Chapter Text
Everything went quiet. Fire burned around him, metal heaving and collapsing on itself in front of him, and grass shifting from the wind on the ground. He heard not a bit of it, senses overpowered by the silence emanating from the part of his mind that had always been reserved for brothers. For his squad.
He knew what death felt like. First on Kamino, whenever brothers were unable to ever be enough for the Kaminoans. Then, on Geonosis, brothers dying in pain or joy, always instantly. He even knew what it felt like when a Jedi died, a supernova of darkness attempting to penetrate the bond. However, the deaths he knew best, that would always stick with him, were those that he caused, and those of his closest brothers.
The feeling of life draining from someone, their mind crying out in pain, due to one’s own actions was something Cut knew would haunt his dreams for the rest of forever. Just like he knew his brothers were never coming back.
He could, of course, still feel the brotherbond, albeit distantly. There were still plenty of brothers out there. But they were not really his. Not the ones he trained with, and not the ones he had fought with. He had no reason to go back to them. So he hoped that they would forgive him for not returning.
There was a whole world spread out before him, covered in plants he had only read about. The sky stretched above him in a glorious shade of midnight blue, stars twinkling in arrangements he never could have imagined. To Cut, it seemed like paradise. He wanted to spend the rest of his life there, on that world, among those distant trees.
So, with a heavy heart but a lighter step, Cut withdrew from the bond, leaving the burning ship behind him. He stayed connected to his brothers. But they would not feel him, know him, or realize he was there. He was free.
...
“Who are you?”
Cut froze, hands hovering above the grain he was currently attempting to separate from its stalk. He was reasonably sure that it was edible, and as he had recently run out of rations, taking some had felt like a good idea. But it seemed that his assessment had been wrong.
He reached out in the bond, sensing a presence he had never felt before, who was angry, determined, but also strangely curious. No hint of malice, just acceptance. Reaching further, he felt two bright lights nearby that seemed to belong to little ones. People who had yet to live and realize the world was cruel.
Slowly turning around, Cut was met with the barrel of a rifle pointed at his face. It as held by a reddish Twilek woman, her expression fierce. “I just needed the food. I didn’t mean to be somewhere I shouldn’t, miss.”
A wry smirk graced for features. It suited her. “A little late for that, no? And what would a soldier be needing my crops for?”
Cut had never before felt the need to lie, thus when he tried to formulate anything to say other than the absolute truth, he completely failed. So, the truth it was, then run before anyone came for him. “I... I’m deserting, miss. My ship crashed somewhere nearby, and I never wanted to be a soldier. I truly didn’t mean to steal.”
Surprisingly, despite admitting to committing a serious crime, his explanation was good enough that the Twilek dropped her aim, swing her gun around to rest on her shoulder.
“If you work for it, it won’t be stealing. Help me with the harvest, and in the meantime you can stay in the barn.” She pointed at a building Cut could just make out through the plants. He felt like a fool for not realizing that they belonged to someone, with the nearby dwellings and neatness of the plants layout.
He blinked, unsure how to respond to such a quick change of pace. The Twilek, laughed, bright and clear. “Got a name, soldier boy?”
“Erh... It’s Cut, miss...” he trailed off, hoping to get her name in reply. It gave him a thrill to use his name aloud, and even better, to give it someone who would never know his number, or even that he had one, unless he told her.
“Lawquane. Suu Lawquane. Do you know anything about farm work, Cut?” She seemed to already know the answer, eyes flicking to the plant he had been trying to deprive of its grain.
“No, miss Lawquane. But I’m a quick learner.” He neglected to mention that he only learned fast because it was that or suffer. He barely knew her, and could not fathom why he would tell her, other than feeling like maybe he should. Or could.
“We’ll see about that, Cut. And just call me Suu. I'm not your boss.” She smirked again, then proceeded to demonstrate how to successfully remove the grain from the stalk. Cut found the process not only fascinating, but cathartic. He could get used to this.
...
On a cool summer night, Cut became the happiest man alive. It was just after Shaeeah and Jek had finally quieted, and he stood by Suu as they stared out at their her fields as they rippled in the cool summer breeze. It was a moment that Cut wished he could capture, could hold onto forever. But he knew that doing so would make it worthless.
Suu’s smile was bright as she turned to him, taking both of his hands in hers. Cut could feel her anticipation and excitement as it rippled through the air. “Cut. You are the best thing that I have ever found in our field. And I want us to be together for as long as we both live.”
Cut felt the same way, but he had no clue where she was going with this. “I want that too, if possible. You and the kids mean everything to me.” Something else he was confused about was the existence of children as small as Shaeeah and Jek, as well as what factors made them ‘Suu’s,’ but not knowing things bothered him less than it would have bothered... someone else.
“Then, Cut,” It seemed like she was building up to something big, so Cut tried to be exited like she was. “Will you marry me, and join my family forever?”
He could not help it. “How do you ‘marry,’ and can we do it right now?”
For a moment her smile dropped, and she stared at him in shock. Then she laughed, a brilliant, musical thing. He tentatively smiled at her, and her laughter subsided. “Unfortunately, no. But I’ll explain it tomorrow, and if you still want to, we can do it then.”
“I do. Anything to be with you.” For the first time in a while, Cut’s joy was untainted. He was okay, despite the absence of his brothers, despite his near severance with the bond. And, staring into Suu’s eyes, lit up with stars and joy, Cut felt like he would stay that way.
...
The thing about farming was that, in some ways , it was the complete opposite of being a soldier. Sure, he was still surrounded by life, filling the bond with specks of light, though plant lights were definitely not the same as brothers, but that was the closest the two activities came to each other. When someone was fighting, the only thing they could do was take a life. Even the medics killed, and they only partially healed the life of soldiers that came into their care. But when someone was farming, they planted life. They helped it thrive.
Cut had found himself by farming, living with Suu and her kids on Saleumaci. His days as a soldier were over, thankfully. Though he would still fight to protect those he cared for. To keep their lights that were now so much a part of him alive.
But he hoped it would never come to that. They lived in a remote part of the planet, and were not overly successful. Which was probably his fault, but Suu did not seem to mind. Much.
Cut hummed as he worked, weeding the fields on another beautiful day. The breeze whistled playfully through the crops, clouds drifting lazily across the sky. Distantly, he could hear the sound of Jek and Shaeeah playing, like music to his ears. He could almost ignore the steadily growing weight of brothers in his mind.
Keyword being almost. It was with great apprehension that Cut always listened in on the bond, hoping for the continued distance of all of its other members. Anytime that distance started to shrink, he found it harder to enjoy life. Because although he loved his brothers, letting them back into his life was impossible. He was on a different path than the majorit
He had warned Suu of the approaching soldiers, and she had accepted it with the same determination she brought to every situation. Cut was beyond grateful for her support, and that he had entrusted the secret of the brotherbond to her. He could think of no one more deserving of it.
Hopefully, it would be yet another false alarm. But Cut knew better than to go against his instincts. And he knew that they could only be so fortunate before tragedy struck.