bank of the charge to his account hurt a little. only the best for his best friend—though, would they still be normal after this? brushing those thoughts away, he opened the delivery app to check if the food was delivered. the delivery status was delivered so sakuya left the couch and checked the front door. in big letters, a bag with HANWOO BEEF sat next to their entrance. sakuya quickly grabbed the bag and shut the door.
after bringing the delicacies into the dorm, sakuya grabbed a couple pairs of chopsticks from the cup on the table (sion insisted on putting them there, claiming it was more efficient; though, sakuya was pretty sure he was just lazy) and a couple of plates. he grabbed the salt from the counter and put a bit on a dish so they would be able to dip the beef into it for flavor. the beef was packed nicely in a fancy box from the restaurant, preserving its warmth and aroma. they had generously given lettuce leaves and ssamjang as well. the melon soda also looked nice, the vibrance of the soda contrasting with the ice cream on top.
sakuya arranged the dishes on the table so it wouldn’t look cluttered or messy. everything was set. the food was ready and sakuya looked nice. was sakuya ready though? he wasn’t sure, the fear of pushing boundaries haunted sakuya. what happened if ryo didn't like to food too? sakuya was 80% sure that ryo would like it though. the whole group had gone to that restaurant before for dinner and ryo endlessly took the beef jaehee cooked. you know what—he was just overthinking, there was nothing to worry about. he’d known ryo since like forever! it was just his best friend. nonetheless, sakuya was anxious. he took a deep breath before walking to his and ryo’s room.
“ryo, i have a surprise,” sakuya announced. his face felt warm and he was sure he was a little flushed. must be the nerves, right?
ryo looked up at sakuya curiously before putting his phone to the side. “hm? i thought you were filming a challenge. what’d you do, sakuya?” ugh, ryo looked like a cute little maltese. this wasn’t good for his heart.
sakuya walked towards ryo and guided him up from the bed as he covered his eyes. “just rely on me for a second.” sakuya wanted ryo to rely on him for the rest of eternity, but that was a conversation for another day.
the two made their way to the table next to the kitchen. “eh? what’s that nice smell?” ryo questioned, sniffing the air.
sakuya smiled. he knew ryo would like this already. “3, 2, 1,” sakuya counted before removing his hands from ryo’s eyes, “surprise!!”
ryo stared at the table that was packed with trays of premium hanwoo beef. there was no response for a bit and sakuya could feel his hands getting clammy. “do you not like it..?” he hesitantly asked. well shit, he never considered if ryo would dislike what he had done. what if ryo thought this was weird? what if he didn’t want to eat all this? what if-
“you did all this?” ryo asked, voice just above a whisper. his mouth was slightly slacked in surprise.
“huh? oh yea. uh i bought everything… for you and i to eat you know,” sakuya timidly smiled as the anxiety he just felt slightly eased out. “is it… okay?”
“sakuya! i don't like it,” ryo started, making eye contact with the taller. sakuya’s heart dropped to the bottom of his chest. “i love it.. nobody's ever put this much effort into food for me!”
sakuya let a breath out he didn't even know he was holding. “i got scared you didn't like it. also, how could no one want to spoil you everyday. making you happy makes me happier.” oh, he didn't realize he almost let everything be confessed. sakuya needed to be more mindful of his words, but being around ryo made his mind go crazy.
ryo’s eyes widened slightly before looking back to the food. the tips of his ears were reddened, though it was hard to notice unless you were staring intently at him. sakuya noticed. ryo cleared his throat and spotted the bright green drink with ice cream on top. “wahh! sakuya! you even got me melon soda! you know me so well!” ryo excitedly grabbed the cup, stirring it before taking a sip. “mmmm~! this is good. try it,” ryo smiled, offering the straw to sakuya.
this was normal for them; they always shared food and drinks, so why was sakuya overthinking this? sakuya took a small sip, and as ryo said, the drink was actually really good! “you're right, this is good,” sakuya nonchalantly attempted to comment, failing as a smile crept onto his face. “sit down, the food is getting cold.” sakuya pulled out a chair for ryo before moving to the other side to sit.
ryo eyed the assorted trays of beef. “this looks expensive… how much did you spend on all this?” ryo worried.
sakuya appreciated the older’s worry, but he didn't want to reveal the embarrassing amount of money he spent and have ryo decline enjoying the food, claiming it was ‘too expensive and nice for him.’ he knew his best friend well, yet he never understood why he would reject anything that was the bare minimum for someone as amazing as ryo.
“it wasn't that much, don't worry. just eat,” sakuya comforted.
“if you say so,” ryo responded and grabbed the chopsticks sakuya had set up earlier. he picked up a piece of meat, tender and juicy, and dipped it in a little salt before sticking it in his mouth. ryo’s eyes lit up as he chewed the meat.
“good?” sakuya checked in.
“wow! it melted in my mouth- this is so good, sakuya,” ryo chirped. he really was like an ecstatic maltese. sakuya wanted to just squish ryo. (cuteness aggression.)
“that’s a relief,” sakuya sighed. “i’m glad you like it. eat up, ryo.” now it was sakuya's turn to eat. carefully, he picked up a piece of lettuce and some beef before putting ssamjang on top. that was perfect lettuce wrap. the flavors bursted in sakuya's mouth. wow he really made a good choice when ordering the food. the money was worth it!
the two continued to eat in a comfortable silence, enjoying every piece of beef the restaurant cooked. sakuya made a lettuce wrap for ryo and fed him it, omitting the culture that giving a lettuce wrap you made to someone was a sign of intimacy and connection.
back to the whole reason sakuya ordered this: he needed to confess! the apprehensive feeling crawled back to sakuya as he prepared to speak his heart out.
“oh, right, what was the reason you ordered all this?” ryo asked.
at the same time sakuya spoke. “ryo, i have to tell you something.”
there was a pause before the both of them giggled. they were so in sync.
“so… ryo the reason i bought all this nice food was,” sakuya started, “uhm. how should i say this.” sakuya had a mental list of everything he liked about ryo, but saying that would be too out of place. sakuya couldn't quite find the right words to say first.
“it’s okay, sakuya, take your time,” ryo smiled, sipping the melon soda. “it must be important then.” well yes, what sakuya was about to say was actually really important. this could change the whole trajectory of the two boy's friendship, relationship, whatever. now or never he guessed. ryo was ready to listen to whatever sakuya was about to say—eyes locked on him, thought not pressing.
“ryo, i don't want to be friends anymore,” sakuya announced.
ryo choked on the drink he was enjoying. “eh?”
fuck, wait, that sounded wrong, he had to add on now. “sorry wait. what i meant was…i want to be more than friends with you.” sakuya felt slightly shaky from the nerves. there was no response after what he just said, so he took it as a sign to continue. “ryo, i’ve known you for almost four years and i’ve noticed a lot of things about you. how you cover your face with your hands when you're shy… how you open your mouth next to the members when they have food, hoping for a bite… how your ears turn red easily when someone compliments you. i have more, but if said them all, you’d be here all day. heh. uh- during all the time we've been friends i slowly realized what i started to feel for you was beyond friendship. ryo, i like you. i like every habit you have, i like how cute you are, i like how you always brighten my day just by being there, i like you because you are you.” sakuya didn't realize he was doing it, but during his confession he had looked away from ryo's eyes; the pressure of watching someone watching you was too much.
ryo didn't speak for a while after. did sakuya overstep? did ryo not feel the same way..? did he just ruin everything they built day by day? sakuya couldn't help but worry. this was his biggest fear of telling ryo everything despite being the closest to him.
“i like you too.”
huh? did he hear that right? was he hallucinating??
“do you think i just go up to anyone else and hang onto them?” ryo asked. sakuya looked back up at ryo to see him smiling.
sakuya laughed a little before breaking into a wide smile. just like that, the pressure of the fear of ryo finding him weird was lifted and sakuya felt like he could truly breathe. “so… does this mean that-”
“yes dummy, i’ll be your boyfriend,” ryo beamed.
sakuya was on cloud nine at this point. his fears were useless and ryo was no his boyfriend! “honestly… this was the reason i dressed up today,” sakuya confessed.
ryo burst out laughing. “seriously? sakuya, you know i always see you all sweaty and messy during dance practices, and i still clung onto you! do you think it mattered to dress up?”
oh that was right. maybe sakuya should’ve thought it through a little more. “wha-whatever i dressed for myself!”
“whatever you say~”
sakuya supposed ryo was more mature than him when it came to love. the food was long forgotten as the two spent the rest of the day appreciating each other and reminiscing on their favorite memories.
🥐🦭
“aegis~ hyung is back!” sion hollered. he removed his shoes as he walked into the dorm holding some breads he got from the bakery on the way back with the others from karaoke. “oh? where did you guys go?” sion called, looking at the half-eaten food on the table and the absence of the two maknaes. he noticed their shared bedroom door open, so he peered inside. the sight of the two cuddling, asleep on sakuya's bed warmed his heart. “nevermind- good night aegis,” sion whispered before closing their door. he was glad things looked to have went well after sakuya complained to him about confessing the other day. the mess on the table ended up being cleaned by sion, with leftovers stored in the fridge. in the end, sakuya's overthinking mess was meaningless.