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Diesel loved being kissed by Day. While his behaviour was always so calm and endearing, full of soft-spoken words and good manners, their make out sessions were usually rough and fast. Hands roaming all over the places, lips biting and hair pulling. The first time they kissed, Diesel felt like he just discovered a new part of Day, a part he desperately tried to keep a secret to anyone but him. He felt some sort of pride, like he was the only one allowed inside those uncharted lands. Day was comfortable enough to show him his deepest side, and that thought constantly sparked something inside Diesel. He wondered, and wondered, and still wondered, was he himself comfortable enough to share his deepest thought too?
Despite everything, Day was sweet: the kind of sweetness Diesel usually couldn’t stand at all—the kind that creeped inside his skin and made him feel the urge to throw up. The only love he had known throughout his life was extremely rude, so much it hurt. And yet, when it was Day the one being sweet, he never once felt like throwing up. Instead, that made his skin tingle with something new, something he couldn’t even properly name. But he was still a jerk, endlessly pushing away Day’s attentions, pretending to be annoyed by it—actually, he just couldn’t accept affection like a normal human being. He just didn’t know how to accept the love everyone else considered normal.
That night, the thoughts were so fucking loud inside his head. Day was kissing him, biting his lower lips, making them swollen, eating them all. Before Diesel could even understand what was actually about to do, he was already interrupting the kiss and talking out loud.
“Day, slap me.”
Day looked at him for a moment, eyes flickering in confusion. His expression was almost hilarious, looking like he was just waking up from a blissful dream. “What?”
“Slap me.” Diesel reasserted, not a single afterthought.
“Diesel, what the hell are you talking about?” Day had already recollected all his thoughts, faster than usual—that half-consciousness state he always entered when kissing disappearing into thin air. Diesel could see the turmoil inside Day’s eyes; however, he was too far gone to stop right there.
“Slap me! What’s so wrong with that? It turns me on, can’t you do something so simple?” Despite his stoic expression and attitude, Diesel could sense his own turmoil too: he never once felt that kind of rejection from Day. What was actually genuine concern inside Day’s eyes was coming to him as disgust, and it made his guts twist in fear.
“Diesel. I’m not going to slap you. There are many other ways to—”
“Fuck you. Man, damn me for thinking I could be that free with you!”
Diesel was already halfway to the door before Day could even begin to talk “wait, Diesel! Let’s talk about it! Diesel—” the dull sound of the closing door echoing inside Day’s ears.
“Day?” Ozone’s voice was far and barely more than a whisper, he had probably been awakened by the thud.
“Everything’s okay Ozone, go back to sleep.”
✿
7 missed calls from: Day ★
23 messages from: Day ★
[…]
“Diesel please can we talk about it?”
“Diesel, I’m getting worried. Are you at home? Please, at least let me know if you’re safe.”
“You know I love you. Damn Diesel, you’re free to talk to me about whatever you want. I wasn’t judging you or something. It’s just not my thing! Why are you being so stubborn?”
“Diesel…”
[…]
The warmth of Diesel’s heavy blanket wasn’t fixing the cold seeping inside his bones—the phone was buzzing, sometimes from calls and sometimes from messages. He was covered over his head, desperately trying to ignore everything outside the sheets. If anything, Diesel was most of all trying to ignore his own thoughts: every fiber of his body was yelling, telling him Day was surely worrying, reminding him what an absolute piece of shit was being even towards the only person who genuinely treated him so carefully, like he was something so delicate he could shatter at any minute. Diesel wanted to scream, sharply inhale so much air he wouldn’t even have the chance to think, to form coherent thoughts. But his mind was still there, and the phone was still buzzing, and he was starting to feel exhausted.
“What?”
“Diesel, for fucks sake!” Day barely ever cussed, but he was worried: Diesel could hear the concern scattered in his voice. “Where are you? Are you safe? I haven’t heard from you since yesterday! Are you out of your fucking mind?”
There was something so soothing in the way he cussed—to Diesel, that was familiar territory, rage and anger thrown against him like he was a punching bag. And yet, his eyes were welling up with tears and an aching pain was making his way up to his chest. He was used to it, just not from Day. Physically unable to hold it back, a broken sob escaped his lips. On the other end, a deep breath in return.
“Diesel, I’m sorry. I was scared, I couldn’t sleep a wink last night. I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.” His voice barely a whisper.
“Can you come here? I want to see you. Or I can come if you—”
“Don’t. My dad’s here.” Diesel was clearing his throat, trying to hide his choked voice. “I’ll come.”
✿
The door was open before Diesel could even ring the bell. Day was standing there, every nerve in his body was noticeably on edge. Determined to ignore that at least for a bit, Diesel crossed the threshold rapidly. No hello, no welcome kiss.
“Ozone! I brought some food, let’s eat!”
“Ozone’s not here.”
Diesel’s idea of distraction fell apart as quickly as it had come to him. “What? Where is he?”
“I asked Night and Dream if they could take him to the planetarium, there’s an exhibition he really wanted to see.”
“Why Night and Dream? The three of us could’ve gone!”
“Diesel, I wanted to talk to you more freely.” Day sighed, Diesel tensed up. “Can you share the food with me? Or was your visit just to see Ozone?” Day was trying to lighten the mood, and he was extremely grateful to that.
“I always come here just to hang out with Ozone” Day’s short but genuine laugh was like a balm to Diesel’s frayed nerves, eventually allowing him to relax even if just a little.
While they were walking towards the couch after a seemingly normal-looking lunch, Diesel knew it was time to actually talk about what had happened. Sitting in the very same spotwhere they had been kissing just the day before, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of guilt inside his chest: did I overreact? Was I being a bitch like usual? Why am I so fucking sensitive all the time when it comes to Day?
“Day, I—”
“Diesel…”
Silence was louder than words inside Diesel’s ears.
“You first” Day’s voice was always so calming to him, he sounded like he would never be capable of doing any harm to anyone in this world. Was he so extremely gentle just to him, or was it his own loving nature? Or else, was Diesel just deeply in love with him?
Oh, so he was in love with Day. So that’s what love felt like.
That realisation made his cheek flush with embarrassment and his brain spiralling for a moment.
“Um… Yeah, well… Maybe I overreacted a little. I’m a sensitive little bitch when it comes to you, I bet you’ve noticed that already. And well…” Deep breaths in between serious talks, Diesel was not used to show his fragilities. “I felt like you were judging me, and I panicked and— Can you stop smiling I’m trying to be serious here?!”
“Gosh Diesel you’re so cute”
“What?! I’m not cute!”
A warm laugh, a warm hug, all coming together to brush away the coldness seeping into his bones since the night before. A warm kiss, even better.
“I’m sorry you felt that way, Diesel. I wasn’t judging you, if anything I was mildly concerned. I know it can be just a kink for someone, but I feel like it’s so much more to you and I really don’t want to fuel something like this” Diesel was crying, and he couldn’t even pinpoint the moment his tears started to roll down his cheeks. Day’s hands were warm too, so gently wiping the tears, kissing the sadness away from his cheeks. Everything felt like a dream, the kinds you don’t want to wake up from, and while the kissing was getting more and more intense as time went on, Diesel’s right mind was slowly making way for a flood of unique sensations.
“I think” Day’s whispered “there are many other ways for me to turn you on”
And he was right, God he was so damn right.
“I love you, Diesel” and for the first time, Diesel felt that was true.
“I love you too, Day” and for the first time, Diesel felt the same.