Chapter Text
Day Before the King,
What loop was it? Siffrin didn’t know, laying in the same field yet BLINDING again. Probably just past a hundred at this point, dying to a simple trap again. He is beginning to wonder if he is doing it on purpose subconsciously-. No they shouldn’t think about that. It wouldn’t lead anywhere new, he knew that. Well did they truly? Loop only said that he didn’t know first hand. It wouldn’t hurt to try… right? What’s the worst thing that could happen, a few more blinding deaths? It was nothing to them, it might even spice it up, fixing the monotony of everything. But likely he'll just fall into the same pattern of behavior, the same script drilled into His head.
Sitting and looking up at the sky, the pure darkless ball greets Siffrin’s eye. It burns slightly but they don’t look away, their head beginning to sting trying to remember-. The sun, he had blanked on the name. Nothing new but slightly concerning. It’s getting worse. To a worrying degree. Thank Change Loop was here to remind him of the names of the party. Or else they would have been forgotten long ago. He pauses, staring at his hand reaching for the invisible stars before feeling their face. How off was their estimate..? A chuckle rings out, it takes five seconds before he realizes it was from himself. They should get up, before Mirabelle comes to check on them.
His legs are unwilling to stand at first, instead they shiver and tremble as if in the presence of the King already. Well that analogy means little to nothing now. . . It doesn’t matter, getting hung up on simple internal thoughts is only going to make this take longer. It doesn’t matter in the end, he’ll just force them to cooperate. They feel the urge to yawn as they finally stand before a sound comes from the bushes, suppressing it immediately. Luckily, it was merely the housemaiden, Mirabelle. Unfortunately, Siffrin instinctively pulled out their dagger, unable to hide it fast enough from Mira’s sight.
“Ah good to see you up, Sif-. Oh Change, did I scare you? S-sorry!” Her expression was full of worry; her hands were resting clasped together on her chest. This is new, he thinks. Or at least an event that hasn’t happened in a long while. Hopefully, the first one for their sanity.
”You're fine, Mira.” Cursing slightly at how monotone he sounds. They can feel the boredom coming off of themselves. First new interaction in days, and he is blowing it already. Cursing under their breath while sheathing their blade back against their hip. How could he be so blinding stupid. There’s always next loop. He could just use the banana the moment this was over-
“Hey Siffrin? Are you feeling alright?” The question is so genuine and innocent in nature, yet strikes genuine fear into them. What caused this? She never pointed out their behavior in any of the other loops. Even Odile couldn’t spot something wrong this early. He feels an abrupt slight shortness of breath and a tugging on their stomach. Their way out, a soft reset. Just what he wants at this moment, to let the tugging pull have its way. Till a hand grazes their shoulder. The tugging stops making his stomach pull back under the lack of sudden tension. They feel sick. They probably would have thrown up if there was anything in his stomach.
Nothing has stopped the tug before and yet Mirabelle looks down as if nothing was happening. Her worried expression only worsens now that she is closer. Face to face like this… Her expression was killing him. It’s weird not knowing how to react or what to expect to come next. But this is nice, the heat of the warm palm soaking through his cloak. Seeping into his clammy and detached skin below. They want nothing more than to lean closer. To be brought into her signature embrace. But he can't, because that would be too out of character, too vulnerable to just do it on a whim. They couldn’t risk everything being let out of the bag so early. They finally open his eye again, only now realizing that they were shut. Mirabelle’s frown becomes worse. Stars, they’re doing a terrible job at acting.
Get back into character, Siffrin.
“Siffrin. . Please answer my question.” Mirabelle’s voice was harsher than anything he remembers. She looks serious, more than ever before, and he feels a part of themselves ache; because they can’t. They can’t tell the truth or else she’ll hate him. And then everyone else will as well. . . No that won’t happen, they won’t let it happen. He nods hoping that would work as usual. They don’t want to use their voice today. But he quickly realizes that it didn’t go over well. Mirabelle’s mouth was pressed into a fine line with a pointing down curve, a frown. Why didn’t that work? A smile and nod always makes her happy. There it is, they forgot to smile. They want a reset so bad, but it just won’t work. No taste of burnt sugar or tugging at his stomach.
“That’s not very convincing, you know. .” Her tone softens a bit though her gaze doesn’t follow suit. Then she makes a sudden movement, removing her hand from their shoulder. The warmth leaves quickly as if it was never there. He looks at her worrying face and tries to make the most pathetic face he can so she places her hand back. But she doesn’t notice yet again. They never do, so what makes this time any different? She clears her throat which only makes the slight sweat on her face more visible.
“Sorry for grabbing at you randomly, you seemed out of it.” Reassure her, Siffrin.
“Nah you’re fine, Mira.” The words taste sweet just like the rest of his lies. He doesn’t even remember what non-sweet things taste like. Stop losing the plot, Siffrin. Right right right, looking back at Mirabelle who was looking worse. The nervous sweat on her face seemingly multiplied while they were distracted. She was biting her nails, was he worrying her that bad? The feeling of something eating at their stomach emerges. He remembers the feeling very well. But they push it aside to never come back too. Stop Mirabelle, Siffrin. “Mira, Nails.”
Her eyes widen before removing her hands. Returning gently to her chest.
“Right. Thank you, Siffrin.” It feels wrong to hear thank you. She shouldn’t be thankful for him. They didn’t deserve it, not after blatantly lying to her face. Repeating the same day so she and the rest of the party was happy. Saying the perfect line and exactly what they need to hear. It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong,- You are truly disgusting Siffrin.
Back to the show, Siffrin.
“No problem, Mira.” A smile graces his face; it feels numbing. For once they hope it looks as fake as it feels. He knows it doesn’t, it’s been far too long for that rookie mistake to happen. The script shall stay in stone. Mira’s reaction was just as they were expecting, she is starting to calm. But her frown doesn’t stop. He has done everything he knows to do. Why didn’t it work? Why is she still upset? It can’t be facial cues, they made sure he did it right this time. Her originally calm demeanor immediately changes back to slight panic. Maybe their frantic thoughts affected his face?
“You would tell me if something felt wrong, right?” no.
“Of course, Mira.” Lying liar. They haven’t and never will, he knows themselves too well to believe otherwise. The sweet taste is back, feeling like acid over his tongue, did it ever really leave? Or did he just notice it again. This is numbing. . Stop thinking about it, Siffrin. They want to desperately forget the thought but it won’t work. Maybe a liar is all that’s left-
[Hello, Stardust. It seems your little housemaiden has noticed your beahavior.] This is the last thing he wants to hear in their head. The mocking voice of his guide, Loop. The attitude of which Loop picks up on immediately. [Now now, Stardust. Don’t get crabby at me. I’m trying to help you here. Little Miss Housemaiden isn’t believing your act. This is your perfect chance to tell them.] never. They could practically see Loop’s face looking back at him with disappointment, even as a disabodied voice.
[Well I tried, you can at least say that, Stardust. But I understand, good luck on convincing Mirabelle.] The presence of Loop disappears around them. Mirabelle is still looking at Siffrin trying all of her might to try and read his body language, or something, anything at all. That’s what they assume she is doing with frantic distress. She seems to give up trying within the next five seconds.
“Well if you say you're fine I shouldn’t doubt you.” Mirabelle sighs in defeat. She was about to turn away into going back to Dormont when Siffrin suddenly feels exhaustion consuming his body. Their legs trembling like they did earlier in this loop. What is wrong with these crabbing things-? He fell to their knees, his cloak cushioning the fall enough, keeping their knees from scrapping. But it hurt nonetheless. They let out an involuntary grunt as they fall. Just loud enough for Mirabelle to notice her fallen family member, no friend, no acquaintance.
The universe seems to be cursing him with this loop. Nothing is happening correctly, the script isn’t being followed and it isn’t even their fault! This deviance won’t help them get any further through the mystery of solving this blinding timeloop. Burnt sugar floods his mouth right on cue, the stinging taste appeases their mind. Exactly what they want. “Siffrin! Are you alright?” Mirabelle's worried voice is the last thing he hears.
There is a tug on their stomach…
<<<<
Loop ????
His eye opens to Mirabelle standing in front of them, eyes still full of worry. Why didn’t it go back further-? No no no no no. This could not possibly be the furthest it’s allowing him. . They take a deep breath in, waiting five seconds before releasing. In and out, pheeewwww. Clearly there is something he needs to do this loop. Keep a level head, Siffrin.
“Siffrin..? You never answered my question. . .” Her brows only furrow more. Stars, they don’t remember her question. Think think think-
[Stardust~, She asked you if you were alright.] Thank you Loop, he repeats in their head thrice. Even though Loop said they can’t read his mind they respond like they can. [no problem, Stardust. No need to thank me, I'm just doing my job.] They have heard that shtick many times before. He still feels like they should be saying thank you more often. Loop has always been helpful without anything in return. Oh right, Mirabelle!
“Yeah I'm fine.” Voice still monotone but better than last time. Improvement! But she seemed to trust it even less. She was sweating more this time around. What was wrong? He didn’t do anything new. . If anything they did better this time around. Her breathing was becoming more and more labored.
“I’ll be right back, don't move much. I’ll go get Madame Odile.” She runs for it, faster than she usually runs. What unsettled her so much? Was he so disgusting that she would make a run for it? No. She’s just getting Odile, she has no reason to hate them, she was oblivious to the timeloops. In and out. . pheeewwww. His heart begins to slow from its racing pace. Their newly earned calm was cut short before he could truly enjoy it.
[Stardust, you need to come to the Favor Tree. Come without being seen by your party. It’s an emergency, if you have never trusted me before trust me this once.] Their voice full of distress and with no face to go off of it was worrying to say the least.
“But Mirabelle told me to stay.” They wait for a minute only for no response to come back, the sound of the breeze grazing his ears. The birds going piou piou overhead, piou piou hehe. This is grounding after everything, days worth of compounding days in the same corrupted castle looking for clues. It’s been a while since they loop back to Dormont. He sighs starting to walk, they should probably go meet up with Loop like requested. Mira won’t mind hopefully.