Archive of Our Own

If I had let my guard down instead of letting my pride get in the way, you’d still be here, wouldn’t you? 

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Staring blankly at his small apartment, Sea sighed heavily. For five years, he had followed the same relentless routine: wake up, prepare breakfast, work from seven to seven, and come home just to repeat it all over again. He was well aware of how healthy his routine looked, yet he couldn’t stop doing it. It was engraved in him, a clockwork existence that kept him moving but left him hollow. 

In the quiet evening, his mind always drifted to the same sharp edge of regret. He looked around the empty room, a space that still felt like a crime scene of his own making.

“I missed you so much, Keen,” he whispered to the shadows. 

It had been five years since they broke up, yet he still couldn’t bring himself to go back to their home. Their place, their haven—now, every corner screamed of him. It was a constant, haunting reminder of his own negligence. He had spent so much time convincingly protecting Keen, never realizing that, in reality, he was the one causing the most damage to him. 

He looked around the hollow space and thought, “'If only I had let myself be vulnerable in front of you… you would still be here with me, wouldn’t you?” Alas, it was already too late for if onlys. Five years too late. Much too late.

His tears flowed endlessly as Sea reminisced on everything—everything he’s wasted because of a single decision. Now, he could only look back, because 𝘩𝘦  was no longer with him. 

He missed him so much—being without him felt like a constant, dull ache that never went away. Every breath Sea took just reminded him that he was alone, while the love they had was gone.

How are you, Tee? He whispered in the quiet room. Are you doing well? Do you still enjoy the things you used to, or did I ruin those for you, too?

Are you... happy?

Sea’s eyes were blurry with tears as he looked at his bedside table. There was only one thing he kept: a photo of Keen from their university days, beaming over a rare bloom, and that old philosophy assignment. It was his favorite image of Keen—he could still vividly remember him jumping for joy because a rare bloom had finally opened. And that assignment? That was where everything had started.

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20** | First Year, First Semester 

Sea was panting, his breath hitching as he scoured the library for the book his professor had assigned for them to use for their reaction paper. The instruction had been explicit: the book could only be found within the university’s library. Sea hadn’t believed him at first, but now he was paying the price of his stubbornness.

He had been searching relentlessly for nearly an hour, and exhaustion was beginning to set in. Just as he was on the verge of giving up, a single, overlooked bookshelf caught his attention. There it was—the philosophy book he’s been searching relentlessly.

It was a thick, brown leather-bound volume, smudged with fingerprints that indicated his blockmates had already used it over. But as Sea reached out to claim it, another pair of hands darted in, gripping the spine.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but I really need this,” Sea said, his voice flat as he fought to mask the sheer exhaustion rattling his chest.

“Oh, well, I also need this for my reaction paper. It’s due this afternoon,” the other man said, his eyes soft and his cheeks flushed pink. “Apparently, it isn’t available anywhere but here.” He looked just as exhausted as Sea, with a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead—though, despite the mess, he was undeniably cute.

Wait, where did that come from?  Sea’ eyebrows furrowed instinctively at his own stray thoughts. 

The man took the expression the wrong way. “Look, I’m sorry if I’m annoying you, but you don’t have to scowl at me over a book,” he said, a sharp edge of irritation lacing his voice. 

Caught off guard, Sea’s eyes widened. “Oh, no! That’s not what I meant—”

“Then what did you mean?” the man challenged, stepping a little bit closer.

“I’ve been searching for this book for almost an hour without a break,” Sea explained softly, trying to de-escalate. “I’m really exhausted. I’m sorry if I offended you; I swear it wasn’t intentional.” He paused, glancing at the thick leather spin between their hands. “If you want, we could share it? Coincidentally, my paper is due this afternoon, too.”

Sea held his breath. He couldn’t risk losing another hour—not with a word count goal still impending over him.

“Your paper is also due this… afternoon?” the man with evident flushed pink asked, his head tilting slightly. “May I ask which section you’re in? If you don’t mind, of course—if you do, you don’t have to answer me.”

Sea felt a sudden, ridiculous urge to pinch the man’s flushed cheeks. No, control yourself, Sea, he scolded himself. He was fighting a silent battle for his life, and the man in front of him didn’t have a clue.

“I’m from B.Sc-101,” Sea answered carefully, trying to recall his schedule through exhaustion. “We’re taking this course with another section… I think they’re from the Botany program.”

The man offered his free hand, gesturing for a handshake. “Then, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Computer Science. I’m Keen, from BSc. Botany-101. Apparently, we’re blockmates for this course.”

Keen. The name suited him perfectly.

Sea drifted into a daze for a few seconds, only snapping back to reality when Keen waved a hand in front of his face. “Hello? Mr. Computer Science? Are you okay?”

Sea blinked and nodded quickly, finally reaching out to take Keen’s hand. “I’m Sea. From the CS block. Nice to meet you, Keen.” He let out a bright smile, the kind that made his mochi cheeks pop—a rare sight he usually reserved for his closest friends.

Unbeknownst to Sea, that smile had an uncontrollable effect on Keen. It caught him completely off guard, but through sheer force of will, he maintained his composure and squeezed Sea’s hand.

The moment their palms met, it felt as if an invisible electric shock had jolted through both of them. They stayed frozen for a few seconds too long before slowly withdrawing, both appearing strangely reluctant to let go.

Keen spoke up again. “Can I ask which specific topic you got? I heard from my friends that the professor randomly assigned the topics. No one in my block has the same topic as mine, so…” Sea found it adorable how Keen’s voice trailed off into a whisper. It seemed to be a habit of his whenever he was shy because it was the second time he’d done it in a row. 

Sea couldn’t help but chuckle. “The topic I got is: ‘Would you prefer to love or to be loved?’ How about you?” He already had a feeling he knew the answer; Keen’s expressions said it all.

Sea tilted his head slightly. “You got the same one, didn’t you?” Keen nodded slowly, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape in surprise.

“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s find a table so we can get started. We only have three hours left before this is due.” Sea took the book, which is quite heavy, and followed Keen as he strode ahead to find a vacant spot.

They eventually settled in; Keen took the seat by the window while Sea sat on the aisle side. Keen pulled out a notebook and pen to jot down notes, while Sea opened his laptop. He couldn’t help but chuckle in his mind as he thought of the way they’re going to jot down notes, which clearly reflects their respective programs.

Fifteen minutes passed, their heads bent so close together they were nearly touching as they shared the book. 

Whenever Sea finished a page first, he would lean back, unconsciously draping his arm over the back of Keen’s chair. Other times, Keen would finish early and find himself subconsciously staring at Sea, who remained lost in the passage. 

After twenty-five minutes of reading, they both began typing. The silence between them was comfortable until Keen suddenly broke it.

“Which one did you choose, Sea?”

The question caught Sea off guard. He glanced at Keen, who was seemingly glued to his screen. Sea took a slow breath before answering/ “I prefer to love.”

That made Keen stop typing entirely. He turned his full attention toward Sea. “Why do you prefer to be the one who loves, rather than the one who is loved?” It sounded like an innocent question, but to Sea, it carried an unexpected weight.

“... I see my love as something that is freeing and comforting.” Sea’s voice softened, a small, genuine smile tugging at the corner of his lips as if he were picturing a specific face. 

“I’m the type of person who loves in silence because that’s where the sweetest parts stay safe. It’s not about keeping a secret; it’s about having a quiet home for every memory we make. When I watch him—the way his eyes crinkle when he’s actually laughing, or how he subconsciously seeks out my hand when he’s tired—it’s like I’m collecting sunlight. I don’t need him to say anything or give anything back because just being the person who gets to witness him is enough of a gift. Every little thing matters to me—his clumsiness, the way he hums off-key, even his most serious silences. I would love it all because it’s the unique rhythm of who he is. To love someone without asking for anything in return… It makes every moment feel like a choice I get to make over and over again. And every time, I choose the warmth of just being near him.”

“You’re a romantic person, aren’t you?”

When Keen realized he had voiced out his thoughts, he immediately covered his mouth with his hands, his eyes widening in a mix of embarrassment, horror, and curiosity. 

Sea found the reaction so adorable that he tilted his head, a slow, honey-warm smile spreading across his face. He didn’t move to close the gap between them; instead, he simply let his gaze linger on Keen’s flustered expression, looking at him as if he were the most interesting person he’d ever encountered.

“Maybe… I am,” Sea murmured, his voice dropping to a tender, quiet low that seemed to vibrate in the small space between them. “But I think the most romantic thing in the world is simply being a witness. Every little thing. Most people are so busy trying to be heard or trying to be loved back that oftentimes they forget to just… look. To really see the person in front of them.”

He leaned back just a little, his smile softening into something more private. “I love in silence because it’s the only way to truly listen. Like right now—the way you’re hiding behind your hands because you’re surprised by your own voice? That’s a detail I’m already engraving into my mind. I don’t need a ‘go signal’ from you to appreciate these little things. Just being here, in this exact moment, is enough of a reward for me.” 

Sea met Keen’s gaze, his expression steady and warm. “What about you? Which do you prefer?”

Keen blinked, startled by the sudden question. He hovered his hands near his face, caught between hiding his embarrassment and gesturing as he searched for the right words. He puffed his cheeks, his face rounding into a squishy, pink pout before he finally spoke, avoiding Sea’s eyes.

“I prefer both. I want it balanced,” he admitted softly. “Normally, people choose one or the other… but I want to be the giver and the receiver. I want to show my love both loudly and silently. I want to be there, supporting the love of my life as he reaches his dreams, while silently wishing for his happiness and safety. But I also want to feel like I matter. It’s kinda exhausting being the only one saving a relationship—that’s my biggest fear. It leads to falling out of love, and I don’t want that.”

Keen sighed, baring his soul to a stranger he’d met only an hour ago. “When I care for someone, I set no limits. I’ll empty myself just to make sure they’re loved. I just hope the person I end up with sees that I’m worth the risk, especially during the difficult times.”

Sea nodded, his voice thick with admiration. “You’re unique, Keen. Most people choose a side, but you value your partner and yourself equally. I think I’ve learned something from you.”

They fell back into a comfortable silence, the only sound the rhythmic tapping of keys. Thirty minutes of relentless typing and proofreading later, their papers were ready. They scrambled to the first-floor printing room, where Keen volunteered to handle both copies. As he handed Sea his finished assignment, Sea looked at him with sudden intensity.

“Can you run fast?”

Keen blinked. “Huh? Why would I need to run fast?”

“Because we have fifteen minutes left, and the professor’s office is in the Southeast building. Well… Are you ready?”

They bolted. Their long legs turned three steps into one as they sprinted past the South building. Midway through, Keen slowed down, doubling over to catch his breath. Sea immediately doubled back, his voice dripping with concern. “Are you okay? Do you want to rest?”

“No,” Keen panted, collecting himself. “We have to pass these in person. Let’s go now. Don’t mind me.”

Sea hesitated, then asked a question that made Keen’s heart skip. “Would it be okay if I hold your wrist? It’ll be faster if we run at the same pace—I can help pull you along. BUt you can say no if you’re uncomfortable!” Sea looked away, his shyness finally breaking through.

Keen chuckled and reached out, placing Sea’s hand firmly on his own wrist. Sea didn’t need to be told twice. He tightened his grip carefully and took off, leading the way. This feels like a scene from a romance novel, Keen thought, his mind wandering even as his lungs burned.

They reached the office four minutes before the clock struck.

Now, they sat on the staircase, gasping for air. Amidst the quiet, Sea suddenly let out a light laugh. “That was a first time for me. Running across campus without caring who was staring.” He turned to Keen. “Thank you for letting me experience that.”

Keen, caught off guard by the gratitude, could only nod dumbly for a moment, which made Sea’s small smile grow into something full and endearing.

“Do you have plans after this?” Sea asked. He was surprised by his own boldness; usually, he preferred silence to small talk.

“I was going to sleep,” Keen said. “I’m still adjusting to the dorm life, so I’m exhausted. Why?”

“Well… I… I wanted to treat you to a meal. There’s a ramen place nearby. If you’re comfortable, of course.”

“You want to treat me?” Keen teased, pointing to himself. “Aren’t you afraid I’ll order the most expensive thing on the menu?”

Sea didn’t hesitate. No. I trust you.”

Keen laughed heartily. “I’m kidding! I’m actually starving, let’s go. Besides,” he added, glancing at Sea’s face, “you look cute when you’re flustered.”

Sea’s ears turned into a deep shade of tomato red. They walked out of the building in sync—left leg, right leg—talking about everything and nothing at all. They didn’t know it yet, but the deadline they just met was the beginning of a much longer story for them.

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20xx | Second Year, Second Semester 

It had been a year and a half since that frantic run to the professor’s office. Despite their different program majors, Sea and Keen had carved out a world of their own. Every free moment was spent together; every study session took place at the same library table where they had once shared a philosophy book. 

It was a rhythm Sea had grown to rely on—until this evening.

Keen arrived a few minutes late, a vibrant bouquet cradled in his arms. As he approached, Sea felt a sharp, unfamiliar twitch in his chest—a pang of hurt so sudden it left him breathless.

“Hi! Sorry, I’m late. I had to talk with someone,” Keen explained, breathless. Sea didn’t hear him. His gaze was fixed entirely on the flowers, a sight that felt like a sign of everything he was afraid to lose.

Keen sat down, carefully resting the bouquet on the table between them. “Someone asked to court me,” he said softly, his fingers idly brushing the velvet petals.

A bitter taste flooded Sea’s mouth. For over a year, he had been running from the fluttering in his heart, dismissing it as just friendship. But seeing those flowers made the truth break free. He was jealous. Terrified, even.

Gathering the composure left in him, Sea managed a low hum. “How did it go? Are you… dating now?” He braced himself, certain Keen’s answer would shatter him. 

Silence stretched between them for a long beat before Keen answered. “I rejected him. I told him I already liked someone else.” Keen looked down at the flowers resting on the table. “Surprisingly, he took it well. He said he’d wait, just in case I ever stopped liking the person I’m into now.”

Sea knew he should feel relieved, but the weight in his chest only grew heavier. Keen likes someone else. The thought felt like a physical blow. For the first time in his life, Sea’s carefully constructed mask slipped.

Afraid of what his face might betray, he stood up abruptly, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “That’s good, then,” he said, his voice sounding hollow even to his own ears. “Well, shall we? It’s nearly eleven.”

He started to walk away, his pace steady, but his mind was in a chaotic mess full of “who could it be?”

Keen stood frozen for a second before lunging forward. He grabbed Sea’s wrist, forcing the taller man to face him. 

“What is wrong with you?” Keen asked, his voice low and deadly serious.

“Nothing is wrong, Keen,” Sea answered, his voice flat—a tone so cold it made Keen flinch.

“Nothing is wrong?” Keen echoed, his eyes flickering with a mix of shock and hurt. “You’ve never used that tone with me. Not once in two years.”

Sea felt a sharp pang of guilt. He had spent months enduring this—watching people leave gifts in Keen’s locker, reading the anonymous notes, seeing the confessions. He had played the part of supportive friend perfectly, but hearing Keen admit he liked ‘someone else’ had finally pushed him past his limit.

It will never be me, Sea thought, the realization stinging more than any rejection.

“I’m sorry,” Sea muttered, refusing to meet his eyes. “I’m just not in the mood. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

But Keen wasn’t buying the excuse. Right then and there, he decided to gamble everything. If this ruined them, then at least the agonizing uncertainty feeling would finally be over. He took a deep breath and dropped the bomb.

“Are you really ‘not in the mood,’ Sea? Or are you just jealous?”

Sea finally looked at him. The silence in the park was deafening as Keen stepped forward, closing the distance until they were inches apart.

“I’m asking you, Dechchart,” Keen challenged, using Sea’s birth name. “Are you just ‘not in the mood’... or are you jealous? There’s a difference in that.”

Sea’s breath hitched. Hearing his full name from Keen’s lips did something to him—a jolt of electricity more intense than that first handshake in the library. He gulped, realizing that if he leaned down just an inch, his forehead would rest against Keen’s.

Sea closed his eyes, the weight of a year’s worth of secrets finally becoming too heavy to carry and hide. He risked everything on a single, shaky breath.

“Yes. I’m jealous. I’m so jealous, Keen.”

He opened his eyes, searching Keen’s for any sign of judgment, but all he found was raw, aching honesty. The best friend mask was gone.

“I’m so jealous it’s making me sick,” Sea confessed, his voice cracking. “I’ve spent so much time standing right next to you, watching people tell you exactly what I’ve been dying to say. Every letter, every gift, every person who tried to court you—it felt like a knife in my chest. But I forced myself to stay quiet. I played the part of the perfect best friend because I was terrified that if I spoke up, I’d lose the right to even be near you.”

Keen stood there, completely stunned. The sheer force of Sea’s confession caused his grip to loosen, his fingers sliding away as his mind struggled to keep pace.

Sea felt the contact break, but instead of retreating, he closed the distance. He seized Keen’s hands in his, clutching them as if Keen might vanish into the night mist if he ever let go. He stared at their joined fingers for a heartbeat before forcing his gaze upward, his eyes stinging with unshed tears.

“And honestly? As long as you turned them all down, I felt safe,” Sea admitted, a dry hollow laugh escaping his throat. His thumb brushed over Keen’s knuckles in a subconscious, rhythmic plea. “I thought as long as you were single, I still had a chance to just… be there.”

His voice cracked, the sound raw in the quiet air. “But hearing it from you just now? Hearing you say you already like someone else? I wasn’t prepared for that. I’ve spent all my energy protecting this friendship, only to realize that I was already too late.”

Sea’s chest heaved as he waited for the rejection he was sure was coming. But it never came.

Under the soft, amber glow of the lamp post, the silence stretched further. Then, a small, genuine smile tugged at Keen’s lips, followed by a soft huff of laughter.

“Silly you…” Keen muttered, his eyes softening as he squeezed Sea’s hands back. “Sea, you’re the one I like. Have you ever seen me hang out with anyone else the way I do with you?”

He stepped into Sea’s space, leaving no space between them, the moonlight reflecting in his wide eyes. “I turned them all down because none of them were you.”

The crushing weight of a year’s worth of jealousy and doubt vanished instantly. Sea felt a dizzying surge of relief that made his knees nearly buckled. He really looked at Keen then, noticing the same shimmer of tears in his eyes. The truth was finally out, hanging in the night air between them.

Keen didn’t let go. His fingers trembled as they laced deeper into Sea’s. His face heated up despite the cool breeze, his gaze flickering briefly to Sea’s lips before darting back to his eyes, silently seeking permission.

“Since we’re being honest…” Keen whispered, his voice dropping to a shy breath meant only for Sea. “I don’t want to spend another second wondering what ifs… Can I… can I kiss you? Just on the cheek?”

A familiar spark of mischief returned to Sea’s eyes. Even now, he couldn’t resist a little playfulness. He pulled his hands back slightly and shook his head.

“No,” Sea said firmly.

Keen’s face fell, his bottom lip jutting out into a classic pout. “Oh. Okay, I just thought—”

Before he could finish, Sea moved. He slid his hand gently around the nape of Keen’s neck, his thumb tracing the line of his jaw. He leaned in until their foreheads brushed, his voice dropping to a low, teasing vibration.

“Not on the cheek. Can I kiss you on the lips instead?”

Keen gave a small, breathless nod.

Their first kiss was perfectly clumsy—a slight bump of noses and a hesitant catch of breath. It was the messy reality of two friends finally shattering a glass ceiling. But as the initial shock melted, the world narrowed. Sea tilted his head, deepening the contact, and the clumsiness gave way to a warmth that felt like a long-awaited homecoming.

Keen reached up, fingers tangling in the soft hair at the back of Sea’s neck, pulling him closer. He nipped Sea’s lower lip—a bold move that drew a low, surprised hum from Sea’s throat. The vibration sent a shiver down Keen’s spine; it was a sound of raw desire they had never heard from one another.

Sea’s grip tightened instinctively, memorizing the feel of Keen’s skin. The tension that had lived between them for months finally dissolved into a rhythm they both knew by heart.

Sea pulled back just an inch, his forehead still resting against Keen’s, a cheeky smirk playing on his lips despite his racing heart.

“Careful, Keen,” Sea whispered, his voice rough. “If you keep doing that, I might never let you go home.”

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The years that followed were a blur of shared dreams and hard-earned victories. They navigated the rest of university no longer as friends hiding behind jokes, but as a team, as partners. At graduation, standing side by side in their robes, the memory of that lamp post felt like a lifetime ago. They weren’t just students anymore; they were partners ready to build an empire they could call theirs. 

As they built their respective career and businesses, it quickly went from university life to professional success. They traded study dates for boardroom meetings, but the core of their relationship remained their anchor. When they finally moved into their apartment, it wasn’t just a luxury—it was their sanctuary.

It was a home that witnessed their growth in its purest form. It witnessed the sweet and secret moments that only the two of them knew—the quiet, slow dances in the living room after a long, tiring day, the way Sea would always leave the best part of his meal for Keen, and their whispered conversations at 3:00 AM when the rest of the world was asleep as they embraced each other. 

One Saturday morning, the kitchen was a total disaster zone of flour and baking tools. Keen was hyper-focused, his brow furrowed as he carefully folded his sourdough dough, trying to get the tension just right. He didn’t hear Sea sneak up behind him. 

Sea, feeling particularly playful, wrapped his arms around Keen’s waist in a sudden shock, lifting him slightly while stealing a kiss on Keen’s nape. The surprise action caused the bowl of flour on the edge of the counter to tip, sending a white cloud exploding over both of them. For a heartbeat, there was silence. They stood there, eyelashes and hair dusted with white flour. Keen looked at his ruined prep, then slowly up at Sea’s sheepish, flour-dusted grin. Instead of getting mad, a snort escaped Keen, which turned into a full, belly-aching laugh. 

Keen then secretly grabbed a handful of flour while Sea was still laughing, and with a quick flick of his wrist, he attacked Sea’s face. The extra layer of white powder dusted Sea’s nose and cheeks, making him look like a startled ghost. The moment Sea felt the cold puff of flour, Keen didn’t wait for a reaction. He hurriedly slipped out of Sea’s arms, escaping his boyfriend, who would most likely return the favour.

Keen was already sprinting toward the living room, his laughter echoing through the hall as he tried to outrun the inevitable. And he was correct—Sea didn’t skip a beat. He grabbed a massive handful of flour from the counter and ran after him. 

“You’re going to pay for that, Keen!” Sea yelled, though the grin in his voice gave him away.

The chase turned their pristine sanctuary into a beautiful, chaotic mess. White footprints tracked across the dark hardwood floors, and a thin veil of flour began to settle over the designer sofa and coffee table books. The kitchen was a disaster of spilled ingredients and open cupboards, and the living room looked like a winter storm had blown through it. 

But as Sea finally tackled Keen onto the plush rug, both of them covered from head to toe in white, they didn’t even glance at the cleanup ahead. They didn’t mind the ruined sourdough or the dusty furniture. In a world where they had to be serious and professional all day, this mess was a luxury—a sole reminder that their home was a place where they could finally be as messy and as silly as they wanted to be. Just them together. 

They just lay there on the floor, breathless and flour-dusted, their laughter the only sound filling the room. 

Even for them, living together had its growing pains just like other couples out there. Their first real fight left the apartment feeling cold and too quiet. Keen had spent hours in his own room, staring at the door, waiting for his anger to fade into the familiar ache of missing Sea. 

When he finally gathered the courage to turn the handle, the door caught on something heavy. He peered out, and his heart immediately shattered at the sight. Sea hadn’t gone to their bedroom; he was curled up on the plush hallway rug, his back against the wood door, sleeping right there just to be near him. 

Keen moved with practiced silence. He grabbed his favourite quilt and a pillow, then knelt on the soft fabric of the rug beside Sea. He gently nudged him, as Sea shifted, half-awake and blinking, Keen didn’t say a word. He laid the pillow down on Sea’s chest and stomach, then carefully lowered himself to sleep on top of Sea’s body, using him as a human mattress. He draped the heavy quilt over both of them, sealing them into a warm, private cocoon.

The moment Sea felt the familiar warmth and weight of Keen against him, his instinct took over. Even in his sleep, his arms immediately wrapped around Keen, pulling him so close there wasn’t a breath of space left between them. He adjusted the pillow to elevate his head, finding a more comfortable position for them both as they settled into the softness of the rug.

“You’re so stubborn,” Keen whispered into the dark, his voice finally soft. “Why would you sleep on the floor? You know I can’t stay mad when I know you’re uncomfortable.”

Sea tightened his hold, his voice gravelly and thick with sleep as he tucked his face into Keen’s neck. “I didn’t want to be behind a closed door. I’d rather my back hurt than be nowhere near you, Keen.”

He pulled the quilt higher. “I’m sorry for upsetting you, my tee. I got a little bit defensive when I should’ve just listened to you first. Next time, I’ll hear you out first. I promise. I love you so much, Keen.” 

Keen let out a long, shaky breath, the last of the tension leaving his body as he melted into Sea’s embrace. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I love you more, Sea. I love you so much.”

The hallway was quiet now, the only sound of the soft, rhythmic breathing of two people who had finally stopped running. In the middle of their hallway, where both warm bodies were tucked together into the shared quilt on the soft rug, they finally fell asleep—at peace and in total contentment. 

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Years had passed since that night under the lamp post. They had built everything they once dreamed of—successful companies, a good reputation in the industry, and a sanctuary of an apartment that stood as a witness to everything they’ve gone through together. But success came with a price. 

A massive scam and a sophisticated system breach had hit Sea’s company, costing him millions and causing investors to pull out and flee in a panic. Sea became a man possessed, hunting for the root cause and the traitor who had sold the key codes. In his desperation to fix it, he kept Keen in the dark. He thought he was being a protector, but in the reality of those three months, he was simply a ghost.

Sea moved through their rooms like a stranger, his presence reduced to the blue light of his laptop screen and the sound of hushed, frantic phone calls behind closed doors. He had stopped asking about Keen’s day; he had stopped noticing when Keen bought fresh flowers or when the bed felt too large with only one person sleeping in it. He was a man drowning in a sea of data and debt, but he was doing it with his mouth shut tight.

When Keen finally confronted him, the air and peace in their sanctuary shattered. 

“I saw the headlines, Sea.” 

The moment Sea heard those words, his body trembled. He didn’t make any unnecessary movements, instead, he kept his eyes glued to the screen, his fingers hovering over the keyboard as if he could still type his way out of the disaster. He didn’t turn around. He didn’t offer a greeting. He just let the words hang there—heavy, toxic and suffocating—in the space where their love used to breathe. 

“You’ve kept me in the dark for three months. Three months. Do you even trust me, Sea? Do you?” Keen had asked, his voice brittle. 

Sea finally spoke, but his response sent Keen’s last remaining patience into a snap. “It’s a technicality, Keen. Just a system glitch. I’m handling it already. There’s no reason for both of us to talk about this now.”

“Handle it? There’s no reason?” Keen chuckled lifelessly. “You can’t even look me in the eye, and you’re telling me I should not pay attention to any of these? Not only did I find out about this from a news leak, but you’re also lying to me.”

“Keen, please. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to carry the weight of my problem. I didn’t want to stress you out with a mess I should have been able to fix!” Sea was breathing heavily as these words came out of his mouth.

Keen stepped back as if he’d been struck. His eyes searched Sea’s, looking for the partner who used to tell him everything, no matter how ugly it was. “Stress me out”? He muttered, his voice dropping to a painful whisper. 

“We’ve been together for nearly two decades, Sea. We built this life together, brick by brick. You think I care about the investments? I care about you! The fire is already here, Sea! The least that you could do is to shut me out and turn me into a stranger in my own home, and as your partner! You’re treating me like a delicate vase that will break the moment I find out about the truth. And God, Sea… you don’t have any idea how much lonelier being with you like this than being alone.”

The silence that followed was the loudest thing in the room. 

They had reconciled after that night, or so they thought.  But the wound was still open. While Sea spent every day, eighteen hours in front of his monitor, troubleshooting a broken system, Keen quietly stepped up. He handled the mortgage, the bills, and the mounting expenses of a life they had built on two successful incomes. 

One evening, Sea found a stack of receipts on the kitchen counter—all of them were settled by Keen’s personal account. Something inside him snapped. 

“What is this?” Sea asked, his voice was dangerously low as Keen walked into the kitchen.

“The bills, Sea. Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it covered,” Keen said gently, trying to keep his tone neutral.

“I didn’t ask you to settle all of these, Keen,” Sea said, his voice low and vibrating with a dangerous irritability. He stared at the receipts on the counter like it was a personal insult. 

“It was due today—” Sea cut him off before Keen could finish his words.

“And I didn’t ask you to pay for it! Do I look like a charity case now? Is that what this is?” Sea snapped, slamming the papers onto the counter. He was irritable, his ego bruised by the crushing weight of his own perceived uselessness. 

“Sea, stop. That’s not what I think of you. I’m your partner—”

“Every time you pay a bill, it’s like you’re telling me I’m useless now. You’re telling me I can’t keep the lights on in my own house! That I was too stupid to see that someone was stealing from my company!” 

“Oh my god, please shut up!” Keen screamed, turning around with a look of pure agony. “Stop making this about your ego! Do you know how hard it is to watch the man I love disappear into a hole of the unknown, and you’re all worried about who’s paying? I’m not ‘buying’ your life, Sea. I’m trying to keep us from drowning! But you’re too obsessed with being the provider that you’d rather carry the weight all by yourself and let the ship sink alone than let me carry it for us!”

Sea’s eyes filled with hot, angry tears—the kind that come from deep-seated shame. “Every time I look at you, I just see everything I’ve lost. I see the life I promised you and the one I’m currently failing to give you. I feel like a burden to you.”

“Then leave,” Keen whispered. Sea froze. “If you truly believe you’re a burden, then leave. But if you want to be my partner, then sit down, shut up, and let me love you through this mess. Because I am capable of handling this difficult situation, Sea. I can handle the money being gone. But I cannot handle you hating yourself more than you love me.” 

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One year later, it was finally over. Sea’s shoulders weren’t hunched. He had done it. The one who did it had been caught. The investments were returning. The company was breathing again. Everything’s back into its rightful place.

He came home at midnight, his heart light for the first time in a year. In one hand, he held a bouquet of red and white roses and blue hydrangeas; in his pocket sat a velvet box with a ring he had been carrying for half a year. 

The apartment was dark. Only the dim, amber glow of a single lampshade in the corner cut through the shadows. Keen was sitting on the sofa, motionless, staring at a wall that held pictures of them.

“Keen? Tee?” He whispered, his voice light with hope that didn’t fit in the room. “I’m home!”

But Keen didn’t look up. “What day is it today? No, scratch that—what date was yesterday?”

Sea’s smile faltered. He paused, confused by the flat, hollow tone. “Yesterday? The 21st? Tee… is there something important I missed?”

The bomb finally went off. Keen didn’t just cry; he broke down, his entire body trembling with the weight of a year spent being the second priority. 

“Our anniversary, Sea! It was our thirteenth anniversary. I sat here. I cooked. I waited for you to come home.”

Then it hit him. Sea dropped to his knees, the roses and hydrangeas scattered across the rug where they once slept in peace. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Keen, please. I—I forgot what… I was—doing it for us. I was trying to save our future. I was going to propo—” He tried to explain, but he couldn’t form a coherent thought. 

Keen then spoke, which added fuel to the fire and sent Sea into shambles. 

“God, I’m so tired. I’m so tired of everything! You only love me when things are easy and we’re happy, Sea. I only mattered when everything was okay and thriving, but the moment things went south, you forgot to include me. You leave me behind, clueless and wondering how to lessen the weight on your shoulders.”

Keen looked at him with eyes that had clearly cried for hours. “You know… I wanted to be included—to share your burden with you. I wanted to face it with you. I didn’t need to be sheltered or protected, Dechchart. I wanted you to trust me. To see me as your partner, your other half, who was willing to help you in all ways I could. I would have done it all for you.” 

The silence that wrapped around them was suffocating.

Dechchart. Sea reached out, his fingers curled into the fabric of Keen’s t-shirt, a desperate plea came out from him, barely a whisper broken by the weight of the name Keen had just used. 

“Keen… don’t call me that. Don’t use that one. Please…”

But Keen didn’t react. He just stared at Sea, lifeless and empty. There was no hatred in his gaze, which was the most terrifying part. The nod was slow, deliberate. It was the movement of someone who had already finished the unfinished, and Sea knew that.

Keen then reached down and, with a terrifying gentle touch, uncurled Sea’s fingers from his shirt. He didn’t pull away with force; he just detached himself slowly but steadily, as one might move a hand from a cold railing. 

“Let’s stop this, Sea. Let’s break up.”

Keen didn’t wait for a reply from Sea. He stood up, his legs stiff from hours of sitting in the dark, and walked towards the master bedroom. Every step felt like he was walking through water—heavy, resistant, but certain. 

He reached the doorway and stepped inside, his hands trembling as he found the cold metal of the handle.

He didn’t slam the door. He couldn’t. Even now, after everything, the habit of protecting Sea’s peace is still his priority, and it refuses to leave him. He pushed the door shut with slowness, the click of the latch sounding like a gunshot in the tomb-like silence of the apartment.

The moment the door was between them was the moment Keen let his walls crumble. 

Keen’s knees gave out, his back pressing into the door. A sob, violent and raw, clawed its way up his throat, wanting to break free, but he covered his palm over his mouth. He didn’t want Sea to hear him crying because it would hurt him even more. Keen bit down on his hand, his teeth sinking into his own skin.

Don’t let him hear, he thought frantically, begging himself as his eyes stung with hot, blurring tears. 

Through the door, he could hear the muffled, broken sounds of Sea’s cries—sharp intake of breath, the rustle of the roses being crushed as Sea shifted on the rug. Each sound was a knife stabbing Keen in his heart. 

Keen curled into himself, his forehead resting on his drawn-up knees. He squeezed his eyes shut, but the tears leaked through, soaking into the fabric of his jeans. His entire body shook with the effort of staying silent, wanting to be freed, but he couldn’t.

Pull yourself together, Keen. He whispered to himself as he started getting the luggage that he had prepared in advance. 

As Keen dragged his luggage out of their bedroom, he saw Sea looking like a mess, sitting on the very same rug they used to cuddle when they didn’t want to stay in their room. 

He put his luggage in front of the main door, then walked in Sea’s direction and slowly placed their house keys. It took minutes for Keen to finally let go of those keys—a key that holds the passage for their sanctuary, the one he always makes sure is with him. Always.

Before Keen could pull his hands away, Sea immediately held them. That was the first time they’ve looked at each other—both mirroring the same pain and eyes full of brimming tears.

“Keen… Tee, don’t leave me, please.” Sea tried to speak, but his voice was hoarse and couldn’t be understood.

Keen then knelt on the same height as Sea, held both cheeks as he gently wiped his love of his life’s tears away. Sea then held both of Keen’s hands on his face, afraid of letting it go. Afraid that this will be the last time he will ever feel it again.

“I love you. I really love you, Sea.” Hearing those words made them both cry even harder. 

No one wanted them to reach this point, but somehow, they were bound to face it. 

“I love you so much that I couldn’t—” Keen couldn’t even finish his words because he kept on crying, which broke Sea even more.

The sight in front of Sea wasn’t what he hoped to see, but then… he couldn’t bear to see Keen blaming himself for choosing to break up with him.

“Keen, look at me, hmm. You don’t have to feel guilty for choosing yourself, okay? I admit it was my fault, and I was so busy trying to save my company. I’ve changed… and I’m sorry for taking out my frustrations on you. I didn’t mean it like that, but I guess it’s already too late for everything.” Sea spoke as he reached Keen’s cheeks, slowly memorizing the softness of it.

“I… Let’s break up. I love you so much that I couldn’t bear to see you hurting like this. I… I promised you before that I wouldn’t make you cry or hurt you, but those turned into withered promises. I know you didn’t just come up with this overnight, but for a very long time,” he breathed slowly before continuing. 

“Thank you for being brave and choosing yourself, Tee. That’s one of many reasons why I fell in love with you and will fall in love with you even more. I love you. You deserve to be happy. I love you so much.”

Keen cried even harder and hugged Sea tightly. He melted into Sea’s embrace, memorizing for one last time the feeling, the warmth, and each other’s scent.

Sea didn’t want to pull away, but he could feel Keen slowly distancing himself. He thought he was going to leave, but then Keen slowly put his hands on Sea’s cheeks and kissed him. It was soft at first, but gradually became intense. The longing, hurt, regret, love—all of it can be felt in this kiss. He pulled Keen onto his lap to stabilize them both as he kissed Keen fervently.

They could both taste the mixture of metal and saltiness from their blood and tears, yet no one wants to stop—they know too well that once this kiss ends, everything ends too. 

Keen mumbled I love you many times in between their kisses and Sea would reciprocate it with I love you too so much. Just when Sea thought this would never be over, Keen slowly pulled away, just enough distance to stare at him for the last time.

“I love you so much. Those thirteen years were the happiest days of my life. Thank you for being my no. 1 supporter, my anchor and my protector. You’ll always be my Sea. The one I met in the library while I was frantically finding that book. My calm in this chaotic world.” Keen muttered slowly as he ran his fingers through Sea’s face.

He hugged Sea for the last time, to which Sea reciprocated and hugged Keen back tighter.

“Keen…”

“I love you, Sea. I love you so much.” A good bye. He knows this is the last time he will get to those words—that Keen loves him.

Keen stood up, slowly but deliberately walked to his luggage that had been waiting for him in front of the door. He slowly turned the door handle and walked outside. He didn’t look back. He couldn’t. 

Sea, left sitting on the plush rug, watched everything unfold in front of his eyes. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t run after him because that would mean he’s not respecting Keen’s decision. For once, he let Keen decide after everything because begging him to stay with him meant hurting Keen. And he couldn’t do that to him. He loves him so much that setting him free would mean him being happy again, even if it hurts—he would do it.

✎＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

Five Years Later  

Sea woke up feeling lightheaded, mostly because he hadn’t slept nearly enough the night before. He was in the middle of brewing coffee when his phone buzzed with a text.

“Don’t forget we’re leaving at 7:00 PM tonight. You cannot ditch my wedding, Sea!”

Sea had almost forgotten. He sent a quick reply and turned back to his coffee. It was a good thing he didn't have to work today, as the boss and his employees had practically begged him to take a day off after weeks of working nonstop.

At 5:00 PM, Sea began to pack. While rummaging through his things, he caught sight of Keen’s bracelet, tucked away in the back of his closet. In an instant, the weight of the past came crashing down on him again.

It had been five years, but he knew he was nowhere near ‘moving on.’ He’s well aware he would never reach that point in this lifetime.

How are you, Keen? I haven’t heard a word about you since that night, Sea thought.

The traffic was bearable, and they reached the venue around 10:00 PM. It was a beautiful beach resort; his friend’s fiancée had always dreamed of a seaside ceremony, so they had made it happen.

Keen wanted a beach wedding, too, Sea remembered. Decorated with an ocean of flowers and plants.

He shook his head, trying to dislodge the thought. He needed to keep those memories buried where they belonged.

“Glad you didn’t ditch me, Mr. Sea,” his friend joked, walking toward him with a grin.

Sea chuckled softly. “If I had, I’m certain you would’ve dragged me out of my apartment yourself. I just saved you the energy.”

His friend nodded in agreement. “You know me too well. Here’s your key card. See you tomorrow at 5:40 AM sharp, Sea.”

The moment Sea opened the door to his room, a strange sense of familiarity washed over him. Something about the furniture and the layout felt... off. A powerful urge to go home gripped him, like a silent warning that something unexpected was about to happen—something he wouldn't like.

But Sea brushed the feeling aside. He shrugged it off and began unpacking his suit for the wedding. Once everything was prepared, he finally collapsed into bed and dozed off.

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At exactly 4:40 AM, Sea was already awake and preparing for the day. He had always disliked the idea of being late—whether for his own events or someone else’s—viewing it as a sign of disrespect. Better early than late had always been his mantra.

The wedding ceremony was beautiful. Sea wore a bright smile as he watched his friend marry his first love. He had been a firsthand witness to their journey, seeing how they nearly fell apart but ultimately managed to work through their differences and compromise.

He was genuinely happy for them. As he listened to their vows, he felt a lump form in his throat, remembering the nights his friend would drag him to his apartment so they could drown their sorrows in liquor. Under different circumstances, Sea might not have indulged him, but at the same time, Sea was also reeling from his own breakup.

He couldn’t help but chuckle when his friend mentioned those nights in his vows, publicly thanking Sea for being there to burn their livers down together.

“You’re welcome,” Sea mouthed. His friend acknowledged him with a nod, and the groom offered a soft, knowing smile. Sea felt a sense of peace seeing them so happy and content. At least one of us is happy, he thought. That’s all that matters.

The wedding reception began at noon and stretched long into the evening. Eventually, Sea slipped away to the shore, needing a moment to breathe. He felt a sudden pull toward a quiet place. As he strolled along the sand, he noticed another wedding taking place further down the beach.

Oh, wow. A lot of couples are getting married today, huh? Good for them, Sea muttered to himself. He stopped for a moment, watching from a distance as a groom began reciting his vows.

Sea had no idea why he was still standing there. He didn’t know these people—or so he thought.

But when the groom, whose back was turned toward him, began to speak, Sea froze. He knew that voice. He could never forget it. Never.

“First and foremost, thank you for agreeing to marry me,” the man said, earning a wave of laughter from the guests.

“I’m just kidding,” he continued, reaching up to touch his partner’s cheek endearingly. “Well, where should I start? I honestly don’t know… but I meant it when I said I’m grateful you agreed to marry me, Love. When we first met, I was… afraid of opening my heart to someone new. My walls were so high. I still remember how you whined for the first time after two years of pursuing me. Instead of getting upset, I laughed so hard I rolled on the floor. You were in total shock. Ah, the good old days. I could never forget them.”

The guests laughed as the other man covered his face, his shoulders shaking with mirth.

Sea’s heart sank. No wonder the wedding theme looked so familiar—it was Keen’s dream wedding. He vividly remembers seeing the sketches in Keen’s journal, which he used to update whenever he found inspiration and tiny details for his future wedding venue.

“He did everything to woo me,” Keen continued, his voice steady yet full of emotion. “Believe me, he sent pastries every single day without fail. He did that for two years straight, and until now. And honestly? You should all buy from his bakery, because this man has magical hands. He successfully won me over with those. Love, thank you for not giving up on me when I tried to push you away—countless times, to be exact. Thank you for showing me the beauty of the world from a perspective I didn’t know existed. Thank you for being my rock and shield whenever I felt like breaking down. For including me in everything, even the smallest things… like choosing the best butter for a new bread experiment of yours, or helping me when I was confused about my research and my plants. You always lend a hand, even when you are busy.”

Keen’s voice began to waver. 

For Sea, those words struck like lightning. A wave of regret washed over him as he realized he had failed to do those very things. He had never asked for Keen’s thoughts or included him in the small details, thinking he was protecting him by keeping him in the dark.

All the guests laughed at Keen’s story, but Sea could see them wiping away tears, too. The vulnerability in Keen’s voice was something Sea hadn’t heard in years, a softness reserved only for the man standing across from him. 

“But really, thank you for coming into my life,” Keen continued, his voice thick with emotion. “Thank you for never giving up on me, no matter how difficult I became. I can’t promise we won’t fight, but I promise I will never let go of your hand—as long as you’re with me, fighting for our love. I love you…”

That should’ve been me, Sea thought. He let out a sharp, painful, breathy laugh. There was no turning back time. Not now. Not when Keen was already committing his life to the person who made him feel safe enough to stay.

Before the wedding officiant could even announce them as a married couple, Sea turned his back and walked away. He couldn’t stay to hear the cheers. He couldn’t watch them kiss. He couldn’t.

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Sea lost track of time, eventually settling on the sand as the sun began to dip below the horizon, painting the sky in bruises of purple and orange. He sat there, lifeless, not knowing if he should cry, laugh, or feel nothing at all.

Numbly, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. It was worn at the edges, much like he was. He flipped it open to the hidden compartment behind his cards.

There, tucked safely behind a clear film, was a faded photo of Keen. It was from their second anniversary—Keen was laughing, a stray strand of hair falling over his eyes, looking at Sea as if he were the only person in the world.

Behind the photo was a piece of paper, folded so many times that the creases were starting to tear.

It was the vow Sea had written on their third anniversary. He had planned to surprise them with it, a promise of a future that never came. His fingers trembled as he unfolded it, the ink slightly blurred from years of being carried around.

“I promise to be your strength when you are tired, to listen when the world is too loud, and never stop choosing you, every single day, every single time…”

Sea closed his eyes, the words burning like salt in a wound. He had carried these promises in his pocket for years, guarding them like a treasure, waiting for the right time that had long since passed.

The irony was a cruel weight in his chest. He had just stood in the shadows, witnessing Keen exchange those very same promises with someone else—someone who hadn’t waited for the right time, but had made the time right.

Sea clutched the paper against his palm, the sunset casting a long, lonely shadow behind him. He had his vows. He had the photo. But the person they belonged to was now a lifetime away, beginning a new story where Sea wasn't even a footnote.

He was lost in his thoughts when he felt someone sit beside him.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

He didn’t need to look. Even after all these years, his body remembered everything about the person speaking.

“How did you know it was me?” Sea asked, still refusing to spare a glance.

“Would you believe me if I said I never forget your silhouette? When I saw you from a distance, I didn’t think it could be you—this place is so far from the city. But then I saw you doing that thing you always do with your hands when you play with the sand. That confirmed it.” Keen’s voice was steady, trailing off into a familiar rhythm. “Besides, you haven’t forgotten how extroverted I am. Social anxiety fears me more than I fear it. There was no harm in trying, so I did.”

Sea let out a soft chuckle. “You’re still the same talkative Keen I knew.”

“It would be like stripping away my human rights if I stopped talking, Mr. Sea!” Keen retaliated, his voice laced with that old, familiar playfulness.

A heavy silence wrapped around them for a few minutes before Keen chose to break it.

“How are you, Sea?”

What a tough question to answer, Keen. 

“I’m actually doing well. Better than ever,” Sea replied, keeping it short. He didn’t dare mention that in the five years since they broke up, he still carried the blame for their fallout. Some things were better left unsaid.

Keen hummed, a thoughtful sound. “Are you really?”

“Yes. I am, Keen.” Finally, Sea mustered the courage to look at him. Up close, after five years, Keen was still as beautiful as ever. Nothing had changed, except perhaps his eyes—they were shining brightly, full of a new kind of life.

Neither broke eye contact until Sea spoke again.

“How about you? How are you?” Sea was terrified of the answer. He already knew what Keen was going to say; he just wasn't sure he was ready to hear the reality he’d have to live with for the rest of his life.

“I just got married a few hours ago, Sea. And I’m happy. I’m very, very happy.” The excitement in Keen’s voice was unmistakable.

Sea held out his hand, gesturing for a handshake as he prepared to say the second most painful thing he’d ever have to utter. “Congratulations, Keen. Who’s the lucky man?”

Keen didn’t need to answer. He instinctively looked behind them to where a man was standing, watching them with a gentle smile. Keen waved, and the man waved back. They exchanged a nod, a silent acknowledgment of each other's presence.

Sea searched for a hint of possessiveness or territorialism in the stranger’s gaze, but found none. Instead, the man looked at peace—as if he had absolutely nothing to worry about.

“I told him about you,” Keen spoke quietly. “He knows who you are.”

Oh. That explains everything.

“That’s why he looks so at ease. I’m happy for you, Keen. Truly.”

“I am, too.”

Another wave of silence settled over them until Sea decided to break it one last time.

“How did you do it?”

“How did I do it?” Keen replied, his eyes fixated on the waves.

“Yes.”

“I forgave myself.”

As simple as that, but it’s like Sea was shot in the heart. Keen hadn’t forgotten Sea’s behaviour, so he continued, his voice steady against the roar of the tide.

“I forgave myself for everything that’s happened, even when it’s hard. I forgave myself for something that’s beyond my capabilities—ours. I forgave us. I accepted the fact that we are not perfect. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t easy for me, but it helped me to slowly accept what happened to us, giving myself a room to breathe, and it helped, Sea, it actually helped.”

Keen continued. “I know it’s hard because our relationship didn’t end in a good way. Maybe I should’ve listened or tried to give you a chance when you tried to fix us? But then… If I did, the outcome would still be the same. We would still hurt each other because there’s already an existing deep crack in our relationship—something that no matter how hard we tried to fix it, it will still haunt us.”

Sea gathered all the courage left in him and spoke… not because he needed to, but because this was long overdue.

“I… I’m sorry, Keen. I mean it. Maybe at first, I didn’t want to accept what happened to us but then… maybe you were right. No. You’re right. No matter how we tried to fix it, we would’ve just gone in circles until we both withered away.”

“But… I regretted it. I regretted not trusting you enough. That I thought hiding everything from you was the best choice—but it wasn’t. And maybe, that’s where I went wrong.”

In Sea’s peripheral vision, he could see Keen nodding, and that’s when reality hit him again.

“And that’s okay, Sea. We’re not perfect. Nothing’s perfect. No matter how much we tried, there are still things that are beyond our control, and what happened to us was part of it. It’s hard to accept at first, but gradually, when you’ve finally come to peace with it, it’s much easier now.”

I don’t think that time will ever come, Keen.

Sea just hummed. This borrowed moment was something he would cherish together with their thirteen years. In his peripheral view, he could see Keen's husband sitting away from them, watching them, but looking content and happy. His presence didn't bother the man. That’s how safe Keen made him feel.

Sea didn’t want this moment to end, but a voice was whispering to him that it was time to let go and let Keen go.

“Won’t you go to him? It's your wedding day, Keen. You should be with him, you know?” Sea spoke with a hidden tease in his tone, though it tasted like salt in his mouth.

Keen laughed softly. “He’s okay with us talking. He’s the one who told me to take my time.”

He’s better for you than I ever was, Sea realized. The thought was a hard pill he had to swallow.

“You’ve met a nice person, Keen. I hope you will be together for a very long time.” Sea spoke with full sincerity.

“Thank you, Sea. I wish you the same thing.” A genuine smile etched itself on Keen’s face as he slowly brushed the sand that had caught in his pants.

“Since I could hear the tone in your voice that says you’re sending me away, then might as well do it,” Keen said jokingly, followed by a soft chuckle.

"Go," Sea nodded slowly. “He’s waiting for you.” He gestured toward the man behind them, who also rose from his seat as he saw his husband stand up.

“It’s nice seeing you again, Sea.” Keen genuinely said with the same softness he had used eighteen years ago at the library.

“It's also nice seeing you again, Keen,” Sea replied, longing etched in his voice.

Keen smiled for the last time before turning his back. With enough distance between them, Sea mustered the remaining courage he had to ask the questions that had been haunting him.

“Keen.”

“Yes?”

“Do you regret falling in love with me?”

“No.”

You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Sea thought, but kept it locked behind his teeth. “Then... Do you regret breaking up with me?”

“No.”

The second answer hurt worse than the first. It was the finality of it. 

“One last thing,” Sea’s voice was barely a whisper. “Does he make you happy?”

“Yes. Yes, he does.”

That’s all I need to know.

Just like before, no words were needed. They understood each other. Keen offered Sea one last soft smile before turning away, walking toward the man who had been patiently waiting for him.

At that moment, Sea finally accepted that Keen was happy with someone else. He had found a partner who provided both safety and freedom—someone who would hold the umbrella for him yet let him dance in the rain. A man who followed a step behind, offering the silent trust that everything would be okay.

For the last time, Keen looked at him and mouthed, “Be happy,” as he linked his arms around his husband's as they walked side by side.

Sea didn’t move. He sat there, his body feeling like lead, staring at the horizon until his eyes burned. He watched their silhouettes slowly bleed into the deepening twilight. The distance between them wasn't measured in meters anymore; it was measured in lifetimes.

Sea watched the distance grow, realizing too late that the future he’d envisioned wasn’t a shared promise, but a dream he had stolen—and one Keen was now taking back. Five years late, the chapter had finally ended, and Sea was the only one who hadn’t finished reading the last page.

The drive back was a blur of streetlights and cold silence. He eventually reached the doorstep of the apartment—the home he had effectively abandoned five years ago. He had kept it exactly as it was, a preserved museum of their life together, as if staying in the dust would somehow keep the memories alive.

As he turned the key, the hinges groaned—a sound of neglect. The air inside was stale, smelling of old wood and the faint, cruel traces of a scent that no longer belonged to him.

Sea didn’t turn on the lights. He didn’t need to. He navigated the shadows until he reached the center of the living room. For five years, he had run from this feeling. He had worked too hard, stayed out too late, and lived in denial to avoid the crushing weight of the silence.

But tonight, there was nowhere left to run. Keen was someone’s husband. Keen was happy. Keen was gone.

Sea sank to the floor, his knees hitting the hardwood with a dull thud. The first sob didn’t make a sound; it was just a violent convulsion of his chest. Then, the dam broke. It was a raw, ugly grieving for a man who was still alive but dead to him.

He clutched his own arms, finally letting the reality wash over him: he was back home, but he was utterly alone. The ink was dry. And as he wept into the hollow darkness of the room, he finally accepted the most painful truth of all—that he would never be home again, because Keen was the only home he ever knew.

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