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Leaning back, Tav let the warmth of the midday sun wash over them, palms flat on the grass behind them, feeling the cool earth beneath their fingertips. The rays beat down gently, causing them to close their eyes in bliss and revel in the calm it provided. This was one of their few freedoms these days and they were going to savour it.
In the time since Cazador had been defeated, the palace had been stone dead - not least because the only people in it were considered living corpses. Astarion had rarely allowed people into the palace, and Tav didn’t want to push him over the edge by asking to see anyone from their past. It wasn’t wise to make him upset at the best of times, so why would they risk it when he was in a foul mood? Yes, they were immortal, but they didn’t doubt that he would make that immortality a living hell if he even found out that they were thinking about the old group.
Despite that looming prospect, Tav’s mind still wandered often.
The loss of the tadpole meant that they could hold onto the memories of the others without Astarion being able to intrude. He couldn’t see what they were thinking about and what he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. Or them.
Of course, it didn’t mean that Astarion was stupid. He caught those longing eyes, yearning and wistful. He knew that ache they felt to return to what once was and he despised it. He loathed everything they lusted after and wished to extract every single tainted memory, crushing it beneath his foot with such spite it would bring them to tears.
Tav took comfort in the fact that he didn’t quite have that power as they let the beams of golden honey drench their alabaster skin and their mind began to drift once more.
Thoughts of him - Astarion - as he once had been. Beautiful, charming, sweet, sexy… cheeky. A man that could make them giggle, blushing in one breath and then go weak at the knees in the next. He’d been vulnerable and sensitive with them. He had let himself crumble and be built back up again by Tav. He had trusted Tav, just as they had trusted him. His voice had once made them smile, but now it only served to instil fear and sadness and guilt. Heavy guilt.
They’d let him do this - let him become this.
Tav had been the one to stand there, knowing what the ritual would do to him and let him go through with it. They had allowed Astarion to taint himself. He changed and morphed in front of their eyes until only a shell of his former self remained.
Astarion had always said that he felt alive again when he’d ascended, but Tav saw the man they fell in love with die and now all they wanted was to get him back. Impossible, of course, but they couldn’t help but burn with the desire to see him again.
If they could only see the old Astarion again, oh the things they would say to him. They’d hold him close and just tell him it would be okay. Let him know that whatever happened, they loved him. They’d be there for him through it all.
It was hard to believe that now, given everything Astarion had become, but they stood by it. Despite the monster he’d turned into, they still couldn’t help but love him.
A shiver ran down the length of Tav’s spine and they knew without even having to open their eyes that he was there. Perhaps it was a sixth sense, or just the terror they had creeping up their back, but they always knew when the vampire ascendant was nearby.
They resisted the urge to squirm with some disgust feeling his eyes roam over their body, taking in every part of them.
“Ah, there you are, my dear consort.” Faint nausea settled in their stomach when they heard his footsteps approach and felt his cool fingertip rest under their chin. “I was beginning to worry…” he spoke, voice just as chilling as his skin.
Tav’s eyes opened, settling on that familiar face. They saw the way that his lips held that knowing smirk, yet his head tilted nonetheless.
“You don’t seem overjoyed to see me.” His thumb came to rest below Tav’s bottom lip, holding their chin between it and his index finger. “Something on your mind?” he asked.
Tav feigned confidence, though their body betrayed them by stiffening at his gesture slightly. Their eyes flicked over him before settling back on his crimson gaze. “Didn’t anyone tell you not to play with your food, Astarion?”
He let out a humourless scoff, the corner of his lips curling up to reveal his fang, which his tongue pointedly played with for a moment or two before he pouted. “But my food is such fun to play with, darling.”
His jaw rolled and suddenly his face was an inch from theirs, his nose almost touching their own. There was a distinct tightness at Tav’s throat and it took them a moment to register that his hand was clutching it firmly, cutting a good portion of what would have been their airways if they needed to breathe nowadays. Didn’t mean that it was any less uncomfortable, of course.
Astarion’s body weight held Tav pinned to the ground while he glared at them, nostrils flaring as he spoke. “I asked you a question, and I expect an answer,” he spat. “Is something on your mind?”
Tav wanted to throw him off, but in this position any attempt to move their hands would result in his weight pushing them flat onto their back. That wasn’t a position they wanted to end up in, so they huffed and reluctantly complied. “No.”
“Liar,” he hissed, shoving their head to the side roughly and leaned close to their neck, his breath tickling as he took a long sniff, absorbing their scent for a moment. “Don’t take me for a fool, darling. Not when my fangs are so close to ripping your throat out. Now, I’ll give you one last chance,” his voice dropped dangerously low. “I’m sure you don’t want to spend a night in the kennels, do you?”
At the threat Tav’s body went ice cold all over, eyes widening with genuine terror. “N-No… no, I don’t,” they replied meekly, head bowing.
“Good.” Astarion’s smile returned. “So, what’s on your mind, my treasure?” He gently released his grip on their throat and moved to stand up off them, extending a hand to help them up.
They took it and got to their feet, lest he lose his temper over their reluctance. “I was just thinking.”
“About what?” He caught their eye and burst into laughter. “Oh, don’t tell me you’re thinking of them?” He rolled his eyes in dismissal. “Pathetic. Put them out of your mind. They are but a blip in our past, my dear. You don’t need to concern yourself with them any longer.”
“I know, but-”
“Ah, ah, ah.” He held up a finger to their lips. “Shhh. Shh, shh, shh. You have all that you need right here in front of you.” His voice sounds like velvet and those honeyed words he’s come to be known for slip off his tongue so easily. “I won’t allow you to worry your pretty little head about anything anymore. Don’t I take good care of you? Don’t you have everything your little undead heart desires?”
His questions are rhetorical, but Tav can’t help but nod hesitantly. “I… I suppose I do.”
“You suppose?” He raises his brow, jaw tightening once more.
“I mean… I do. I… do,” Tav corrects.
“Mm, and don’t you forget it.” He leans in and presses a kiss to their lips before pushing their face away as they dare to kiss him back. “Because I could take it all away at the snap of a finger, darling.”
He steps away and turns around. “Join me in the main hall when you’re quite done fantasising about the old me,” he adds through gritted teeth and strides off back into the palace.