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His nerves are shot, his bones weary. It’s been, quite possibly, the longest day he’s had in a long time, and it’s not just because of the job. Tim hasn’t felt this kind of tension and anxiety since the night he left Lucy, and the days that followed.
But his mom being here has thrown him for a loop, caused a fight with his girlfriend he doesn’t want or like, and he’s not sure how to handle any of it.
Tim has spent so much of his adult life keeping his mom at arm’s length that having her in his home is unsettling.
They did begin to talk while she made dinner, Lucy graciously giving them the space to do so. Staying in the backyard with Kojo until it was time to eat. She slipped away again once dinner was cleared, giving him and his mom the time to talk more, pressing another soft kiss to his cheek before heading into their bedroom. Kojo right behind her, like always.
It was hard, and awkward to open up to his mom. It doesn’t feel right, and he doesn’t entirely trust that he can be honest with her no matter what it’s about, but he’s hoping to get there someday.
He’s not the same guy he was even just a year ago, and his mom seems to have changed as well, and most importantly, Tim has the tools from therapy to do it correctly. He just needs to work through all the feelings his mother brings.
Resentment. Anger. Mistrust. Hurt. A need to shield her from everything that he doesn’t know how to stop.
All of that is a task for another day, far too much for one night and when Tim feels so out of sorts. For now, they wind down for the evening and say their good nights. Tim makes sure his mom is settled in the guest room, sets the alarm and heads to bed himself.
Hoping Lucy is still awake. Because that, their tension and fight, is one thing he can fix, right now, tonight.
It had taken him by surprise, when he got home, how soft and gentle she was with him regardless of the fact that they were technically in a fight. Her anger with him is completely justified, of course, and so expected to receive a cold shoulder, an eye roll and short but sarcastic responses. As he’d gotten in the Mid-Whilshire parking lot that morning, but he got nothing of the sort, just her unrelenting love and support.
Which made that little voice in his head, that he hasn’t heard for so long now, whisper that he doesn’t deserve it. Or her.
How could she have been so forgiving when he’d all but kept her, his greatest love and the best part of his life, a secret from his own mother. When Lucy, for all the trouble she has with her own parents, told them about him.
Tim knows needs to apologize, grovel, and maybe rethink booking her the most romantic trip to Paris.
“Hey,” He murmurs sheepishly as he enters their bedroom, his chest tight with anxiety as he shuts the door quietly.
She’s sitting up in their bed, in one of his t-shirts, with a book and Kojo’s head on her lap.
“Hey, is your mom settled in okay?" Lucy smiles at him, still so loving and gentle that it makes the cavern in his chest deeper. There’s not a glimmer of anger in her eyes, no tension in her shoulders. She’s looking at him like she would if it were any other night.
How Lucy can still be this way after he lied and kept her a secret is beyond him.
She sets her book on the night stand as he walks over to her, giving him her full attention when he sits on the edge of the bed by her hip. Tim reaches for her hand, needing the steadfast comfort of her touch.
“I’m sorry, Luce.” He starts, sighing deeply as his head drops in shame.
“Babe —“
“No, listen, I —“ Tim shakes his head before lifting his chin enough to meet her eyes. Emotion no doubt glistening behind his own. He hates fighting with her like this, when it’s loaded and heavy, not the playful banter that helped get them here. It weighs on him more than anything else, possibly even more than having his mom so close to his everyday life.
“I shouldn’t have kept you a secret from my mom. That was wrong of me, no matter the reason. You are,” He swallows back the lump in his throat, tightens his grip on her hand. “Lucy, you are the best part of my life, and you have been for longer than we’ve been together. There is no reason I should have —“
“I understand, Tim.”
“You do?”
“Yes.” She nods, squeezing his fingers. “I’ll admit, I was hurt this morning, and even tonight before I got home.”
“Which you had every right to be.”
“But,” Lucy smiles again, lifting her free hand to touch his face. The warmth of it seeping into his skin like a balm meant to sooth every tired muscle and ache in his body. “Your mom and I had a conversion before you got in, and it helped me understand you, and your relationship with her a little more.”
“What, uh, what did she say?” Tim’s voice shakes with nerves again, his mind running through all the possible things his mom could have said to Lucy.
From embarrassing childhood memories to the devastating and traumatic ones. Things maybe he’s forgotten about and thus forgot to tell her.
It couldn’t have been bad, he reconciles, because she’s here holding his hand, and still looking at him like he’s everything to her, and offering him a pass for his massive misstep.
“Just what I’ve always known about you,” She continues, her thumb sweeping across his cheekbone. “You’re a protector. Always have been, and I recognize that it’s hard to turn off, especially after all you and your family have been through. You were just protecting your mom from harm, it had nothing to do with me.”
He lets out a breath, the one he’d been holding since this morning. The tightness in his chest lifting just the tiniest bit. Tim leans into her hand, allowing himself to absorb the love she’s giving him. Letting her touch soothe the aches in his heart.
And it helps him to open up to Lucy more, to keep the promise he’d made months ago to tell her his every thought and feeling.
“It didn’t, Luce, I promise. My mom, she has a knack for being overly dramatic when it comes to Genny and I. I just didn’t want to upset her or deal with it when she inventively becomes upset. It wasn’t just about protecting her but protecting myself too. Which was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“I get that now.” Something in her face changes, grabbing both of his hands in her own this time. She takes a breath, then another to gather her thoughts. “I’m sorry, too, for being short with you and not making the effort to try and understand your position.”
“You don’t need to be, but thank you.”
She nods, then his forehead is falling to rest against her own. It takes the moment to continue to steady himself, anchor back to the safety of Lucy. Tim lets go of one of her hands, cupping her cheek as they continue to breathe the same air. In perfect synchrony, they separate. Only to come back together in a string of sweet, soft kisses.
“She likes you, you know.” Tim smiles as they pull apart, feeling lighter, words whispered against her lips.
“Of course she does, I’m very likable.”
He laughs, full and free. The shadows of the day falling away. Tim presses another kiss to her lips and then gets up, moving round their room to get ready to join her in bed.
“I’m actually really relieved to hear that, because I was nervous she wouldn’t.” Lucy picks at the comforter, eyes watching his every move.
“I’d kick her out if she didn’t”.
“Tim.” Lucy deadpans.
“What? I’m serious. No one comes before you, Lucy. No one, not even my mom.” He walks back over to her, changed into a pair of sweatpants, this time sitting on his side of the bed. “If I had to choose, it would be you in a heartbeat. I…”
He feels the blush creeping up his neck and flaring against his cheeks. Tim takes her hand again, slotting his fingers between hers, almost embarrassed to confess the truth to her. “I haven’t had a lot of safe people in my life, people I could be myself around 100% without fear of judgement, and then met you.”
“More like I was forced on you by our watch commander.” She smiles, as her own cheeks turn the prettiest shade of pink.
It’s sometimes hard to imagine how far they’ve come in the last few years, when he sits down and thinks about their entire journey; training officer and rookie to the loves of their lives.
“Either way, the sentiment is the same.”
She hums sweetly, her face practically melting into that soft expression of love that takes his breath away. “Right back at you.”
“Are we good?”
“We’re good, babe.” Lucy leans over, impressed to his cheek and then traveling to his lips. One kiss, then two, and then a third.
They separate enough for Tim to get into bed properly, sliding under the covers with ease. Lucy immediately turns off her bedside lamp, turning to lay her head in his chest. Snuggling in close like they do most nights before they fall asleep.
“Did your talks with her go okay?” She whispers into the dark, tilting her head up.
“They’re a work in progress.”
“Well, I support whatever you want to do, okay? Whatever decision you make.”
“Thank you.” The hand on her back comes up to tangle into her hair, tilting his head to kiss her forehead. Breathing in the floral scent of her conditioner.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Luce.”