Work Text:
The lights from above made it clear it was early morning and the cool but warm breeze made it clear it was summer time. The flowers in the courtyard were in full bloom, the sweet smell of the buds that flowed through the air.
Goka sat on the engawa, feet planted on the ground. He was in a deep muted purple yukata, with a black obi and a deep gray haori. Lightweight and letting the air flow through. He enjoyed moments like these, the peace and when his mind would slow and quiet down.
He always did this in the summer and spring, like clockwork. Kyouka slept later in the summer so Goka had some time to just enjoy the nice weather.
Why did Kyouka sleep in? Goka didn’t know. He wasn’t complaining though.
He took a deep breath, closing his dull golden eyes. He didn’t understand why he didn’t get blue eyes, seeing as the rest of his entire family had blue eyes. Then again Kyouka had two toned red hair, so Goka figured it was just oddities that popped up from time to time.
He had no clue how long he sat there, just enjoying the peace, before he heard the soft pitter-patter of feet. He felt his eyebrows furrow and could feel the disturbance coming.
“Aniki!” A voice called, Goka feeling a small form crash into his side.
He grunted, eyes opening to look at the small mass. Blonde hair so much like his own but two tones like Kyouka’s is, a deep brown under the ashy blonde. Long and messy from waking up and not having it brushed before he left his room.
The nanny was meant to tend to him, granted Zanka still threw fits about the nanny taking care of him. He only liked it when Kyouka brushed his hair.
“Stop calling me that.” Goka grunted out, annoyed.
Goka has been telling Zanka to stop with the childish name, that there was no need to call him that and it wasn’t what was expected of him. Kyouka told him to be patient though, seeing as Zanka was still so little.
“Morning, Aniki!” Zanak seemed to ignore his words. It pissed Goka off.
Zanka had an oddity too, his eyes were so droopy. It reminded Goka of those books about dog breeds, basset hounds in particular. His eyes were blue though, that navy blue that Goka swore looked black sometimes.
He looked into those blue eyes, sleepy but that navy blue seeming so bright in the ‘sun’. It made his chest tighten ever so slightly and heart beat in ways he fully didn’t understand, like when he first found out about baby animals.
“Good morning, Zanka” He answered, mainly because he realized he might have paused for too long when that small head tilted to the side. Far too innocent and naive.
Zanka beamed up at him, just happy to have a response, “wha’ ya doin’?” Improper speech fell from his lips, Goka had no clue where he learned it from.
“I was enjoying my morning. In silence.” Goka said, hissing out the words as that annoyance came back.
Why was he so annoyed?
Zanka hummed, looking out to the courtyard. He looked at all the flowers and the light that seemed to settle over everything. He didn’t get it. He didn’t understand what was so important about sitting and just watching.
But he also thought it was interesting, mainly because Goka did it.
“Can I join, Aniki?” Zanka asked, already settling down next to the larger boy.
Goka clenched his jaw, teeth grinding. He wanted to say no. He wanted to tell the little brat to fuck off and go to his nanny…but he didn’t.
“Just keep quiet.” He ordered, arms crossing and eyes going back to being closed.
He felt the breeze, the warm light, and the smell of the earth and flowers once again. This time though there was a weight. A weight next to him on the wood. Small and warm. Almost as warm as the breeze and as small as the budding flowers.
He found it tolerable. He told himself it was a one time thing. Just this once.
He didn’t do anything to shoo Zanka off the next day. Or the day after that. Or the one after that. They’d sit together in the early mornings, a route forming.
Goka would wake up. Maybe grabbing a small bowl of blueberries.
Go to the engawa and sit down. He would fold his arms and close his eyes.
Listen for the pitter-patter of feet. He told Zanka to start wearing shoes, even if just on the engawa.
Sit in silence and enjoy the morning. It felt odd not to have the small presents there or seeing those droopy eyes in the morning.
Goka sat on the engawa. Eyes closed and arms crossed. He could smell the flowers and feel the breeze. It was the same as always.
A few things were different. For one, Kyouka no longer slept in. She seemed to be busy all the time, even if she didn’t do the same thing like Goka did. She often dealt with papers in the early morning, and most of the day, but she also monitored training too.
Goka had some free time in the mornings, his squad eating breakfast in the early mornings and getting ready for the day so he wasn’t needed. He enjoyed the mornings of silence. The mornings of peace.
Annoyingly, he’d find himself cracking open his eyes.
He found himself listening for that soft pitter-patter.
He found himself leaving some blueberries uneaten in that stupid bowl he always filled.
Why?
Why?
Why did he keep listening?
Why did he keep looking?
Why did he keep filling the bowl even when he was hungry?
Even when he got tired of the bitter ass taste of blueberries.
Even when he knew the reason he was doing this was no longer around.
No longer important.
This was pointless. It was wasteful. It was childish.
His hands clenched, his fingers digging into his skin. He looked to the side, the bowl of blueberries sitting next to him. He mixed it with strawberries this time. The green tops removed for someone who would have tried to eat them.
How stupid.
His teeth grinded against each other. His hand moved before he could stop it, slamming into the bowl and throwing it back. It hit the wall behind him and the pretty ceramic broke, now as useless as the fruits that wouldn’t have been eaten.
Goka felt his head starting to hurt, thoughts too loud for his liking. They’ve always been loud. He got up, brushing off his yukata and walking in stride to his room.
He had more important things to do than wish for something not there.