Chapter Text
Leo knew it was a bad habit, he wasn't going to deny that.
But, he’d been doing this since he was twelve, and a habit that long was hard to break. Even more a habit like vaping.
He hadn’t planned on getting addicted. He remembered when he was younger, proudly claiming to his mom he would never even look at nicotine.
Truth be told, Leo hadn’t even started on purpose. It had just been a bad set of circumstances.
See, Leo was in a foster home at the time. On his first day in the new house, while looking through his temporary room, he’d found a vape the previous kid that had lived here left behind.
Being as curious as pre teens are, he’d made the dumb decision of trying it. The feeling was great, that he was sure of. He didn’t yet know how bad it was for him, what it would do other than knowing it wasn’t good for his health.
The reason Leo continued was because being a foster kid, constantly switching from house to house wasn’t great. He always felt unwanted, yet he couldn’t help but live through any moment.
Finding the vape had changed that. It made him feel lighter, as if all those troubles were miles away. As if he wasn’t himself, but a mere spectator in his own body.
It wasn't hard to hide that he was vaping from different foster families. They didn’t care for what Leo did as long as he never caused them trouble. A part of him resented them for that. resented the adults that never cared enough to notice.
The biggest struggle, though? Finding a new supplier every time he got sent to a new foster home. Which was more often than Leo would like to admit.
That proved to only become more difficult in wilderness school. The withdrawal had been hitting hard, Piper was the only person that could ground him.
It was getting bad, Leo would get all twitchy, his moods would change faster than the god damn seasons. His mind could think of nothing more than that floaty, distant feeling he craved.
Though he never told Piper of his habit, he knew—or at least hoped—she’d be heart broken and try to make him quit. It would prove she cared, that someone truly thought Leo Valdez mattered enough to fuss over and worry.
But honestly? He didn't want to quit. Leo was now well aware it was bad for him, that it was shortening his lifespan, causing irreparable damage and much more.
In the end it didn’t matter much. Leo didn’t really plan on making it that far anyway.
He hadn’t been able to find a dealer in the wilderness camp until the day before his field trip to the grand Canyon. Leo had never even gotten it! He had pre paid and everything!
Once he’d gotten that utility belt in the bunker, the first thing he did when he was alone was see if it would summon a vape.
His logic was that you could find it in a workshop and it was small enough to conjure. What he craved managed to fit that description. It was awesome, if Leo did say so himself.
Leo had maybe gone a bit overboard on his usage of it the moment he’d gotten his hands on one once more.
While he was building the Argos ll? It wouldn't be hard to believe the bunker had a watermelon flavored smoke machine running whenever his siblings weren't around.
As of their current quest, Leo hadn't been able to vape since they’d boarded the ship! He was always needed whether it was for steering or fixing the continous damage done to his ship. There was no chance for a smoke break.
It always broke Leo a bit, knowing that was the reason he couldn't vape. Not because he was around his friends, not because they wanted him to stop, but purely because he had no time.
Leo wouldn't dare to admit how often he found himself wishing they’d catch him vaping. Maybe then they’d care.
Sure, he wouldn't quit anyways. But them showing they cared would make a difference. Yet and a part of Leo was afraid to open up to them about it, because what if they didn’t care? What if he didn’t matter enough to them for the crew to want to actually do something about it?
The withdrawal had led him to where he was now. In his cabin, with the door locked as he hit the vape. Gods, Leo had missed the burning in the back of his throat.
Leo had missed the way it made his head become light. Whenever asked to describe it by someone, he would always say it felt like a reversed headache. Everything would numb, and he would feel like he was up in the clouds.
A part of him hated how dependent he’d become on it, but he also knew he’d never be able to quit. Did it really matter anyway? Most demigods didn't make it to eighteen, and Leo definitely wouldn't be any different.
After hitting it a few times, the effect finally kicked in. He felt woozy and unbalanced as the edges of his vision blurred, his own feet becoming unsteady under him.
Leo laid down in his bed, melting into the shitty matress, just enjoying the feeling.
It always brought him a comfort so different from any other bad habit he’d ever harbored.
Even when he used to cut, it had nothing on this.
Leo had started cutting when he was eleven. It wasn't because he hated himself, at least not yet at the time. Even if that rang true for him nowadays.
Honestly, it started out of curiosity. If Leo tried to cut himself, would his body stop him, or would he just bleed?
Turns out, he bled, a lot. That little habit lasted for a year or two before he got tired of it. All his cuts were on his flanks, Leo didn't want to risk being caught. He’d stopped after vaping took more control.
Though there was quiet nights where he felt the need to feel something. Those nights, he would bring out the razors he’d always kept “Just in case.”
It was always satisfying in some way, to see that he could still bleed. That he was still human under it all.
What ended up pulling Leo out of his thoughts was a banging against his cabin door as someone called his name.
“Leo, you in there? We need you out here.”
Something In Leo's head told him that “we need you” translated to “Something broke and we don't know how to fix it.” So, against his will and aching bones, he got up.
Leo wasn't exactly steady on his feet, but he’d faked sobriety to enough teachers and foster parents to know what to do.
He unlocked his door before gently opening it, only to stand face to face with Annabeth.
“what’dya need, Annie?” Leo knew he didn't usually speak like that, but his brain didn’t care. His speech always changed when he was nervous, but he hoped the girl wouldn’t notice.
Annabeth pinched the bridge of her nose, looking at the ceiling as if asking for patience from a divine entity before replying,
“Leo, we’re having a team meeting in the canteen. Can you try to be a bit more alert next time, please? Next time we need you it migh’t be something important, and we would rather be able to get to you fast.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, attempting to look sheepish, though it came out more as lazy. “Yeah, sorry Annie. It just gets exhausting, y’know? Always needing to steer the ship, and using my free time to fix any issues. I barely get a break.”
A hint of sympathy appeared in Annabeth's eyes as they gradually softened.
“...That does sound exhausting. Sorry, Leo. Just, next time you take a break, warn us so we can cover for you.”
“It's alright, Annie. Thanks. I’ll be heading to the canteen in a sec, tell the others I'm coming?”
She nodded, looking for one more moment as if searching for something in Leo’s posture before heading out.
Fuck, Leo hated team meetings. He could not be sober for this, they always ended in headaches. Leo grabbed the vape from his utility belt and took four more hits before heading out.
He practically stumbled through the ship to the canteen. Leo could’ve sworn that the whole time he could see smoke coming out of his mouth. He knew it was a hallucination, it wouldn't be the first time. But It still worried him.
When he walked in, it felt as if the whole world was present. Percy, Hazel, Annabeth, Piper, Jason, Frank, and even coach Hedge.
Piper smiled when she saw him, waving him over to sit next to her.
“Glad our captain could join us. It's been a while since you’ve attended one of these meetings. Impressed you didn’t sleep through it.”
Has it been a while? This was one of the few times he’d even been aware of it. Had there been more they’d “forgotten” to invite him to?
Leo shook his head, it didn’t matter right now.
“Glad to see you too, beauty queen. Ya missed me?” He knew the nickname pissed Piper off, yet lately it had been making something fond form in her eyes.
He decided to sit in the spot right between Jason and Piper as Annabeth started the meeting. She spoke with a clear tone, but the words washed over Leo.
“We need the lower deck to be fixed, it seemed unstable after the latest monster attack. Also-”
He didnt feel present, and nobody was paying attention to him. So as Annabeth spoke, he allowed his mind to drift.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
Leo hadnt realized the meeting had ended until he realized everyone was getting up. The only thing he could recall something about the lower deck?
Getting up from his chair he started to head out, only to realize nobody was standing up yet. Was the meeting not over yet?
Jason piped up as he noticed the boy heading out. “Leo, where are you going? We were about to make lunch.” The son of Jupiter seemed perplexed, that look always made his heart twist.
“uhm, just going to grab my water bottle from my room. Cant eat food without a drink. That always leads to a dry meal, which isn’t pleasant.”
Hazel turned to him, almost as confused as Jasaon “We have literal magical goblets, remember? Theres no need for a water bottle. Just sit down, its been a while since you’ve had a meal with us, we missed you.”
They’d called him out, that annoyed Leo. He preferred it when they would except his bullshit excuses to leave. He couldn’t say no now, even more with the concerned looks some of them were giving him. Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped that many meals.
“You’re right, silly me. My brain isnt exactly working that well right now.” He joked, though judging by the way no one even cracked a grin it didn’t work.
Gods, Leo wanted his vape. The woozy effect had already worn off, and his system was craving more nicotine. He could feel himself starting to slowly shake, he just hoped it wasnt noticeable.
Leo gripped his plate with unsteady hands as he served himself. In the end he only put one scoop of rice and another of beans. The thought of eating much right now made his stomach churn.
Leo noticed the others staring at his plate, but decided not to comment on it. He sat down and waited for the others to join him at the table. Frank decided to sit on his left for some reason.
The boy had been trying to be nicer to Leo lately. As much as he appreciated it, it was now harder to get a grip on Franks opinion on Leo. He liked having it straight, wether someone liked him or not.
Not just that, but he felt sort of… Fake? Maybe that wasn’t the best word, forced felt better. It seemed as if all that kindness didn’t come naturally when it came to Leo.
Frank was making it overly hard to figure it out. The son of Mars looked at Leo’s plate, and the boys shaking hands.
“...Leo, are you okay? You’re shaking.”
Leo had to hold back a wince at the way everyone suddenly turned to stare at him, Frank just had been loud enough for half the damn ship to hear him, didn’t he?
“Yeah, just need more sleep. You know how it is, having to fix the ship all the time doesnt really give me much time to rest.”
Frank still seemed a bit suspicious, but he nodded and went back to focusing on his own food. Soon after, everyone was settled down and chatting. Leo could hear their conversations, he just didnt listen.
Finishing first, He got up and washed his dish. After that? Leo practically darted for the lower deck before anyone had a chance to say something
Once he was sure he was alone, Leo pulled his vape out of his belt wish shaky hands, and took at least four hits from his vape. Now, what did Annabeth want him to do again?
Something about fixing the lower deck… eh, he’ll just start solving any issue he sees and go with the flow. That usually worked for him.
While checking over the floor boards, it didn’t take long to notice a few of them were loose. They seemed more fragile than they should be too. Hm, he’d have to replace them.
Leo ripped one out, barely even processing the splinters he got in the process.
That was how Leo spent the next few hours, ripping out floorboards, re nailing some loose ones, and not even truly bothering to process the splinters or cuts he got along the way.
Maybe that was due to the vaping, he kept taking hits whenever he made sure nobody was there. Or maybe it was due to just being tired. It didn’t really matter to Leo. All he knew was that he didn’t feel the pain and he was being useful.
Lately, Leo had been starting to feel his body fail on him. He’s been struggling to breathe, as if he never had enough oxygen. He’d been feeling more tired, his mouth and eyes are always dry, and he’d been getting sick more often.
Logically he knew it was the consequences of his own actions. Then again, he didn’t really care. Sure, it sucked but he’d survived worse. A part of him hoped he wouldn’t survive this time.
He couldn’t count how many times he’d suffered from nicotine overdose. Leo didn’t exactly know how to handle the amount he took.
All he knew is that he often had nights where he would overdo it, where every movement instilled pain within him, and nausea overtook any other feeling.
The sound of footsteps echoed suddenly, clearly coming down the hall. He wasn’t too bothered, Leo was in the best state possible; high and having just finished fixing the deck. So, he was a bit more ready for human interaction than earlier.
“…Leo, are you in here?” It was Piper. There was a twinge of nervousness to her voice Leo wasn’t used to hearing.
“Uh, yeah yeah. I’m chilling in here totally cool. Doors open!” He announced, still overly giddy.
Piper walked in, looking around the room before her eyes landed on Leo, specifically his hands.
“Oh my, Leo! What happened to your hands?” She exclaimed, looking at him in horror.
She rushed to him and grabbed hold of his wrists as she held up his hands to inspect them. They were full of small cuts and splinters, which she ran her fingers over. Leo couldn’t help but wince, and she muttered a silent apology.
“Uh, that’s what happens when you’re re enforcing the floor? It’s not exactly a job you can finish Scot free. I was planning on going to the infirmary after.” He lied easily.
“You’re right, let’s get you there first. I was going to call you over to dinner, but we can eat after we treat these. If we see anyone in the hall I’ll tell them to inform the others we might take a bit.”
As Piper led him to the infirmary, they passed by Frank. She asked him to warn the others her and Leo would be late. Frank opened his mouth to ask a question, but Piper just gestured to Leos hand and Frank’s mouth shut before he quickly nodded before heading out.
Once they reached infirmary, Piper ushered Leo to sit on one of the cots. She headed over to a few different cabinets, grabbing a set of tweezers, disinfectants and bandages efficiently.
The girl headed back towards him. “Hold one of your hands out? Be aware, it will sting a bit.” She warned, her hands were shaking a bit. He forgot how easily Piper worried over him, he felt guilty for stressing her.
Leo held his arm out without hesitation, he just wanted to get this over with for both his and her benefit. Plus, he trusted Piper.
Using the tweezers, she gently look out the splinters, setting them to the side before disinfecting his hand and bandaging the worst looking injuries. After that, she repeated the process.
Leo would be lying if he said it didnt hurt. He’d always heard all these stories of people growing “Numb to pain.” That never happened to Leo. He felt everything so deeply, it would never not hurt.
The only way to shut it up had been through numbing it, but that wasn’t a permanent solution.
So, he winced all the way through. Though Leo did his best to suppress it as to not move around too much while Piper worked on his hand. Eventually, with a tired sigh, she finished.
“Thanks, Pipes.” Leo said, doing his best to put in as much gratitude as he could into his words.
“Switching up nicknames I see? Also, it wasnt a bother, im happy to help. Just dont make me have to do this again.” Leo nodded, “I promise.” “Good, Now lets go get dinner.”
She took his wrist and dragged him back out to the canteen.