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"Lady Yao, won't you let me wring that for you?"
"I've got it, En'en."
Yao's arms were aching, but she moved away from En'en when she tried to grab the soaked laundry she was working on.
The court was beginning to feel a winter chill, and the girls were overcome with shivers as they were splashed by the freezing water.
The doctors evidently were not being weaned off of work, even though winter usually brought them more sickness than injuries. Their coats were stained with what felt like an impossible amount of blood.
"Heyyy! Hey, En'en! Yao!"
Neither girl looked up, as they already knew there was only one person who was so effortlessly galling. Tianyu was making his way towards them from the medical office.
"Hey, girls! Do you have my coat? I can't find my spare, and Dr. Li will get mad at me..."
"None of them are dried yet," Yao told him dismissively.
She didn't find him as offensive as Maomao or the other doctors who he was often bullied by, but she wasn't exactly fond of him either. There was something off putting about him, and En'en cringed just being in his presence.
"Ahhh, really? There's no way you can find me one?" He pestered. En'en had been pointedly ignoring him, but now Tianyu was backing away from her chilling glare. Yao turned her back on the both of them.
As she picked up another coat, she noticed it was smaller than the others. She stopped when she realized that must've made it Maomao's- the standard doctor's coats were much too large on her, and fit funny on her petite figure. They'd all been made for a man's broad shoulders and tall statue, so they'd had some specifically tailored for her.
Yao spread it out and noticed it was a little less bloody than the others. She wondered if Maomao had tried to keep it clean in consideration for Yao and the other girls.
Yao pressed a hand to her chest, suddenly feeling an odd ache in her heart.
"Hey, En'en! You must be so tired from washing these all afternoon! What do you think about me getting you dinner?"
Yao looked over her shoulder and found that Changsha, who'd popped up at some point while she'd been zoned out, was taking away a pole En'en had been wielding threateningly over Tianyu.
Tianyu looked as breezy as ever, but Changsha was biting her cheek. She didn't look too happy.
...
"En'en! Did you need some vegetables for dinner? I have some freshly grown ones here!"
Kan Junjie was exactly the kind of man a family would usually want their daughter to marry. A good man from a good family.
Albeit the La frequently got themselves into debt, they were good at working their way back up. And sure, they were known for being, in the most polite way of describing it, "eccentrics," but they were perfectly respectable when you looked at their accomplishments. The marriage of their princess to the Moon Prince had quelled a lot of doubts of the clan's esteem, anyhow.
Yao had only met a few other members of the La, but from the standard they set, it was hard to believe Junjie was truly related to them. It was like comparing a military dog to a dire wolf.
But it was possible that was what had made him so popular with the court ladies. Not to mention, he actually had a decent face, especially compared to his brother. He was a score as far as inter-clan marriages went.
Yao didn't get why En'en wasn't interested in him. He'd come around the La estate all the time offering her produce or help with cooking, perfectly helpful and cordial. It was obvious he had a thing for Yao's lady in waiting, but En'en's attitude towards him was lukewarm at best.
Though she'd told Yao how gracious she was for his act of chivalry at the meeting of the Named Clans, she hardly spoke to the poor man when he tried making conversation with her. It showed he was of good-nature that he didn't let it hurt him, Yao thought.
She was waiting around while Junjie excitedly showed En'en a basket of vegetables. Leaning out a window, she could catch the sounds of some familiar voices from around the corner.
"Master Lahan, I have a letter here from your honored younger sister."
"My sister? No, that can't be right. What does it say?"
Sanfan, Kan Lahan's servant, was a rather handsome woman and a dutiful asset to the La Clan. She didn't like Yao all that much, and neither did Yao particularly like her. She unconsciously scrunched her nose hearing her voice.
"It was a rather colorfully worded letter, but in short, she's upset about Master Lakan's visits to his honored uncle. It seems she caught word from the back home in the pleasure district."
Yao thought she heard Lahan sigh. "How troublesome. He's been rowdier ever since Maomao got married, even Onsou's at a loss."
One of the things that had made Maomao's marriage to the Moon Prince such a court spectacle had no doubt been her father's very obvious objection. The Prince was a very brave man.
"What would you like for me to respond with, Sir? I know she doesn't usually answer letters from you, but I think she's been reading mine recently."
Yao could hear them rounding the corner, so she ducked back into the room. For some reason, the ugly feeling that had been growing in her chest hit her with a sudden burst. She was surprised to realize she was scowling.
"Miss Yao, is there something bothering you?" Junjie asked her, coming out of the kitchen.
"Huh? Oh, it's nothing..."
Yao skittered away from the window as inconspicuously as she could, just as Lahan and Sanfan were walking by. Junjie noticed them and walked over.
"Hey, Lahan. Do you have a letter from my dad there?"
"Older Brother, I think you mean our dad." Lahan stopped and got a letter from the stack Sanfan was carrying.
"No, I meant mine," Junjie answered gruffly. He swiped the letter away and pocketed it.
"Something smells good. Are you cooking dinner?"
"Ah, well, En'en and I are."
Junjie moved out of the way, so they could see Yao behind him. The air suddenly felt rather uncomfortable as they met eyes. (Though, Junjie didn't seem to pick up on it as he smiled at the thought of cooking with En'en.)
"Ah, I see. Well, have a nice meal," Lahan said shortly, turning to leave.
"Hey, wait. It's already almost ready, don't you want some? You know En'en's the best cook Li has to offer, and we made a lot!"
Yao suddenly had the urge to go and clamp a hand around his mouth, but Junjie prattled on about En'en oblivious.
...
En'en wasn't pleased when she found out they'd all be eating together, but she served them food anyways.
"Master Lahan," Yao greeted him, pointedly ignoring Sanfan standing next to him. Whoever would be the one to break the ice, it wouldn't be her.
"Miss Yao, hello. Thank you for the meal, Miss En'en. It's quite delicious, as always."
The room felt weirdly small with them all together, though it was well enough space. Yao found herself wishing Maomao was there with them.
Just then, there was someone running into the room in a panic.
"Onsou, what's happened? Is everything alright?"
Lahan rose to meet the man- Onsou, Lakan's aide.
"It's the strategist! He's collapsed!"
You've got to be kidding me.
Maomao had grown better with her manners since she'd gotten married, but she found herself reverting back to her old ways as she aimed a nasty glare at her new patient.
"Dearest little sister, it's been months since I saw you last, what's with that look?"
Lahan hadn't changed one bit. Maomao found him even more terrible to look at than she remembered. Her nose wrinkled in disgust.
She really wasn't so opposed to being visited by him. Though he was a conniving, no-good womanizer, he had his uses, and Maomao usually got something out of putting up with him.
But she couldn't help but recoil at the way he was studying her.
"Maomao, they've been feeding you well! I see you've finally put on some weight!" He clapped his hands together. "It's done wonders for your numbers."
If her superiors weren't watching her warily from behind the counter, she'd be going after his toes. It took all her strength to just pinch the bridge of her nose and fume quietly.
"That, and I see you've finally been polished up. Your hair looks especially nice, does the Moon Prince like it that way? Ah, I'm sure you'll be even bigger once you finally get pregnant!"
"Unless... are you already...?" He was squinting at her now.
Sensing her hostility, her junior Yo put away the nearby knives and tools.
"What are you even doing here?" She snapped. "Don't waste my time."
"What a tone you take." Lahan seemed legitimately confused on Maomao's offense.
"I am actually here to pick up some medicine. Sir Onsou has been feeling under the weather, you see."
She narrowed her eyes. "And you... came to get it for him?"
"Oh, don't say it like that. He's done so much for the La Clan, I wouldn't be so callous as to make him work through sickness."
When Maomao didn't stand down, he spread his arms out in exasperation, a habit that rather annoyed her.
"Goodness, okay! You are on the military training grounds, you know? Is it really so wild that I would make a quick trip to see my sister when we work in the same place?"
She let out a deep sigh. "Can't you just take the old freak to my father?"
Maomao didn't buy the Onsou excuse for a second. The old fart had gotten sick again, and Lahan needed someone to tend to him. At Maomao's words, the other doctors were shrinking away. No doubt they would rather treat an actual rabid fox than the fox-eyed strategist.
Lahan looked resigned. "Dearest sister, my honored father has fallen too ill to make a trip to the Pleasure District. And I thought you were tired of him doing so? Can't you help him out, just this once?"
"There are plenty of doctors here. I'm busy." She refused to indulge that freak, even if he was ill.
"He'll make a fuss if it isn't you! He'll be passed out the majority of the time, he's hardly had the strength to be a bother."
He can do that without trying, Maomao commented internally. But after a click of her tongue, she retrieved her bag and packed some medicine.
...
The strategist was passed out on the couch, Sir Onsou dabbing his forehead with a damp cloth. Maomao was mixing something up with Lahan and, surprisingly, his older brother in her company.
The room was filled with the low snores of the freak, which was of great annoyance to Maomao.
"Little Sister, couldn't you come around more often? I worry for my Honored Father's health."
"He sleeps plenty, doesn't he? I'm sure he'll outlive all of us," She scoffed. "And I see you all enough, I'm sure."
"I haven't heard a peep from you since you got married! What do you do with my letters, anyways?"
"I think you already know the answer to that," Lahan's brother, Junjie, piped in, scratching his head. "To put it in perspective, I've seen Maomao around plenty."
"Huh?! So it's only been me and my father you've been avoiding?!" Lahan exclaimed, looking to Maomao, earning another scoff.
"You two are my siblings, you know?" Lahan seemed put out.
Maomao looked to Junjie. "Could you pass me that cloth, Elder Brother?" She asked politely.
"Hey!" Lahan complained indignantly.
"Just give this to him when he wakes up, and he'll be back to slacking off in no time," She instructed, wrapping up a bag of medicine. "I'll prepare something stronger just in case."
Though she didn't enjoy this assignment, she wouldn't leave a job half done.
"Good, good. You do make a good doctor, Maomao, even with your bad manners."
"I don't know, I think she's gotten nicer, though maybe it's a pretty low bar," Junjie replied to Lahan.
She scowled at both of them, but neither paid her any mind.
"Hm, maybe it's just her dressing. She looks more proper now, but her attitude seems to me as rotten as ever."
"Excuse me?" Maomao shot back, offended.
Sure, she was dressed more refined now, under Chue's styling. She wore simple robes, but they were of obvious high quality, similar to the silver hairstick holding part of her hair back. She left the rest draped down her back, so long as her bangs didn't get in her face. She usually tied it all up into a bun for more intense work.
Not to mention, barefaced had become her norm, much to the confusion of many, whom she avoided answering to. Her signature freckles were only for certain occasions now.
All this considered, Maomao should've become a more approachable appearing person, but if anything it seemed to have the opposite effect. Perhaps it was the, as some people would call it, "homeliness" to her that had made her seem more affable before. She only seemed to intimidate people now.
"Ah, maybe you are right, Older Brother. If she were the woman she was a few months ago, my toes would've been crushed by now."
Finding her generosity was running out, Maomao finished with the drugs she was preparing with a huff.
"Ah, before you go Maomao, do remember to let me know when you've finally got something cooking in the oven. Also, keep growing out your hair- you look like you're finally blooming!"
Lahan's Brother offered Maomao her bag to distract her from attacking Lahan's toes, or at least his shin. Before she could offer her not-so-appropriate-thoughts, she was interrupted by the sounds of a certain freak stirring from his place on the couch.
"Aughhhhhhhh," He was groaning.
Maomao was racing off as soon as the freak's fox eyes opened.
"What time is it? And what's on my head? Hey- Where did Maomao go?"
"Please settle down, Sir... your daughter isn't here right now."
"No! I can smell her, she was just here!"
As Maomao left the estate, she vowed to never do a nice thing ever again.
Yao missed the days where everything in her life was taken care of by En'en, and she still thought she was invincible.
Nothing could affect her with her uncle and her dedicated lady in waiting by her side, only that was only true as long as she wasn't old enough to wed.
The day before, as soon as Lahan, Onsou and Junjie had left the room, En'en and Sanfan had started fighting again. It stressed Yao out, but she had no real argument to make against Sanfan.
Months had passed, and Yao was still refusing to leave the La estate. Her relationship with Lahan had been embarrassingly stagnant, even as she fought to prove herself as mature enough. And she was feeling as if time was running out, dreading the thought that her uncle might pop up with a man she'd never met and a wedding veil.
Yao had little interest in men, as disappointing as it must've been for her family. Perhaps she'd developed too much pride, but she could never see herself living for a husband, running around at his beck and call. It scared her, made her want to run back to En'en so she'd scare him away and everything would go back to how it used to be.
Yao didn't know what she liked, either. She lacked passion and, embarrassingly, any particular talent. Medicine felt more like a way out than a real thing she could enjoy.
But she did like feeling helpful, and being taken seriously. And there was other things, she supposed...
"Yao, is the laundry ready?"
Without her doctor's coat, Maomao reminded Yao of the days where they worked side by side as assistant physicians. Only, she was different now, wearing that elegant hairpin and smiling while greeting her.
"Yes, I have yours right here." Yao got the smaller robe from where she'd folded it separately from the others, and opened it up for her.
Maomao gave her that small, elusive smile that had taken months for Yao to notice was even on her face.
"I can put it on myself, you know." But she lifted her arms up for Yao, letting her pull it on her small frame.
From the angle she was looking from, something caught Yao's eye, hidden on her neck behind her sleek, flowing hair.
"Is everything okay?" Maomao was peeking at her from over her shoulder. Yao's eyebrows scrunched.
She silently finished putting on her robes, and then checked around the corners of the compounding room they were in, namely for an ease dropping lady in waiting.
Then, gravely, she leaned in close to Maomao, with a hand blocking her lips.
"Can I ask you a question?"
Maomao looked bemused, but nodded, handing Yao a mortar and pestle when she realized it'd be a long talk.
"Is the Moon Prince... a good husband?"
Carved into Maomao's slender neck were the gruesome teeth marks of a ravenous dog, blooming bruises peeking out from under her robes.
"Uhm... sure?"
"He's not mistreating you, is he?"
Maomao blinked. "Yao... what brought this on?"
Yao grimaced, her hands balling into fists. "Your neck... what exactly is he doing to you?"
Maomao blinked again. Then cocked her head, and stared. Yao suddenly felt very uncomfortable, until her expression softened.
Maomao discreetly closed the door to the room, first double checking there was no one lurking nearby. Then, without warning, she loosened her inner robes.
Yao stepped back as she stiffened an unexpected gasp. The reddened marks and bruises only grew more intense as they spread along her collarbones and shoulders.
"W-Wha?!"
"Yao, how much have you been told about sex?" Maomao asked bluntly.
A rush of blood had Yao's head whirling, face redder than a ripened tomato.
...
Maomao had sat her down, as to not have her collapse and trigger her lady in waiting's fearsome senses.
"These aren't signs of abuse, though I really do appreciate your concern," she told her. "They're what the pleasure district calls 'love bites.'"
When Yao only stared up at her, blushing and sweating, she shook her head.
"I doubt En'en will tell you any of this, and I'm sure she'd have my head if she was here, but every woman should be educated on at least the basics as to remain safe and responsible."
"I-I know the basics!" Yao stuttered, a little offended.
If she was being honest, she really only knew the barest of knowledge of the relations of a man in a woman outside of a banquet or ball.
She knew a woman was to give all of herself up to the man she married, and what came after would bring life into her belly. But a proper lady wasn't to know much more, and Yao's mission to rebel hadn't included changing that.
"I'm sure anything your family would want you doing wouldn't include things such as this," Maomao mused, brushing a hand over the marks. "Especially since receiving means female-based pleasure."
Yao tilted her reddened head at that. "Pleasure? You mean, that actually feels... good?"
"Well, they're not deep or anything, and the pain isn't supposed to be unpleasant."
"How can pain not be unpleasant? I don't understand."
Maomao seemed to be thinking hard. She had returned to working with her pestle, covering herself back up with her robes.
"That's not something I can really explain to you without showing you, and unfortunately, I really don't think En'en would approve..."
"Well, En'en's not here, and she doesn't need to be."
Yao had broken into a rather petulant pout, but she didn't care. She was fed up with being avoided because of En'en, even though it was a strange jab to her heart to reject her in that way.
"That's not it, she's sure to notice the mark," Maomao told her placatingly. "And anyways, how about I just get you some of the books from home? I've had very positive feedback from those who've read through them before."
By home, Maomao must've meant the pleasure district, where she grew up raised by Dr. Kan.
Yao felt too sweaty and clammy, so she focused on grinding the herbs with her pestle, replicating Maomao, who didn't seem to mind the smell that always made Yao's nose sting.
"You're about the age where I first left, you know," She said after a minute of silence. She sounded almost solemn.
"I'm not that young," Yao said defensively. This time, Maomao gave her a slightly stern look.
"I know. That's why you should know all this. The older you get, the less innocently you'll be courted, I'm sure. You've already got men and women alike with their eyes on you."
Yao was about to say something, but she stalled when Maomao's words registered. "What do you mean, women?"
The two stared at eachother for a long moment.
"Nothing." Maomao answered sheepishly.
"C'mon, tell me. You were just telling me not being educated was unsafe, weren't you?"
"Well... I suppose. But you'll probably regret knowing more than necessary. I'm not just trying to hide things from you, Yao."
Yao wanted to argue, but she knew that wouldn't make Maomao listen to her, so she sat still and continued pouting.
After another minute, Maomao sighed. "The thing you have to understand is that society wants young, well-bred women to believe sex is purely for conception. Indulging in pleasure is a sin saved for the lowly prostitutes working in brothels, and even then their intent is to let the man blow off steam."
"Surely you understand sex isn't just between a man and a woman? Though it's considered an act of lust, not love, same-sex relations are more common than you've probably been allowed to see."
Yao knew men sometimes went for other men, but it was never something she'd really thought about. She found herself blushing as she imagined the men she knew having those sort of affairs behind closed doors. An odd feeling of shame was creeping up on her.
"Don't look scandalized. No one really pays it much mind as long as it's agreed that it stays simply an act of lust," Maomao told her.
"Except, perhaps women don't think the same way. Women have relations with each other just like men, but it's not always as purely physical as men agree to be."
Maomao gave her an odd look.
"I've come to understand a lot of things about women while growing up in a brothel, and one thing is they aren't always satisfied with men's lack of care for romance. Sometimes, they just crave a softer side only a woman can offer. Not that it's something you can really control."
"Only, it's very stigmatized for women to do things purely for their own pleasure, and not for a man's. I'm sure that, you understand as well as I do."
Yao nodded solemnly. The creeping feeling was weighing heavier and heavier on her heart, and she almost wanted to tell Maomao to stop talking.
But she didn't. She sat quietly, waiting for her to continue.
"Women's desire, whether lust or love, isn't something proper ladies possess. Only, you're not a proper lady, are you Yao? And neither am I."
"If you never listen to your desires, you'll never get what you want in life."
Maomao quietly settled down her pestle, gathering the crushed herbs from the mortar and cleaning the tools with a cloth.
"I'll get you that book, as long as you keep it away from En'en, okay?"
And then she left, dutifully refocusing on her work.
...
Yao had been sitting in that room a little longer than she needed to.
She knew Dr. Liu would be angry if he found her, but the medical office had been quieter than usual. Perhaps he'd gone off somewhere, and the other doctors were too busy with the patients upfront. No one had come in the room for a while.
En'en was probably looking for her, but for some reason, Yao didn't want to see her lady in waiting right now.
She loved En'en, she really did. She'd always been by her side, and perhaps that's what had given her the strength to rebel against her family, knowing she wouldn't be alone.
But part of her couldn't help but be frustrated by how sheltered she was, and she knew En'en played a part in it. She was grateful for her overprotective lady in waiting, but babying Yao hadn't gotten her anywhere.
Yao didn't know what she would do. If she couldn't become a doctor, her uncle would just make her suck it up and marry. But she lacked Maomao's intelligence and passion, En'en's skill and perception. Even the juniors were more competent than she was.
If En'en were not always focused on Yao, and had an interest in their job, maybe she would've became a doctor like Maomao had. She'd been promoted to look after the Rear Palace women, after all, and it made sense to have other female doctors working with her.
But neither Yao nor En'en had even been allowed to start training in surgery yet. At this rate, their juniors had a better chance of success than they did. Yo had played a crucial part in their efforts against the smallpox outbreak, and Changsha very level headed for her age.
She sighed, pressing her head down to her knees. She'd thought maybe she could become like Auntie Liu, an old spinster who scared away men with competence and a forceful personality. But she had her brother to fall back on, and Yao's uncle probably thought her ridiculous for her little stunts.
Her best bet was to follow in Maomao's footsteps, which had been solidified in her mind after watching her get married and be seamlessly promoted after.
The Moon Prince had frequented the medical office after that, especially during the smallpox outbreak, and they'd all had the surprising impression that he rather admired his wife's passion for medicine. He never seemed intimidated by her, never seemed put off when she spoke to others as if they were equals.
Lahan had once said that if a woman had the strength and skill, there was no logical reason for her not to seek a career instead of a marriage. That was what had made Yao resolved to get him to marry her.
Of course it wasn't that she found him attractive, or admired his character. She knew he wasn't as good of a man as his brother was, and didn't have the looks of his sister. But he wasn't a man that would stop Yao from living her own life, if she could.
Yao remorsefully looked out the window, seeing the sun rays were a little less bright than they had been when she'd sat down earlier. She got up, grabbing the abandoned pestle and wiping it down.
Maybe Maomao had a point about women being too romantic for men, because Yao couldn't help but imagine Lahan a little different. He didn't have to be bigger or more manly, but maybe he could be a bit more surprising. Be the type of person to do people favors but not make it obvious, wear an elusive smile that made you feel a little safer. If he had something softer to offer, maybe Yao could feel like she knew what she wanted in life.