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Stelle came back to the train after another tiresome day of going around, getting to know people and places and helping them anyway she could. She was tired and it showed in how sagged her shoulders were, in how slowly she made her way into the room.
Once again, like everyday, Stelle’s eyes rested on As I’ve Written laying on her desk, unchanged. She would reread parts of it every single day, to keep their memory alive within her. But with each day that passed without a sign of them being closer to coming into reality she grew more and more disheartened and sad. She had done everything in her power to hasten their actualization, but what she wanted didn’t seem to matter. What would happen would happen when the right time came.
She sat and rested her hands on the book's cover. She thought about reading it like always, but she realized doing that was only making her feel worse lately. They were safe in there, they were living, learning and healing, and she had to deal with her own things here on the outside, so maybe it was time to just… let go. That decision felt awful and physically impossible, she couldn’t imagine herself sticking the book into a shelf and forgetting about it. But maybe giving up on her obsession was the right thing to do.
The wait had become unbearable and she slowly realized the implications of the fact that Amphoreus was going to be real in the future but it might not even be in this Amber Era or the next or the next. She might be long gone when it does. And what if it does actualize during her lifetime but none of her friends there remember anything? She could definitely make friends with them again, sure, but there was no way to reforge the kind of connection they had had under those dire circumstances, especially not the one she had with Phainon. How could anyone hope to rebuild the trust, the closeness, the love they had for one another. Even if she did try it would never be the same.
Thinking about her own obsession, she remembered the mission Phainon had left that was made only for her: to help him let go of his own, open the way to reach Irontomb and that had left him as a Blank Wish as a result. When compared to that, her own task seemed like a small, forlorn endeavor. It didn’t involve the future of the Universe and there was no one that could help her get it done.
She had been avoiding thinking of him because that was when it hurt the most, when his image came into her mind. When she remembered his struggles and sacrifices, his words, his face, the sound of his voice. When she remembered that when he finally found his wish, it was to travel the cosmos with them, that the Express felt like home to him. When she remembered anything about him, that was when she felt like she was standing at the edge of a bottomless pit. If she fell into it, it’d be quite hard to drag herself out of it, if it was even possible to do so. So, walking away from it seemed like the only safe option.
Tears had brimmed in her eyes unannounced and some fell to the book. She shook her head and hurried to use the hem of her shirt to dry it. She couldn’t ruin this book, she had to protect it no matter what. One more reason to keep it safe somewhere, not lying about.
Her being a Supplicant in the Phantasmoon games had given her the idea of using her one minute of Aeonic powers to just make Amphoreus real, but, as tempting as that idea was, she felt like she should use that power on something that could be beneficial to more people instead of something that would eventually happen in the future. But was it so bad to want to be a bit selfish? It was just so hard to not think of it because that simply was what she wanted the most: to see them again, to see him again. But to even consider that as an option, she had to win the games first.
And then a thought occurred to her. She had just learned about Wishpower and Imaginae creations. What if she could write a sequel to As I’ve Written and have that be real? Without missing a beat, she found a blank piece of paper and started writing the first thing that came to mind.
She looked at the paper and her heart felt heavy. It was just a simple sentence, not slightly poetic or beautiful in and of itself, but it pained her all the same that that was the first thing she thought to write:
Phainon was made real.
And then she felt somewhat stupid. She didn’t even know how to start using this Wishpower thing, didn’t know if it worked on words or only images, and she couldn’t draw to save her life, but moreover, anything she created wouldn’t be the real thing.
More tears fell, staining the page and smudging some of the words, but it didn’t matter if this one got ruined. She let her head sag in dismay. Her vision grew blurry due to the tears and her heart felt tiny. She felt like she was starting to forget the details of his face, the blue of his eyes. But she was confident that one thing she would never forget: his voice. She would give everything to hear him calling her…
“Partner?”
She lifted her head and surely enough she didn’t imagine that. There was someone standing right in front of her. Someone tall with white hair and blue eyes.
Well, maybe she could use Wishpower after all. She didn’t know how but apparently she had just done it. She regretted it almost instantly. From what she had seen from Imaginae creations, this one would be just a blank slate that would disappear in about a month, there was not even a point in trying to make it learn how to be Phainon. Its creation would only serve to fuel her emptiness and sorrow.
She got up from the chair and walked up to the person standing there.
“Hello. I’m sorry I created you. I’m not even sure how I did it and what to do with you. You can hang around and make yourself comfortable until I figure that out.” Stelle said slowly. Looking directly into those eyes was making her lose a bit of control. She wanted nothing more than to sink into those arms, even if she knew this wasn’t really him.
“What are you saying, Stelle?” the person asked.
Oh, right, they won’t know who or what they are, maybe I should just explain.
“I used Wishpower, you know, the power to bring imagination to life that exists here in Planarcadia, to create you. You are an Imaginae based on someone I… well, someone I hold dearly in my mind and heart, and that I longed to see again. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”
“Hm… From numbers and electrical signals to an… Imaginae, you said? Couldn’t have imagined that when I woke up this morning.”
Stelle was expecting somewhat of an empty husk, not this articulate person that was in front of her. After all, all she had used to create it was a four word sentence. No description, no nothing, just an affirmation. It must have pulled all the other information directly out of her brain.
“When you woke up this morning? You… have memories from before you materialized here? Can you tell me more about it?” She was curious to know how this worked.
“Sure. I was running late this morning, actually. Only woke up with Piso and Livia shouting and laughing outside my window. Even though I haven’t had much time to spend with them lately, they never stop coming over asking for more stories about me… and you.”
That’s odd. How does it even know about such specific details like Piso and Livia?
“What have you… been up to lately that has you too busy to tell them stories?” she prodded, trying to understand how such a complex being came from almost nothing.
“Oh, you know… working the fields, going to Okhema every now and then so Hyacine can do her check-ups, visiting Castrum Kremnos, Aidonia and Dolos to see our friends. Oh, and, hm… learning with my mom how to cook some of her dishes so I could cook them for you when we meet again.”
She saw a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks.
Stelle couldn’t understand how this was possible. The only reasonable way to explain this was if…
“You didn’t imagine me, Stelle. It really is me.” He said with a small smile on his face.
She didn’t know what to do, but her legs unconsciously carried her towards him and before she knew it, she was bawling her eyes out into his chest. He held her tightly, one hand on her back, the other on her hair. He kissed the top of her head.
“Shhh, let it all out.” He said when she choked while trying to speak.
She sobbed for quite some time before she finally felt able to breathe normally and speak. She broke apart from him ever so slightly.
“Sorry about your shirt.” She said, pulling at the cloth made soggy by her tears without raising her head.
“That’s really the least important thing right now.” He said, using a finger to lift her head so he could look at her. “Oh, how I missed those beautiful golden eyes of yours.”
“Right. I must look like a pufferfish.” She scoffed.
“Stelle… you look beautiful when happy, sad, angry, any emotion, all of them. But I realize now you look the prettiest you have ever been when you’re in my arms.”
“Oh.” Stelle felt light-headed. She had wondered many times if she was wrong that he felt the same way about her and mistook his adoration born from gratitude as something more, but right now, as he was leaning into her, she finally had her answer.
When his lips met hers she felt the ground vanish from beneath her feet, she was floating. Her heart was fluttering, her limbs felt like rubber and she felt drunk. It was confusing but absolutely delightful.
He broke the kiss but kept their faces inches apart, their foreheads, their noses touching.
“You thought you had created a copy of me and made it real?”
“I…” she started to say, feeling an overwhelming heat spread through her face. “I really, really missed you.” It was all she managed to say before he kissed her again.
“Well, maybe this power you spoke of can be used to speed up the process of making things real, not only bring them to life? I don’t know how I ended up here, but I’m glad to see you again.” After a long while of intermittent kissing while resting in each other's arms, Phainon finally said.
“I might be dreaming. Maybe I should pinch myself.” Stelle wondered.
“My kisses don’t seem real enough for you? Maybe I should hold you tighter and be… fiercer?”
“You can try that.”
He kissed her again. She giggled.
“How does one go about joining the Nameless anyway? Is there an admission exam? A course? A fee?”
“A fee.” Stelle snorted. “Yeah, ten kisses a day is your fee.”
“Hm… Will I be making the payments to you? It feels more like a bonus than a fee.”
“Twenty kisses, then.”
“I’m already convinced to join, Stelle, you don’t need to keep adding perks.”
He kissed her again.
“Nineteen to go.”
“I can’t believe you’re real.”
“That’s my line, you can’t simply steal it like that.” She said, cupping his cheek and running her thumb over his lower lip.
“Right.” She said, stepping back a bit and taking a solemn stance. “Welcome aboard the Astral Express, Phainon of Aedes Elysiae. And, well, I love you.”
“Thank you, Partner. And I love you too.”
It just felt natural for both of them to finally declare their love for one another like that. Like it was simply common knowledge that needed just a bit of reinforcement.
She beamed at him, grabbed his hand and started pulling him out of the room. “Come.” She opened the door and looked down at the party car, where all of the other members of the crew were, and then she spoke loudly.
“Guys, you won’t believe this. I just recruited someone.”