Chapter Text
Wednesday, February 24th, 2077
11:00 A.M.
[WINSTON] reopened [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[WINSTON] added [ILLARI], [ANRAN], [LIFEWEAVER] and 4 others.
[WINSTON]: Hello everyone
[HANZO]: Oh not this shit again…
[WINSTON]: I know. I know.
[WINSTON]: We did this before and it was…
[WINSTON]: Well, I won't make you all relive your trauma.
[WINSTON]: But times are different now.
[WINSTON]: We have a *real* emergency on our hands
[WINSTON]: One that regrettably requires text comms available.
[WINSTON]: Talon is actually being competent
[TRACER]: and larping as the roman empire for some reason
[WINSTON]: That.
[WINSTON]: they even fired their B Team. That's how serious this is.
[SOMBRA] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[SOMBRA]: HEY HIJO DE PUTA. THEY DIDN’T FIRE ME.
[SOMBRA]: I QUIT.
[SOMBRA]: LOVE THE CHAT THOUGH. I MISSED BEING ABLE TO BLACKMAIL HANZO.
[HANZO]: Insolent cur.
[TRACER]: oi sombra luv, you drop by for a wendy’s application? I'll send you one right now
[TRACER]: [link]
[SOMBRA]: S̷̢̔̀̀Ắ̶̢̜̠̚F̴̠̘͝C̸̟͒̿Y̵͉̼̅͑̇G̶͉̻̻̑H̷͉͛͑Ų̵̨̘̎G̴̦̒T̶̡́̓̀F̴̠̼͕̿̅U̴͎̯͆C̵͓̜͑K̶̘̫̬͋̈́͐
[SOMBRA] left the chat.
[TRACER]: good luck on the job hunt!
[WINSTON]: Anyway.
[WINSTON]: Let's all remember the Overwatch Code of Conduct.
[WINSTON]: And keep this *much* more professional than last time.
[WINSTON]: Anything you want to add @SOJOURN ?
[SOJOURN]: Hey Team.
[SOJOURN]: I want you to know I have faith in you all to not take partake in any illegal activity this time around.
[SOJOURN]: Do anything illegal, and I’m taking your ass to court, by the way.
[D.VA]: uh huh uh huh
[D.VA]: that’s great capt
[D.VA]: so can i still flirt with other members here
[WINSTON]: No. You weren't supposed to be doing that in the first place…
[D.VA]: then how about if I just jump right in their dms
[SOJOURN]: Definitely not…
[D.VA]: PUHLEASE im still single and it's eating me away im going to dieeeeeee
[ANA]: i wonder why you're single
[D.VA]: ohhh 꺼져 im not being bullied by a deadbeat mom
[ANA]: when are you all going to let that go
[PHARAH]: never
[MERCY]: never
[REINHARDT]: DON'T WORRY ANA, REIN FORGIVES YOU!
[REINHARDT]: I WOULD'VE DONE THE VERY SAME THING!
[BRIGITTE]: …
[BRIGITTE]: What.
[D.VA]: oh heyyy brigitte, fancy seeing you here
[BRIGITTE]: Hej!
[D.VA]: you must be a repair pack
[D.VA]: because every time I run into you
[D.VA]: my heart gets fully restored
[D.VA]: /msg LÚCIO >> ehhh??? ehhh??? pretty good right??? <<
[LÚCIO]: /reply >> … hana … no… <<
[BRIGITTE]: That's very kind of you to say Hana.
[BRIGITTE]: But I don't think that's quite how my repair packs work!
[D.VA]: /reply >> … <<
[D.VA]: >> bro <<
[D.VA]: >> lucio im hitting the self destruct button <<
[LÚCIO]: >> WAIT WAIT WAIT YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR <<
[LÚCIO]: I NEED SOME HELP IN THE GARAGE
[BRIGITTE]: Coming! What’s wrong???
[REINHARDT]: OOO. WHAT LOVELY EXPLOSIONS!!
[MERCY]: I really hate that I’m on call today…
11:10 A.M.
[D.VA]: it’s just a prank bro!
[MERCY]: and I’m off call…
[MERCY] left the chat.
[SOJOURN]: HANA SONG
[SOJOURN]: OUR GARAGE IS IN FLAMES
[SOJOURN]: THAT SHUTTLE COSTED HALF OF OUR FISCAL YEAR 2077 BUDGET
[D.VA]: im not sure what those words mean capt!!
[D.VA]: anyway thanks for catching me when I ejected @BRIGITTE ;)
[BRIGITTE]: You’re welcome.
[BRIGITTE]: But you know, I have conflicting feelings about all my projects being in ashes…
[D.VA]: oopsiess…
[D.VA]: /msg [LÚCIO] >> help me out here <<
[D.VA]: >> i managed to get her attention but i need backup <<
[LÚCIO]: /reply >> GIRL NO <<
[D.VA]: >> :((( <<
[D.VA]: im so so sorry brig!!! I’ll make it up to you,
[D.VA]: uhhhh
[D.VA]: I know!! you can duo with me in league
[D.VA]: i will boost you to diamond easily
[BRIGITTE]: League? What’s that?
[TORBJÖRN] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[TORBJÖRN]: no. not with my fuckin daughter you wont
[TORBJÖRN]: i won’t have you corruptin her with that damnable fuckin game
[BRIGITTE]: Oh hej pappa!!
[D.VA]: let me guess @TORBJÖRN you play ornn??
[D.VA]: we can trio and I can boost you toooo ;) I’m rank #1 worldwide on kled
[TORBJÖRN]: grrrr
[TORBJÖRN]: i guess that might be… acceptable
[TORBJÖRN]: i really want to get out of bronze this year
[D.VA]: /msg [LÚCIO] >> yesss!!! I’m innn!!! <<
[D.VA]: >> no thanks to you >:(( <<
[LÚCIO]: /reply >> … <<
[D.VA]: soooo friday night then?? Let me friend you torby
[D.VA]: can i call you torby
[D.VA]: thanks!!
[D.VA]: my username is XxGG_evangelioncutie_69xX
[TORBJÖRN]: odins great fucking tits im having a fuckin aneurysm
[BRIGITTE]: Deep breaths papa!!
[BRIGITTE]: I’m excited to try this game Hana :)
[D.VA]: yesss its so fun and not stressful or frustrating at all dw!!
[D.VA]: i think you’ll really like playing leona
[SOJOURN]: HANA
[SOJOURN]: ENOUGH GAMES
[SOJOURN]: YOU BETTER LAWYER YOUR ASS UP RIGHT FUCKING NOW
[SOJOURN]: THAT’LL BE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS IN PROPERTY DAMAGE
[D.VA]: oh damn!!! nice chatting but i g2g everyone!
[D.VA]: the president of korea needs me back there asap!!
[D.VA] left the chat.
[BRIGITTE]: Oh. Bye…
[SOJOURN]: I need some fucking coffee…
[SOJOURN]: Why did we think this was a good idea again? @WINSTON
[WINSTON]: I really thought people could change…
3:00 P.M.
[SOJOURN]: Good afternoon everyone.
[SOLDIER: 76]: Good afternoon.
[ANA]: hi
[SOJOURN]: In the name of keeping this chat productive
[SOJOURN]: And since problem child #1 is taking unpaid time off in Korea
[SOJOURN]: We’re going to use it to introduce some of our new oncoming members
[SOJOURN]: They’ve all volunteered their time to combat the Talon and Null Sector threat
[SOJOURN]: Well, I’m not exactly sure if Null Sector still exists, but I’m keeping that plotline open
[SOJOURN]: Anyway @ILLARI as our youngest new member, would you like to go first?
[ILLARI]: Not particularly.
[SOJOURN]: Oh.
[SOJOURN]: How about you just tell us a bit about yourself? And your hobbies?
[ILLARI]: Well, for starters, I’m a monster.
[ILLARI]: I’ll never make up for what I’ve done.
[ILLARI]: I still hear their screams.
[SOJOURN]: Okay…
[HANZO]: What is she going on about.
[MCCREE]: she got trauma darling, be nice
[HANZO]: We literally all have trauma.
[HANZO]: Every single one of us.
[HANZO]: Except Zarya.
[ZARYA]: True!
[ZARYA]: Zarya too strong for trauma, I benchpress it away!
[MCCREE]: I says be nice hanzo
[MCCREE]: ah wait, rats. that ain’t my name no more
[MCCREE] changed their name to [CASSIDY]
[CASSIDY]: going by my backup name now, so them feds ain’t catching up to me
[HANZO]: It’s beautiful.
[ILLARI]: Ahem. Can I please continue?
[HANZO]: Apologies, go on.
[CASSIDY]: now see that there was nice! git on over here
[CASSIDY] went idle.
[HANZO] went idle.
[LÚCIO] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[LÚCIO]: anyone else hear those noises?
[LÚCIO]: Trying to mix a tape right now and it’s a little distracting
[LÚCIO]: Yooo I just heard cass say it’s high noon or something and it is definitely NOT
[ANA]: aww! they fucking
[ANA]: reminds me of the good old days, eh @REINHARDT
[REINHARDT]: OF COURSE!! WHICH DAYS SPECIFICALLY???
[BRIGITTE]: …
[BRIGITTE] was removed from the chat by [TORBJÖRN]
[TORBJÖRN] left the chat.
[ILLARI]: You know, on second thought I think I’m actually done.
[ILLARI]: I’m traumatized for different reasons now.
[ILLARI]: Going to go spiral.
[ILLARI] left the chat.
[SOJOURN]: …
[SOJOURN]: Great going everyone…
[WINSTON]: I’m sure you’ll all get to know Illari over time
[WINSTON]: She really has a sunny and bright personality under all… that
[SOJOURN]: Yeah… maybe…
3:20 P.M.
[SOJOURN]: Well, who wants to go next? @KIRIKO ?
[KIRIKO] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[KIRIKO]: Oh hey! Sure!
[KIRIKO]: My name’s Kiriko. It’s nice to meet you all! :)
[KIRIKO]: I’m from Kanezaka in Japan.
[KIRIKO]: I like bike rides, dancing, cosplaying, petting foxes, and long walks on the beach
[HANZO] is no longer idle.
[HANZO]: hey, fuck you, you kitsune bitch!
[KIRIKO]: shimadasan! I thought you died!
[KIRIKO]: fuck you more!
[HANZO]: fuck your mother!
[WINSTON]: Everyone, let’s keep this chat professional during introductions…
[WINSTON] activated profanity filters for 500 seconds.
[KIRIKO]: f*#! your w(*^$ brother!
[WINSTON]: I said keep it professional Ms. Kiriko!
[GENJI] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[GENJI]: mada mada! f^*# you both!
[ANA]: f*#% you all too!
[HANZO]: shut it grandma we’re having a moment
[CASSIDY] is no longer idle.
[CASSIDY]: hanzo… I see you scrolling on your phone, and them words don’t look too nice
[HANZO]: This isn’t what it looks like, dear.
[CASSIDY]: couch, now.
[CASSIDY] went idle.
[HANZO] went idle.
[KIRIKO]: haha, f&*#er
[GENJI]: he is such a b&#*( isn’t he
[GENJI]: I’m glad you’re here.
[GENJI]: we are going to make his life h^*(
[GENJI]: I can’t even say h%^&???
[GENJI]: H 3 L L
[GENJI]: tch. children.
[WINSTON]: …So, is that the end of your introduction, Ms. Kiriko?
[KIRIKO]: Oh, right! Yeah, I guess that’s it for me.
[KIRIKO]: My kitsune is free to pet if anyone is feeling down!
[KIRIKO]: It will literally eat all of your bad emotions. And sometimes your soul. It’s great!
[KIRIKO]: Talk to you later guys!
[ZARYA]: Wait moment, little girl
[ZARYA]: Are you one with many costumes?
[KIRIKO]: Hai, that’s me.
[ZARYA]: I see you with silly costume on. Looking like little KPOP star
[KIRIKO]: Ah yeah, that’s my LE SSERAFIM cosplay! Pretty cool right?
[ZARYA]: But you steal Zarya costume. I was supposed to be KPOP star.
[ZARYA]: You will give Zarya costume. Is clear?
[ZARYA]: Or you get Russian fist. And not in good way.
[KIRIKO]: I…
[ZARYA]: And Roadhog say he want cute one with skirt and blindfold.
[KIRIKO]: … I really like the 2B costume
[ROADHOG]:
[ZARYA]: He say if you don’t give him silly costume
[ZARYA]: he pound you to little puny dust and put you in dumbbell weights for me
[ZARYA]: How respond?
[KIRIKO]: …
[WINSTON]: Zarya, we don’t threaten our teammates in this chat.
[ZARYA]: You monkey, I will gift to Mei. She want new monkey fur suit for Arctic expedition
[MEI]: 🙂
[WINSTON]: Dear God. Please just pretend I didn’t say anything.
[SOJOURN]: …
[KIRIKO]: Okay! Jeez. I’ll give you the costumes. Not worth the trouble.
[ZARYA]: Good. Mafia always win.
[ZARYA]: Justice served.
[KIRIKO]: I’m getting out of here before someone takes my underwear
[KIRIKO] left the chat.
[ZARYA]: Hog! You want silly fox girl underwear?
[ROADHOG]:
[ZARYA]: Give to small hamster friend?
[ZARYA]: Sound like plan…
Meanwhile…
[SUPREME LORD VENDETTA] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[VENDETTA]: Hear me, and let the first meeting of the Senate now be in session.
[VENDETTA]: Report your statuses and any current updates, Senatores.
[VENDETTA]: @MOIRA
[MOIRA] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[MOIRA]: Good afternoon, Vendetta.
[VENDETTA]: Supreme Lord Vendetta.
[MOIRA]: That, yes.
[MOIRA]: No real updates from me. I’ve just been experimenting on some bunnies, as you do.
[MOIRA]: I’ve been teaching them how to speak Korean and wield laser canons.
[MOIRA]: A very… difficult project. Teaching Korean is even more frustrating than it sounds.
[MOIRA]: But enlightening. I have now memorized the sounds of a bunny’s scream.
[VENDETTA]: Ah, well that’s… just… fascinating.
[VENDETTA]: Please have a battalion of bunnies prepared for our conquest by next week.
[MOIRA]: As you will. Some may be missing limbs.
[VENDETTA]: I can’t wait.
[VENDETTA]: @MAUGA
[VENDETTA]: Report.
[MAUGA] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[MAUGA]: wuzzattt vendy machine heyyooooo
[VENDETTA]: What is the meaning of this? You will address me appropriately.
[MOIRA]: “Vendy Machine.” I like it.
[VENDETTA]: Disrespect is punishable by defenestration.
[VENDETTA]: And a 90 minute chat ban.
[MAUGA]: eyooo dont go doindat bro its ya bro mauga loook nows not really good time???
[MAUGA]: im at da beach brooo im getting it lityy if ya fuckin know right yaa
[VENDETTA]: You are going to be subject to one defenestration when you get back here.
[VENDETTA]: You’re lucky you’re a tank.
[MAUGA]: eyooo not fuckin nice man whaddafuk bro bappy what u think of this guy man
[MAUGA]: bappy say you aint shit brooo eyyy u damn right modafuka eyyy
[SUPREME LORD VENDETTA] muted [MAUGA] for 90 minutes.
[VENDETTA]: Maybe I shouldn’t have fired those other idiots…
[VENDETTA]: @SIGMA
[VENDETTA]: Report.
[SIGMA] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[SIGMA]: Hey there Vendetta, I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me.
[SIGMA]: I’m still in the basement…
[SIGMA]: It’s awfully boring down here. All I have is the chorus of the infinite universe to entertain me.
[SIGMA]: Could use a TV…
[SIGMA]: You do know you locked the door on me, right?
[VENDETTA]: Oh no, I’ll be right there.
[VENDETTA] muted [SIGMA] for 1000 hours.
[VENDETTA]: On second thought, just stay right there until that timer is up.
[VENDETTA]: I’m a busy woman.
[MOIRA]: That all seems quite unnecessary…
[VENDETTA]: One defenestration.
[MOIRA]: tch.
[VENDETTA]: @MIZUKI
[VENDETTA] Report.
[MIZUKI] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[MIZUKI]: Hey guys……..
[MIZUKI]: I’m gonna infiltrate Overwatch like you asked…….
[MIZUKI]: They can’t resist recruiting young attractive Asian men so it should be easy……
[MIZUKI]: lowkirkenuinely……
[VENDETTA]: Speak English. And use less ellipses.
[MIZUKI]: Okay…. Using less of them…
[VENDETTA]: And make sure not to fall in love with any of their members.
[VENDETTA]: I can’t believe I have to explicitly state that.
[MOIRA]: Not my fault Dr. Ziegler is so attractively irritating.
[VENDETTA]: I wasn’t even talking about you. One more defenestration.
[MOIRA]: Yippee.
[MIZUKI]: Got it… totally not gonna fall in love with anyone…..
[MIZUKI]: Not my style anyway….
[VENDETTA]: Mio Dio.
[VENDETTA]: @ASHE
[VENDETTA]: Report.
[ASHE] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[ASHE]: Howdy y’all
[ASHE]: You know me, just doin’ crime with my little gang of country fiends.
[MOIRA]: LARPing
[ASHE]: We ain’t LARPing hunny, just because we still use horses and pay off people to drive trains that ain’t been driven in a half a century for our heists.
[MOIRA]: Sounds like she’s been LARPing.
[MOIRA]: Not that we’re any better on that front.
[VENDETTA]: Come back to base, you’re needed here.
[ASHE]: Aww, but we ain’t finished Act 3 of Cowgirl Ashtyn’s Adventures in the Big West yet.
[ASHE]: Would you kindly give it a week sweetheart?
[VENDETTA]: One week. Let me know how your roleplay goes.
[ASHE]: Well ain’t you just lovely?
[VENDETTA]: @MS. DOMINA
[VENDETTA]: Updates please. <3
[MOIRA]: Huh??
[MIZUKI]: I didn’t get a heart…….
[MS. DOMINA] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[MS. DOMINA]: Well hello darling.
[MS. DOMINA]: One moment please
[MS. DOMINA]: I require coffee before meetings.
[MS. DOMINA]: @DOMINA’S SLAVE
[SUPREME LORD VENDETTA] is now idle.
[DOMINA’S SLAVE] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[DOMINA’S SLAVE]: I am at your command, mistress.
[MOIRA]: What in the ever living fuck is happening.
[MS. DOMINA]: Pet, fetch me a grande cinnamon dolce latte in a venti cup with 5 pumps cinnamon dolce, 4 pumps vanilla, 3 pumps toffee nut, 1 pump hazelnut, no foam, warm, extra whip, extra cinnamon, dolce topping, extra caramel drizzle, light mocha drizzle, vanilla topping, salt topping, and nutmeg topping.
[MS. DOMINA]: On the double.
[DOMINA’S SLAVE]: Yes, mistress.
[MS. DOMINA]: Good girl…
[DOMINA’S SLAVE] is now idle.
[SUPREME LORD VENDETTA] is no longer idle.
MIZUKI: What timing……..
MOIRA: Hmmm…
[VENDETTA]: /msg MS. DOMINA >> Maledizione, I didn’t realize it would pop up alerts like that <<
[MS. DOMINA]: /reply >> Oh my… looks like someone needs to be punished for their lack of foresight… <<
[MS. DOMINA]: >> Play it cool, pet. <<
[MS. DOMINA]: Ahem. Vendetta. Vishkar is as successful as ever. No less thanks to your support.
[VENDETTA]: We are fortunate as ever to have you as such stalwart… allies.
[MS. DOMINA]: Quite. I’m sending you a new shipment of evil megacorporation laser cannons.
[MS. DOMINA]: I hear you have some rabbits who may want to use them…
[MOIRA]: Remarkable.
[MS. DOMINA]: Oh, but you really ought to try your experiments on chinchillas next time, Dr. O'Deorain dear.
[MS. DOMINA]: They have such amusing cries of pain, and when they die, you can make some extremely fashionable clothing out of them.
[MS. DOMINA]: I’m wearing some chinchilla now myself!
[MOIRA]: A woman after my own heart…
[VENDETTA]: A third defenestration for you.
[MOIRA]: Jealous? How unbecoming.
[MOIRA]: You really enjoy roleplay, don’t you, Supreme Lord?
[VENDETTA]: I fear I’m going to run out of windows to throw people out of soon…
[VENDETTA]: Thank you for the report, Ms. Domina.
[MS. DOMINA]: Honored to be of service as always.
[MS. DOMINA]: Do come visit me later for a more thorough reporting.
[VENDETTA]: Ahem. Of course. That would be very insightful.
[MIZUKI]: gag…….
[VENDETTA]: Let’s wrap this up.
[VENDETTA]: @EMRE
[VENDETTA]: Report.
[VENDETTA]: …
[VENDETTA]: @EMRE
[VENDETTA]: this fucker
[VENDETTA]: @EMRE @EMRE @EMRE @EMRE @EMRE @EMRE
[MAXIMILIEN] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[FREJA] entered [NOVUM IMPERIUM TALONII]
[VENDETTA]: Accountant! Where is your creepy Ultron soldier?
[MAXIMILIEN]: Apologies. Emre is still… unavailable.
[MAXIMILIEN]: Freja is handling it.
[FREJA]: Don’t worry. I’m scouring every strip club with redheads in the Northern Hemisphere.
[FREJA]: He won’t be hidden long.
[MIZUKI]: so are you two like, talon’s first ever straight couple………?
[FREJA]: ew
[VENDETTA]: Ew.
[FREJA] left the chat.
[MIZUKI]: sorry... didn’t realize that was so hurtful to say……
[VENDETTA]: … I’m going to adjourn this meeting.
[VENDETTA]: We invade Overwatch next week. Assuming we find our discomfortingly straight AI chatbot soldier. Any questions?
[SUPREME LORD VENDETTA] muted all messages for 90 seconds.
[VENDETTA]: Bene.
[VENDETTA]: Ah. And Overwatch reopened their emergency chat channel. You all have the invite link in your inbox if you want to do some recon.
[VENDETTA]: Dismissed.
[VENDETTA]: Leading an empire of 5 is not all it’s cracked up to be…
4:00 P.M.
Back at Overwatch…
[SOJOURN]: I think, with how these introductions are going, it's for the best if we get through them quickly…
[SOJOURN]: @ANRAN you're up next
[SOJOURN]: Welcome to Overwatch!
[ANRAN] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[ANRAN]: hey everyone!
[ANRAN]: I’m Anran.
[ANRAN]: I just graduated with my bachelor's degree in firebending
[REINHARDT]: THEY MAKE ANYTHING A DEGREE THESE DAYS
[REINHARDT]: THAT SOUNDS EVEN LESS USEFUL THAN TRACER’S MASTER IN WOMEN AND GENDER STUDIES
[TRACER]: hey…
[TRACER]: at least i got a degree!
[REINHARDT]: SHIT.
[ANRAN]: Anyway! Excited to work with you!
[ANRAN]: and if you need coffee
[SOJOURN]: Do I ever…
[ANRAN]: my little brother's the new intern.
[ANRAN]: make sure to give him a hard bitchslap from me if you see him
[GENJI]: ahhh, sibling love
[GENJI]: everyone bitchslap hanzo as well
[REINHARDT]: WILL DO! TO BOTH!
[KIRIKO]: same
[GENJI]: …
[GENJI]: i expected him to respond
[GENJI]: cass must still be doing unspeakable things to him
[SOJOURN]: ANYWAY!
[SOJOURN]: Thanks @ANRAN and welcome to the team.
[SOJOURN]: @LIFEWEAVER
[LIFEWEAVER] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[LIFEWEAVER]: heyy sisterss
[LIFEWEAVER]: im niran
[LIFEWEAVER]: im an eco-socialist
[LIFEWEAVER]: and also im vegan
[LIFEWEAVER]: live, laugh, love, pansexual <3
[ROADHOG]:
[ANA]: …??
[TRACER]: im vegan too luv!! high five!!
[REINHARDT]: AND IM A PROUD CARNIVORE
[LIFEWEAVER]: happy for you!
[SYMMETRA] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[SYMMETRA]: I felt a cold shiver in my spine
[SYMMETRA]: and knew Niran must have been telling people about his veganism again
[LIFEWEAVER]: you know me so well satya!
[SYMMETRA]: I am, of course, also a vegan
[SYMMETRA]: I would not eat the unsightly, bloody mess that is dead animals.
[ANRAN]: she knows you can take the blood out, right?
[SYMMETRA]: Yes.
[ANRAN]: ooookay just checkin
[MS. DOMINA] joined [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[MS. DOMINA]: Well hello there, darlings.
[WINSTON]: This is supposed to be a secure channel. Who are you? How did you get in?
[SOJOURN]: …
[LIFEWEAVER]: what is this flop doing here?
[MS. DOMINA]: I assure you Niran, the only flop here is you.
[MS. DOMINA]: You are nothing but a criminal and a college dropout.
[MS. DOMINA]: And I have come to demand the return of Vishkar’s rightful technology as it is protected under patent no. 137.
[SOJOURN]: Oh damn, she's got a patent.
[SOJOURN]: I really need to hire that lawyer…
[MS. DOMINA]: Quite.
[LIFEWEAVER]: you're not getting anything from me
[LIFEWEAVER]: you dozen whore /j /pos :)
[TRACER]: gasp!
[MS. DOMINA]: Oh dear… This one is mouthy…
[LIFEWEAVER]: I added a smiley face, you worthless bitch /unsrs /j :)
[SYMMETRA]: I must apologize for him, Ms. Domina. Niran is chronically on Bluesky.
[SYMMETRA]: He has forgotten how normal humans interact online.
[MS. DOMINA]: And you, Satya, I’m disappointed in you.
[MS. DOMINA]: One of Vishkar’s greatest architects, associating with miscreants
[REINHARDT]: WHO ARE YOU CALLING MISCREANT?? AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??
[ROADHOG]:
[SYMMETRA]: ‘Associating’ is a bit of a strong word.
[MS. DOMINA]: Nonetheless, we’ll be discussing it at your next quarterly review.
[TRACER]: not to interrupt
[TRACER]: but i just googled who this “domina” lady is
[TRACER]: and she is kinda…
[MS. DOMINA]: Kind of what? Speak carefully now dear.
[TRACER]: ma’am
[TRACER]: would you kindly
[TRACER]: step on me
[MERCY]: Lena! What would Amélie think?
[TRACER]: oh it's alright she can join
[MS. DOMINA]: I must warn you, my heels are very sharp, dearest
[TRACER]: yay!
[MERCY]: …
[MERCY]: As your friend, Lena.
[MERCY]: I’m going to ping her.
[MERCY]: She deserves to know.
[PHARAH]: angela
[PHARAH]: are you sure that's a good idea?
[MERCY]: Not at all.
[MERCY]: @WIDOWMAKER
[WIDOWMAKER] entered [Overwatch Emergency Channel]
[WIDOWMAKER]: Merde.
[WIDOWMAKER]: This infernal chat is back
[WIDOWMAKER]: Is my girlfriend being an idiote again?
[MERCY]: She is trying to get another evil lady to step on her
[WIDOWMAKER]: Putain.
[WIDOWMAKER]: Are my heels not expensive enough for you, chérie?
[TRACER]: well luv i just thought like, the more the merrier, right??
[WIDOWMAKER]: ….
[WIDOWMAKER]: … Fine.
[WIDOWMAKER]: If it would bring you joy.
[WIDOWMAKER]: and only because I know Ms. Domina would never actually care enough to try and steal you away from me
[WIDOWMAKER]: You are mine.
[TRACER]: yessssssssssssss!!!!!!!
[TRACER]: luv u babe!
[WINSTON]: Please slow down Ms. Oxton! That chronal accelerator is very fragile.
[MS. DOMINA]: Well then.
[MS. DOMINA]: My secretary will be in contact with you shortly to schedule.
[MS. DOMINA]: You may have to fall into a low priority time slot. I hope you understand.
[WIDOWMAKER]: Whatévere…
[MS. DOMINA]: But I really must be going.
[MS. DOMINA]: Some of us have jobs you know. I can't be spending my whole day prattling about online.
[MS. DOMINA]: Ta ta!
[MS. DOMINA] left the chat.
[LIFEWEAVER]: dimitrescu’s reheated nachos looking flop :)
[SYMMETRA]: Come again?
[SOJOURN]: It was great to meet you, Lifeweaver. Welcome to the team.
[LIFEWEAVER]: thanks everyone! I'm going to start a vegan support group if anyone is interested
[SYMMETRA]: And no one is.
[LIFEWEAVER]: fascist and oppressive /srs
[SOJOURN]: Aaaand I think that's where we break for today.
[SOJOURN]: We’ll introduce any remaining members tomorrow.
[SOJOURN]: I’m getting more coffee…