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None of them are exactly delighted with this, but the situation doesn't get really dire until Fury realizes that he doesn't have his bear. Apparently, a five-year-old Nick Fury needs his bear for proper functioning, and everyone will suffer until the target is acquired. So kinda like regular, except that Coulson is a big-eyed four-year-old hiding under a chair from all the yelling with his thumb crammed into his mouth, so they're gonna have to pacify Fury without him.
Steve catches the little whirling ball of rage and limbs. "We understand that you're angry and scared, son. And I promise, we'll find your bear."
Fury's lower lip wobbles, and he starts to cry even harder, but lets Steve hug him. Natasha is already working on the whole bear thing, and Phil starts to creep out from under the chair. Clint comes in, and smiles softly at him, crouching on the floor and reaching for him. "Come on out, lil' guy. You okay?"
Coulson nods, clinging to Clint with his free arm and letting himself be scooped up. "Loud," he mumbles around his thumb. "Scary."
"Yeah, but we're gonna get Nick all calmed down, and then we can have a snack and watch cartoons or something, okay?"
Coulson snuggles Clint. "Okay."
Steve can't help but smile, even if this is a hell of a fix. They all look up when Natasha comes in, Maria Hill on her hip. Steve doesn't know Agent Hill too well, but this three-year-old version of her seems sweet. She looks around with big watchful eyes like Coulson's, chewing on half of a cookie. "I think I've found what you're looking for, Nick." Steve can see the effort it's taking her not to call him 'Director', and appreciates it.
"Really?" And his little face just brightens right up, good eye gleaming.
Natasha smiles, and rubs her hand over his head where it's fuzzy instead of bald. "Yes."
Hill squalls in protest at being taken away from the pretty lady who smells good and is apparently her new best friend, but quiets when Natasha promises to come back soon and Steve lets her put her crumby little hands all over his shield. Meanwhile Clint smears some marshmallow cream and peanut butter onto graham crackers and sets it in front of Coulson along with a sippy cup of milk. A lot of kids his age will bitch about being too big for that, but Coulson takes it without complaint, drinking quietly and studying the bunnies on the side of the cup. Fury comes over a second later, drawn by the promise of peanut butter. Coulson eyes him warily, but seems mollified to see him calm.
"Here, Nick. Have a snack." Clint sets some in front of him, and Fury devours it, getting crumbs all over his face.
"Messy," Coulson chides, and dabs at him with a napkin while Fury ignores him and finishes off the rest. After that Clint raids Steve's DVD collection for some old Looney Toons and they collapse onto the couch. It's been a weird fucking day, even for the Avengers. With Hill on his lap Steve calls Tony.
"Yeah, Capsicle?"
"We were wondering if you had made any headway." He can hear Thor yelling in the background, and because Thor is Thor, so can Clint.
"Some, but we're not there yet. How're the munchkins?"
"They're all right. Natasha's off getting Nick's bear for him, but otherwise we're fine."
"I am gonna give him so much shit for this when he turns back, you have no idea."
"Fine, Tony, just make sure he does turn back."
"Aye-aye, cap'n."
"Hey, I was Army, not Navy, get it right."
Tony just laughs and hangs up.
Fury has just started to fuss again when Natasha comes back with a shoebox in her arms. Fury perks up at the sight of it, adult memories letting him know that this is the box he stored Mr. Bear in, child emotions making this incredibly important. He scurries over when Natasha sets the box on the end of the couch, and raises the lid and hauls his old friend out, hugging him tightly.
"Aw," Clint says, "ain't that just cute as hell?"
Fury runs off on a space mission with Mr. Bear, and Hill gloms onto Natasha again while Coulson climbs into Steve's lap and takes a nap. He's still asleep fifteen minutes later, when Tony calls back and says he can return them to their adult ages. "Just be sure and take some pictures, I'm begging you."
"Oh, all right."
Steve gets a few shots of each of them before they lead the little SHIELD agents down to the lab. Fury is fascinated with all the shiny stuff, and Coulson sucks his thumb again, clinging to Clint's pant leg in trepidation. Hill just laughs and claps her hands, because Thor is glowing golden. He does look pretty amazing, Clint has to admit.
"It's okay, honey," Clint says, swinging Coulson into his arms, "it's not gonna hurt."
"Nope," Tony agrees, and explains some of the mechanism to Fury as Natasha carefully sits Hill down on the crystalline cube indicated. Once she's sure Hill is steady, Natasha lets go and steps back. Clint watches in fascination as Tony throws a switch and Thor raises Mjolnir overhead. He brings it down so fast that Clint yelps, but the massive head only taps the top of Hill's head. She giggles, and in flash of light Agent Hill is sitting there fully dressed in her usual gear.
"Wow."
"Back with us, Agent Hill?" Natasha asks with a smile.
Hill blushes, hopping off the cube. "Yes. Who's next?"
Fury goes next, excited and curious. "Well," he drawls in his adult voice, Mr. Bear still resting nonchalantly in the crook of his arm, "that was interesting."
Coulson looks up at him with huge eyes, and Clint kneels to hug him. "It's okay, Phil. Come on." Despite being afraid, Coulson lets Clint position him, and comes back the same as the others did.
"What an utterly bizarre day this has been."
Tony just laughs.