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Saheon has always been wary.
Whether when he was 11 years old, in Jisan Village pouring alcohol to the strangers residing in his home, noticing how the elders looked at him and his older sister, or how people looked at him when he did not meet their expectations.
He had always been aware of how people looked at him, whether they sympathized with him, praised him or when they condescendingly assumed everything about him just by knowing things that could be described within three lines.
Even at the age of 17, the sympathy never eased him, it stung at times. Maybe it's because Saheon was younger? Of course all the villagers in Jisan knew that the siblings did not have parents anymore, but Saheon wasn't sure why people were kinder to him and not with her, even when she did everything that the villagers instructed her. They smiled at her obedience and patience.
Even outside the village... she used to visit her friends when they got sick, when they asked her to mend a torn hole in their favourite handkerchief, when they asked her to lend things to them... she did everything.
He couldn't understand at all. Noona, the one who bravely faced the world, protected her little brother, bowed to the elders, listened carefully ... was the one who did not receive any pleasing words... did not receive any kindness. How blind these people must be, was all ever Saheon could wonder about them, not that he'd even give them a thought if it wasn't her who asked him to do such... trivialities.
She always told him, "Smile along when someone praises you Saheon" But their praises do not matter either since they're not someone whom Saheon looks up to, so why must he bother?
Saheon already knows, it was not her wish for him to. He had overheard the adults talking with her, telling her of how Saheon has been quiet and reserved. He remembers how they told her of their facade worries with their vile mouths...
Saheon had always been quiet and reserved since childhood, did they never notice that? Speaking of such nonsense with her instead of something light hearted...
To not make her sad, Saheon does what she asked for... to keep her from worry, he shaped himself around their expectations. He softened his gaze, lifted the corners of his mouth, spoke when spoken to... molding himself according to the words of the adults... It isn't suffocating at all... It really isn't!!! When time comes Saheon will be an adult and when he's grown up he can do and be whatever he desires! Once he completes his education and gets his place in the rat race he'll be just fine.
He arrived at Jisan Village to attend the Offering Ceremony. Once it ends, he'll be back to his boarding school in Seoul. The only place that remotely felt like home. Saheon had been looking forward to it even before arriving at the village, smiling to himself already, thinking how he'd make something nice to eat for Noona once he's back.
Even though it's a boarding school, Saheon often thinks of it as home as he has always hated Jisan, how the Village took his parents one by one as the Offering... and to even who? They just kill them so they can live in their foolish worldly pleasures. This was the Village... that he was supposed to call his home? had it once been...?
However his Noona didn't think of it as such, considering the sacrifice being important so that the Village functions smoothly, it's the ceremony they've been following for ■■ years, surely the council of elders must have deemed it of importance, otherwise why would they organise such a tedious festival with a lot of clean up?
And that is why Saheon had never bothered talking about Jisan with her. She was not an unreasonable person... she was just someone who listened to elders, trusted too easily... as she had seen how their parents listened to elders... the same elders who killed their parents.
It was midnight. Saheon was collecting the many empty alcohol bottles to dispose of them. These outsiders sure loved drinking... oh how he was pissed at these outsiders and these Village elders... but he couldn't show it. If the elders even smelt a whiff of disobedience he'd be punished accordingly with the standards of Jisan... he does not want to go through all that trouble, and there's only a couple of hours remaining... he couldn't let that happen... he gulped down his annoyance and focused on cleaning up.
He didn't notice how it had already been 2 am... once the sun hits the sky another sacrifice would be chosen... and then he could leave this Village with his sister, a small smile appeared on his lips.
He couldn't sleep, this forsaken village never let him. He laid down once he reached his room, eyes closed, yet afraid something would happen if he kept them closed for too long. He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling, at least in his room he felt relatively safe. Perhaps due to his childhood memories... when he'd always run into his room whenever he faced any troubles... but that's not something that he should be thinking about... or he'd get attached, maybe like his Noona.. he doesn't want that, not ever.
Attachment is dangerous.
His fingers drifted to his wrist absentmindedly, pressing into skin as if checking for a pulse he already knew was there. He traced old lines without looking at them. They had faded over the years.. mostly.
His eyes focused again. It hurt, just a bit though, the dull sting grounded him. It was simple. Predictable. Just like the people around him.
The next day, a sacrifice was chosen. The crowd dispersed. Saheon did not have any work remaining here... but he hesitated to leave.
Alone.
He was alone.
Just like how he had come.
Had he always been alone?
His luggage was already light. Before grabbing his bag, he looked down at the bottom most layer of the tall wardrobe, behind the clothes... he looked at the urn of ashes of his sister... the stillness never changes. He sat down on his knees, looking forward to her, sometimes he was able to catch her smile through the urn. It aches. He closed the wardrobe, picked his bag up and left. To go away from home again.