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Terry had known Claudia all of eight months when she dragged a bloodied dragon head back to the cave. When he saw it, he wanted to throw up.
“Cl-Claudia,” he stammered out, horrified. “What…happened? Did you-”
“I’ll explain later,” she promised. Her caterpillar friend unwrapped itself from around her neck and dropped onto the ground below. “Can you help me, please? We need to remove its brain.”
“R-remove its-, Claudia! You never told me that was part of the spell!” He got to his feet, backing away toward the cave wall.
Claudia sighed. “I know, I know.” She ran a hand through her ebony bangs. “I just…I knew you wouldn’t like it if I told you. You have such a big heart, Terry, but it’s for my dad! You understand.”
Terry wanted to cry. It was a maple dragon, he could see. A female. Maple dragons were shy. Solitary. The poor girl couldn’t possibly have attacked Claudia. No, Claudia must’ve hunted her down. He could picture it. Chains pinning the dragon to the ground, a knife against her throat, a bellow for mercy…but he couldn’t make himself see Claudia doing it.
“I…this isn’t right,” he said, starting to make for the entryway. He couldn’t be a part of something like this. He just couldn’t. “I’m sorry, Claudia, I have to-”
She caught his arm before he made it out. “Terry, wait!” He wanted to wrench it away, but when he saw the tears welling in her eyes, his strength drained out of him. “I…I didn’t want to do it. But…” she glanced toward her dad’s body, safely preserved within a magical cocoon. A tear slipped down her cheek. “But I have to save him. He’s all the family I have left.”
And if Terry didn’t understand that, he wasn’t sure who could.
From the moment he’d met her, he’d understood. He’d been wandering for weeks, out on his own for the first time in his life, unable to go back to the Drakewood, to the elves whom he’d already confirmed would never accept him. And then he’d found her, lying unconscious in the rain, shivering and just as alone as he was. And he had to help.
So he’d wrapped his only blanket around her, and crafted a little shelter to keep her dry. Hours later, when the rain stopped, he’d built a fire, hoping she’d stop shivering.
He’d been startled when she’d spoken to him the next morning.
“You…saved me,” she’d rasped. And he’d nodded.
“But you’re…you’re an elf,” she’d said.
He’d more or less expected that reaction, knowing she was a human. But it hadn’t made him angry. His own experience with elves hadn’t exactly been pleasant either.
What surprised him, and what he still couldn’t make sense of all these months later, was that Claudia hadn’t attacked him, or run away. She’d just…stayed.
“Ter-Bear,” said Claudia, snapping him out of his reminiscing. “Can-can you stay?”
“...Okay,” he whispered.
And he stayed.
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Terry’s heart pounded as he raced from the depths of Umber Tor. Whether it was from the exertion or what he’d just seen Claudia do, he didn’t know.
The moonshadow elf may have threatened his life, but still he couldn’t make himself forget her agonized screams. Whatever she’d done, she was still just a grieving girl who would do anything to save her family. Just like Claudia.
When the guilt became too much to bear, he stopped, turning back toward the chamber he’d come from. Claudia looked back at him when she noticed. “What’s wrong?”
He met her eyes. They were green, like tree leaves and moss, and all the most wonderful things in the world, and he couldn’t reconcile that, just moments ago, there had been so much malice in them. “I’ve seen you do a lot of awful things, dark magic things, but I always believed in you because you had a reason.” He looked down. “But what you just did, the way you tricked that moonshadow elf? It was just…cruel.”
He turned and walked past her to catch up with Viren and Sparklepuff, but Claudia didn’t follow. Instead, she turned heading back down the cavern.
Terry felt something in him unclench. She was going to do the right thing. That was…something, he supposed.
When she returned, she was smiling lightly. “I gave her the real coins,” she explained, threading her fingers into his. “Maybe she’ll figure out a way to save them. If she makes it out of that lava pit.”
So she was still trapped. Okay, maybe that wasn’t ideal, but from what he’d seen that moonshadow elf was pretty athletic. She could probably find her own way out.
And if Terry was being honest with himself, he too was far from innocent. He’d already killed someone for Claudia’s sake. What was one cruel trick compared to that?
Still, the pit in Terry’s stomach remained. “Claudia,” he began. “I wish I didn’t have to tell you to do the right thing. You should’ve known.” He reached out to brush the white side of her bangs behind her ear. “You’re better than that.”
“I know,” she sighed. “I guess the stress of this resurrection spell is getting to me. I’m sorry, Ter-Bear.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek, and even through his guilt he felt a spark.
“Now come on. Let’s get out of here.”
And he stayed. Earth help him, he stayed.
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When Claudia washed up on the shore, Terry feared the worst. He was at her side in an instant. Relief overcame him when she moved her hand, proving that she was alive.
Alive, but clearly not okay.
He wrapped his arms around her and helped her to her feet. The grunt of pain she gave was like a knife to his chest. He knelt back down slowly, returning her to her resting position on the ground.
His eyes widened in horror when he saw the bloodied stump beneath her left knee.
Oh, Claudia, what have they done to you?
Maybe…maybe that wasn’t the right thing to think. Ezran was just a kid. Callum wasn’t much older. They had people to protect, just like Claudia.
It was hard to feel sympathy for them at the moment. It was hard to think of anyone other than the heartbroken woman in his arms, especially once she started to cry. Really cry. The sobs weren’t elegant or dignified. They were loud, broken mournful things that carved craters into his heart.
He couldn’t make himself speak, not that there was anything to say. He could only hold her through the night while she trembled against him. He didn’t have the imagination to put himself through that kind of pain. He just hoped he had it in him to be the person she needed, like she had been for him all this time.
Sensitive as he was, Terry was not afraid of messy things. Of all the wisdom his family had tried to impart to him, it was one of the few bits he still held close.
Get dirt beneath your fingernails
Crawl along with slugs and snails
Know your roots and know yourself
For you are an earthblood elf
He’d understood the meaning from the first time he’d heard it. No surprise, since it was baked into the Earth arcanum itself. All things are intertwined, all of nature is a gift, no one is beneath you, but no one is above you either.
It was easy, after he’d been cast out from the Drakewood, to feel disconnected from his roots. The day he chose to be himself was the day he left his roots behind (how ironic that his parents, the ones who had given him that poem, had made it clear he couldn’t do both).
Yet there was one throughline between who he’d been and who he was now, and that was helping. Terry was a helper, as all earthblood elves ought to be. And when no one else was around to help Claudia, he could be the one to keep her standing. He could be her roots.
So he stayed. Earth help him, he stayed.
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Terry had just finished crying when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whipped around with a gasp and saw her, looking half-dead, and caught her just before she fell.
There she was. He knew she’d come back.
Well, that wasn’t true. Part of him was afraid she wouldn’t. Afraid that everything he’d done for her, she’d just gone and left him. Even though he’d done nothing to hurt her and everything to help.
It was impossible not to feel a little angry. He knew it was selfish, after all that had happened to her, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t understand. She’d just been abandoned by her father, the man she’d worked so hard to save. But Terry was still there. And he’d begged, and pleaded, and promised that he’d always stay, that she didn’t ever have to worry about him abandoning her. Because he knew what that was like. He knew, and he didn’t wish it on anyone, least of all her.
And still she’d left, leaving him alone on the beach, where he sat and sobbed and swore he’d wait for her, no matter how long it took.
Truthfully, he wasn’t sure how long he intended to wait. Days? Weeks? The rest of his life? What else was there to do? What did he have left, other than her? He’d been all alone when he’d found her, devoid of purpose without a colony to care for, and she’d come along, in need of some warmth and medicine, and he had made her his purpose.
Who was he, if she was really gone?
Just hours before, he’d held the dismembered wing of Sir Sparklepuff in his hands and stared down at the bloody spiral she’d drawn in the sand. Another spell that had made him want to vomit, that he’d only tolerated because he knew she had a reason. She had done it for her family. And wouldn’t he have done the same for his, if he still had one?
Once again, he’d stayed, only for her to pack up and leave.
How could she?
As furious as he was at Claudia, though, he was even angrier at Viren. He’d watch Claudia give up everything for the man, and Viren had looked at her like some kind of monster. Even as he claimed to love her, there was fear in his eyes. How painful would that be? To be feared by your own father?
Still, Terry pushed past the frustration building inside him and got to work making a prosthetic for Claudia. He might not have known if she was coming back, but if she did, he wanted something to show for his time alone. To prove that his devotion would never die, no matter what she did.
And now, miracle of miracles, she’d returned…but Terry wasn’t as happy as he thought he’d be. Claudia wasn’t screaming, or crying, or planning, or really reacting to much of anything. She was just…despondent. He’d wanted her back, but not like this.
He was silent as he helped her bathe, gently sponging her scars and bruises. He barely made a sound as he tried to brush the tangles from her hair. It was almost entirely white now, nothing like the ebony he’d been so entranced by when he was getting to know her. But it didn’t matter. Claudia was still Claudia. Still hurting, still broken, still brave and kind under it all. Seeing her like this made it hard to believe she would ever heal, but still he hoped against hope that one day he would get to see the joyful part of her again. They’d laugh, and kiss, and just enjoy each other. That was all Terry wanted, really. More than freeing Aaravos, or anything of the other ambitions Claudia had her heart set on.
All the lingering anger melted when she handed him her knife, silently asking him to cut her hair.
It was the first response she’d given him all day.
He did as she asked, chopping off strand after strand while silent tears fell from her eyes.
And he stayed. Earth, moon, and sky help him, he stayed.
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Terry bolted through the woods, running toward something uncertain. Maybe if he could make his heart beat loud enough, he could drown out the knowledge in his head.
He felt sick. Sick of Aaravos’ dishonesty, and Claudia’s secret keeping, and his own stupidity. It wasn’t just Aaravos who’d been telling half-truths. He’d been telling them to himself. That everything he’d done was alright because he’d done it for love. That Claudia had always done the same.
Somewhere along the line, this whole thing had gone rotten, and he hadn’t seen it. His “innocent heart,” as Aaravos put it, let him see the map to the Garden of Innocents, but it blinded him to everything else.
He tripped over an overgrown root and hit the ground hard. He pulled himself to his knees with a grunt and just stayed there, aching. Tears fell from his eyes as he felt all the joyful memories of the last two years crumble to dust. All the long nights, the inside jokes, the soft words, the sweet kisses. They were all tainted, now.
She’d used him.
She needed an innocent heart to get to the garden, and she didn’t tell him. She couldn’t explain that Aaravos planned to kill a shimmercrow because she knew he’d object. If she was really in the right, why did she always have to be so secretive?
He felt like an idiot. All this time he’d been clinging to the first person who accepted him like some pathetic child. Over and over again he’d chosen her over himself, his safety, and his morals, but…would she do the same for him?
No. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t even choose him over Aaravos. Terry could run back to her right now and tell her about the shimmercrow and how Aaravos was vengeful and evil, and she wouldn’t take his side.
She wouldn’t stay.
Terry wiped his nose on his wrist and walked back to the clearing where Claudia was resting. He hesitated before approaching her, because in truth, he was terrified. But he needed to stay true to the Earth arcanum, and specifically the part he’d forgotten:
No one is beneath you, but no one is above you either.
He let out a long exhale and stepped forward. “I know about the map,” Terry said.
Claudia turned to look at him, her expression indifferent.
“Why did you lie to me?” he asked, raising his voice.
She sighed. “You know why.” She stood, finally, and walked toward him. “I needed to make sure we made it here so Aaravos could get justice for his daughter. You understand.”
He felt heat rise to his face. “N-no, Claudia! I don’t! You can’t expect me to just…magically understand your reasoning when you don’t talk to me.” He turned away. “I…can’t be here right now. Come find me when you’re ready for a real conversation.”
She ran to catch him before he could get far. “I know, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you.” She rested her hands on his shoulders. “But, Terry, I’ve done so many bad things before and you know they were for good reasons. What’s different about this?”
He felt a burn behind his eyes. “You didn’t trust me to make my own choice. You used me. You’ve never done that before.”
Hadn’t she though?
She recoiled at the accusation, as if only now realizing how serious he was. He continued. “That’s not how you treat someone you love. That’s not how you treat any person.”
Know your roots and know yourself.
“And if I let you treat me that way, I’m not sure I can really be me anymore.”
She threw up her hands at that, almost exasperated. “You’re always you. You’re being so you right now.”
He stepped forward, gently grabbing her by the arms. “No. Aaravos said that this would change me, but I love myself the way I am.”
He’d done this once before, the day he was cast out of the Drakewood. He didn’t regret that day. He had to trust that he wouldn’t regret this one either.
“And if I let myself change to someone I don’t even like, I’m not…” his voice broke and he gasped. “I’m not really the person you fell in love with anymore, am I?”
Claudia looked broken. But…maybe she needed to look that way. He was bad for her, he realized now. All this time he’d been telling her she was right when she desperately needed someone to stand their ground and tell her she was wrong.
“Does…does this mean what I think it means?”
She was crying.
Slowly, Terry lifted his hand to brush away the bangs from the right side of her face. The only ebony that remained. He cupped her cheek and held it for a moment, staring into the gorgeous green of her overflowing eyes.
And then he left.