Chapter Text
Once upon a time, Freminet was just minding his own business. He was fresh off of a dive and was just drying off. First light had begun to break out over the horizon, and soon dawn itself shall come. It was time for him to head back home before father realized he was gone. He enjoyed these early morning dives, he felt most at peace during these times, even if it meant him getting a little too sleepy for the rest of the day.
Though as he headed back home, Aether appeared.
“Heya Fremmy!”
“Ow!” Freminet covered his ears.
“Sorry,” Aether whispered. “Too early for loud noises, huh?”
“Good morning, Aether,” Freminet said in his usual meek voice. Comparable to the nearby waters at this fine early morning hour, simply reaching onto the shore and then retreating. “I suppose being a hero means waking up early to do as much as possible. It’s interesting to see you here.”
“Interesting indeed, but not as interesting as what I have in store,” Aether wiggled his eyebrows. “Freminet, can I ask you for a favor?”
“I… uh… I have to go back…”
“Aww… please? For lil’ ol’ me?” Aether wrapped an arm around Freminet’s shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ve got friends in high places all across Teyvat, there’s nothing I can’t get you.”
“I… okay… but what is it?”
“I need your clothes.”
“Huh?!” Freminet took a step back. Even his usual quiet self had to get loud with that one.
“Okay, I did not word that well, let me try again,” Aether breathed in. “I need you to switch places with me. I’ve got my clothes, some contact lenses, a wig, make-up, the whole shabang. We switch places for a day.”
“But… I don’t sound like you.”
“Just say your voice is hoarse or something!” said Aether. “Just take my place for a day. I’ll take yours.”
“But… that’s so many people… that I’ll have to… talk to…”
“And a lot of nations, and a lot of work within each nation, and a bunch of girlfriends…” Aether looked off into the distance. Freminet gulped at the last one. “Girlfriends?” Fremmy looked at Aether with a hint of fear. “I don’t really know how to talk to girls… What if they do something?”
“Just say no, and you’re not in the mood, you’ll be fine. They’re freaky but they have boundaries,” Aether reassured Freminet. “Except Ayaka. Honestly just avoid Inazuma at all costs. Hold on, I’ve got a checklist of stuff for you.”
Freminet sighed. “Okay…”
“It’s like looking at a very handsome mirror,” Aether smirked. Freminet nervously sweat as he stood there in Aether’s clothes. He felt the air on his exposed midriff because for some archons forsaken reason the traveller wore a crop top everywhere. He had on a wig that resembled the length and shade of Aether’s hair, a pair of golden contacts over his blue ones, make-up to cover his freckles, and finally, a clip-on earring. Freminet drew the line at piercings. “You don’t have my rockhard abs though, so I guess I’ll have you wear a shirt.”
Freminet held Aether’s sword of descencion in his hand, “that’s still the last of our problems. You don’t wield a vision and don’t use cryo, and also use a smaller sword.”
“I’ve come up with the perfect excuse, just say you lent me yours and it had no drawbacks and stuff whatsoever because I’m special,” Aether said with full confidence. Freminet shook his head. “Or you could just wing it. It’s just a sword, you can handle that, right?”
“Well… my clothes are in my closet,” Freminet said as he sheathed the sword and reached for Pers. Pers was dressed up as Paimon obviously.
Aether then handed Freminet a checklist. “Here is everything I have to do for the day. It’s past 4 AM now so my daily commissions are definitely done. I always do my commissions in Mondstadt, so start there.”
“Uh… Aether… I don’t know how to get there on my own, and the day will be over once I get there.”
“Not with this bad boy you ain’t,” Aether then handed him one last thing. It was a strange small item, like a catalyst, though it resembled some of those floating blue things he sometimes saw. “This is my warp key. There’s waypoints all over the world that act as doors you can pass through. Use that to punch wormholes through spacetime and appear on the other side. That’s how I travel.”
“Is that how you-”
“Manage to hit my daily quota with my girlies? Why yes.”
Freminet sighed. “I was going to say how you manage to juggle the demands of every nation but… okay…”
Aether pat Freminet on the chest. “Don’t worry Frem-Frem, you’ve got this!”
After getting a shirt to cover himself up under his crop top, Freminet went to Mondstadt, and his journey began. Freminet could feel the soothing breeze of the nation of freedom, and the scent of its flowers. It was quite a homely place, especially with the scent of freshly baked bread and smoked meat. Upon arriving, Freminet would already tell why Aether always did his commissions in this place.
The first one up was assisting a lad named Timmie. A small boy out by the bridge. Strange for a kid his age to be up this early, but there he was, standing by the bridge, surrounded by a flock of birds that had taken a liking to him. Freminet approached Timmie, and the birds did not fly away, which made sense because Freminet approached him like a normal person and not bull-rush through the flocks like a certain someone.
“Oh, they didn’t run away this time!” Timmie smiled. “Well, you know how this goes, do you have wheat for me?”
Freminet nodded. A bit odd for a task to be asking for wheat. He bought three bundles of it from the general store just now, and got a discount for it too because the whole city-state loved Aether. Freminet accompanied Timmie to the side of Cider Lake and spread the feed together for the ducks.
“It’s nice that you don’t seek so much enmity with the pigeons anymore.”
“Enmity. That’s a big word.”
“I’m not a kid anymore, Aether!” Timmie whined. “We’ve been doing this for the past five or so years! Varka is literally back!”
Freminet scratched his hair, careful not to take his wig off. Varka. He recalls Razor having made mention of the man at some point.
After that, Freminet found himself needing to destroy some hilichurl towers, and then after that, hunt down a ruin guard. Except for some reason the ruin guard was a ruin hunter. Freminet tried batting Pers-mon with the sword of descencion, but it wasn’t as effective as his usual claymore. So he had to improvise.
When the ruin hunter got ready to shoot him with its missiles, Freminet bicycle kicked Pers-mon with max power right into the machine’s eye. The projectile tore straight through them, turning them into a bunch of chaos gear parts. Victory! Freminet took them as evidence as he headed off to his last commission.
A food delivery?
“Hey Aether,” Sara winked at him, causing Freminet to lightly blush. Girls were so scary sometimes. Honestly it made them wish they were more like Lynette sometimes. She can be a bit much herself but at least he knew what was coming. “Listen, I’ve got some fried radish balls, fresh and ready for Ernest.”
“Uh… if you don’t mind me asking. Where’s Ernest?”
“Pssh, never too early for jokes, are ya, delivery boy?” Sara giggled. “He’s where he always was. Right by the crates of the Dawn Winery. As per usual, I’ll pay you back with a free sticky honey roast for you and Paimon!”
“Okay…”
Upon receiving the meal, Freminet ported straight to the nearest location to the Dawn Winery, which was a statue of seven. He glided all the way down and found Ernest, a portly man. He was just there, happily waiting for his meal, as he had been for the past couple years.
“Ah, Aether, my dude!” Ernest smiled. “On time as always!” He held out his meal fee pouch. “I still can’t believe you bother with me after all these years despite everything. Also, nice shirt. Not feeling like sharing your abs? Too much attention from the ladies?”
Freminet kinda just nodded along. Ernest laughed, “yep. Ain’t surprised. Well, thanks again, Aether!”
Freminet nodded, pocketing the pouch. Though as he got ready to teleport back, he noticed someone leave by the side door of the mansion. A blonde woman with messy hair who had some struggle standing straight and walking. Her eyes fell upon him and horror fell upon her face.
“Honorary Knight!” she said, flustered. “I-I-It’s not what it looks like!”
“Jean? I heard something, what’s wro-” a red haired man, who Freminet had somewhat heard of if he recalled, emerged from the side. “Oh… uh… hello, Aether.”
Freminet kinda just teleported away after that.
Back with Aether, he was just fishing in Fontaine. He liked wearing Freminet’s hat.
Freminet appeared behind him.
“There was a blonde woman leaving the mansion of a red haired man and they seemed flustered.”
“Oh, that’s just Jean and Diluc, they’ve been fucking for a while now. They think nobody knows but everybody knows.”
Freminet nodded, and then teleported back to Mondstadt.
Mondstadt’s library was a wonderful place. Or, well, it should be, but it was a bit of a mess right now and Freminet found himself organizing it in the librarian’s stead. That was because said librarian was currently hungover on her desk.
“Mmm… cutie… a little lower…” Lisa purred in her sleep. Freminet didn’t want to think about it. As he got closer to wrapping things up, a certain someone walked into the library.
“Purple teacher?” came a youthful raspy-ish voice. Freminet could sense a familiar hint of melancholy from the tone too, which seemed unnatural for the voice he associated it with.
“Razor?” Freminet turned around to see none other than the wolf boy having entered the library.
“Freminet?” Razor tilted his head. “Why wear lupical clothes? Eyes weird. Where blue?”
“Uh… how’d you know it was me?”
Razor glanced at Lisa and the fact that she still had her clothes on, and then back at the disguised Freminet, he pointed at his (own) nose, “can’t fool this nose.”
“Yeah. I suppose someone with a background in scent-based tracking can see past such disguises,” Freminet nodded. “Please, don’t tell anyone. Aether tasked me with taking his place. I don’t know why.”
“Me know why, Aether want relax,” Razor surmised as he walked over to the sleeping Lisa, taking the wine bottle. He would take a swig of it, only to then spit it out. “Bleh!”
A small smile crept up the side of Fremmy’s face. “You still don’t like wine, huh?”
“Trying.”
“Why?” Freminet tilted his head. “That would be like me trying to like coffee. I think it’s best if you don’t force it.”
“Big Man and Purple Teacher drink wine, Razor want too.”
Freminet looked down at Razor’s feet, and then back at the lad who corked the bottle shut. “Are you doing it because you’re trying to be more human?”
Razor had his arms hooked under Miss Lisa’s body, but he had not begun carrying her yet, which was good because he would have most certainly dropped her. He looked at Freminet with wide red eyes. “What?”
“Your boots, they’re still on, and there’s no mud on them,” Freminet pointed at Razor’s feet. “You always take your boots off because you always track mud inside otherwise, If that Noelle lady was anything to go by, it’s the same here in Mondstadt too.”
“Me is not!” he said defensively, growling at Freminet, causing him to take a step back. He watched Razor boil with anger, his electro beginning to appear, threatening to take the shape of a wolf. Though just as it started to rise up, it dissipated, cutting itself off before Razor’s rage could fade. Razor sighed as he turned back to Lisa, picking her up.
“Me carry Purple Teacher back to room,” was all Razor had to say. “Thanks talk, lupical.”
Just like that, Freminet was alone in the library.
Freminet had more or less completed everything on the Mondstadt section of Aether’s checklist, but alas, that was the first of many. There were still plenty more he had to work with, and right now he had to face off in Liyue. In this case, Freminet found himself accompanying a deaconess named Barbara.
Apparently, Aether promised to help her hydro powers flourish by helping her get some cleansing hearts, and word had it that an oceanid by the elevated village of Qingce was a source for some. Rhodeia of Loch or something like that. He teleported the two of them to a waypoint conveniently placed near her spot.
They found themselves on a platform in the middle of a lake. They found a mysterious source and Rhodeai herself would emerge.
“An assassin from our homeland? Blah blah blah blah” was how Freminet would have summarized the entire ordeal. She wouldn’t stop talking in a condescending tone and about the eternity of water. Now on one end, Freminet could understand what she meant. Mankind did at times have an undesirable track record with water, its sins polluting its ancient pristine-ness. He’d been at the sea’s depths many times, like this morning for instance, and he could feel the lack of beginning and end, and its presence as an endless, persisting force.
On the other hand, good lord was Rhodeai a blabbermouth. Were all oceanids like this?
The bad news was that Barbara could not really help out apart from healing him in this battle. The oceanid flew upwards and away from the battlefield, utilizing her life-force to form hydro constructs, which were thus impervious to any of her attacks. As an additional piece of bad news, Freminet was still stuck using Aether’s sword rather than his claymore, meaning he couldn’t shatter them as effectively as he wanted to.
The good news was, thanks to all of them being inherently hydro, they could all be frozen with ease, making the set-up for his shattering strikes effortless. He froze the ducks, and the boars, and the frog, he froze them all with ease. The only one he couldn’t get the handle of were those archons-damned birds, fortunately, Barbara was a big help with her healing song, and soon enough he destroyed those too.
“As long as rivers flow, true water will live forever and all that jive” was how Freminet would summarize her parting moments. Rhodeia fled back into the sea, having spent too much of her bodily energy in a failed attempt to defeat these trespassers. Sure enough, she left behind some cleansing hearts in her departure.
“Aether! Look!” Barbara beamed as she held two of them in her hands. Freminet nodded along as he sat down, trying to catch his breath. He watched some of the platforms rise back up and wondered why the oceanid did not just sink the entire thing. Not that it would have beaten him, swimming as his forte, but she didn’t even try.
Barbara happily sat beside Freminet, she would wrap her arms around him and gently move him downwards, placing his head on her lap. Her skirt was soaked, but then again, so was everything else. Freminet looked away as part of her undergarments started being visible due to getting soaked by the rain and the surrounding lake water.
“You have freckles…” Barbara cooed, guiding the wig-hair away from Freminet’s ear as she focused on his face.
“I’m… sick… is all… they’re spots, they just look like freckles, they’ll go away…”
“If you were sick, you could’ve just told me,” Barbara pouted. “You didn’t need to go with me either.”
“You would’ve been mad…” Freminet reasoned, that’s probably what Aether would say, right?
“I… true… I guess,” Barbara moved her finger along the side of his face. “I’m glad you decided to spend some time with me, Aether. Honestly the more I think about it, I think a lot you more when you’re sick. You’re so quiet and gentle…”
“What do I usually do?” Freminet asked quietly, perhaps he could tell this to Aether so he and Barbara can be better… uh… friends.
“Pfft, you know the answer to that, you heretic,” Barbara purred. It was jarring to hear. She was usually so pure and sing-song up until that specific word. It made Freminet flinch, and she sensed it. “Oh? Don’t like that? Maybe I do like it when you’re sick. It reminds you of a bit of boundaries. Now I don’t want to sing, keep you softer.”
Freminet cleared his throat, he adjusted himself as he felt Barbara comb his wig. He hoped it wouldn’t slip off.
“You know, when I woke up today, I was actually pretty scared. I thought that when you saw me you were going to pull my pigtails, tear my leggings, and bend me over… again.”
Freminet coughed, his eyes went wide on that one.
“Aether’s messed up” was all he could think.
“Promise me you’ll be more like this?” Barbara asked Freminet. “I don’t mind having… relations with you, but… can we be at least a little decent about it? I only have so many leggings.”
“Yes,” Freminet answered. He’ll just tell Aether that, surely he’ll understand and respect Barbara’s request.
With that, Barbara began singing, caressing Freminet’s head as he laid in her lap for a while, allowing her to heal the both of them.
Freminet gasped for air as Beidou crushed his head in between her thighs. He held his hand out, his face was a bit red due to blush and a bit purple due to… well, look at him. He gasped for air and his legs kicked, all the while Beidou’s crew clapped and cheered, save for two particular people, both vision bearers. One was Kazuha, who’d been sailing with Beidou a bunch, and Noelle, who Freminet was supposed to be helping on Aether’s behalf.
It wasn’t enough for Aether to help one woman beat some fearsome creature for their materials, there needed to be another. That other was Noelle with the geo hypostasis, apparently located in the stony forested islands of Guyun, off the coast of Liyue.
Noelle had expressed an interest in tackling the beast for their materials in hopes of becoming stronger so she could finally become a knight of Favonius. Honestly, it confounded Freminet how she wasn’t one yet at all. Aether’s entry into the limelight has been going on for at least 5 years, and Noelle’s failed endeavors were already established prior to that, meaning she’s been trying and failing for upwards of that long despite clearly being better than most of what he’d seen. He doubts that the corpulent knight sleeping by the tree behind the stalls who talked about this Fischl girl was worthy of the title while she was not.
Anyways, as it turned out, Aether apparently loved getting his head getting squeezed like a grape in between Beidou’s thunderous thighs. That was… certainly something.
As for the geo hypostasis, beating the living daylights out of it was actually fairly easy. Beidou decided to tag along and Freminet was able to convince her to lend him a claymore. A whole Serpent Spine, a spare claymore Beidou used if she wasn’t wielding her Unforged. As for Noelle, she had the Prototype Archaic, which seemed to be a thing with the higher-ranking/more well-funded of Mondstadt’s warriors. At least her merit had earned her that, even if it was all caused by her not getting what she deserved.
Freminet wondered how else he could help the woman, but alas, perhaps something else was in store for Noelle. Mayhaps when this Varka person comes face to face with her, it will all start to make sense.
“Thank you for assisting me, Aether. I know it was a big ask to take so much time from your day,” Noelle thanked him shyly, swaying from side to side.
“It’s okay, Noelle,” Freminet nodded. “I was glad to have helped you. You know I’d do it for a friend in need.”
“Friend?” Noelle took a step back.
“Oof,” Beidou remarked. “That’s harsh, Aether. You two been banging once a week and you just call her a friend?”
“Th-th-that’s not-!” Freminet blushed profusely. Archons, Aether was going to get him killed. Why the hell does he go through so many girls like clothes? That man was an absolute lunatic in every sense of the word. Every interaction hit Freminet like caffeine in the sense that it made him feel like he was going to have a heart attack.
Freminet moved through the busy streets of Liyue Harbor, he was busy having to make sure a little lady named Qiqi would do all her errands. She was not a lazy girl per se, it was more that she tended to forget pretty much everything. She usually had a list for that, but then she’d forget to read her list. Fortunately, Aether was a kind enough soul to make time in his day to assist the girl. Though in this case, it was Fremmy’s turn.
Up next was getting some “cocogoat” milk for the little girl, huh. Okay. Weird. Though as he made his move through the city, a greenish figure swung along the buildings and dropped right in front of him. Freminet was only somewhat familiar with him, honestly he only really recognized him thanks to the weird thing that floated beside him in the same way Paimon did Aether.
“Hey Aether!” said Kinich. He then handed him a box, “can you give this to Mualani for me? Thanks.”
“Huh? Why don’t you give it to them yourself?”
“Oh haha, very funny Aether, you said you were going to give it to her for me, right? I’m counting on you!”
Then he swung away.
Freminet returned to his room where Aether was simply organizing said room. It actually looked even cleaner and more organized than he was expecting.
“Oh, heya Frem, need anything?”
“Uh… yes, this guy who swings around gave me this package, he told me it belonged to someone named Mualani. Do you know who that is?”
“Oh, yeah, definitely. Hydro girl. Big hips, I’m talking POW! Exposed midriff too, woof woof!”
Freminet shook his head, “please, don’t say such things while you’re disguised as me.”
“Just give it to Mualani, she’s a big hipped hydro girl in a really hot region, you can’t miss her.”
Freminet sat down on a chair in Keqing’s office, he wiped the sweat off his brow and checked the mirror to see if his makeup was still on. Fortunately it was. He had been helping Keqing with her workload like he promised. In this case, she had a whole stack of papers that needed to be distributed through the proper channels. It was about a whole number of things, like trade and military parameters.
Honestly, while he was there, Freminet couldn’t help but take a gander at a bunch, gathering intel that father might like. Anyways, he was just about done with it, and the office was back to being organized rather than a mess of cluttered piles. Just as he relaxed, Keqing appeared and sat on his lap.
“Man, I’m beat,” Keqing pulled her collar and fanned herself with her hand. “Just another day in the office, hmm, Aether? I’m glad you put your serious pants on for once, I think I can actually have lunch early for once! Come on, my treat.”
Freminet didn’t really get to answer that much as Keqing then dragged him out of the palace and into the city, where he found himself on a reservation of his next spot. Lunch! Yes, lunch. Everything that happened beforehand happened in the span of morning. Xiangling was there, busy as always with all of the orders yet ecstatic and ready to serve Aether on yet another beautiful day.
“Aether!” she chirped, then her face fell flat as she muttered “Keqing…”
Keqing glared right back at her. It was clear that Xiangling had a winning arrangement with Aether, being able to see him all year round since he was a frequent customer at Wanmin. She was in an interceptive mood today given the extra leisure time she had thanks to Aether actually helping her for once instead of just cracking her like a coconut.
Freminet gulped however, not just because he found himself in the crossroads of two of Aether’s gal pals, but also because Liyuean food, as scrumptious as it was, was a bit of overpowering. He could still remember when he and his siblings went to Liyue for the first time and they were finally able to grab a bite to eat at the Wangshuu Inn. He could still remember the taste, but also everything else. It was like eating firecrackers.
He did not fare any better here.
Freminet decided to ask for some of Xiangling’s seafood specials; he at least had the pleasure to choose for himself. Unfortunately it turned out that Keqing wanted him to pick for her too. So he kind of just got her his meal as well. Xiangling later returned, personally serving Freminet the Wanmin Restaurant’s signature boiled fish, which was an exemplary version of the typical black-back perch stew, a tasty but spicy fish stew.
As for Keqing, well she just got a normal black-back perch stew. Not a terribly made one, as even Xiangling could not afford to offer terrible food to the Yuheng lest she and her restaurant lose face, but clearly average.
Keqing retaliated by taking the initiative to feed Freminet. “Open wide~” she purred playfully, all the while staring daggers at Xiangling who tended to the other tables yet kept looking at them. Freminet unfortunately had to power through all the explosive bites of fish which Keqing kept cramming into his mouth.
At least he had a nice cold drink for it. Xiangling refilled it too. Something new he’d never seen before called sago’t gulaman. It seemed like boba, but then again he didn’t know much about that either. At least it was delicious and helped wash down everything.
Then there was the whole payment thing. Aether was kind enough to at least lend him his wallet, which had a bunch of mora in it since the man had been grinding hard at the leylines, but Xiangling just giggled.
“Pssh, you don’t owe me this time, silly~” Xiangling winked. She then kissed Freminet on the cheek, causing him to get all flustered. “Not after all the fun we had earlier this week, am I right, Aether?”
Keqing growled as Xiangling gave her a smug smile. The sheer pyro and electro emanating from them threatened to sandwich Freminet in one huge overload reaction.
Liyuean girls are crazy.
Steer clear of Inazuma
That was what it said on the next part of Aether’s to-do list. Freminet shrugged. Hey, he wasn’t complaining. He decided it was the perfect time to head on over to Sumeru. But as he did. Ninjas appeared!
As he did, a blue haired man holding boba tea in front of him, pointing a blade, the Haran Geppaku Futsu, right at his throat.
“Aether. You have evaded us for long enough. You must partake in your responsibilities to our clan by marrying your sister and adding your esteemed blood to our bloodline,” said Ayato before he took a sip of his boba tea. “Do not resist.”
“W-w-wait!”
Ayato snatched his warp key. “Do not resist. Ayaka has done nothing but be excellent for the glory of the clan, I refuse to let her fail due to circumstances outside of her control.”
The good news was they allowed Freminet to dress himself, so he could at least maintain his disguise. The bad news was he got kidnapped and now he was in Inazuma without his warp key. He really should just let the cat out of the bag, but considering he was deep in enemy territory and they’d get really mad, Freminet kept the disguise on for a little longer, fearing the worst.
So there he was. He got to work. They already had Aether’s exact measurements, so it was a little too big for him, but not too big. The outfit was nothing short of radiant, as he glanced at himself in the mirror, Freminet couldn’t help but liken his reflection to that of a star. Aether did tend to get likened to one.
The last part were the knots, the old women of the estate helped him with that before he was led to the wedding venue at spearpoint. Everyone in the Kamisato estate rejoiced, all the while Freminet found himself all dressed up, with countless samurai and spearmen ready to make sure he did not escape. The venue was an expansive garden with a majestic tree and pond. Thoma was there too, guarding a ceremonial pole that they probably had to walk around as part of Inazuman marriage culture.
Freminet watched Ayato proudly walk with Ayaka down the aisle, and she looked… well, he had to be honest, she looked beautiful.
Then she looked at him, and in a micro-instant Freminet felt as if he’d been stripped naked and chained to a bed, blindfolded and deprived of rest in favor of relations for weeks at a time, without even the slightest hint of mercy.
Freminet gulped. Aether was not kidding.
What the hell did Aether do to have this place be all crazy for him?!
The ceremony started with all the shamans gathering and talking about the myths of Inazuma. The entire time, a ribbon was placed between Freminet and Ayaka. She clung onto his arm, leaning her head on his shoulder.
“Oh, my Aether, you’re finally here,” Ayaka wept with happiness. “You and I can finally be together forever.”
“Uh…”
“I didn’t even have to try and cut off your limbs this time!”
“Uh?!?!?!”
Freminet tried to move, but Ayaka held his arm tight. Her grip was somehow stronger than Beidou’s, which filled Freminet with a deep terror he had not felt since that one time he accidentally called his father “mom.”
“Before we begin with the circumambulation of the sacred pole, and furthermore the many vows of the ceremony, it is customary for those that dare challenge this growing union speak now. Lest evil triumphs if this union is unholy.”
A pause. No one would dare object to this union. The clan’s heiress was about to marry the most desirable bachelor of the modern day! Legends shall be born from this union, the Kamisato clan shall parade warriors that wielded all elements! Ayaka could see it now, seven kids with Aether, one for each element, assuming all seven don’t take after their father completely. Ayato could see it too. He proudly took a sip of his boba as the silence marched on. It had to stand for a minute, and he felt no fear.
“I OBJECT!”
Ayato spit out his boba, and gasps came. Samurai were angered, elderly ladies fainted, and all heads turned to see some figures standing on the opposite side of the hall, defeated warriors at their feet.
“You think you can marry MY swordfish captain in a rushed marriage, huh?!” Kokomi angrily said, hands on her hips. “Well too bad! My eyes are always on him thanks to my water-scrying powers!”
Freminet raised a brow on that one. He was relieved she came to object, but if she stalked Aether often with this so-called water scrying, wouldn’t she know he wasn’t the real deal? What, did Aether do a ritual that blocked her vision for a bit or something?
“And besides, I doubt Aether consents to all that jive,” said Kuki Shinobu. “There’s no love without consent.”
“I am also here!” yelled Itto. “You’re getting married to my bro? That’s not gonna work for me, brother!”
Then everybody started fighting. Ayaka entered a frenzy as she clashed with the priestess Kokomi, and Shinobu kept Thoma at bay. Itto raced in to pick Freminet up, only to be faced by the wrath of Ayato.
Then Freminet froze him the moment he tried to use a hydro attack. Itto would bonk him, and that was the end of that.
“Hey wait, Aether, you didn’t tell me you had the cryo element…”
“Itto, it’s me…”
“Freminet? What the hell? Why are you disguised as Aether trying to get hitched to his psycho bitch ex?”
“I’m not!”
“Sure looks like it to me.”
“They dragged me here!”
“And dressed you as Aether?”
“Darn it, Itto!” Freminet shook his head, the stress was crushing him like a grape. “Ayato has my warp key! Get us out of here!”
“Oh, right!”
Though as he tried to grab the warp key, a certain someone appeared and swept his leg, causing Itto to fall flat on his back and for the figure to lay on top of him. Itto felt a sword at his neck as the dreaded Kujo Sara had him pinned.
Freminet on the other hand scrambled for the warp key, but another foot came down, cutting him off. He looked up to see none other than the almighty shogun herself.
“By the power vested in me, this marriage is null and void. Aether cannot marry into the Kamisato Clan,” Ei declared with thunderous fury. She then picked Aether up and disappeared back to her palace.
The insides of Inazuma’s main palace were not as unpleasant as Freminet was expecting.
Freminet was currently seated at a table, his knees on a cushion as he awaited Ei, who was cooking something in the kitchen.
“She’s been waiting for a while for you to taste her cooking, you know,” came a sultry voice. Freminet looked to see none other than Yae Miko. He recalled Aether talking about her. She was a fox woman. She wrapped her arms around him as she embraced him from behind, “I’ve been waiting too. You’re such a tease, you know that? Leaving a woman like me dry for the past couple months? Did I do something to upset you, Aether?”
“Uh…” Freminet looked away.
“Why so prudish? This is so unlike you. Come on, you know I like it best when it makes Ei mad. Let’s ragebait her a little. You. Me. On the table right here and now.”
Freminet closed his eyes, his face turned all red. It was like he drank coffee, his heartbeat pumped way too fast and his body was heating up and now it made him feel like exploding. He exhaled, trying to calm himself, all the while Yae Miko giggled as she pinched his cheek. “Oh my, not in the mood? That’s so unlike you. Or are you perhaps… intimidated by me? Is that it? Has Teyvat’s lean, mean, seed-sowing machine met his match? You don’t like it when your male ego is shattered by this freak of nature?”
Yae Miko softly grasped Freminet’s chin and made him look at her. “It’s fine, Aether. I’ll be gentle with you if you want. Anything for you.”
The doors slammed open.
“HELP ME!!!” Itto cried out, only to be dragged by a frustrated Sara back to who knew where.
Then, Ei appeared with a tray of… food.
“See ya later, Aether” Yae Miko winked. She gave Freminet a peck on the cheek, and that almost gave the poor boy a heart attack.
“Quit it, fox,” Ei growled under her feet. “It is my turn with Aether.”
“Oh come on, girl,” Yae Miko strutted away slowly, “two is better than one, especially for a naughty boy who needs correction.”
“Hmph,” was all Ei replied with. “Alright, Aether. This has been a long time coming. I’ve improved my cooking abilities. It’s time for you to give them a taste.”
Itto then crashed through the ceiling and onto the table.
“You’ll never catch me alive, woman!” Itto yelled at the air where Sara probably was. He held the warp key in his hands after snatching it from the tengu, and grabbed Freminet. “See ya, suckers!”
Freminet coughed as he was on his hands and knees in the middle of the desert.
“What kind of place is this?!”
Freminet walked up to the wanderer known by many as “Hat Guy.”
“Hmm? Oh, Aether, what is it? Care to regale me with more of your sexual conquests, hmm? Spare me the trouble, I have no interest. I never have and I never will.”
Freminet looked at a flashcard which had some instructions he copied from the checklist, and then looked at Hat Guy.
“No. I just came to say hello, Daniel.”
“Damn it, Aether!” yelled Daniel. “My name is not Daniel!”
“Damn, Daniel,” Freminet looked at his flashcard again. “Back at it again with the white slippers.”
“I am going to kill you.”
“Whatever you say, Daniel.”
Then Freminet teleported away. Apparently Aether got a kick out of referring to Hat Guy as Daniel.
Freminet rested on a chair and admired Nilou dancing. It was nice to finally have a break for once. He kept his eyes on Nilou, her elegant movements acted as living proof of her diligent practice and developing mastery of her art and passion. When the performance ended, Freminet clapped.
Hydro vision. Big hips. Hot region. Clearly this woman was Mualani, so after Nilou had him dance with her (he would do terribly, of course), he would give her the gift and be on his way.
Finally! Freminet was back home. He was by a completely unpopulated shore in Fontaine. It was just him here right now. Sometimes hobbyist fishermen came, and a couple times he even saw Neuvillette, standing there menacingly as he stared off into the distance. He took a deep breath, putting his mind at ease as his shoulders relaxed. He could finally stop shouldering everyone’s problems and just sink down into the sea-
“Stop right there! You have violated the law!” came a girly voice. Freminet flinched and turned around, finding himself face to face with the receiving end of a musket. He looked at who was wielding it, and it was none other than Chevreuse. “You have committed crimes against Fontaine and her people, what say you in your defense?!”
“U-uh… uh… what…” Freminet honestly didn’t even know how to respond to that. On one end he felt like he was screwed. Because… well… the Fatui and all that, but he at least had Aether’s disguise on, and it was pretty convincing all day. But what if Chevreuse saw right through it? What if he was being caught for identity theft? “What are the charges, officer?” he croaked out.
“Being a cutie patootie,” Chevreuse put her gun down and gave Fremmy a cute smile. “You’ve been ghosting me for the past month. That’s grounds for arrest~” she pulled out some handcuffs. “I’m sending you to the slammer!”
“Uh… you can’t do that. There’s the writ of habeas corpus, I have a fair tri- gah!”
Poor Fremmy then found himself tackled to the ground, and Chevreuse cuffed him. She then whispered into his ear as she had him pinned. “You did always say you were into police brutality, Aether. Well believe me, there are no kameras around.”
Freminet gulped.
After managing to totally escape scot free from the clutches of the constabulary, Freminet made sure his wig was still on as he moved through the streets of Fontaine. He had to get back to the House of Hearth, but as he did, he stopped.
There he was!
Aether was there, walking with his (Fremmy’s) siblings. He looked convincing too, having a wig and a slightly modified version of Fremmy’s outfit on. He even had his own version of Pers. Freminet darted towards Aether, he was ready to call it off. He’d done enough for the day and he couldn’t do anymore. He was a failure, he couldn’t take it. He’s not like Father who can just take any challenge thrown her way. He just wanted to slink off into the sea and-
Furina cuts Freminet off, standing right in front of him, inches away from his face. She was pouting and had her hands on her hips.
“So you think you’re funny, huh?” Furina growled.
“Uh… hello… Furina…”
“Don’t uh hello Furina me!” Furina hissed. “I give you the silent treatment and you deliberately avoid me for three months?!?! What is wrong with you?!”
Freminet turned pale (well, paler than he normally was) at the whole thing. He’d never had so many girls angry at him in one day, and technically they weren’t even mad at him, he just took Aether’s spot. What the hell has Aether been doing?
“Well? Cat got your tongue? Answer me!”
“Uh.. I’m sorry?”
“Sorry?! That’s it?! You’re sorry?!?!” Furina turned red with anger, she looked like she was a pyro slime ready to just pop. “You completely abandon me for three months and all you have to say is SORRY?!?!”
“Uh… yes?” Freminet winced. He did not have Aether’s charm, assuming even the man’s charm could work. “I’m sorry, Furina. I… I just didn’t know if I could face you. I was… afraid.”
Freminet put a little bit of himself in the apology. It was just a general feeling he had towards people in general, but maybe a soft approach is what the situation called for. Hopefully. He was not good at telling those either.
Furina grit her teeth…
…then calmed down. She let out a sigh.
“Afraid, huh?” Furina looked down at her feet. “I… I guess I really have been nothing but temperamental. You’d think after 500 years, 3 months would be nothing to me but- look, Aether. I’m sorry too,” Furina hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I guess three months without you is more painful than I thought. I’m sorry. Let’s put it all behind us, hmm?”
“Sure…” Freminet did not know what Aether and Furina argued about, and honestly Furina probably didn’t either. Hate did tend to outlive its own hateful beginnings. At least that’s what it said on that one TCG flavor text he read that one time. He returned the embrace, but only partially.
Freminet looked to see where his siblings were. They were watching the entire event unfold. Lyney had an impressed smile on his face, Lynette did not looked amused, and as for Aether who remained in his convincing Freminet disguise, he stood behind the two and gave a gleeful thumbs up.
Then they walked away. All the while Furina grabbed him by the wrists and started guiding him elsewhere.
“Now come on, you owe me a date!”
Night had fallen, and Freminet had only just begun Natlan. He went on a bit of a shopping date with Furina and he believed he flopped it, often freezing and just not really being able to match Furina’s energy. It was enough for Furina to notice, but not enough for her to see past the facade for some reason. In the end Freminet simply said he was feeling under the weather all day, and he made up some idea where he promised her a much better and bigger date another time. He was sure Aether could take it, considering Fremmy ended up solving this whole fiasco he had with Furina.
Aether seriously owed him big time.
Anyways, Freminet carried a stack of books with him as he made his way to his next destination. The checklist said to get a whole stack of books that was in Aether’s private study back in his teapot, and take them to the address cited. He wondered who in the world could want these many books. It had to have been a librarian like Miss Lisa for sure, no?
“Woah, hey there gramps,” said Ororon, walking over to Fremmy. “You seem to have caught quite the motherload for granny. You’re sure to win her back with this.”
“Gramps?” Freminet raised a brow. Aether wasn’t that old, right? Like, what, was he actually 5000 years old this entire time? Okay, 5000 was a bit much. 500? Yeah. Everything important that has ever happened in the history of the universe seemed to have happened five centuries ago, so maybe it was that.
“Whew,” Ororon whistled as he looked at each book. “You’ve got quite the choices on here. I think it’ll be enough to get Granny to take you back. Hopefully.”
Great. Just great.
Freminet walked steadily as he carried the books to Citlali’s abode. As he did, he thought about his entire day. Aether tended to get yelled at a lot, and though it was directed towards the man himself Freminet couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was his to bear as well. Maybe it was just the fact that they said it to his face. He didn’t really know.
This was only made worse by the fact that he wasn’t really able to wear his helmet all day after he took up Aether’s identity. The longer this day went on, the more he missed its magic. He was so exposed to the world and all it seemed to do right now was just scream at him. Whether or not his vision gave him the ability to breathe underwater was irrelevant. His helmet was armor, and its visor a window that made the dangerous and unfamiliar word safe and homely.
It kept out the noises too.
Before Freminet could continue thinking about where his life had gone, he found the woman known as “Granny” right in front of him. She had her arms crossed and a big pout on her face.
“Is this what you consider an apology?”
“Uh… yes?”
“Hmph,” Citlali reached over to one of the books. Her eyes widened a bit before she visibly closed them, trying to look unimpressed. “Alright. Fine. I’ll forgive you this time,” Citlali scooped up all of the books from Freminet’s arms, “but if you think I’m going to let you pound me on the plushies again so easily, you’re dead wrong. You still have to work for that, mister monthsary-forgetter.”
Citlali then slammed the door on Freminet. He let out a sigh. Well, at least she didn’t drag him to archons know where. The sooner he was done with all of this, the better. He wanted to just go home and work on Pers and sleep so he could wake up early and go diving again.
“So you found yourself another miss hippopotamus hips huh?! Is that it?!” Mualani growled as she choked Kinich with his own rope.
“Whew,” Freminet whistled. He messed up big time with that one. He and Kinich made eye contact and he could even see the poor lad reach out for him, but Freminet ran away.
Quahuacan Cliff was a neat place to just sit and relax for a bit. The night was beautiful, the moon shone brightly, somehow full again while the night sky was bereft of stars. He took a whiff of Natlan’s fresh air, taking in all the smells. It was so earthy somehow, but in a good way, not like the desert back in Sumeru.
Freminet watched the long-necked rhinos walk along. The largest, undoubtedly the grand matriarch, led an entire herd through the night. Night after all was when predators were most active, and though no creatures their size had enemies, the same could not really be said for their calves, who were of course what they cared for most.
He thought about father again, and about the one who came before her. Then he didn’t want to think anymore. Once again, he wanted to just put on his helmet and exit the world, protect him from all of its horrors.
Aether’s checklist still had a couple things left in it. Namely something to do with Mavuika. Freminet took one look at that and decided that he wasn’t going to do that. That was something Aether was going to have to do himself. That was far too much woman for him and he doubted that he had any kind of insurance for the grievous workplace injuries that were to come from any of that.
So this left one last. Nod-Krai. As he sat there for a moment and thought about his final task, a sudden force came speeding through.
“Aether!” yelled Varesa as she leapt up into the sky, ready to just cannonball the ever living daylights out of Freminet.
“Nononono WAIT!”
Alas, poor Freminet felt Varesa’s weight press upon him. His air was ejected from his lungs as he laid flat on his belly with Varesa right on his back. He tried to claw his way out but to no avail. Then of course she locked his arms in those tree trunks she called legs.
“O-o-Oww! Let me-” Freminet tried to catch his breath, “please let me go…”
“Oh come on, Aether! Don’t be a sourpuss!” Varesa pulled out a sandwich from some sort of hammerspace. Specifically it was one composed of 14 slices of buttered toast, 24 slices of cheese, 24 layers of basically everything that has ever found itself in the common sandwich, alongside lots of sauce and onions, 24 all beef patties, and 48 pickles, all while probably cooked in some kind of special sauce.
Freminet didn’t know what to be terrified about the most. The fact that this woman was seemingly part cow yet was eager to eat what was clearly beef (maybe that was Aether’s doing, it wouldn’t surprise him), the fact that it was just a hulking monstrosity of a sandwich in general, or the fact that she was going to cram the entire thing into his mouth.
“There there…” Columbina hugged Freminet. She found him vomiting somewhere in the Nod-Krai border. Her poor little star was absolutely exhausted! This would not do. So she grabbed him and together in this little space she had made just for them, she comforted him. She let out a peaceful humming sound and honestly, Freminet’s eyes closed. It wasn’t the sea, and it wasn’t his helmet’s visor, but it was still peaceful. At least today’s last quest was perfectly relaxed.
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY?!?!” Sandrone growled as she held Aether by the collar and violently shook him. She instantly saw through Aether’s disguise. Then Arlecchino stopped her, only to then grab Aether by the throat and shake him even more violently.
“Bad idea! Bad idea! Bad idea!” Aether hacked as he found himself getting strangled by the angriest father the world had ever seen. Lyney and Lynette just looked at Aether. The wig was off and he was probably wearing contacts. He also had Pers, except unlike the real thing it was just a little copy. Neither robot nor even metallic, just a really convincing paper mache construct.
“I knew something was up with Fremmy,” Lynette picked up the Freminet wig Aether wore. “To think he was right under our noses this entire time. I can already smell father coming up with ways to increase security around this place and all sorts of anti-stealth training.”
“I’m just surprised he’s managed to do it this long, it’s a magic trick if I’d ever seen one!” Lyney smiled. “From dawn till after dusk! That’s wild! The best part of the magic trick is Freminet was with us when we saw Aether earlier this afternoon! If Aether is Fremmy, then who was that guy?”
Speak of the devil, Aether walked into the House of Hearth.
Freminet froze as he saw Arlecchino strangle Aether, the jig was clearly up. He took off the wig, “hello everybody… sorry to have made a nuisance of myself. I didn’t mean to trouble you all with my sudden departure…”
“Aww no way! You got to dress up as Aether?” Lyney skipped over to his baby brother, he took the wig and tested it on himself. “Were you just masquerading as Aether all day? That was you that Furina was screaming at earlier huh?”
“How many people noticed it was you?”
“Just one, Razor,” Freminet said shyly, and exhaustedly.
Arlecchino stopped strangling Aether for a moment as she walked over to Freminet, she assessed him, having contacts that gave him Aether’s golden eyes as well as Aether’s signature clothing. She cupped his face and assessed him.
“You did this… all day?”
“Uh… yes, father. I’m sorry…”
“It is fine. You managed to deceive even me, that makes you quite the spy,” Arlecchino said as she then embraced her little boy. Freminet peeked at Aether, who was being strangled by Sandrone, again. As he did though, Freminet felt Arlecchino’s abyssal hands snatch his checklist.
“F-Father!” Fremmy reached out for it, but it was too late.
Arlecchino looked with scorn at all the girls on the list and the fact that they were checked out. Despicable! Disgusting! She pinched Freminet’s cheek. “Your espionage, I can forgive. Commend, even. But girls? Aether has corrupted you with his lecherous ways. I will not have my little Freminet partake in Aether’s globetrotting skirtchase. You’re grounded for one day for each girl on this checklist, absolutely no diving! Understand?!”
“I.. yes father…”