Chapter Text
A plain room. The kind of plain only a hospital waiting room could achieve. Here and there sat a couple of plants. They look like they haven’t seen the sun since they’ve been placed here, especially considering the the lack of windows, which is making the already small space feel even more claustrophobic. In big green letters on one of the walls, it reads:
“Welcome!
Everything is fine.”
“Well that’s comforting,” he thought.
Aside from the vaguely threatening text nothing seemed too out of the ordinary, until he had about a second to think. How had he ended up here? He couldn’t remember. He could remember his job in the archive, his coworkers— well he remembers he had coworkers. Tho no clear point where his memories cut off.
Before his thoughts could drift further he heard the door beside him creak open.
“Jonathan, come on in”
Next to him stands a man dressed in a grey suit decorated with a horrendously awful bowtie.
He followed the man into —what he assumed was— his office. Quickly noticing how much more lively it is in here. Jon takes a seat across from the man, immediately feeling more at ease.
“Hi Jonathan, I'm Michael. How are you today?” Jon looked up with a hint of confusion, of all the things this Michael could've said or asked. For some reason, he was not expecting such a simple question.
“I’m alright—wait, Michael?” There was a moment of silence. “Like the Archangel?” Jon wasn't sure how exactly he knew it was that specific Michael, especially considering how many Michaels he knew, but it just made sense to him.
“Am I-“ he hesitated for a moment, like he was scared that saying it out loud would somehow make it more true “-dead?” No that can't be the case, he thought. He would remember his own death, right?
“That's correct,” Michael said, interrupting his spiralling thoughts again. “You, Jonathan Sims, are dead. Your life on earth has ended, and you are now in the next phase of your existence in the universe.”
Jon’s heart sank. He didn’t feel dead, but then again what would being dead feel like.
“How did I die? I can't seem to remember”
“Yes, so, in cases of traumatic or embarrassing deaths, we erase the memory to allow for a peaceful transition. Are you sure you wanna hear?”
Before Jon could even think about it, he had already nodded yes. He has always had this need for knowledge, and he realises now that that need stuck with him in the afterlife.
The man reaches for a clipboard, flipping through the papers. As he found what he was looking for there was a small hint of hesitation. “All right, so after smashing a table with an axe. You released a creature of unimaginable horrors, that then chased you through the tunnels underneath your workplace and killed you.”
Jon stares at Michael with wide eyes “A table? After surviving Jane Prentiss’s attack and getting stabbed by Michael— not you obviously— I end up dying to a table”
“Funnily enough, you died in the same place your predecessor, Gertrude Robinson, was hidden and you were actually this—” Michael holds his thumb and index finger close together “close to figuring out what happened to her. And now you have become the same mystery she was to you, to the next—“
“Yes, that's quite enough for now,” Jon clears his throat awkwardly looking around to change the subject. “So, this place? I assume it’s not the usual heaven or hell idea, but say it was. In which of the two am I?”
“Generally speaking, in the afterlife, there’s a good place and a bad place. You’re in the good place, you’re okay Jonathan”
There is a flicker of doubt in Jon’s eyes. He’s obviously happy to be in the good place, but why— why is he here? “Well that’s great”
“It sure is. Let’s take a walk, shall we?”
~~~~
“So, this is how it works. The good place is divided into distinct neighbourhoods. Each one contains exactly 322 people who have been perfectly selected to blend together into a blissful harmonic balance.”
Jon takes in his surroundings. He wasn’t sure what he expected the afterlife to look like, but it wasn’t this. There’s nothing that really made this place look different, it could’ve just been a random street in London. “Do all the neighbourhoods look like this?”
“No, every neighbourhood is unique. Some have warm weather, some cold. Some are cities, some farmlands. But in each one, every blade of grass, every ladybug, every detail has been precisely designed and calibrated for its residents.”
As he and Michael walk further down the street his eyes land on the various Teashops, each slightly different than the previous. “It seems we won’t be running out of tea anytime soon”
“Yeah, that is something that’s unique here, usually it’s frozen yoghurt” Michael noted, sounding a bit disappointed. “You’re gonna have a million more questions, I know. For right now, better grab a seat. Movie’s about to begin.”
Michael points him to a couple rows of chairs, lined up in front of seemingly nothing. The moment he sits down a screen appears and a video starts to play. As he looks up at the screen he sees Michael walking into frame.
“Ah, hello everyone! And welcome to your first day in the afterlife. You were all, simply put, good people. But how do we know that you were good? How are we-“
Jon had already zoned out at this point, fully lost in his own mind. He couldn’t put his finger on what, but he knew something about this place was off. This must be another trick, right? Another mystery creature under the archives attempting to lure him in with a false sense of security. Three things have already tried to make an attempt at his life, what's adding one more?
During the presentation, he hears a couple of words that stick out. He heard something about driving and eating a sandwich.
Tho what he thought was most interesting of all, was that he heard the word soulmate. He deeply hopes to have misheard that, because really there's no such thing. He certainly did not want to be stuck here with someone prancing around him convinced they're meant to be.
“So welcome to eternal happiness. Welcome to the good place.
Sponsored by: otters holding hands while they sleep.”
Lovely
~~~~
Michael is showing Jon around the neighbourhood slowly making their way to the place Jon will be staying. The walk was filled with chatter. Mostly Jon asking tricky questions hoping to expose who— or whatever is behind this. There wasn't any sign that any of this was a trick, maybe this really was just what it seemed to be. But how? How did he of all people end up in the good place?
They come to a halt in front of a building which seems to be the size of your average apartment, without it being attached to a whole complex. “You see, in the good place every person gets to live in a home that perfectly matches his or her true essence.”
“Ah, so that's why I have this cozy little apartment, while some people have homes that are bigger. Like my neighbour” next to his house is a huge mansion. The garden decorated with huge fountains and statues.
“Exactly! Now let’s have a look inside shall we?”
~~~~
“As you can see, the interior has been decorated just as you like it”
This had the be some kind of joke, this was just a plain apartment. He couldn't imagine this being anyone's idea of a dream home.
“Oh and of course” Michael excitedly walks over to show him “I've read about how much you like spiders, so I've got you your very own tarantulas”
When it comes to fight or flight, Jon has always been more of a freezer. Too scared to fight back but also too curious to run away. He would've been the flight type. Even now he wishes he could run. Leave things as they are— but it was that same need for knowledge that kept him there. this scratching in the back of his mind almost begging him to stay.
Two terrariums sitting on a table, inside he saw those dreadful eight legged creatures, the same creatures that have been haunting his every nightmare since that damed book— he stopped himself. This is likely exactly what who- or whatever has got him trapped here wants, for him to be scared. If he just pretends for long enough that none of this is affecting him, it might just let him go.
So he just stood there, with the itching feeling that something was crawling up his leg. Refusing to look down and give in to the fear. “I— I sure do love spiders” he managed to say forcing a smile.
“Great!” Micheal exclaimed with an even bigger smile on his face, skittering to the other side of the room “now, let me show you the video system here.” Micheal moves his hand past an empty wall and just like earlier a screen appeared from seemingly nothing. “You can review everything that happened in your life from your point of view, there we go.” Micheal had clicked on one of the memories and it played.
At first it seemed like it could be his memory, his life. He recognised the archives, the incredible mess of a filing system, but something seemed of. He couldn’t for the life of him remember this specific moment. He definitely didn’t know the person he was speaking to in this memory.
And that’s when he realised, the reason this all felt off wasn’t because something in this place is wrong. It’s because he is. They’ve obviously confused him with this other guy that happens to work in the same place as him and he is not supposed to be here.
There’s a knock on the front door which snaps him out of his thoughts again. through the door walks a kind looking man, the sort who looks like he does belongs in this place. “Ah Martin, come on in”
He seemed nervous, struggling to start a sentence as he was fiddling with the loose threads of his sweater. The man looked an absolute mess. “Jonathan?, hi eh, I’m Martin K. Blackwood and you are my soulmate.”
Oh no.
~~~~
Jon was pacing around the living room, trying to think of a way to get him out of this. Why did he have to take the place of someone so— opposite of him. And as far as soulmates go, which he still doesn’t really believe in. This man is obviously not his, but of whoever’s place he took. And he deserves to know. “Martin, was it? so your my soulmate, and you’ll stand by my side no matter what, right?”
“Of course I will, is everything alright?” Martin looked even more nervous now, that question never leads to good answers.
“Great, because those aren’t my memories, this is definitely not my idea of a perfect home and just so you know I absolutely hate spiders. There’s been a big mistake, I’m not supposed to be here.”