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Katsuki doesn't know what time it is but he knows it must be late.
He was half asleep but he remembers how it was raining right now and Izuku at his front door, soaking wet, with no coat or umbrella. He remembered the vice grip that clung onto his torso, how it felt like Izuku wanted to crawl into his skin and live there. He had a slight feral look to his eyes– almost like he had been awake all night and knowing him, that was probably the case.
Katsuki let himself sigh, "Izuku? Hey- I'm right here.. it's okay." His bones feel like they weigh tons when Izuku buries his face deeper into Katsuki's shirt, shaking his head no. He can feel his mouth opening and closing against the thin material, almost like he's trying to get words to come out, or maybe he's trying to get extra air to breathe properly. Katsuki puts his arms around his damp and shivering body, pulling him deeper into his home.
"I'm… so sorry. You were–"
"S'alright. I'll take care of you."
"Huh? No! Nonono, Kacchan, I'm here for you!" His expression looks a lot like a startled kittens', Katsuki has to bite down on his fond grin as it threatens to surface. "Nuh-uh. Your ass is always tryna be there for anyone that ain't yourself. I'm gonna be who you are to everyone else, to you. You got that?"
Izuku's dumbfounded expression almost makes Katsuki break out into a fit of laughter but he has to stand strong. Otherwise, Izuku might slip through his cage of care. Katsuki watches as his soaked curls shake slightly when he sniffles, how his big bug-like and worrisome eyes dart across every corner and crevice of Katsuki's face. From his hair down to his own concerned eyes. From his cheeks to how his jaw keeps clenching and unclenching.
He eventually gives up with a sigh and slump of his shoulders, leaning more into the warmth radiating off of Katsuki. "Gotta take a bath or else you'll get sick. Is that okay?" Izuku nods stiffly and lets himself be led down familiar halls with Katsuki's good arm around his shoulders. And if Katsuki's stupid heart pulls a little at Izuku holding onto his hand that drapes off his shoulder– that's nobody else's business.
He ran some warm water so that Izuku could have a bath and offered to help if he needed it but Izuku turned the offer down. Whenever he gets like this he never wants to take any sort of help. That detail about him has always pissed Katsuki off and it probably always will. As he lingered by the closed bathroom door, he had noticed that Izuku didn't even have shoes on his feet when he got here. His crazy ass just bolted first thing out of his door to get to Katsuki. Fucking ridiculous.
Izuku's always been one to act on impulse since his brain runs a fraction slower compared to how quickly his body springs into motion. Constantly rushing into shit before thinking about the aftermath. Before thinking about himself. He'd break himself in half trying to appease others before he would ever choose to stare at himself in a mirror for too long. And truth be told, Katsuki doesn't know how the fuck to help him when he's in that particular mindset. Hell– he can just barely pick apart his own emotional constipation.
All he knows is how to be there with him, to be there for him. Izuku might not ever say it, but spending quality time together helps his mental a lot more than he lets on. It's never necessary to fill empty silences, they could sit right beside each other and say nothing at all but the presence of someone being there soothes him. Katsuki never really cared about things like that before but he has found himself appreciating it more these days.
Katsuki idly stares at his phone when the door to his room cracks open, Izuku emerging on the other side with his head hung low in shame. His hair is slightly damp at the ends and he's wearing some of Katsuki's old shit that doesn't fit him anymore, opening and closing his mouth like he wants to say something. But there's nothing to say if Izuku doesn't want to talk about it, Katsuki gets it.
"Whatcha just standing there for, huh? C'mere."
Izuku slowly lets his eyes drag up to look at Katsuki and something inside of Katsuki's chest stings. He looks so damn tired, like a dead person on their feet. Distantly reminding Katsuki of the time when Izuku left their class for a short while to become a vigilante. He looks like he wants to hold and cling to Katsuki for the rest of his life, but he's actively stopping himself. As if he thinks he doesn't deserve to do that. Like he's never done anything that could warrant (what he would call it) his selfishness to be justified.
Katsuki sets his phone down on the other side of his pillow, watching every single thing that Izuku does from the moment he walks from the door to his bed. He's scratching his nails together, a nervous tick he's had since fucking forever, he's eyes stay downturned- looking at everything that isn't Katsuki. "Kacchan.. I can just sleep on the couch. I really don't wanna be more of a bother-" Katsuki's eyes might fall out of his head from how hard he rolled them.
"Even like this you're still a stubborn ass, what the hell?"
"H-Hey! I just don't want to make you upset with my– my stupid problems, that's all." He starts digging his nails into his other fingers, clearly anxious. Katsuki knows that no amount of reassurance is going to soothe the nagging voices in Izuku's head, he himself is far too familiar with that truth. Katsuki sighs softly and reaches his hand out for Izuku to take.
Izuku's mouth parts slightly and Katsuki saw how his body immediately leaned in towards his hand, and how Izuku forced it to halt. He eventually takes his waiting hand, letting Katsuki pull him into his bed. It's extra warm and big enough for both of them. Izuku gets comfortable or as comfortable as he can while Katsuki internally debates on if he should let go of his hand or not.
Before he can decide though, Izuku curls himself closer to him, their hands still intertwined as he rests them on top of Katsuki chest. Right above the explosion shaped scar Katsuki got during the war 3 years ago. He stutters out a breath he didn't even know he was holding when Izuku rests his head on his shoulder. "Do you still get nightmares about it too?" Katsuki lets his eyes drift up towards his ceiling, "Yeah, not as often as you seem to get ‘em though."
"Do you mind if I.. talk about it?" Katsuki grunts in response that he knows Izuku has become an expert on translating now.
"It always starts with me laying down right next to you on the battlefield, and it's raining really heavily. I call out your name but you never.. answer. So I turn to look at you and you're just laying there, unmoving. I swear every time I see you like that it feels like the world jerks to a complete stop. Time freezes, everyone else fighting freezes– like nothing else matters. And the moment I try to reach out to you, I wake up. And I always wake up sweating buckets and scared out of my mind. The intensity of it hasn't faded away, if anything, I think it's gotten worse. Then I start to feel like you aren't still here, and I need to see you, to hear you, or feel you to make sure you're still– still.."
"..Yeah. I know."
Katsuki grins a little to himself as he feels Izuku drag his fingers back and forth along Katsuki's. He didn't even realize that they started to shake absentmindedly while Izuku was talking. "You know, you don't have to suffer by yourself alone like this ‘Zuku. I told'ya you could stay here with me if it helps you."
"I can't bring myself to put that kind of burden on you, Kacchan. I'm sorry."
"You've never been a burden and you still ain't one now. We can figure out how to get through this shit together."
Red eyes brave themselves to catch a glance at the one person who's known him better than anyone else. His eyes count the freckles that dot across his crooked nose, eyebrows, upper lids of his eyes, and everywhere else that they landscape across. Beautiful. Izuku is still staring at their hands intertwined together on Katsuki's chest with his lips in a scrunched pout, like he's contemplating the offer.
"I would never want you to do something that you really don't want to do. But, I know how hard you are on yourself sometimes– and I fucking hate seeing you like that and having to stop myself from forcing my way in to help you just because you don't want me to. Because you still get that dumbass notion in your head that you have to do shit alone. But you're not alone anymore. And I'm sorry for being one of the firsts who made you feel like you constantly were. Let me share your problems with you just like how you've done with me."
He hears the sharp intakes of breath and the sound of Izuku's teeth clanking against each other next to him, but he isn't done yet. Katsuki can't bring himself to stop the words from flying out of his mouth. Izuku deserves to know how he feels. No more keeping anything from each other, and Katsuki will be the first to lay it out on the table so Izuku knows that it's okay to open up.
"And.. I don't think it would hurt to have you here with me. I like having you near me. Having you around helps me a lot when I spiral– when the memories start to feel too real. So if you don't think I'm a goddamn burden to you, then you needa stop thinking you're one to me. ‘Cause you're not, got it?"
Katsuki turns his head to look at his best friend, the person he's been pathetically in love with before he even knew what that was, what it felt like. He watches as the tears build in the corners of his eyes, how his calloused and worn fingers come up to his face to brush away his own tears. When did that happen, Katsuki wonders. But it doesn't matter, not when Izuku looks at him now and sees him. Him in his entirety, with no judgement or scrutiny in his gaze or his touches. Safe.
Izuku's fingers float to the scar underneath Katsuki's eye before he cups his cheek in his warm hand. It's soothing. Everything seems to get better when Izuku's the cause behind it. Katsuki nuzzles his face more into Izuku's hand, "Just wantcha to know that I wanna be here with you, if you'll let me. And you better let me because I'm never gonna give up on you."
Izuku's full on crying now, no sounds are coming from his mouth since he's suctioning his lips closed but his eyes are big and round and wet with adoration. Katsuki knows he probably still has tears around his eyes but he doesn't care, it's fine if it's Izuku that sees him like this. He dips his head a little lower so he can rest a gentle kiss on the inside of Izuku's wrist as he watches his eyes somehow grow even bigger.
Katsuki pulls Izuku closer to him, letting him shove his wet face into his shoulder, not once caring that his shirt has all kinds of fluids on it now. He rubs a comforting hand up and down Izuku's spine, and if he heated his palm a little so it could feel like a heating pad- again, that's nobody else's business!
Once Izuku calms down and his breathing is back to normal, Katsuki starts to hear him say something but it's slightly muffled. "Huh? What did you say?" he asks. Izuku drags his face from his newfound home on Katsuki's shoulder and leans his cheek against it instead, "I said I wanna stay with you. If I'm being completely honest, I've wanted to stay with you since we graduated." Katsuki mentally gives himself a high five for taking his heart monitor off earlier. The cursed thing definitely would've been wailing off the rails by now with how fast his heart was beating.
"Since graduation? Why didn't you say something?!"
"Um! I was.. nervous."
"Hah? What was there to be nervous about?"
Katsuki sees the flush that makes its way onto Izuku's face and how his green eyes kept darting along the ceiling in an attempt to not look Katsuki in the eye. This bastard! "There was just a lot going on at the time, okay! And I didn't want-"
"Don't. Say. It."
"-to be a-"
"Izuku."
"..burden."
Katsuki groans and shoves his hand in Izuku's mess of his now air dried curls, his scowl not lasting long because of Izuku's laughter at his antics. Katsuki hopes he never stops smiling. He wants him to keep that big and pretty smile on his face for a long time. "Stoooop– Kacchan I had to! It would've been a wasted opportunity if I didn't!"
"Not hearin' it! Die!"
After tickling the soul out of Izuku, the nerd ended up falling right to sleep. His mouth was open a little bit as he rested his head on Katsuki's arm, his hand on his chest. Katsuki lays there and watches over him, his hand switching from cascading through his hair to rubbing along his back. They're going to have to talk more about the moving situation in the morning along with other things when they aren't delirious from sleep and exhausted from anxiety.
Something heavy has lifted itself from Katsuki's shoulders though. He wants to make this work well for the both of them. His eyes cut to Izuku again as he brings his free hand to his cheek and pinches it gently for no other reason but to watch him stir in his sleep before settling again.
He lets his eyes close and allows himself to finally let sleep take him for the rest of the night.