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“I’d like that.”
Jake’s awkwardly muttered words floated in the air of the precinct for about two point five seconds before the entire squad (minus Holt) burst out in laughter. Even Rosa was grinning and not even trying to hide it at this point.
“Hear that, Holt-y? Better clear your plans for this Saturday,” Gina called out, causing Rosa to full-on guffaw, which most members of the precinct weren’t even aware she could do.
Amy was smirking obnoxiously at Jake (probably still proud of herself from the “daddy” comment), Terry and Charles looked at Jake with proud looks on their faces mixed with amusement (and a little bit of "aw"-ing from Charles), and Hitchcock and Scully were asleep.
The uniformed officers and other cops that weren’t in the inner circle were whispering and giggling to their friends and colleagues- not cruelly (Rosa would snap their necks if they were actually being assholes) but more in an affectionate way, because even if they weren’t as close with Jake, his daddy-issues were well-known, and no one could argue that what had just unfolded hadn’t been pretty fucking cute. Even the criminal Jake had at his desk for questioning (who had been "part of the plan”, apparently) was chuckling.
And Holt?
Well, if you were to ask most people, the captain of the 99 might have seemed like his usual, stoic, even robotic self, but the members of the precinct’s inner circle were getting to know him little closer than that, and could tell by the twitch at the corner of his mouth that he really was flattered to have Jake call him “dad”.
Jake's face went red as he lowered his hands from his hips and turned to walk away, groaning and mumbling something about “going to the bathroom” (he was heading the wrong way and tripped over Scully’s foot, but the 99 was too distracted to tease him about that currently- not that they were too distracted to tease him about the dad thing).
“Well, that was a nice start to my week!” Amy grinned, placing her paperwork on her desk and sitting down in her chair. “Wrong way, Peralta.”
“Title of your sex tape,” Jake grumbled as he made his way back and went towards the actual direction of the bathroom. A slam was heard in the bullpen as he aggressively shut the stall door behind him like a rebellious teen being grounded to their room.
“Well, I, for one, am glad that Jakey finally has a positive male role model in his life,” Charles commented as he followed Amy’s lead and sat down at his desk, which seemed to give the sign to the other non-inner-circle members to get back to work (along with a stern glance from Holt).
“Yeah, God knows he needs one,” Rosa scoffed, leaning against her desk.
“Right? He’s so annoying!” Amy complained, although she was still too amused from the earlier events to actually seem bothered.
“Agreed,” Holt deadpanned.
“Mhm, well maybe you can teach him better jokes, seeing as you're his new dad,” Gina half-joked, already back on her phone. “I’m getting sick of his sex tape ones, not gonna lie.”
“Right!? They’re not even-”
“Shh, shh-shh-shh, Amy, I didn’t want you to agree with me! That completely ruins whatever I say and you know it! Ugh.”
“Well- I-! Ugh! You’re just like him!”
“Nah, Gina’s way classier,” Terry butted in. “Although I do agree, the sex tape jokes are getting a bit overused. But this morning made up for the bad puns. Made Terry feel like he was on a sitcom with how funny it was seeing Jake call the captain ‘dad’.”
“Oh, Terry, I wish you were on TV, that’s where you and your muscles belong.”
“Shut up, Gina.” (All Terry got in response was a Gina Cackle and some Cwazy Cupcake sound effects.)
“What do you think, Captain? Gonna throw around a ball with your surprise son anytime soon?” Rosa joked, her face back to its normal expressionlessness.
“He is not my ‘son’, Diaz” Holt replied. “Why, he’s a thirty-three year old man, for God’s sake, why would I adopt him? Not to mention, he already has a father. Now get back to doing your jobs, all of you.”
“Yessir,” Terry nodded, followed by a quick “you got it, boss” from Charles and a salute from Amy (Gina didn’t even bother acknowledging the order).
“Detective Diaz, could you-”
“Go get Jake? On it, sir.”
“Yo, Peralta, open up,” Rosa called as she banged on the door to the men’s bathroom. “Cap’n wants you to get back to work.”
Nothing.
“Jake?” Rosa asked after a beat. “Ugh, dude, I am not gonna be happy if I have to break into that nasty-ass men’s washroom just to make you do your job.”
“Rosaaaaa, I fucked up,” Jake groaned, suddenly appearing and pushing open the door to the washroom.
“Because you called Holt dad?"
“...Is it too late to try and get you to believe I didn’t?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then yes, that’s why. Duh, Rosa.”
“Say ‘duh’ to me again and I rip your lungs out.”
“Oh! I see. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, no doubt, no doubt…”
There was an awkward silence for a moment where Rosa debated between letting him know she would never actually rip his lungs out (and all that sappy shit) or dragging him back to the bullpen like she was told, but Jake interrupted her thoughts before she could come to a decision.
“I can’t believe I did that in front of the entire bullpen, Rosa. Everyone was there!”
“So? You’ve done some pretty stupid shit out there, Peralta. If anyone was going to judge you, I’m sure they’re already doing so. Trust me, I would know. I judge you every day.”
“Sure, but this is different,” Jake mumbled. “I mean, yeah, everyone here already judges me because I have a shitty father and daddy issues, yes-”
Well, that was not what Rosa meant by “stupid shit”. She was fairly convinced no one at the precinct gave a rat’s ass about Jake’s issues with Roger Peralta.
“-but now this!?” Jake continued. “Calling Captain Holt Dad? I am so screwed. I’m so screwed!”
“What the fuck do you-”
But the brunette wasn’t listening at this point. “As if the people here- as if you- as if the Captain- needed anything else to make fun of me about!”
“Jake! Yo!” Rosa punched her friend on the shoulder. “Dude, what the hell are you talking about? We all have our issues, and no one’s gonna judge you. We’re just teasing, man. Chill.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I should chill.” Jake didn’t sound convinced, but at least he had agreed with her.
Thank God. Rosa really wasn’t in the mood for feelings or deep conversations or any of that bullshit anytime soon. She was perfectly fine pretending this thing never happened.
She wasn’t sure Jake was, though.
Ugh. I can’t believe I’m about to do this.
“Wait. Jake.” Jake paused on his way back to the bullpen at Rosa’s words.
“Hm?”
“Are you… okay?”
Jake snorted. “Wow, I wasn't even aware those words were in your dictionary- ow!”
“Seriously. You never care what anyone in this precinct thinks of you, usually,” Rosa said as Jake rubbed his arm where she punched him. “Why did you think we would care about something stupid like you calling Holt-”
“Dad? I dunno. Also, I do care what people think of me! I don’t want anyone thinking I’m racist, sexist, homophobic-”
“But you care that we know you have daddy issues?”
“No, you people already know about that.” Jake paused. “It’s just- I-” He flattened his lips into a thin line and shook his head like he did when he didn’t want to say something. “I dunno. I got made fun of for calling someone dad before.”
“Since when does us making fun of you actually bother you? You’re the one doing it, half the time.”
“Sure, but the person I called my dad was my teacher.”
Rosa let out a huff of laughter. “Wow. Not what I was expecting.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Everyone did that, dude. That’s not daddy-issues related.”
“Yeah, well I’m pretty sure most people didn’t get bullied for it and reminded every day why they did it.” Jake let out a humourless laugh that Rosa was pretty sure was supposed to make it sound like he was joking (his favorite defense mechanism).
Rosa furrowed her brows the slightest bit. “Explain.”
Jake sighed. “There were these… kids. When I was in high school. They would just- I dunno, ask me stupid stuff sometimes. It was fine. Let’s go to the bullpen.”
Rosa was fine with that. If Jake didn’t want to talk, she was not going to be the person to pressure him into doing so. Hell, this conversation had been hard enough already. It was personal, bordering on emotional.
“They used to ask me to say ‘hi’ to my dad for them, ask if I was the reason he left. Stuff like that. All because I accidentally called my teacher ‘dad’ once when I was in grade ten. Once!” Jake said indignantly.
Rosa’s jaw clenched. Okay, they were still talking.
“I mean, people knew my dad had left. I didn’t exactly try to hide it. But now they finally had some proof that I was messed up.” Jake sighed again before muttering “As if no one calls their teacher mom or dad”.
Rosa felt her jaw clench tighter, less out of being uncomfortable and more out of anger now. Who the fuck thought they had the right to say that to a kid who’s dad left?
Who thought they could say that to Jake?
“Names.”
Jake blinked. “Huh?”
“Give me the names of the people. The ones who said that shit to you.”
Jake laughed before realizing she was being serious. “Rosa, it’s fine. I’m over it.”
“No, you’re not. Otherwise you would have just laughed this off like you do with everything else.”
Jake snorted (proving her point) before turning around to head to the bullpen. “C’mon let’s get back to work- wow, never thought I’d be the one saying that!”
Rosa floundered for a second (Rosa? Floundering? See, this is why she tried to avoid talking about feelings. She had no idea what she was doing half the time when it came to this shit.) before finally speaking up.
“It won’t be like that. This time.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course, I know, I didn’t even think-”
“Shut up. You did think that. And now I’m telling you no one will make fun of your daddy issues. Everyone knows that you’re the only one who can make jokes about that.”
“It’s fine, Rosa, I’m an adult, I can handle people joking about my dad leaving-”
“If anyone makes a joke that makes you feel shitty, tell me. I’ll rip their skin off with an ice cream scoop.”
Jake snorted. “Oh. Wait, you’re serious.”
“I’m always serious.”
He smiled softly. “Thanks, Rosa. Seriously, you-”
“Nope, we’re done now. Get back to work, Peralta. And don’t tell anyone about any of this.”
Jake was still smiling sincerely. Ew.
“Aw, Rosa, you big softie- ow! Can you stop punching me in the arm?!”
“Can you stop being an idiot?”
“My record is five seconds- OW!”
About five minutes later, Jake was being dragged back to the bullpen after he refused to go with Rosa, complaining of “abuse” and “workplace harassment”.
She could tell the real reason he didn’t want to go was because he was still nervous, still convinced that this was going to be a repeat of when he was younger, but she had enough faith in her friends colleagues to trust that they wouldn’t screw this up. Still, she kept an eye on them as Jake warily sat down at his desk.
Amy asked Jake to give a report to his “dad” with a smirk on her face, and Gina asked if she could come to the baby shower, but just like Rosa had known, no one made any jokes about Roger Peralta.
Jake looked over at her with another one of those sweet smiles on his face, mouthing “thank you” as Charles rambled on about some German dish he had tried, the accidental “dad” from the morning forgotten already.
Rosa smirked slightly. “Told you so,” she mouthed back, before going back to doing her Very Important Police Work.
(Okay, maybe she was just looking up Jake’s grade ten classmates and trying to figure out which ones were the assholes who thought they could bully him. But what could she say? The only one who could do that was her.)