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"L'enfer c'est les autres."
"What does that mean ?"
"It's French."
Josh stopped in the hallway, a 'don't play that game with me' look directed at Tyler.
"Don't be a smart ass because you are taking Littérature Française, Tyler." Said the green haired man, making air quotations and taking an awful french accent.
"Your accent is killing it." Mocked the brunette.
Josh sighed, why did he choose to take Russian classes instead of French ?
"So, what does the phrase mean ?"
"Something like Hell is other people. The sentence makes me think." The brunette started walking again, soon followed by Josh.
The two best friends ended the walk in silence. Both thinking about the hidden meaning of such a simple phrase.
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Back in their shared apartment across the campus, they drifted into the usual routine. Tyler was doing French homework while Josh was cooking tonight's dinner.
Opening his notebook, Tyler saw the sentence once again.
L'enfer c'est les autres. For some reasons, these words echoed deeply in Tyler's soul. He didn't know how to take the phrase, literally, or metaphorically ?
"Josh ?"
"Hm ?" Hummed the said man from the kitchen.
"I'm thinking about Startre."
Josh entered the living room, an eyebrow raised. He absolutely hated not understanding French reference.
"The author of the play Huis Clos."
"Tyler, please. I don't take French, explain it to me."
The brunette ruffled an hand in his fluffy brown hair, and leaned in his chair.
"Hell is other people, you know ? It's an extract from a play called Huis Clos by Startre."
Josh nodded in understanding, encouraging his best friend to continue, knowing how hard it was for the boy to explain himself.
"And.. you know ? I'm thinking about how I should take the phrase."
"What do you think ?"
"That's the problem, I DON'T know !" Shouted Tyler, making Josh stares at him in confusion.
"Why does this work you up so much, anyway ?"
He was greeted with silence. He sighed once again, stood up, ran a hand in Tyler's hair, and made his way back in the kitchen. Knowing better than bothering his friend in his state of mind.
Josh was quietly humming to himself, while cutting some tomatoes, when he feels a pair of arms around his waist, and a head resting between his shoulder blades. He put the knife aside, resting his own hands on Tyler's ones, and slowly rocking back and forth the both of them.
Minutes went on, when finally the younger boy decided to speak.
"Sorry for shouting."
Josh smiled and turned in Tyler's arms
"It's okay, don't worry."
"Still, I feel bad.." the brunette rested his head on Josh chest, like he would always do, "it's just.. the play, the phrase, my life.."
Josh encircled Tyler's waist, in a way he knew his friend would feel safe, and out of his bad thoughts reach. They were in a calming silence, until Tyler undid the embrace and tiptoed back to the living room. Living a very worried Josh go back to his vegetables.
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The evening went on slowly, Tyler barely talking, and lost in deep thoughts, even during dinner where he would always compliment Josh on his cooking skills.
After washing the dishes, the brunette went to bed, not giving his best friend a single 'Goodnight' or smile. The green haired boy sighed and proceed to do his Russian homework.
It was around one in the morning when he finally gets to bed. And started to drift into a peaceful sleep. But before he could totally lose himself in the dream world, he heard the creaking of his door and a little voice calling for him.
He patted the left side of his king size bed, Tyler quickly helped himself under the cover and cuddled Josh.
"I can't sleep."
"Are you-"
"I'm so tired Josh." The brunette interrupted his best friend. "I can'tdo this anymore."
"Can't do what Tyler ?" Josh asked, a small lump forming in his throat. He knew the answer, had always known.
"Living."
Josh let out a shaky breath. Tears menacing to slip out of his eyes as he holds Tyler tight.
"I'm so tired Josh. I can't pretend anymore, can't say everything is fine when it's not."
He took a light pause, Josh didn't pressure him to carry on.
"You know, when in class the teacher said that l'enfer c'est les autres.. It made me think. That I'm making my life around what people think.." Josh felt his chest slowly becoming wet. "Every single thing I do, I do it thinking what the others would say, would do.."
Josh was trying to be strong, but every time Tyler was opening up to him, he was so sad, so sad that the most important person in his life was suffering, and he couldn't do a thing about it. He felt useless.
"And it's eating me alive, you know. I don't want to run a life where I'm afraid of being myself because I will be judged. I don't want to be made fun of because I'm sad all the time, because I have bad thoughts, because I'm a freak and I can't, you can't, nobody can't help that."
At this point, both of them were crying.
"I feel like I'm trapped. I want to be free and to be free.."
"Don't say it, Tyler."
Minutes, maybe hours went on, neither of them speaking, only listening to their breaths, and thinking.
"I love you."
"And I adore you." Replied Josh. Leaning in to peck Tyler's lips, in a reassuring way.
"I'm so-"
"Don't you dare say you're sorry."
Tyler closed his eyes and breathed in the green haired man's neck.
Feeling in the right place, on the right time. Feeling safe, for now.
Plays and sentences forgotten for the night; traded for sweet dreams and loving arms.