Archive of Our Own ^beta

Taehyung's finger nervously runs along the edges of the sticker on his bottle. He's barely taken a few sips, not nearly enough for any kind of buzz. But he doesn't like the alcohol, likes the effects of it even less.

It takes the control out of his hands. Makes him a little too vulnerable in this social setting, even if he's surrounded by his ‘friends’. Though if he’s being honest, he considers them a little less than that. Something more along the lines of pleasant acquaintances.

‘Friend’ is a dangerous word. It's heavy with commitment and the threat of being hurt. Taehyung has long stopped doing friendships. He's more casual, always keeping everyone at an arm's length.

Yet he still showed up tonight and the reasons for that, sits opposite him.

Jeon Jungkook and Min Yoongi. He shares some classes with both of them and they wormed their way into his tiny social circle so subtly that he didn't even notice until it was too late.

He's been watching them the whole evening.

They're one of those couples. Always attached by the hip, and so obviously in love it's almost painful to watch. They tease each other, bicker, laugh, but at the end of the day, it doesn't take more than a glance to see how incredibly deep their feelings for each other run.

Jungkook and Yoongi are the kind of couple that make even the most self-proclaimed single yearn for a relationship like theirs.

But Taehyung is smarter than that.

He knows the truth.

No matter how close two people are, how much one loves the other person, whether they share blood with them or not — none of it will ever mean anything.

He learned the hard way that it's not worth opening his heart to someone when he’ll be left to gather the pieces sooner or later anyway.

Whether it is his parents who leave him alone, friends he can’t rely on, partners who only string him along, even teachers who simply turn a blind eye — even if all of these people start out nice and trusting, they always turn away at some point. Because in this world, nothing is made to last.

Especially not human relationships.

Taehyung went through all of that. Left to stand between two chairs when his parents divorced, always the outcast in school, never seen as a full friend. No one who he could ever truly rely on, who would show up for him, who would reciprocate his own effort.

It's been years since he detached himself from everyone and everything. He'd do fine on his own if he weren't so easily consumed by overwhelming loneliness. He knows what it means to be literally left all alone, with no one to even try and turn to.

So, he keeps these superficial relationships for his own sanity and to avoid the risk of breaking apart because of something deeper, something more.

As long as he doesn't keep his heart invested, and doesn't expect anything from anyone, he won't get hurt.

Which is why he can’t wrap his head around Jungkook and Yoongi's relationship. It is a mystery to him. And an even greater mystery because those two seem to have found everything they could ever want and need in each other, and yet, they are somehow interested in him.

Their words from a few days ago still ring freshly in his mind.

“We understand that this is probably a really strange situation for you, but we are entirely serious about our feelings,” Yoongi had said. Then Jungkook, “We really like you.”

Taehyung didn’t understand why.

“We do. And this might be a bit unconventional but we hope that you can trust us to be serious. You don't have to say anything now. All we want is for you to give our feelings some thought and see if you can imagine yourself dating both of us.”

Taehyung may have felt completely blindsided and out of place but he didn't forget a single word they said.

“If you can't then that's totally cool as well, we would still love to be your friends without any problems. We know not everyone is into — this.”

That last part stuck with him the most. They said it so easily and he presumes it's because they have each other to fall back on if Taehyung rejects them. And after all, it's just a silly little crush and nothing more.

And still, he doesn’t understand why. Why him? He doesn't think he gave them any indication that he wanted a closer relationship with them — he never does, no matter who it is — but it just doesn't make sense for them to be into him in that way.

Again, Taehyung never really considered them ‘friends’ in the first place.

The word ‘friend’ already carries so much weight, he can't think of going even further than that.

Yeah, he's fine with just his superficial relationships. And watching Yoongi and Jungkook, so enamored with each other, always touching in some way just like they are right now, both flushed a bit red from their drinks, giggling, and whispering among themselves — there's no need, and no room for someone else between them.

He’s better off on his own.

All Taehyung has to do is figure out how to reject them properly. He didn’t think the hardest part about that would be finding the right moment. He thought it’d be what to say but he knows what the right words are. Yet, he can’t find a moment to say them.

Just as they wormed their way into his circle of ‘friends’, they also became an undeniable part of his everyday life. Is he stalling because he doesn’t want to lose that? Is he afraid of the aftermath? Of things changing even though they said they wouldn’t?

Both of them, individually and together, share some of his classes and from the beginning, they made an effort to always sit by him, making sure he’s no longer the loner in the corner. They didn’t back down even when he was rather cold to them — they were less pushy but they never let him be lonely in a classroom ever again.

It’s strange.

Taehyung never admitted it to himself but he finds himself a little sad when either of them doesn’t show up to class. That’s not a good sign.

Even though they’re a couple, they never made him feel left out when it was just the three of them and he imagines that to be quite hard because he is the way he is. But they never minded that he’s more withdrawn, cautious.

Rather than being annoyed with him or giving up on him, they somehow managed to make him warm up to them. Both in different ways.

Jungkook does it with silliness. He may be a year younger but it feels more like they’re the same age. Other than Taehyung, Jungkook has no problem to be himself, to be loud, to joke around and even if he doesn’t want to, it’s so easy to be pulled along by him, be pulled in by his easygoing nature. Taehyung usually doesn’t even notice.

With Yoongi, it’s a little calmer but not less silly. Being around him feels warm and secure even if he also jokes around a lot. But he indulges every mood, every wish, every little thing Jungkook or Taehyung would want.

If Jungkook is a wild current then Yoongi is the sturdy ship that never wavers, following the current’s every whim easily. And now they want Taehyung to be a passenger.

But he has to reject them and just like they always do, they don’t make him feel bad about it in the slightest. They take it calmly and without problem. If Taehyung admits to paying close attention, he’d say their smiles are a bit more tight-lipped but other than that they take it well.

And just like they promised, they don’t treat him any different.

Even though they don’t, Taehyung can’t stop thinking about their confession and his rejection of it.

He can’t really help it. It’s because he still doesn’t understand them at all. And that shouldn’t be something strange — he doesn’t understand many people, but this? This doesn’t leave him alone. Because the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes he might want to understand them and it goes beyond wanting to know why this perfectly content and happy couple chose to crush on someone like him.

All these questions he can’t answer himself drive him insane and because it feels way too intimidating to talk to them together, Taehyung manages to jump over his own shadow and confronts both of them alone.

The first one he talks to is Jungkook. They plan to work on their group project today and Yoongi has class during that time. They’ll be alone at the couple’s apartment — just like they were so many times before. It’s good. It feels safe.

And not for the first time, Taehyung notices how comfortable he’s become around them and in their space. He has his own designated spot on their couch, there are three blankets ready to be used when he comes over, his favorite snacks are stacked… He never paid those details much attention before but since rejecting them, he can’t stop thinking about all those small things.

They’ve been working for a while when the question just bursts out of him. “How do you do it?”

Jungkook looks confused. “Do what?”

“All the — trust and everything else...” Taehyung struggles to find the right words, feeling stupid for it. “Love, you know? Letting yourself love someone else and be loved? Doesn't it scare you?”

“Scare me?” Jungkook pushes away his laptop, fully turning to face Taehyung next to him. “Why would it scare me?”

Embarrassed, Taehyung lowers his head, cheeks heating up. “What’s love like if it's not… scary?”

He anxiously waits while Jungkook leans back and thinks. Then, after what feels like an eternity, the younger glances at him again with a small smile on his lips.

“Can you believe I was really shy when I was younger?”

The words don’t register in his mind at first, then he tries to imagine an extremely shy Jungkook but can’t. The way Jungkook is so unapologetically and loudly himself is one thing that he admires so much about him.

“I only learned to be more confident when I met Yoongi. He was the first person who didn't treat me like a kid, like someone less than, just because I was quiet and shy. He never looked down on me because I couldn't do everything. Only because of him I gained the confidence to come out of my shell and figure things out on my own, and he was always right by my side to support me in any way he could. He indulged everything even as I became louder, maybe a bit weirder — he never judged me for any of it.”

A soft smile lingers on Jungkook’s lips as he seems to think back to the beginnings of his relationship.

“Love is not just about trusting the person you open up to, you know? It's just as much about trusting yourself.” Jungkook sighs. “For me, love is being able to be yourself without fear of being judged for it. You need to be able to trust yourself with your heart first before you'll be able to trust someone else with it.”

Taehyung stays quiet.

“Love is different for everyone but —” Taehyung looks up when Jungkook pauses, his chest fluttering when their eyes meet. “Even if it seems scary at first, I'd argue it's always worth it.”

Taehyung and Yoongi have one lunch break alone while Jungkook is in class. They still spend it in the same spot as always.

The sun is shining brightly and the two of them sit at one of the wooden tables in the yard. Taehyung has only been staring at his food instead of eating it, too nervous about asking Yoongi the same questions he asked Jungkook.

Yoongi notices his strange behavior immediately.

“Do you want to talk about what's on your mind?”

Taehyung looks up in surprise even though he should have seen this coming. Yoongi has always been able to pick up on stuff like this quickly.

He takes a deep breath, finally pushing his food away and faces Yoongi, only to immediately avert his eyes again. His heart races. He can’t do this looking at his face. It’s a bit easier when his gaze follows the patterns of the wood grain. The same questions he asked Jungkook spill over his lips and Yoongi takes a much longer time to find an answer.

“I think sometimes people overcomplicate love and that makes it a bit scarier than it is,” he eventually says. His gaze rests on Taehyung so heavily he can’t ignore it. As if he’s trying to find an answer to a question he hasn’t asked. “I was scared at first too.”

Somehow, Taehyung can’t quite believe that.

“I always understood my thoughts and feelings well but really struggled to put them into words for others. It was hard for me to communicate without misunderstandings. I thought that meant there was something wrong with me. That it was something I lacked.” Yoongi chuckles. “But with Jungkook, I realized all it takes is someone willing to understand you regardless. Someone who learns about you and lets you learn about them. That’s already love.”

Taehyung glances at the other, unable to hold the gaze that is already looking at him.

“Love isn't some complicated thing. It's an effort you put in every single day. Into yourself and the person you love.”

Taehyung’s chest tightens.

“It needs constant work but it's worth it in the end. I might not be the best at saying my feelings out loud but I show them through the people I love. Supporting them, seeing them happy, seeing them thrive doing what they want to do — that's love to me. Understanding and being understood.”

Too many thoughts and feelings cloud Taehyung’s mind and heart as he thinks about the different answers he received from both of them. They have different perspectives but in the end, they are still like two sides of the same coin.

“Is there a specific reason you asked me this?”

Taehyung doesn’t have a reply.

Their words have echoed in his head since then. Every single day. And every time he thinks about them, his chest clenches painfully. Something is wrong with him.

The two of them are always on his mind and when they’re together, Taehyung can’t stop looking at them. Suddenly, he notices all these small details — their mannerism, especially those he adopted, the specific words they like to use, the way Yoongi turns red so easily and how particular he is about taking care of his hand; and which scents Jungkook uses on which days and how his eyes are truly a window to his soul.

It’s too much.

For the first time, Taehyung skips classes. Just to clear his mind. He gets on a bus to the sea. Sitting by the beach just watching the waves as his phone blows up with messages from the two people he can’t get out of his head.

Instead of trying to formulate his thoughts via text, he lets his impulses win and asks them to meet right away.

It almost makes him laugh how easily they grant his wish.

“Are you okay —”

“Do you still have feelings for me?” Taehyung interrupts them as soon as they arrive.

Both of them stop dead in their tracks, worry wiped from their faces for a moment as they’re completely caught off-guard by his question. Taehyung turns to face the ocean, watching the soft waves creeping up on the beach. The orange light of the sunset reflects off the water.

“We're sorry,” Yoongi says quietly, “We don't want to make you uncomfortable but feelings don't disappear so quickly. We can try —”

Taehyung shakes his head. “That's not it.”

He’s still looking at the water and his chest is so incredibly tight. As if he can’t breathe. Without thinking about it, he takes off his shoes, his socks, feeling the sand under his feet as he walks the few steps to stand in the gentle waves.

The water is ice-cold but he keeps walking regardless. Until it reaches his knees. His pants are wet but he doesn’t mind. The coldness helps his tight chest. It clears his mind and for the first time, he breathes a bit easier.

Everything from the past few weeks runs through his mind and he turns around. Yoongi and Jungkook are still standing at the water’s edge in confusion, worry reflects in their eyes as they’re bathed in the orange light of the sunset. Taehyung’s vision blurs. He tries to smile but isn’t sure if it works.

“I take it back. Is that allowed?” he asks, wiping at his eyes. “I like you. Both. I — love you.”

The two of them share one look before they both break out into large smiles. They don’t hesitate to follow Taehyung into the water and that’s how they’ve always been. Arms wrap around him and it’s like something inside of his chest snaps.

The tightness is gone as his heart breaks like so many times before.

Only this time, what breaks is the ice that has formed around it over the years, the high walls he protectively built around it. It breaks open and all these feelings, all the yearning he’s repressed for so long, pour out of him as he finally allows himself to embrace them.

Water splashes up their legs, soaking their clothes and leaving behind goosebumps. Yoongi is the first one to move. Hands still firmly holding onto Taehyung, he pulls him out of the soft waves and back onto the shore, Jungkook following close behind. They stumble a bit but never let go of each other.

It’s strange. The unfamiliar sensation of his own heart finally beating freely is something Taehyung will have to get used to.

But it’s alright.

Because he has two warm people sitting on each side of him, their hands in his as they watch the sun dip into the ocean — maybe love truly isn’t scary after all.